File First or Negotiate First?

After coming to terms with a divorce, the next part of the process is the negotiation stage. You may find yourself preparing mentally by asking questions as you try to determine a proper course of action. One critical part of this process is the initial filing. If you’re wondering, “Should I file or negotiate first?” you’re not alone. This question looms over many divorcees as they anticipate how the process will play out. Considering the psychological and legal ramifications will help you understand the advantages of filing first. 

You’ve Reached an Agreement, Now What?

If you’ve reached an agreement with your spouse, congratulations. You’ve arrived at the first step of the divorce process: filing the divorce petition. So, should you file or negotiate first? There are myriad psychological benefits to consider. The planning stages provide you with a strong foundation to move forward with purpose. You may also experience an immediate surge of confidence when you file first. Taking this huge step in your divorce proceedings is liberating and can strengthen your resolve. 

The phrase, “strike while the iron’s hot,” rings true when considering the benefits of filing first. This decision is an important part of your strategy, allowing you to take matters into your own hands and proceed with fortitude and determination. In this case, your opponent is your spouse, and like a good game of chess, catching them off guard will only serve to your advantage. After all, you’ve already prepped with careful planning, making certain your financial and other legal concerns are in order. You’ve likely spoken with a qualified alimony attorney to help you understand the mediation process. Throughout your divorce proceedings, your attorney will help you properly negotiate to your benefit, giving you an even greater edge.

The next consideration for whether or not you should file first is thinking about the opportunity it will give you to fortify your assets. You and your partner’s shared assets must be legally separated, including all physical assets and joint personal finances. In this instance, seeking legal advice ahead of the filing will help you protect yourself and adequately set you up financially for life after divorce. 

Why You Should Consider Filing First

Now that you’ve pondered, “Should I file or negotiate first?” the decision depends on your unique situation. Preparing for this critical step by conferring with legal counsel will help you navigate the timing, present you with options, and prepare you for your next stage in life. When you take the step to file first, you’re making a power move. By taking control of the process before your spouse does, you may secure benefits that you might not gain otherwise.

Book a Consultation Today

A consultation with Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can help you protect your rights and determine an appropriate course of action if you’re questioning whether you should file or negotiate first. Our team of family practice attorneys serves Pennsylvania and New Jersey. We’re dedicated to providing solutions to our clients. Book your free consultation today, or contact us at (866) 349-4117.

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The Role of Experts in Child Custody Cases

Following filing a child custody case, the court has limited information about the case, which often leaves parents feeling confused and unsettled. A judge’s knowledge only extends as far as the custody disagreement. It then becomes the court’s responsibility to thoroughly review all case-related information to determine the proper course of action. They accomplish this task with the assistance of court-assigned experts. These court appointees serve different roles and administer three types of evaluations: custody, psychological, and parental fitness.

The Role of Experts in Administering Evaluations

Input from experts who serve as critical evaluators in child custody cases helps the court navigate the case’s complexities. These valuable professionals include psychologists and counselors; they are responsible for determining which parent is suitable as the child’s primary custodian. In addition, they also make recommendations regarding which parent should have the right to make decisions and whether the judge should award joint custody.

Three Types of Evaluations

Three types of evaluations administered by court-appointed experts are critical in child custody cases.

1. Custody Evaluations

In child custody evaluations, court-appointed experts address the parents’ child-rearing capabilities, as noted by the American Psychological Association (APA). When psychologists work alongside other mental health professionals, like counselors, the counselors often serve as mediators. Next, the psychologists administer psychological testing to both parents so the court can determine each parent’s child-rearing style. The tests assess both parents’ temperaments, character, and cognitive abilities. The purpose of the testing process is to determine whether the parents are psychologically competent to foster the child’s continued growth and development. 

2. Psychological Evaluations

During a child custody case, psychological evaluations are also essential tools; they help court experts determine undiagnosed mental health issues and other problems that might impact the legal outcome. Psychological evaluations give the court insight into whether the parent is mentally fit enough to care for the child. If the mental issues are severe, these parents are typically not awarded custody.

3. Parental Fitness Evaluations

In rare cases, experts recommend parental fitness evaluations to assist the court in determining whether a parent-child relationship is appropriate. These evaluations are typical in situations involving child abuse, domestic violence, and substance abuse. In these cases, expert witnesses help decide what the child needs. For example, following a parental fitness evaluation, the court-appointed psychologist determines whether a parent should be allowed supervised visitation with their child.

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. Can Help

Each child custody expert is essential in cases where parents are at odds over who should care for their children. Using thorough evaluations, they provide unbiased testimonies to help the court make informed decisions. Ultimately, their work assists the judge in determining the familial arrangement that best serves the child’s interests.

If you have questions about your child custody case, contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. today. Our experienced team of attorneys is highly qualified to walk you through the complexities of your legal casework to support your child’s well-being. Call or text us at (866) 349-4117. You can also book a free consultation by filling out our online form.

