Tag Archive for: co-parenting

Co-parenting and Dangerous Parenting

Co-parenting after splitting up can be challenging even when both sides are well-meaning and cooperative. It’s a lot more difficult when navigating co-parenting and dangerous parenting on your ex-partner’s side. 

Courts will always prioritize well-being while protecting children from high-conflict co-parenting. Consider the following when creating a safety plan for co-parenting with a risky ex.

What If You’re Concerned for Your Child’s Safety When They’re With Your Ex?

As a rule, family law courts believe it’s in the child’s best interests to spend time with both parents. However, some signs might tell you that your ex is unsafe for your kids.

Certain things your children do or say after spending time with the other parent could make you believe it’s dangerous for them to stay with your ex unsupervised. In this scenario, stay vigilant and consult a custody lawyer who knows how to navigate co-parenting and dangerous parenting.

Red Flags of Dangerous Co-Parenting Behavior

If your child comes back from their other parent with bruises or other signs of physical harm or tells you that your ex has abused them, you’ll want to take immediate action. However, not all abuse is obvious, especially if your child is too young to describe what happened.

Neglect and lack of supervision are also a form of abuse. For example, maybe your child often returns underfed or dirty from your ex’s house, or you discover that your ex neglects to ensure they take their prescription medications. You may also suspect your co-parent lets your child engage in risky or age-inappropriate activities without supervision. 

Finally, you may feel concerned about your ex-partner’s unaddressed problem of alcohol or substance abuse in the context of co-parenting.

You Must Still Obey Court Orders

While courts focus on prioritizing child safety in co-parenting plans, they expect you to comply with the proper procedures and present solid proof of your co-parent’s risky behavior. 

A seasoned lawyer can help you look into legal options for limiting contact with a dangerous parent. However, you can’t simply withhold parenting time based on suspicion. You could get into serious trouble, and the court may reduce your parenting time.

Document Each Incident of Potentially Dangerous Co-Parenting Behavior

Did your child tell you their other parent pushed, shoved, or slapped them? Write it down and date it. Did your ex-partner send you a text message or voicemail admitting they let the children stay outside until late unsupervised, despite your insistence not to? Save this message.

Keep a personal record of all your ex-partner’s actions that are abusive or could potentially endanger your kids. Then, consult a family lawyer for reliable advice on keeping your children safe.

Dealing With an Unsafe Co-Parent? Call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. 

Do you believe your ex is an unsafe co-parent? The skilled divorce and custody lawyers of Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can help you handle co-parenting and dangerous parenting, including co-parenting with a narcissist or abusive ex. Call us at (866) 349-4907 or schedule a consultation online.

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Co-parenting and Dangerous Parenting

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Co-parenting after splitting up can be challenging, even when both sides are well-meaning and cooperative. It’s a lot more difficult to navigate co-parenting when there are signs of dangerous parenting on the side of your ex-partner. 

Courts will always prioritize well-being while protecting children from high-conflict co-parenting. Consider the following when creating a safety plan for co-parenting with a risky ex.

What If You’re Concerned for Your Child’s Safety When They’re With Your Ex?

As a rule, family law courts believe it’s in the child’s best interests to spend time with both parents. However, some signs might tell you that your ex is unsafe for your kids.

Certain things your children do or say after spending time with the other parent could make you believe it’s dangerous for them to stay with your ex unsupervised. In this scenario, stay vigilant and consult a custody lawyer who knows how to navigate co-parenting and dangerous parenting.

Red Flags of Dangerous Co-Parenting Behavior

If your child comes back from their other parent with bruises or other signs of physical harm or tells you that your ex has abused them, you’ll want to take immediate action. However, not all abuse is obvious, especially if your child is too young to describe what happened.

Neglect and lack of supervision are also a form of abuse. For example, maybe your child often returns underfed or dirty from your ex’s house, or you discover that your ex neglects to ensure they take their prescription medications. You may also suspect your co-parent lets your child engage in risky or age-inappropriate activities without supervision. 

Finally, you may feel concerned about your ex-partner’s unaddressed problem of alcohol or substance abuse in the context of co-parenting.

