Holidays and Divorce
Navigating holidays while a divorce is still fresh can be difficult here in Bucks County, PA. The traditions you and your ex-spouse once enjoyed together no longer exist. You may face challenges determining which parent will see the kids for each holiday and how you will fairly divide their time. But with the right mindset and preparation, you can more successfully approach your first holiday season after a divorce.
Keep Traditions as Much as Possible for the Kids
This has likely been a challenging year for your children, but you can take measures to reduce the stress of the holiday season. Instead of creating all-new traditions, consider which traditions you can keep the same in your holiday custody arrangement.
If you and your ex-spouse are both reasonable, certain traditions can continue. Maybe your kids can continue spending Christmas at their paternal grandparents’ house and share Thanksgiving with the same cousins. Perhaps you can maintain traditions like viewing Christmas lights in your old neighborhood or baking cookies, only altered slightly depending on the co-parenting schedule.
Maintaining consistency in your family traditions can help your children feel a sense of normalcy among all the major changes happening around them.
Avoid Offloading Your Emotions on Your Children
This may be your first year not spending certain holidays with your children due to your new custody arrangement. You may be experiencing a wide range of emotions: sadness, anger, loneliness, hurt, and more. These emotions are valid, and you are allowed to experience them, but you should avoid offloading them onto your children as much as possible.
Avoid saying, “Oh, I’m going to miss you so much!” or “I can’t wait until you get back.” These statements place unnecessary guilt and strain on your children who are trying to navigate significant changes in their lives.
Instead, focus on helping your children feel excited about new traditions, with statements like “I know you’re going to have so much fun at your dad’s house this year,” or “I heard your mom has a surprise in store for Christmas Eve!” If you are struggling with holiday stress management or your emotional well-being, consider speaking with a therapist instead of placing the burden on your kids.
Start New Traditions, If Everyone Is Ready
It won’t be possible to maintain all of your old traditions under your new parenting time plan, but you don’t need to. If everyone in your family is ready, you can start slowly creating new traditions that help your children feel excited about this new arrangement.
Maybe the kids will spend Christmas Eve baking cookies at Mom’s house each year and Christmas Day having dinner with Dad’s side of the family. Perhaps the kids can have fun decorating the new house.
Holidays don’t have to be dismal after a divorce. Starting new traditions gives you and your children something to look forward to each year as you create your new “normal.”
Seek Legal Assistance Today
Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., provides legal guidance to divorcing clients. Whether you need help addressing holidays and divorce in a parenting plan or want to modify your custody arrangement, call (866) 349-4721 for a consultation.