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Grieving After Your Divorce

After going through a divorce, friends and family routinely ask if you’re “relieved” that the process is over. You might smile and nod, wanting to be agreeable. However, the truth for many people is that “divorce grief” is real and very present for a long time after the fact.

This is your reminder: it’s perfectly normal to feel emotions similar to mourning and loss after your divorce becomes final. 

Read on to learn more about healing from a divorce and how it may look for you.

Why You May Feel Grief After Divorce

Even though you may feel initial relief at ending a stressful marriage, sadness often turns into grief soon after signing the paperwork. First and foremost, understand that strong feelings are normal. After all, you’ve lost something in the divorce. 

Almost nobody marries with the expectation of divorcing years later. Some common feelings people contemplate at this time include:

  • Losing the hopes and dreams you had for your marriage together 
  • Recognizing your life with your spouse is forever altered
  • Being fearful of the future
  • Worrying about losing time with your children. 

During this period of divorce grief, some ex-spouses may even regret divorcing. All these feelings are normal and part of the process of moving on.

What Triggers “Divorce Grief?”

When you are grieving, a sudden swell of emotions can catch you off guard. You might walk past a restaurant you both loved in happier times and feel overwhelming sadness. You might see your spouse enjoying time with the children and feel a great sense of loss.

Even something as simple as sorting and keeping divorce papers can spark feelings of grief, so keep track of these triggers. Friends or family can support you as you meet tough situations and work through hard feelings.

How Long Does the Grief Last After a Divorce?

According to Psychology Today, the grieving process after your divorce lacks a specific timeline. Everyone reacts differently, from a few weeks of grieving to several months or years after the breakup. Being honest with yourself about your emotions is a key step in moving forward, so give yourself time to process all your emotions, including grief. 

One of the ways to move forward is creating new memories and experiences, whether it’s trying a new restaurant or volunteering your time at a new organization. Friends and family naturally will check on you and support you in the first few weeks after a divorce. Don’t let them drift away if you need more help processing your grief – ask for help and support for as long as you need it!

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., Supports You Legally and Emotionally in Your Divorce

It’s important to realize that your emotional recovery is important after the separation and divorce. It requires an adjustment on your part to move forward with your life. The stress of the divorce process needs time to work through and settle.

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can help legally during your divorce proceedings and chat with you about dealing with “divorce grief” constructively. Call us today for a confidential consultation at (866) 349-4461.

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Seeking Revenge Through the Divorce Process Can Be Costly

People go through a variety of big emotions during the divorce process. Although anger is a common emotion, it shouldn’t solely drive your reasons for seeking divorce.

Are you angrily filing for divorce right now to seek revenge? Read on to learn why that approach may end up being costly for you.

Harming Your Chance of a Fair Financial Settlement

If you are filing for divorce to gain revenge on your spouse, will it affect your financial settlement? Almost certainly, yes.

Pennsylvania divorce laws don’t specifically call for penalties against a spouse engaging in spiteful behavior. However, a judge could treat your claims for alimony with more scrutiny if revenge is in focus. When letting anger guide your actions, someone might choose to fight every suggestion for mediation a spouse makes, and while it’s their right to use litigation to try to receive a fair settlement, it wastes everybody’s valuable time.

You may believe you’re harming your spouse by refusing to participate in mediation. In reality, you’re harming your own position more. Typically, participating in mediation goes faster and costs you less in legal fees in the long run.

Costing You More Than Just Money

If you have children and mutual friends, trying to gain revenge on a spouse through the divorce process can be extremely stressful for these other parties. They may feel like they’re stuck in the middle of a tug-of-war that makes little sense from the outside. When you have clouded judgment because you’re focused on revenge, you may not be able to see: 

  • How you’re affecting your children’s well-being
  • How you’re manipulating your children or loved ones without even realizing it

Some friends will be able to see through the actions you’re taking if you are focusing on revenge. What if they side with your spouse when you are clearly being spiteful and unfair during the divorce proceedings?

We’re only human. If you are going through the divorce proceedings with anger and revenge as your primary driving factors, you may also lose control of your emotions more easily. With the temptation to do almost anything to avenge your failed relationship, ethical behavior may feel like a gray area – and that’s always risky in the divorce process.

If a judge learns that you are lying about your spouse’s actions, you could open yourself up to legal problems and lawsuits. It’s best to sit back and let your divorce attorney do the talking.

Let Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., Help You Navigate the Divorce Process Calmly

Did your spouse cheat on you, lie to your face, or betray your trust in some way? You have every right to be angry, but using revenge as your reason for filing for divorce doesn’t help your case in court.

Take a deep breath, and have a confidential discussion with Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., before you file for divorce. It’s important to go through your divorce process for the right reasons. To learn more about affording a divorce or what to expect, call (866) 349-4117 today.

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