You Must Still Obey Court Orders

While courts focus on prioritizing child safety in co-parenting plans, they expect you to comply with the proper procedures and present solid proof of your co-parent’s risky behavior. 

A seasoned lawyer can help you look into legal options for limiting contact with a dangerous parent. However, you can’t simply withhold parenting time based on suspicion. You could get into serious trouble, and the court may reduce your parenting time.

Document Each Incident of Potentially Dangerous Co-Parenting Behavior

Did your child tell you their other parent pushed, shoved, or slapped them? Write it down and date it. Did your ex-partner send you a text message or voicemail admitting they let the children stay outside until late unsupervised, despite your insistence to the contrary? Save this message.

Keep a personal record of all your ex-partner’s actions that are abusive or could potentially endanger your kids. Then, consult a family lawyer for reliable advice on keeping your children safe.

Dealing With an Unsafe Co-Parent? Call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. 

Do you believe your ex is an unsafe co-parent? The skilled divorce and custody lawyers of Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can help you handle co-parenting and dangerous parenting, including co-parenting with a narcissist or abusive ex. Call us at (866) 349-4907 or schedule a consultation online.

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When To Consider Parallel Parenting

Studies show that children have better outcomes when they are able to spend approximately 50% of their time with each parent. However, this can be difficult in a contentious Bucks County divorce or when two parents have drastically different parenting styles.

In these high-conflict situations, parallel parenting can be the recommended solution to ensure that the kids spend ample time with each parent, yet the warring parents don’t have to interact much (if at all) with each other.

This article defines the concept of parallel parenting, including when it might be the right solution for divorced parents.

What Is Parallel Parenting?

A parallel parenting situation occurs when each parent makes their own decisions about the children’s care and activities while they are in that parent’s respective custody. In other words, parallel parenting is when you are both parenting, but doing your own thing.

This approach to custody and decision-making is typically recommended when parents do not get along. Parallel parenting is a co-parenting method that minimizes contact between the two parents because each parent has the authority to exercise autonomy and authority within their own household.

Parallel Parenting vs. Shared Custody

In a co-parenting arrangement, parallel parenting is markedly different from shared custody (also referred to as joint custody). With shared custody, both parents work together in regard to important decisions, including education, healthcare, religious upbringing, etc.

By contrast, parallel parenting virtually eliminates this shared decision-making, and communication methods for parallel parenting arrangements may be limited to email, text messaging, parenting apps, shared online platforms (like Google Drive or Dropbox), third-party mediators, and written communication.

These methods of communication minimize interactions between the parents while allowing them to exchange vital information about a child’s well-being.

While co-parenting is ideal, it’s not always practical or healthy. Parallel parenting is good in high-conflict situations. One of the key benefits of parallel parenting for children is that both parents maintain a good relationship with their kids, and the parents don’t have to interact with each other.

One potential downside of high-conflict co-parenting strategies like parallel parenting is that it opens up the door for kids to play the parents off of each other because communication is kept to a minimum.

Benefits of Parallel Parenting

When both parents want to be involved in their children’s lives but cannot maintain a healthy co-parenting relationship, parallel parenting can be a preferred approach.

The benefits of parallel parenting include reduced conflict and tension between the parents and the two homes, better-established boundaries, predictable and established communication methods, lower stress levels (due to reduced contact and arguments), and overall improved co-parenting skills.

While it may be ideal for both parents to cooperate and communicate with each other instead of in parallel, it’s important to consider the impact that ongoing conflict can have on the psychological health of the child.

Contact an Experienced Child Custody Attorney

Navigating parallel parenting, including creating a parallel parenting schedule, can be an important step in ensuring that your children have a healthy and stable living situation. To learn more about parallel parenting, contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., at 866-349-4907 for a consultation.

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Bucks County Custody Dispute? Help Yourself and Your Children Through the Process

Unless there is a serious issue, you will be sharing child custody with your co-parent in some way. This is not a problem for most parents because there is still some goodwill with the other parent. If you and your ex do not get along, you must find your way to peace.  A peaceful (or at least non-fighting) relationship will help you and your children navigate life after the divorce is over.  

