When You Are Served With a PFA

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Being served with a protection from abuse (PFA) order can be incredibly scary. You can’t go near your spouse or partner, and maybe you’ve been forced to leave your home. You’re terrified that it’s going to affect your job or custody proceedings.

It’s normal to feel like a ship adrift in the ocean when you are served with a PFA, but Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. is here to help.

What Is a PFA Order and Why Were You Served?

A PFA is the same thing as a restraining order. If you’ve been served with a PFA, it means that the petitioner (your spouse or partner, for example) is accusing you of abuse, harassment, or stalking. Courts in Bucks County take domestic abuse and harassment very seriously, so they grant PFA orders as a form of protection for the petitioner.

There are three main types of PFAs in Pennsylvania, and there’s a big difference between a temporary and final PFA. 

  • Ex parte (temporary) PFA: An ex parte PFA is a temporary restraining order that lasts for a certain amount of time, typically a week to a few months.
  • Emergency PFA: If the petitioner feels like they’re in immediate danger, the court might grant an emergency PFA.
  • Final PFA: After a formal hearing, a judge might decide to make the PFA permanent. Final PFAs last for up to three years but can be extended to 10 years or longer.

Violating the Order Can Bring Disastrous Consequences

When you’re served with a PFA, one of the first things you’ll likely feel is anger. You’re furious that you can’t stay in your home or even see your kids anymore. What right does your spouse or partner have to do that to you?

You’re tempted to return to your home and give them a piece of your mind, but it’s a temptation you should resist. Bucks County courts don’t look kindly on people who violate PFAs. If that’s you, you could be permanently barred from entering your house or lose custody of your kids. The court can hold you in criminal contempt, too, which might result in hefty fines and/or jail time.

Your Spouse Had You Served With a PFA, Now What?

When you are served with a PFA, do not panic. Here’s what to do:

  • Review the PFA documents: A police officer or process server will likely serve you with a PFA document packet. Do not discard this packet, as it contains important information about what you can and cannot do. For example, your PFA might forbid you from communicating with your partner or visiting their workplace.
  • Hire an attorney: It’s not wise to go through legal proceedings without representation. Your lawyer will help you collect evidence disproving the allegations.
  • Attend the hearing: You’ll have the chance to contest the allegations in a court hearing. PFA hearings are usually set on Wednesdays in Bucks County.

Reliable PFA Hearing and Defense Preparation in Bucks County

When you are served with a PFA, Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. is here for you. Call (215) 752-6200 for a consultation now.

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Co-Parenting Success

One of the toughest aspects of divorce is sharing your kids with your ex. You may not like your ex, and they might not care for you, but both of you love your kids. How can you make sure your children have a happy relationship with their other parent if the two of you struggle to even make eye contact?

Developing flexible problem-solving skills with your ex is a challenge, but one well worth overcoming. Below, you’ll find tips to guide you on the path to co-parenting success.

Helping Your Child Adjust to Their New Life

Divorce may feel like a breath of fresh air for you, but for your kids, it can be extremely upsetting. Suddenly, they’re splitting time between two homes and two sets of parents. In addition to that, maybe they have new siblings and a new school. It’s a lot to take in for little ones.

To help your kids adjust, work with your ex-spouse to establish consistent routines. Children thrive with a set schedule for meals, homework, playtime, and bedtime. Ask your ex to maintain your child’s schedule when it’s their time with the kids.

Encourage Open Communication Between Your Ex and Kids

Many parents try to keep their kids away from their exes as a way to hurt them. No matter how much you dislike your ex, though, you should never use your children as a weapon. Not only does this hurt your child’s well-being, but courts tend to frown on those who keep children away from the other parent.

Encourage your kids and ex-spouse to talk to each other regularly, whether that’s through phone calls, emails, or in-person meetings. If anything important comes up in your child’s life (health updates, school events, etc.), be sure to share them with your ex. You may not like doing it, but it’s a cornerstone of co-parenting success.

Be a Person of Your Word

It’s your ex-spouse’s week to have the kids, and maybe you’re tempted to show up late to the dropoff just to spite them. Doing that might feel good in the moment, but it only places stress on the kids and damages your relationship with your ex.

If you say you’re going to be somewhere at a certain time, keep your word. Your ex will be more likely to do the same for you.

Don’t Like How Your Ex-Spouse Parents? Keep It to Yourself

Maybe your kids come home excitedly chatting about that treat Daddy fed them or the toy Mom bought as a surprise. You think your ex is spoiling them rotten, and you don’t like it. But if you want to maintain successful boundaries, you’d be smart not to say a word.

Ex-spouses shouldn’t judge each other’s parenting styles. All that does is create hostility and confuse the kids. It’s wiser to just stay silent and maintain respectful boundaries (unless, of course, your ex’s parenting style places your children in danger).

We’ll Help You Create a Positive Co-Parenting Dynamic

Achieving co-parenting success is a big challenge, but the attorneys at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. will help you overcome it. For a consultation, call us at (215) 752-6200.

