Co-Parenting Success Skills for Raising Healthy Children

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In any parenting, the stakes are high. But after divorce, they’re even higher. Creating a healthy co-parenting arrangement is crucial for helping your children to grow into emotionally healthy, confident adults. Co-parenting well is difficult, but for the sake of the children, it needs to be done.

If you and your ex don’t have a comfortable personal relationship, you should both try to think of it as a business relationship instead. Treat your co-parent like a colleague, communicate respectfully and create agreements that you keep. And ask yourself: Would I trash talk my colleague to other people? Would I blow off a meeting or be purposely late? If you wouldn’t do it to a team member at work, don’t do it to your team member in parenting. The danger of bad behavior at work is poor job performance or job loss. The danger of bad behavior in parenting is emotionally damaged children or loss of parenting rights.

Here are some important steps to healthy co-parenting.

  • The right attitude will make all the other steps of co-parenting easier, and that is to have an attitude of empathy. Try to put yourself in your children’s shoes and in your ex’s shoes. How do they feel? How would you want to be treated if you were in their position? Try to act accordingly.
  • Maintain an open dialogue, sharing the children’s schedules and important information. There are websites designed for this. Be sure to keep your co-parent informed of important news, both positive and not-so-positive (like an A on a big test as well as being sent to the principal’s office). That way you can both congratulate your child or help guide him or her into healthier choices.
  • Be flexible. If a big event comes up and your ex wants to take your kids to it, let them go. It will build positive memories for them while also building positive relationships between their parents, which can only be good for them.
  • Have some agreed-upon rules that apply at both houses: bedtime, chores, homework, internet use, manners. Knowing they have the same expectations at both Mom’s and Dad’s place gives your children a sense of consistency, stability, and security. Kids will always try to test boundaries. But it’s important to stay firm on these agreed-upon rules. Allow each parent to have other rules about less crucial things. Recognize people have different parenting styles and respect them. If no serious harm is done, let it go.
  • One rule should be no trash-talking the other parent – that goes for both you and the kids. Focus on the positive traits your ex has, speak to your children about them and think about them yourself to improve your feelings when you have to communicate about parenting.
  • Resist fighting or speaking rudely to each other in front of the children. Conflict between parents creates a sense of helplessness and insecurity in children, increasing the incidence of drug abuse and other unhealthy comfort-seeking behaviors. This example of conflict can also cause future problems in their own personal relationships, and anxiety can suppress the immune system, increasing illness.
  • Avoid being the “Fun Dad” or the “Cool Mom.” Kids need calm, quiet downtime with their non-custodial parents, too. And having a marked imbalance between parents increases a child’s dissatisfaction and insecurity and creates problems for the not-so-fun parent.
  • Agree to roles played by extended family members. They love the children, too, and are also affected by the divorce.
  • Get together regularly for family meetings about parenting decisions. You can include the children, but also have regular meetings yourselves. Update your agreements every year or two to make sure they are current and appropriate as the children grow.
  • When exchanging children for time with the non-custodial parent, have a short, pleasant goodbye so the children get a positive feeling about their visit. Don’t call unnecessarily and take time away from their other parent.

Following these steps may be difficult at first, but remembering that the goal is to help your children thrive should help it become easier in time. And that will be a win for everyone.

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Determining a Parenting Plan in Pennsylvania

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Divorcing when you have children brings on many questions. Here in our Langhorne, PA office, we help couples determine many post-divorce logistics related to their children. This can include how much child support you are going to pay or receive, as well as where your children are going to spend their time. Determining your parenting time schedule can be a bit difficult for parents.

First and foremost, for most parents, the most difficult part of setting up a custody schedule is realizing they are not going to be spending every day with their child. Children have the right to spend time with both parents, during the week, on weekends, and then on special occasions.  

There are many factors that can complicate a parenting schedule including where parents live, their work schedules, where the child attends school, and his/her activities. If parents can sit down together, alone or with their attorneys, it is best to collaborate on a plan. If they can not do this, then the matter will go in front of a judge who will determine the parenting schedule.  Judges often hear cases in which one parent would like sole custody for the sake of moving far away, making it prohibitive for the other parent to enjoy a 50/50 custody arrangement.  

How does a judge determine a parenting time schedule in PA?