What is Child Custody? 

Pennsylvania has two types of child custody: legal and physical. Legal custody is your ability to make important decisions concerning your child. They could concern education, healthcare, or religious upbringing. Courts award sole or shared legal custody (the more common arrangement).

Physical custody is the right to have your child live or be with you. There are different types of physical custody: 

  • Sole: One parent has exclusive physical custody.  
  • Primary: The child mostly lives with one parent, and generally, the other parent gets partial or supervised custody. 
  • Shared: The child spends roughly the same time with each parent. 
  • Partial: The child spends less than half the time with a parent. 
  • Supervised physical custody: A third party must be present for all visits between a parent and their child. This may happen if the parent has psychological or substance abuse problems. If this goes well, the parent may next get partial, unsupervised physical custody. 

The law encourages custody arrangements where both parents are part of a child’s life as long as it is in his or her best interest. 

How Do Child Custody Cases Proceed? 

Child custody disputes can become very emotional and heated. A parent may be angry about the relationship’s breakup and try to punish the other by trying to prevent or limit their child custody rights. 

This can actually hurt your chances of a favorable custody outcome. A parent’s willingness to share custody is often a factor in their favor when a judge decides who should get what kind of custody. The more you want it all to yourself (without justification), the more you harm your case. 

Like all family law disputes, child custody cases are overwhelmingly resolved through negotiation. Some cases take longer to resolve than others, the emotional sparks fly more in some more than others, and sometimes mediation helps the parties reach a resolution.  

But no matter how you cut it, nearly all child custody disputes are solved through negotiations. Chances are yours will, too, so why not give it a good faith, honest effort? 

Why Should You Negotiate Your Child Custody Dispute? 

There are many benefits to this approach: 

  • A court battle can strain even the most positive relationships between parents. Although negotiations can be stressful, they allow parents to maintain open lines of communication, fostering a cooperative environment that is crucial for co-parenting. 
  • Negotiation empowers parents to prioritize their children’s needs. A judge will not have an intimate knowledge of the family dynamics that parents possess. Through negotiation, parents can craft a custody agreement that accommodates their child’s unique needs, preferences, and routines resulting in a more tailored arrangement. 
  • Child custody battles can be emotionally draining for all parties involved, especially the child. Negotiating a settlement outside of the courtroom can mitigate the emotional toll. This approach tends to be less confrontational and reduces the stress for both parents and children. 
  • Legal proceedings can be expensive. Negotiation is usually a more cost-effective option than prolonged court battles. Parents can shorten the process, saving themselves time, energy, grief, and legal fees.

Do not leave it to a judge. It never works out quite how you think it will. Why do more parents negotiate child custody settlements than use litigation to resolve the issue? The benefits outweigh the costs. 

Child Custody Attorneys You Can Trust 

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. attorneys will work with you to negotiate a resolution to help you achieve your goals, protect your rights, and serve your child’s best interests. If you have questions about custody issues or need legal representation, call us at (215) 752-6200 today. 

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Must You Put Up with Your Co-Parent’s Slander?

If your co-parent makes damaging, false statements about you and you suffer some legally recognized harm under Pennsylvania law, you may have a defamation case. If these statements are made to or around your child and alienate them from you, a faster resolution may be through family court.

Parental Alienation

If your co-parent is making defamatory statements about you to your child, or they hear them when they are made to others, this may be part of an effort to seek vengeance against you or to punish you by poisoning your relationship with your child. They may try to toy with the child’s feelings for you. They want to manipulate them to the point it negatively affects or breaks up their relationship with you.

These parental alienation efforts need not be intentional or directed at the child. Their criticism of you may be so constant and open that your child cannot help but hear and think about it. They may conclude you are such a bad person that they do not want to be around you.

If this happens, your child may need counseling to separate the fact that you love and care about them from the fiction that you are a terrible person. This can also be a basis to ask a court to end or limit the other parent’s visitation or custody rights.

