Bad Divorce Advice

If you are divorcing, you need the support and understanding of friends and family to help you through the process. What you do not need is bad advice that, if followed, can harm your interests and increase the cost and complexity of the process. 

If you talk to someone about your divorce and the issues that come with it, you could get a variety of reactions. The other person may want to change the subject. They may have been divorced in the past and provide you with helpful insight.  

They could also be well-meaning but give you misinformation or inappropriate suggestions based on what they have read on social media or the supposed experiences of their friends and family members. You need to filter out the wheat from the chaff. 

Bad divorce advice:  

Over the years, clients have told us plenty of incorrect, illegal, and just plain whacky ideas they have heard. Here are a few that are worth avoiding: 

  1. You Should Lie to Get the Best Divorce Possible 

It could be making up abuse by a spouse, hiding assets, distorting important conversations with your spouse, or claiming you do not remember something that you clearly do. Chances are this will poison whatever goodwill is left with your spouse. The case will head to litigation, not a settlement, and your duplicity will probably be exposed. 

You may have been in a good position to reach your goals, but your dishonesty may effectively set your case on fire. Judges have enough to deal with and do not have patience for liars. Neither do we. We have enough honest clients to serve. We do not want to work with dishonest ones. It is not worth the grief. 

  1. You Should Save Money and Represent Yourself 

Representing yourself may be a good idea in limited circumstances. If the two of you are childless, have low incomes and few assets, and want the relationship to end, then representing yourself is worth considering.  

However, while you may think you are saving money by representing yourself rather than hiring an attorney, more than likely it will cost you in the long run.  The legal process can be complicated and you could waive rights, trust your ex a bit too much, or not take care of details causing you headaches and significant issues in the future.  

You may qualify for help from legal aid organizations, depending on your circumstances. You may also receive financing to help pay for our services. 

Anyone thinking about a divorce should at least talk to an attorney. When we talk to prospective clients, we often spot issues they did not know about or thought were unimportant. If an attorney is not protecting your rights and interests, you may end up with a divorce that is not in your best interest. It may cost you far more in the long term than what you saved in legal bills. We can help you keep your costs down. 

  1. Spend Money While You Can 

Going on shopping sprees, enjoying an expensive vacation, or showering friends and family with gifts sounds like great fun, but it is not a good idea if you are getting divorced. It comes with equitable or fair asset and debt distribution. There will be a formal moment when you and your spouse decide to divorce. Once you establish that point, you will be responsible for your spending.  

By spending money owned by the two of you, you will end up with less when all is said and done. That wasted money will be subtracted from what you may have received. It will not come out of your spouse’s pocket. You also risk being cut off from funds if your spouse asks a court to freeze assets you might abuse, and you, not the two of you, may end up with your credit card bill. 

Get the Help You Need from an Attorney You Can Trust  

If you are considering getting divorced or have decided it is right for you, call us at (215) 608-1867 or schedule a consultation online now. We can discuss your situation over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in our Langhorne or Doylestown office. 

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What is Joint Physical Custody?

If you are a divorced or separated parent, you probably share physical custody of your child or children. This means you are with your child physically, spend time with them, and supervise your child. The law presumes a child is better off spending time with both their parents, though custody rights can be limited depending on the situation. 

What is Custody? 

There are two types: 

  • Legal custody gives the adult the right to make important decisions for the child. This covers essential issues like medical care, legal issues, education, and religious practices or beliefs. 
  • Physical custody refers to who is physically with and overseeing the child.

One person has sole legal custody of a child, or it is shared. Physical custody is: 

  • Sole: One person has these rights, and the child spends their time with them. 
  • Joint or Shared: Normally, two people have these rights. The child spends about half their time with each. 
  • Primary: The child spends most of their time with one adult. 
  • Partial: The child spends some time with this person, the rest with the party having primary physical custody. 

If the parties cannot agree on who should have physical custody and what type, the issue can be litigated, and a judge will decide the issue based on the child’s best interests. If there is an agreement, the judge will review and possibly reject it based on the same standard. 