There are 16 factors that the court can use to determine the custody of a child. They include:

  • the likelihood of the parties to encourage the child to remain in close contact with the other parent
  • any past abuse
  • what each parent currently does for the child and could that be continued
  • how stable the child’s life is
  • the availability of extended family to help
  • the existence of siblings
  • the child’s preference
  • whether the parents put the child in the middle of their disagreements
  • whether one parent is more likely to take better care of the child than the other
  • the distance between the parents
  • who will care for the child if the custodial parent is at work
  • whether there is significant conflict between the parents
  • any drug use, mental or physical abuse, or other relevant personal characteristics that may be present in the home

Most parents realize that when a judge makes a decision it is legally binding and must be followed. This is why it is best to work it out between the parties before the matter winds up in court. If your spouse is unreasonable we can negotiate child custody and a parenting schedule for you. Sometimes it is just easier to have legal representation in the room with you or to review your plans to get both parties to be a bit agreeable.  

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Changing Custody in PA – Can your Child Speak to the Judge?

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Child custody is an emotionally charged area of divorce. You need to ensure your child is legally and financially protected and also emotionally stable throughout the process. Unfortunately, parents are often confused and overwhelmed through the process and want to fight. Sometimes they think it is best for the child to come into the divorce process and actually talk with the judge during hearings. Working out of our office in Langhorne, we help parents in Bucks and Montgomery counties work through the complicated issues and negotiate the best arrangements for their minor children.  

First and foremost, a judge does not have to make decisions in your divorce. We can work closely with you and your spouse on your settlements and negotiate any differences. A judge only needs to get involved when you do not agree.  

If you think it is a good idea to get your children involved in the decision-making process we always warn you to take great caution. Do not wage a war with your spouse and put your child in the middle, as that can cause short-term problems and long-term consequences for your child. It is best to make the decision after consulting with a therapist or guidance counselor. Work with them to find a good way to approach the situation with your child.  

If your child is going to go in front of the judge, we cannot predict how the judge is going to consider the information. In PA, a judge may consider what a child has to say, but has great leniency when it comes to actually considering a child’s thoughts:  

“The weight to be accorded a child’s preference varies with the age, maturity and intelligence of that child, together with the reasons given for the preference. Moreover, as children grow older, more weight must be given to the preference of the child.”

Wheeler v. Mazur, 793 A.2d 929 (Pa. Super. 2002)

Where will the judge interview your child during your divorce?  

For the well-being of the child, a judge may decide to have a more relaxed conversation so the child is spared testifying in open court. Regardless of where the meeting takes place, attorneys for both parents must be present. Navigating this part of a highly contentious divorce can be difficult and should only be done with a highly experienced legal team.  

Here in Bucks County and Montgomery County, PA, our judges are excellent at working with children. And all lawyers should work together to ensure that children are not being forced to choose between two parents – especially when the parents are already fighting, possibly within the presence of that child.   

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When Parenting Plans Don’t Work

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Though a court order ends your marriage and makes your divorce official, it won’t end your relationship with your ex-spouse if you have kids. As part of your Montgomery County divorce, we will negotiate a parenting plan for you and your spouse that will set the standards for communications and schedules. The parenting plan sets a schedule for when your kids will be with whom and who is responsible for doing what to make it happen. Problems are common, whether that’s because, as a practical matter, the plan doesn’t work or one parent is intentionally trying to sabotage it.

A parenting plan usually is negotiated between the parties as part of the divorce settlement. A judge could decide the plan and make it part of the divorce order if a case goes to trial. It spells out the schedule for when children will be with each parent, transportation issues, vacation and holiday schedules, and what to do if problems arise. If difficulties come up and parents can’t find a solution, the judge decides the resolution.

Happy Holidays or Holidays from Hell?

Holidays can be incredibly stressful when parenting plans go sideways for a divorced family. Holidays are times when not only does a parent spend time with their kids, but extended families often get together. If the other parent is not living up to their end of the bargain by not allowing the children to be there or being late when delivering them, feelings can get frayed.

The Only Constant is Change

Another ongoing problem can be constant or unexpected changes. Both sides should comply with the plan in good faith. It’s a problem if one parent isn’t organized enough to follow the plan or just doesn’t care if the other parent is inconvenienced. Emergencies and unexpected problems can happen, but disruptions should be the exception, not the rule.