Pennsylvania law makes putting both parents in a child’s life a priority, but there are limits. Two factors a judge should consider when making a custody decision are whether:

  • One parent is trying to turn the child against the other
  • A parent encourages and enables the child’s frequent and continuing contact with the other

If you discuss this problem with your co-parent and they deny it happens (but your child says it does) or tell you they will say whatever they want, you should contact our office. If we cannot convince them (directly or through their attorney) to stop, taking this to court and forcing them to understand that their slander is endangering their visitation or custody rights may make them change their ways.

Making Defamatory Statements to Others

If these remarks are not made to or around your child but are made to others, depending on the facts of the case, under Pennsylvania statute, you may have grounds for a defamation case against the co-parent. Defamation that is spoken (to neighbors, coaches, and teachers, for example) is considered slander, and when it is written (like in social media posts), it is libel.

The statements must tend to harm your reputation and lower your position in your community. They may also discourage others from associating or dealing with you. Libel would blacken your reputation and expose you to public hatred, contempt, or ridicule. A court would view these statements in the context of your relationship.

It is not enough if these statements embarrass, annoy, or anger you. You would have to show the court real and tangible injuries, such as distress, depression, or anxiety. Losing a job or customers if you own a business can also show the statements harmed you.

Your co-parent may have defenses to your defamation claims, including a denial that the statements were made, or that they were made but are truthful or they are the opinion of the co-parent. If you file a claim for libel, you will need to prove the statements were made negligently or maliciously to be awarded damages.

What Should I Do If My Child Starts Turning Against Me? 

If you think you may be dealing with parental alienation or believe your co-parent’s statements have gone too far, please call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., at (215) 752-6200.

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Navigating Co-Parenting Challenges: Common Problems and Solutions

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Co-parenting after a divorce or separation can be a challenging endeavor. Both parents should consider the child’s best interests, but practical problems and an uncaring or uncooperative spouse can present serious issues. The parents should act like adults and resolve conflicts, but that does not always happen. The situation may end up in court if the parents cannot fix the problem. We help many clients out of our office in Langhorne prepare to co-parent and can also help renegotiate agreements if there are issues. Here are the most common problems:  

Communication Breakdowns 

One of the most frequent co-parenting challenges is a communication breakdown. Misunderstandings, missed messages, and ineffective communication can lead to frustration and conflict. The parties should establish clear lines of communication using methods that work best for both parents. Whether it is phone calls, emails, text messages, or co-parenting apps, communications should always maintain a respectful tone and focus on the child’s best interests. 

Differing Parenting Styles 

Co-parents often sometimes have different parenting styles and values, which may lead to disagreements about the child’s discipline, routines, and rules. The parents should act in good faith and focus on compromise and consistency. Discuss your parenting styles and establish agreed-upon guidelines for raising your children. Flexibility and a willingness to adapt may be necessary for successful co-parenting. 

Scheduling and Logistics 

Coordinating schedules for visitation, school events, extracurricular activities, and holidays can be a logistical nightmare, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. Shared calendars or co-parenting apps can help the parties keep track of schedules and appointments. Be flexible when accommodating changes and provide the other parent ample notice if adjustments are needed. Plan for holidays and special occasions to avoid last-minute conflicts. 

Emotional Strain 

Co-parenting can be emotionally draining, potentially requiring constant interaction with an ex-partner, bringing up past grievances and hurt feelings. You can seek emotional support from friends, family, or a therapist. Co-parenting is about your children, not your past relationship. Keep conversations child-focused and keep a business-like tone when discussing parenting matters. 

Financial Disputes 

Disagreements about child support, medical expenses, and other financial matters can strain co-parenting relationships. Child support agreements and orders spell out who cares for the child and pays child support. Agreeing to changes can be a slippery slope where one compromise leads to more. You should call our office for advice on handling this situation. 

Residential Relocation 

Depending on the distance, one parent relocating due to work or personal reasons can complicate or wreck your co-parenting arrangement. You should be cooperative if this is a local move. A long-distance move could force you to rewrite your parenting plans. This is also an important issue that justifies getting legal help. 