How Does Joint Physical Custody Work? 

In most cases, the ideal joint physical custody arrangement will be for the child to spend the same time with each parent or close to it. Practical realities often stand in the way of that perfect outcome, such as: 

  • The distance between the parents’ homes 
  • Where the child attends school 
  • The parents’ work schedules 
  • The child’s after-school activities and schedule 

To try to deal with these limitations, the parties should come up with a parenting time plan (which is submitted to the court as part of the custody process). Parenting time is the time a parent spends with a child. The plan maps out which parent will spend what time with the child. The parties should look at their situations and develop the best plan possible. They should try it, and if it is not workable, be flexible enough to adjust it. 

What are Our Options? 

A common approach is a 2, 2, 3 schedule. One parent has the child Monday and Tuesday nights, the other has Wednesday and Thursday nights, and the parents alternate weekly for Friday through Sunday. This presumes the child is too young for school, or the parents’ homes are close enough for the child to attend the same school, and neither parent works nights or weekends. 

Another way to share physical custody is to find a way to equally split time by the child being with one parent during the school year, weekends are shared between the two parents, holidays are split, and the other parent has the child when school is not in session. This approach is more practical if the parents do not live in the same area. 

This is not about a child punching a clock, so they are with a parent precisely half the time. The focus should not be on an equal quantity of time, but on maximizing the quality of time the child has with each parent, given everyone’s schedules and commitments. 

Child Custody Lawyers You Can Trust   

If you have questions about physical custody or want legal representation in a custody matter, call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., at (215) 752-6200 today.

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Stepchild Custody Issues

When divorcing, stepparents are often conflicted about maintaining a relationship with their stepchildren. If you have known your stepchildren for a long time and/or were a significant part of their lives, you may want to continue those relationships after the divorce.  

Does a divorce end a spouse’s role in raising a stepchild? Not necessarily. Although uncommon, a judge may order a stepparent to have custody of a child after a divorce if they find it is in the child’s best interest. A judge can also order that a stepparent have visitation with a stepchild to maintain the relationship.  

Who Qualifies as a Stepchild? 

A stepchild is your spouse’s child by a former partner. So if you marry, and your new spouse already has a child, you are a stepparent.   

What is Child Custody? 

Child custody gives a person certain rights concerning a child. The adults involved can agree to a custody arrangement (which needs a judge’s approval), or the issue can be litigated. There are two different types of custody:  

  • Physical: The adult’s right to have the child spend time or live with them. This custody could be sole (one person has full custody), primary (the child lives primarily with you), shared, or partial (also known as visitation rights). 
  • Legal: This allows the adult to make essential decisions for a child. This can include medical, educational, religious, legal, and other issues impacting the child’s well-being. There is either sole or shared legal custody.

A judge’s primary concern when deciding who should have what kind of custody is what is in the child’s best interests. State statute lists 16 factors a judge may consider when deciding this issue, and they are free to consider others depending on the case’s facts. 

These types of cases are filed by unmarried couples, or married couples separating or divorcing. 

Could a Stepparent Have Custody of a Stepchild After Divorcing the Child’s Parent? 

If there is a custody dispute between a parent and a nonparent, the law presumes the parent should get custody. This presumption can be rebutted by clear and convincing evidence. For instance, if the parent (s) have a serious substance abuse issue (alcoholism, drugs, or other addiction), have neglected the child in some way, or are not able to care for the child, then a stepparent may obtain custody.  

You may be awarded custody depending on your involvement in the child’s life. If you stand in loco parentis (in place of the parent) for the child, you can seek custody rights. This legal status occurs if you help raise the child without a formal adoption, and a biological parent is not part of their life.  

A judge may consider:  

  • How long you have acted in loco parentis 
  • Your level of parenting involvement 
  • How independent you are when acting as a parent 
  • The child’s emotional dependence on you and whether the child sees you as a parent 

Judges have wide latitude, but not total discretion, when making these decisions. 

Can a Divorcing Stepparent Who Adopted Their Stepchild Get Child Custody Rights? 