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Stress of Divorce

Fewer things in life are more stressful than going through a divorce. Who will end up with the house? What’s going to happen to your kids? The stress of divorce, and its many unknowns, really can feel like it’s eating you alive.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Below, find must-follow tips for managing stress throughout your divorce.

Follow the Boy Scout Motto and Be Prepared

What would happen if you were called into a work meeting, but hadn’t prepared any notes or talking points? You’d be pretty stressed, right? The same principle applies to your divorce.

You never want to go into a divorce unprepared. To be forewarned, as they say, is to be forearmed.

Stress reduction starts with preparing yourself for what’s going to come. The more you know what to expect, the more at ease you’re going to feel. That means you’re less likely to make rash decisions that could torpedo your divorce case.

This is why it’s so important to hire a good divorce attorney. Your lawyer can tell you what to expect in divorce negotiations regarding child custody arrangements, alimony, and property division.

Keep Your Organization Game on Point

The divorce process involves plenty of paperwork to fill out and deadlines to remember. It may be unpleasant, but if you want your divorce to go smoothly, you’ll need to treat organization like a full-time job.

Start by gathering important financial documents, such as bank statements, savings account information, retirement account details, and paystubs. Your lawyer will want to take a look at these to determine the fair division of property between you and your ex-spouse. If you have insurance policies (such as life insurance), make copies of those documents, too.

To stay organized, buy a binder and sort documents into categories, such as financial and legal. You can also scan documents and store them in the cloud or on your computer for quick access.

Take Care of Your Mental Health

The stress of divorce can be truly overwhelming and the emotional burden can be difficult to bear. Between talks with your ex and meetings with your lawyer, you might feel like there’s hardly any time to focus on yourself.

However, you won’t do yourself any favors by neglecting your mental health. Find moments where you can relax, breathe, and quiet your racing thoughts. It can help to keep a journal and talk to a therapist about how you’re feeling. And if you have a good friend, now’s the time to rely on them.

Having an excellent lawyer is a wonderful way to manage stress during divorce. Your lawyer will help by:

  • Providing solid advice to help you avoid legal mistakes that could jeopardize your financial stability
  • Handling paperwork so you don’t miss deadlines
  • Guiding you through divorce negotiations and ensuring a fair deal for you

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. deeply understands the stress of divorce and will work hard to make the process as smooth as can be for all involved. To schedule your consultation, call (215) 752-6200.

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When the Abuser Flips the Table

“There you go again,” your soon-to-be ex snaps. “Why are you yelling at me? You’re abusive. Maybe you need therapy because I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Spoiler alert: They have, in fact, done something wrong.

When the abuser flips the table, so to speak, they can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. They may not hurt you physically, but emotional damage like this can sting even worse.

You’re not at the mercy of your abuser, though. By recognizing their underhanded tactics, you’ll be better prepared to fight back.

The Dirty, Crazy-Making Tricks Abusers Pull To Convince You That You’re the “Bad Guy”

Abusers are masters at emotional manipulation. Many have honed their techniques for years, and they’re scarily good at what they do.

Gaslighting is one of these techniques. It involves misdirection, essentially shifting the blame from them to you in a way that makes you feel you’re losing your mind.

For example, a gaslighting pro might deliberately do something hurtful, then say, “You’re too sensitive,” or “That never happened.”

Gaslighting can also involve false accusations where the abuser flips the table and makes it seem as though you’re the one who deserves blame. For example, suppose your spouse is an alcoholic, and you call them out for drinking when they were meant to be watching the kids.

They say, “I wouldn’t have been drinking if you hadn’t been checking out that guy at the grocery store,” even though you did nothing of the sort. Suddenly, you’re the one under the microscope. The abuser has successfully shifted blame from themselves to you.

Recognizing Self-Defense vs. Abuse

A very common tactic abusers use is to push their victims until they snap and turn to reactive abuse. The victim might scream back or even hit the abuser. This gives the abuser even more ammunition to use against their victim. “You’re the abusive one,” they tell you.

Is that really true? Probably not. These are clear signs that it’s self-defense, not abuse:

  • Your actions are out of character. You’ve never yelled at or hit anyone else before.
  • You feel guilty for what you did afterward.
  • You didn’t initiate the abuse. You only lashed out after the abuser struck first.
  • You feel confused about why you acted the way you did.

Beating Emotional Abusers at Their Own Game

The only real way to beat an emotional abuser at their game is not to play. The abuser wants a reaction from you, so don’t give them one.

Walk away from the conversation (or better yet, leave the house if the abuser lives with you). Call a trusted friend and talk about what happened. It can also be helpful to journal about the incident.

We Refuse To Let That Abuser Walk All Over You

When an abuser flips the table, flip it back by calling Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. Our attorneys have seen it all, and we know how to handle abusive gaslighters with the help of Protection from Abuse (PFA) orders and divorce assistance. You’re never alone when you have our firm looking out for you.

To schedule a consultation, call (215) 752-6200.

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