Parental Alienation 

The other parent may attempt to alienate your child from you from the other parent, damaging the child-parent relationship. This emotional blackmail and criticism of the other parent is intended to turn the child against the targeted parent. If you suspect parental alienation, document any incidents and contact our office. Courts take parental alienation seriously, and legal remedies may be necessary to address this issue and protect the child’s relationship with you. 

The other parent may fail to comply with court-ordered visitation, child support, or other legal obligations. This may happen because they are chronically disorganized, but it is more likely this is an intentional way to punish you for the divorce and protest what they think may be unfair mandates. Like alienation, this is a serious matter. Keep records of what happens. If the other party is not acting in good faith, contact our office so we can take steps to put a stop to this behavior. 

Do Not Put Up With Co-Parenting Problems. Take Action Before They Get Worse  

Depending on your child’s age, you may co-parent for many years. Ignoring problems will only make them worse. To learn more about handling co-parenting issues or to discuss legal representation, call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., at (866) 349-4721 or book a consultation online.   

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What are the Signs of Parental Alienation?

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Children should not be forced or manipulated into taking sides in a divorce or custody matter. But that can happen when they are the focus of emotional blackmail by one or both parents. The parent attempts to make their child a player instead of an interested bystander in the family break-up drama. If you live in Montgomery or Bucks County, PA, we will work with the court to stop parental alienation.  

What is Parental Alienation? 

A parent may seek vengeance against their ex-spouse by poisoning their relationship with the child. They may also leverage their child’s feelings for them to control them to the point they break off or limit the relationship with the other parent. They may offer emotional and material incentives to the child to do so or force them to pick sides by telling them they can only love one parent, so they must choose which one. 

Alienation need not be intentional. A parent may not plan an alienation strategy and carry it out. The child may just witness one parent frequently and openly criticizing and degrading the other parent to the point that the child draws the conclusion that they do not want to be with them. 

What Harm Can Parental Alienation Do? 

The manipulating parent does not have the child’s best interests in mind. These actions can backfire if the child understands what is happening and realizes a parent is trying to manipulate them. The child may also suffer long-term emotional problems as a result. If severe enough, parental alienation could be considered a form of child abuse. 

What are the Indications of Parental Alienation? 

Some signs that one parent is alienating a child from the other parent, include the fact that the child: 

  • Is aware of divorce details only an adult should know  
  • Blames a parent for the divorce or end of the relationship 
  • Asks the targeted parent not to attend events like sports games or school events  
  • Becomes belligerent, defiant, or combative  
  • Is negative about the parent’s gifts or efforts, expressing a preference for the alienating parent’s gifts or time with them 
  • Repeats the alienating parent’s opinions  
  • Falsely accuses the parent of abuse or neglect 
  • Rejects or fears the parent 
  • Refuses to spend time or interact with the parent 
  • Shows a sudden change of attitude, preferring or rejecting a parent 
  • Shows no guilt or empathy when a parent suffers emotionally 

Depending on the child’s relationship with a parent and their ability to process what is going on, it may not take much effort for one parent to turn a child against the other.  

What Should I Do If My Child Starts Turning Against Me? 

There is a danger of falsely accusing a parent of alienating a child, who may be going through emotional problems because their parents’ relationship is breaking apart. The parents are the foundation of their safe and supportive environment, and they fear that is ending.  

If the issue is severe enough, your child should get counseling to work out their fears and feelings and help determine if the other parent is emotionally pulling your child away from you. You should also document your child’s words and behavior to see if there is a pattern (an apparent connection to visits or conversations with the other parent) and if the situation is getting better or worse. 

If you think you may be dealing with parental alienation during a divorce or custody dispute, please call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., at 215-752-6200. 

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How to Get Along With Your Ex

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One benefit of divorcing your child’s parent is that there is no longer the pressure to maintain your marriage. But you should strive to get along well enough to co-parent your children. That is a much less demanding and intense relationship than being married. You do not have to keep up appearances, your kids should understand the situation, and it is much more of a working relationship. 