If you formally adopted your stepchild, you are then their legal parent. As such, you have the same rights and obligations as a biological parent, so you can seek custody of the child if you are divorcing or separating from your spouse. Adoption of a stepchild is a common practice. It usually happens when both biological parents consent. It may also occur if a court involuntarily terminates a parent’s parental rights. 

Adoption empowers a stepparent to make legal and medical decisions concerning a stepchild. You would be legally obligated to care for a child if your spouse becomes incapacitated or dies. Adoption also puts you in a stronger position to seek child custody rights if the marriage ends in a divorce. 

Child Custody Lawyers You Can Trust   

Whether you are a stepparent seeking child custody rights or a parent who wants to prevent that from happening, Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. lawyers may be able to help you reach your goals. If you have questions about child custody or need legal representation, call us at (215) 752-6200 today.  

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International Divorces and Some of the Challenges the Parties Face

Bucks County and Central New Jersey have large immigrant communities, so it is not unusual for another country’s laws to impact the divorce of someone living here. No matter where the parties are or whose laws are used, the more reasonable and cooperative the spouses are, the easier the process.  

If you believe your spouse may file for divorce and/or child custody in another country, it is critical that we speak immediately to protect your rights as soon as possible. In the meantime, it is best to gather all of your IDs (and those of your children) and place them somewhere for safekeeping. Do not allow your spouse to take your children out of the country. 

What is an International Divorce? 

Another country’s laws may apply to a divorce, depending on the circumstances. When this happens, it is considered an international divorce. International divorces involve spouses married in another country or one or both of them: 

  • Live in another country 
  • Own property in another country 
  • Are another country’s citizens 

If you think you fall into this situation, contact our office immediately. International divorces can be like a complex machine. You do not want to get caught up in the gears, and what you do and when may impact the outcome. 

Why File for Divorce in One Country and Not the Other? 

Part of a country’s culture is its view of marriage, parenthood, and the equality (or lack thereof) between the sexes. That affects their laws. A country may provide less legal protection and rights to a wife than a husband when they divorce.  

Someone may file for divorce in their home country, not the US because they think the laws there are tilted in their favor. They believe it will be easier to get what they want through a trial or they believe the foreign country’s laws will give them negotiation leverage. 

Who Has Jurisdiction? 

The courts of more than one country may claim jurisdiction or the ability to decide the matter. Each country has its own laws and court processes. Every divorce issue can be impacted, whether that is child custody, child support, alimony, or division of assets and debts. 

One factor is where the initial filing was made. But it is not just a race to the courthouse. To have jurisdiction, the country where papers are filed must meet two requirements: 

  • It must recognize your marriage exists. In the US, most marriages that are legally entered into in another country are recognized. That is not always true in other countries, especially if a spouse wants a divorce in their same-sex marriage.  
  • The party filing the divorce must satisfy the country’s residency requirements. For example, if you do not live, and never have lived, in France, filing for a divorce in France would be a waste of time.

A “dual filing” occurs when one spouse files in the US and the other files in another country. US courts will consider several issues when they decide if they have jurisdiction: 

  • Where is the property at issue?  
  • Does the foreign court have a greater interest in the divorce? If so, what is it? 
  • Does at least one spouse live in the state where the divorce was filed? 
  • If it is a fault-based divorce or if evidence is needed in the case, which jurisdiction is where more evidence is located?  
  • Will the spouse living in the US face considerable hardships if forced to participate in the foreign jurisdiction? 

International divorces can involve complex issues, and judges may be forced to make difficult decisions.  

Jurisdiction is Only the Beginning 

No matter where proceedings occur, jurisdiction only allows a court to make decisions. What is left are the other issues in dispute. After the divorce is finally adjudicated, there are other potential problems when a party tries to enforce a divorce order from one country in another country. 

Get the Help You Need from an Attorney You Can Trust  

If an international divorce might be in your future, call us at (215) 608-1867 or schedule a consultation online now. You do not have time to waste, and you must make informed decisions to get the best outcome. We can discuss your situation over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in our Langhorne or Doylestown office.  

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