What is a Child Custody Evaluation? How Does It Work?

If you and your child’s other parent cannot agree on a custody and visitation plan here in Bucks County, a judge may order a child custody evaluation. It involves a mental health expert, usually a psychologist, who will evaluate your family and recommend a custody/visitation or parenting plan to the court. It is not something to fear, but you should understand and prepare for it.  

What is a Child Custody Evaluation? 

After gathering and evaluating information about your family, the evaluator will recommend a plan to the parents and the court. The parties may have evaluations done; the court will order one with an evaluator of their choice, or both. 

Ideally, you and your ex-spouse will use the recommendation to reach an agreement. If not, the judge can use the evaluation and other evidence to write a custody/visitation order for your family.  

What is the Evaluation Process? 

Not all evaluators use the same process, but there are certain things you should expect in your evaluation. They include: 

  • Two to three interviews with each parent 
  • At least two interviews with each child 
  • Observations of the children with each parent 
  • A review of court filings and other written information 
  • Contact with other sources (therapists, pediatricians, teachers, daycare staff) 
  • A written report recommending custody/visitation rights and schedules addressing the significant concerns raised by the parties 
  • Possible psychological testing or questionnaires about your emotional functioning or parenting style 
  • A visit to each parent’s home 

Be cooperative and facilitate the evaluation the best you can. 

What Should I Tell My Children About This? 

If they do not already know, you should tell your child that there are conflicts between the parents and that they have different views about how much time each should spend with the children. The evaluator is involved to learn more about the family, help them reach a resolution, and suggest ways they can be better parents.  

You should reassure your child that both parents love them and that they will both be part of their lives. You should also tell your kids to bring up any concerns they have, ask questions, and honestly answer those posed by the evaluator. 

How Should I Approach the Evaluation? 

We will discuss it before the evaluation takes place and prepare you for it. You should ask us any questions you have. The evaluator wants to understand your family, its dynamics, and relationships. You should relax as much as possible and be honest. Your job is to talk about yourself and describe the situation as it pertains to what is in your child’s best interests, not to put on a show for the evaluator. 

Be open and honest. If asked, do not be afraid to say negative things about yourself or your parenting skills. But put your situation in context. Tell the evaluator what you learned and how it helped you be a better parent. 

Be open and honest about the other parent. If you just criticize them, the evaluator will not think you are being honest or credible. It is best to be truthful, even if that includes saying positive things about the other parent.  

If things about them concern you, say why, and discuss specific incidents or occurrences that support your feelings. Just accusing the other parent of being too angry or controlling without anything to back it up will not help you. To the best of your memory, give specific reasons why you have certain fears or feelings about the other parent, given that the outcome should reflect your child’s best interests. 

Get the Help You Need From an Attorney You Can Trust

If you are considering a divorce or filing for custody of your child, call our office at (215) 608-1867. A custody evaluation may be part of the process. We will explain it, help you through it, and use the recommendations to help you achieve your goals. We can speak over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in our Doylestown or Langhorne offices. 

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You Thought It Would Be Over, But the Abuse Continues

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You suffered abuse while you lived together. Now you are separated. You might be going through the divorce process, or you have completed it. You have taken multiple steps to put this nightmare behind you. But your ex just can not let go of degrading or demonizing you.  

The Abuse Can Happen in Many Different Ways 

The abuse may have gotten worse since the separation. If the two of you have kids, they may be part of this brutal play your spouse stages. Your ex may: 

  • Belittle, undermine, and criticize you at every opportunity. 
  • Expose your children to unsafe situations or people who cause you fear and concern. 
  • Use intimidation, threats, violence, ridicule, and manipulation to force the children to comply with their wishes. 
  • Prevent your child’s social interaction to maintain control.  
  • Stalk you physically or electronically by bombarding you with emails, calls, threats, and abusive messages. 
  • Physically confront you at your home, in a public space, or at your workplace. 

The abuse is only limited by your ex’s imagination and what they think they can get away with. 

What Can I Do About It? 

Document what is going on. Keep text messages and emails. Take screenshots of abusive social media posts. Write a journal and describe what is happening, how you are responding, and the stress and pain you are enduring.  

If you are harassed in person, use your smartphone to (as discreetly as you can) record conversations. To be legal, both parties must consent to phone calls being recorded. You can use an app to record what is being said on a call, but your ex must be told about it. They may hang up or not care, and they will continue the verbal abuse. If your ex comes to your home, you can set up security cameras to record what they are doing and when. 

If your children are sucked into this tornado, we can help you seek sole custody and, if we cannot end visitation, limit it and ensure that a third party supervises it. If there is no custody order, we can start the process. If there is one, we can ask the court to modify it. Your chance of success increases with more extreme and better-documented behavior. 

Judges decide custody and visitation issues based on a child’s best interests. Being subjected to this kind of behavior and language is harmful and damaging, not just now but potentially for the rest of their lives. 

If you feel you or your child is in danger, you have been threatened, struck, sexually abused, or your spouse refuses to leave your home, call the police. Provide them with images, videos, photos, and journal entries to establish what is going on and for how long. If there are witnesses, name them and provide contact information.  

Although a prosecutor can proceed with a domestic violence case without a victim’s cooperation, it rarely happens because it is so difficult. Follow through, file the reports, and cooperate with the police and prosecution. If your ex sees criminal charges result from their words and actions, they should come to their senses. 

We can help you file a protection from abuse order. Through the order, you may gain temporary custody of your kids, which will require your ex to stay away from you wherever you are. 