Sometimes Time Does Heals Wounds 

Here are three reasons from Psychology Today why your relationship could improve: 

  • If the person’s role in your life declines, long-standing frustrations may disappear. You will still be incompatible, but since you are less dependent on each other, those issues are less important.  
  • Over time and with life experiences, everyone changes, including you and your ex. The two of you may become better people who have an easier time getting along. 
  • Instead of seeing yourselves as trying to escape each other, you both see the common goal of raising happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids. You appreciate there are more benefits of cooperation than antagonizing each other.

Your relationship was bad enough not to be married. That does not mean that, as ex-spouses, you cannot work together to be good parents. Your bad marriage may have stressed the two of you out and distracted you so much that your parenting ability suffered. The two of you may be better parents post-divorce. 

Steps to Take to Improve the Relationship 

A divorce is a significant change in your life. The two of you will not instantly lock into doing, saying, and thinking things that will smooth out your relationship. Another Psychology Today article suggests some options:    

  • Be patient. Give each other some time and space to adjust. 
  • Keep your priorities straight: parenting happy and healthy kids, not settling scores or trying to run your ex’s life. 
  • Have a mature and respectful relationship with your ex. If you are still too upset to communicate, use a third party as a go-between.  
  • Lower the heat by refraining from accusations and keeping your voice under control. The past is over. Focus on the future. Look at this as a mature, business-like relationship whose purpose is to achieve goals. 
  • Do not use your kids as pawns in a mind game you want to play with your ex. It will hurt your relationships with your kids and ex. 
  • If you start a new relationship, do not rub it in your ex’s nose. Keep your new partner out of whatever disputes may arise with your ex. 
  • Do not put down your ex in front of others, especially your kids. Be an adult. Move on 

Do not allow uncomfortable feelings about your marriage to rule your life and make you and your ex less effective parents. Learn from the past and take steps now so everyone can have a better future. 

Get Help if the Situation Gets Out of Control 

Most divorced parents work it out and responsibly parent their kids. If your ex is not adjusting to the post-marriage reality and making you and your kids miserable, we can help. If you have any questions or want legal representation, please contact us here at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.  

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What Can I Do If My Ex-Spouse Ignores Our Parenting Time Plan?

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Parenting plans must be handled with good faith and flexibility. Problems arise when a parent acts in bad faith and ignores their obligations. If you feel this is something you’ll just deal with to avoid a confrontation, know that the situation won’t improve by itself. You’ll reach a point where you’ve had enough.

In most cases, divorces involving couples without kids are simpler because their relationships as spouses (with some exceptions) and individuals will end. That’s not true when parents divorce. They’re responsible for the same children, and unless one parent walks away from their child or is deemed unfit, they both have the right to maintain relationships with their child.

What is a Parenting Time Plan?

A parenting time plan aims to meet everyone’s needs as reasonably as possible by setting out a schedule of when a child will be with a parent. During the school year, the child may spend weekdays with one parent and the weekends with the other (or the weekends are split). This could also involve the child living with a parent during the summer and school vacations. Holidays are usually split between the two parents. Your parenting plan should be customized to fit the lives of those involved.

Ideally, the plan works for everyone, or minor changes are made over time. A child or parent may be sick. A parent may have a long, unexpected business trip. Cars break down. Traffic jams can cause delays, especially if a child and parent have a long distance to travel. These issues should be handled reasonably and unemotionally by the parents.

What Problems May Arise With a Parenting Time Plan?

Sometimes the situation is not ideal. One parent may see the plan as optional. It’s something they change at the last minute without consulting the other parent or child. One parent may feel the plan unfairly limits their time with the child, so they invent their own informal plan by returning the child later than they should.

This can be a serious problem for you. When your ex-spouse is chronically late or fails to communicate with you, it shows a lack of respect for you, your time, and the divorce order. Depending on the child’s age, their plans can be disrupted too. You may miss work or family obligations. Planned time with friends can be disrupted.

How Can I End Parenting Time Conflicts?