Parenting Plan Issues are Just the Beginning

Problems following the parenting plan can be a symptom of a bigger issue – a lack of respect. Your ex-spouse may be consistently late in picking up your kids or bringing them back and couldn’t care less about the impact on you. Making issues out of a parenting plan, along with alienating your children from you and disputing child support, could all be part of an overall strategy to make you miserable.

We Need to Resolve the Issue or Take It to Court

If a solution isn’t negotiated, we may need to go to court. We’ll tell your side of the story with evidence. You must document everything as best you can. That means taking notes, keeping copies of emails or texts, taking photos, and making videos.

Get the Help You Need From a Lawyer You Can Trust

Call Karen Ann Ulmer, PC, if you need help with your parenting plan, whether that’s questions that need answers or legal representation. Call our office at (215) 608-1867 to schedule an online consultation. We can speak via teleconference, over the phone, or meet in our Langhorne or Doylestown office.

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Getting Divorced After This Holiday Season

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You survived the holidays and are now getting ready to divorce. We understand that you waited through  “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” to take action. It was a long holiday season and now you are ready. Many couples wait to start the process and give their children one more happy holiday season. We know it was hard and the split will be difficult. Divorce can be difficult, particularly when you have small kids. 

Karen Ann Ulmer, PC, helps clients divorce and end relationships in the best way possible. Starting off the new year may be the best time for you to begin a new life by freeing yourself from a marriage that’s not working. If you need help with a divorce, call us at (215) 752-6200

Make a Resolution to Change Your Life for the Better

Many of us have New Year’s resolutions. Yours is to live a better life that benefits you, your children, and in the long run, perhaps your spouse. Divorce can be amicable, with both sides acting like adults and creating new lives.

But starting your divorce can be dangerous if your spouse is narcissistic, controlling, or violent. How you start the process depends on the nature of your relationship. You may want to be open about it, prepare for it in secret, or leave your home to be as safe as possible.

Where Do You Start?

There are many “little” but essential things you must do to gear up for a divorce and “big” things as well. They go to the heart of what you want to do with the rest of your life:

  • What type of child custody do you want?
  • What are your priorities moving ahead?
  • Do you want to keep your current life as intact as possible, just without your spouse?  Or is it time for a different direction?
  • Do you want to move?

Here are some suggestions to start your 2022 divorce plan:

  • Call our office. There’s too much at stake to get a divorce without an attorney. Financial and family issues, if they’re not handled properly, could haunt you the rest of your life.
  • Get your financial information in order. You’ll need to document your family’s incomes, liabilities, debts, and assets. That means organizing documents, making paper copies, or scanning and uploading them onto secure, online cloud storage.
  • Get a new email address and rent a post office box. This will allow you a safer, more secure way to communicate with your attorney. You may want to get another smartphone and keep it secure to prevent your spouse from installing malware that may grant access to your emails, text messages, and internet activity.

Get the Help You Need From an Attorney You Can Trust

Call Karen Ann Ulmer, PC, to start the process today. Do you have questions or need representation? Call our office at (215) 608-1867 and schedule a consultation online. We can speak over the phone, via teleconference, or meet in our Doylestown or Langhorne office.

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What Should You Do If You and Your Ex-Spouse Disagree Over Vaccinating Your Child?

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COVID-19 vaccinations have turned a medical and public health issue into one that’s splitting the country. Anti-vaccination feelings and publicity are at an unprecedented level. Along with our divided communities, some parents don’t agree either.  Fighting with your ex over issues involving your kids is never fun – and now we have another “hot button” issue, the COVID-19 vaccine, to add to the mix. 

According to the Mayo Clinic, 59.1% of the country is fully vaccinated against the viral infection. That drops to 50.8% of Americans aged 12 to 17. Emergency FDA approval of vaccine use for kids ages 5-11 has recently been approved and the parents of young children are currently making decisions as to whether or not their children should be vaccinated.

Should a Judge Decide?

What happens if your ex doesn’t want your child vaccinated but you do? When divorced parents disagree, they should read the divorce agreement, which may or may not mention vaccines. If legal custody is shared, both can make healthcare decisions. If one parent has sole legal custody, they make those choices, including those regarding vaccinations.

Can you have a conversation? If it would help, consult your pediatrician for guidance. If you cannot reach an agreement, an attorney from our staff can help. If we can’t negotiate a resolution, we can go to court to protect your child’s best interests. This is a complex, time-consuming, expensive way to end a dispute, but it’s an option if everything else fails.