Compassionate Advocacy From Lawyers Who Care 

If your ex is abusing, stalking, or physically assaulting you, we can help. Call our office at (215) 515-5172, book an appointment online, or fill out our contact form today. We can meet in our office or speak with you by phone. 

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How to Get Along With Your Ex

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One benefit of divorcing your child’s parent is that there is no longer the pressure to maintain your marriage. But you should strive to get along well enough to co-parent your children. That is a much less demanding and intense relationship than being married. You do not have to keep up appearances, your kids should understand the situation, and it is much more of a working relationship. 

Sometimes Time Does Heals Wounds 

Here are three reasons from Psychology Today why your relationship could improve: 

  • If the person’s role in your life declines, long-standing frustrations may disappear. You will still be incompatible, but since you are less dependent on each other, those issues are less important.  
  • Over time and with life experiences, everyone changes, including you and your ex. The two of you may become better people who have an easier time getting along. 
  • Instead of seeing yourselves as trying to escape each other, you both see the common goal of raising happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids. You appreciate there are more benefits of cooperation than antagonizing each other.

Your relationship was bad enough not to be married. That does not mean that, as ex-spouses, you cannot work together to be good parents. Your bad marriage may have stressed the two of you out and distracted you so much that your parenting ability suffered. The two of you may be better parents post-divorce. 

Steps to Take to Improve the Relationship 

A divorce is a significant change in your life. The two of you will not instantly lock into doing, saying, and thinking things that will smooth out your relationship. Another Psychology Today article suggests some options:    

  • Be patient. Give each other some time and space to adjust. 
  • Keep your priorities straight: parenting happy and healthy kids, not settling scores or trying to run your ex’s life. 
  • Have a mature and respectful relationship with your ex. If you are still too upset to communicate, use a third party as a go-between.  
  • Lower the heat by refraining from accusations and keeping your voice under control. The past is over. Focus on the future. Look at this as a mature, business-like relationship whose purpose is to achieve goals. 
  • Do not use your kids as pawns in a mind game you want to play with your ex. It will hurt your relationships with your kids and ex. 
  • If you start a new relationship, do not rub it in your ex’s nose. Keep your new partner out of whatever disputes may arise with your ex. 
  • Do not put down your ex in front of others, especially your kids. Be an adult. Move on 

Do not allow uncomfortable feelings about your marriage to rule your life and make you and your ex less effective parents. Learn from the past and take steps now so everyone can have a better future. 

Get Help if the Situation Gets Out of Control 

Most divorced parents work it out and responsibly parent their kids. If your ex is not adjusting to the post-marriage reality and making you and your kids miserable, we can help. If you have any questions or want legal representation, please contact us here at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.  

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Divorce and Your Parents’ Money: Does Any Belong to Your Spouse?

With divorce comes the equitable (or fair) division of marital property (property acquired during the marriage). Generally, assets owned by a spouse’s parent are not considered marital property, so your spouse should not have a valid claim to them. But this is divorce law, so there are possible exceptions that may make your case complicated. 

How Would Equitable Division Impact Past Trust Payments or Gifts? 

Clarifying which property is marital and what is not is spelled out in Pennsylvania statute (35 Pa.C.S.A. §3501(a)). Under the law, generally, property that is a gift from your parents, directly or through a trust fund, would not be marital property as long as you treat it as separate, personal property:  

  • Non-marital property: You put it in a bank account with your name, your spouse cannot access it, and you spend it for personal reasons. You buy yourself a car with it or spend it on furnishing your home office. 
  • Marital property: It is in a joint account, used to purchase marital assets or to pay ordinary marital expenses. 

Also not marital property is money you manage for your parents. If you are spending it to benefit them and your spouse has no access and it has not been used for marital purposes, that property belongs to your parents.  

How Would Alimony Impact Future Trust Payments or Gifts? 

The property you receive after your marriage ends is not marital. A spouse cannot have a claim on a future inheritance, trust fund payments, or gifts from parents you have not received yet as marital property. However, if your spouse is awarded alimony, you may need this future income to pay it. 

If you used commingled past trust fund payments and gifts and paid joint living expenses and property with it, they helped you establish your standard of living. If your spouse seeks spousal support or alimony and you agree to it, or a judge orders it if there is no agreement, one of seventeen factors is the standard of living the two of you established during your marriage.  

The fact that you improved your standard of living during your marriage by commingling trust payments and marital income may end up aiding your spouse’s argument that alimony should be paid. You may spend future trust fund payments on alimony, so indirectly, your spouse may end up with part of those future payments. 

Another alimony factor is the “expectancies and inheritances of the parties.” Alimony amounts can change in the future if there are “changed circumstances of either party of a substantial and continuing nature whereupon the order may be modified, suspended, terminated or reinstituted or a new order made.”  

A future inheritance is not marital property, but if you receive an inheritance so large that your circumstances have changed in a “substantial and continuing nature,” your ex-spouse could ask a court to obtain alimony or increase payments after that happens. Like trust payments, though a future inheritance is not marital property to be divided, your spouse may get some of it through increased alimony payments. 

On the flip side, if you receive alimony and after your divorce get the benefit of sizable trust fund payments, gifts, or an inheritance from a parent, your ex-spouse may ask a court that their alimony payments be reduced or ended because you no longer need financial support given this extra income you have received. 

Equitable Distribution and Alimony Issues Can Get Complicated. Let Us Unravel Them for You.

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, PC, today if you are considering getting divorced and have questions or have decided it is right for you and need legal representation. Call us at (215) 752-6200 or fill out our online contact form. 

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