Here are some things to think about if you’re in this situation:

  • Is the other parent doing this to you because you’re doing the same to your ex? Are your hands clean, or is this an exchange of fire with your children stuck in the middle? If you’re guilty of the same thing, you must stop.
  • Does the other parent know their obligations? Does a lack of understanding or communication cause these issues? Don’t launch into a verbal attack. Clarify who needs to do what, and when. If the other spouse’s life has changed and the plan is no longer practical, try to work out a solution.

How Can an Attorney Help With Parenting Time Plan Problems?

If neither of these approaches gets results and your ex-spouse acts in bad faith, start documenting the problem. Create a journal with notes of your conversations. Confirm the discussions with a text or email. Keep these emails and texts discussing the situation.

When your child is picked up or returned late, take a photo or video with your smartphone. It should have the date and time when it was made. This is critical evidence that may allow you to leverage the court’s power to help you.

You should also call our office and get legal help. If you haven’t been divorced before, this may be the first time you’ve dealt with this problem. We’ve had many clients suffer through parenting plan battles. We’ve seen approaches that work and those that do not. We’ll put together a plan to get this under control.

One of our attorneys may speak with your ex-spouse or their attorney to try to straighten this out. Mediation may be worth a try. If all else fails, we can go to court to enforce the existing parenting plan and consider asking a judge to find your ex-spouse in contempt of a court order.

At Karen A. Ulmer, P.C., we know how to protect our clients and hold lying spouses accountable. Contact us today to see how we can help you.

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Pandemic-Proof Your Parenting Time Plan

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If you are divorced with minor children, you probably struggled over the last two years. Many parenting plans did not make accommodations for kids in virtual school, daycare facilities closing, and all activities being canceled. We’re too busy to plan for the unexpected, though we know it’s what we should do. If you have a child custody order, you should have a parenting time plan. It may be very detailed and explicit about where your child is supposed to be and when. Even under ideal circumstances, this may be difficult to pull off. What will happen if there’s another pandemic? 

What Could Possibly Go Wrong? 

A study published last year in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found the probability of a pandemic with COVID-19-like impact is about 2% in any year. This means a person born in 2000 had about a 38% chance of experiencing one.  

Researchers found significant pandemics are relatively likely, and the risks of intense disease outbreaks are rapidly growing. Due to the increasing rate at which novel pathogens have infected mass numbers of human populations in the last 50 years, the study estimates that the probability of new disease outbreaks will probably increase three-fold in the next few decades. 

Planning for the Next Pandemic 

Whether another pandemic occurs or a natural or manmade disaster strikes, it’s a good idea to have a Plan B. Your parenting time plan would be its basis, a launchpad to deal with potential long-term disruptions to your lives.  

The parents should create an agreement describing how to meet their child’s needs and the role and steps each parent will play during this hopefully short-lived, future public health emergency:  

  • What’s the best way to split the child’s time between each parent in light of health concerns, school cancellations, and work disruptions?  
  • What would be a good schedule for home/remote schooling, so a child’s time spent on learning is separate from agreed-upon parenting time?  
  • How should child exchange rules work given possible pandemic restrictions, including quarantines and travel advisories?  
  • How should you handle missed holidays or planned parenting time due to illness or travel restrictions? Would Zoom calls count as parenting time?  
  • What should be the rules for meeting or engaging with people outside your immediate households? Should you socially distance, wear masks, and obey government guidelines? Parents can have very different viewpoints on the need for precautions. If one parent ignores them and allows the child to do the same, and the child becomes infected, it could make a bad relationship with a parent strict about safety measures much worse. 
  • What will be your approach to amending this agreement as circumstances change? The next pandemic may be very unlike what we saw with COVID-19. The virus may spread differently, and government mandates may be looser or stricter than in the past. Although planning is important, so is the ability to adapt as the circumstances change.

The next pandemic could start next week or five years from now. Don’t let that uncertainty make you less motivated to get this done. You have a busy life, but you don’t want to put this off until employers are shutting down, schools are closing, and the governor announces everyone should stay home. 

If you have any questions about putting this plan together or you’re facing pushback from the other parent, contact us here at Karen A. Ulmer, P.C. to see how we can help. 

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