How Would a Court Rule?

A judge would decide based on what’s in the best interest of the child. There’s a good chance they may state that includes vaccination.

  • A judge in Canada ruled a 13-year-old girl with diabetes be vaccinated against COVID-19 contrary to her mother’s wishes because it was in the child’s best interest
  • In a New Jersey appeals court decision in favor of vaccination (but not involving COVID-19), the decision states, “The experts agreed that overall vaccines are safe and effective…” and gave the pro-vaccine parent the ability to decide what to do

A judge will consider the facts of the case, including:

  • Why the parents have their positions
  • Specific health risks to the child
  • School or activity requirements and how being unvaccinated would affect the child
  • Medical expert opinion

The child’s pediatrician’s opinion may carry a lot of weight, especially if the child has conditions that may increase the chances of bad side effects from the vaccine or the child risks serious complications if they are unvaccinated and become infected.

Get the Legal Help You Need From an Attorney You Can Trust

Do you have questions about child custody or need legal representation? Call our office at (215) 608-1867 or schedule a consultation online today. We can speak via teleconference, over the phone, or meet in our Langhorne or Doylestown office to discuss your case.

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What is zoning?

Zoning is the way a local municipality controls how property is developed within its borders. The municipality will divide the town into zoning district which describe what the local government has decided what can be built in that area. For example, a residential zoning district would be limited to residential dwellings while a commercial zoning district would be limited to businesses.

A municipality will also have multiple types of the same district. These districts will have differing requirements of what can be in that district. There are many kinds of residential properties from detached single-family homes to townhouses, and apartments. Therefore, one residential district may be limited to detached single family homes with a certain minimal lot size. Another residential district may allow both detached single-family homes and townhouse.

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Back to School – Who Makes the Decisions?

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A child’s education has lifelong effects. If you’re divorced or separated from the other parent, you may not agree on how to handle your child’s education. You must resolve this issue between yourselves with the help of an attorney, or a judge in Bucks or Montgomery County may need to make the decision.

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., is a team of lawyers and staff in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. We have significant family law experience and have worked hard to build a law firm that can address your child custody needs, including disputes over your child’s education. If you have any questions or need help, call us at (215) 608-1867, book a free consultation online now, or contact us by email.

Parents usually make educational decisions about their kids. If parents are divorced or never married and had their parental rights formalized in court, a judge decided who has legal custody. This includes the ability to make important decisions for the child regarding such issues as education. In most cases, legal custody is shared by both parents. In relatively rare cases, a parent may give up their parental rights, or a judge decides it is not in the child’s best interests for a parent to have any legal custody.

Educational Issues That Can Split the Two Parents

If the two of you agree on issues, it’s not a problem. But if your child’s life is complicated and as more issues come up, there are more opportunities for disagreement:

  • Your child may have learning disabilities or other special needs. Your child will need more help from his or her school, but the school may not want to provide it. Parents may disagree on whether the child should attend another school or get private tutoring.
  • Your child may be gifted and have their own needs to be successful. Your child’s learning opportunities and how hard they should be pushed to excel can lead to disputes.
  • There can be public, private, and religious schools in the area. One parent may prefer one, the other parent may want the child to go to another.
  • Education can be part of a dispute when one parent wants the child to move with them away from the area. The child would attend a new school and the other parent may believe that is not in the child’s best interests because their education and friendships would be disrupted.
  • An athletically gifted child can present challenges. A parent may want the child to stay back a grade to perform better in sports at school. A private school may have a better athletic program, so one parent wants the child to transfer, while the other disagrees and doesn’t want to pay half the tuition.

If you can’t agree on important educational issues, Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can represent you to help negotiate a decision both parties can accept. If not, these issues can be litigated and eventually decided at a trial. But that’s an expensive, time-consuming option that should only be used for very serious issues critical to your child’s success in school.

Your Attitude Toward Your Child’s Education Can Impact Your Child Custody Order

If you’re thinking about divorce or considering getting a child custody order, or one is already in place, you must think about your child’s education and your role in it. One way to show you should keep or be given shared or sole legal custody is to be actively engaged in your child’s education. Communicate with the teacher, attend meetings, and actively address problems as they come up. If you’re not interested in your child’s schooling and are indifferent to their success, it can be used against you by the other parent. They might argue that you having legal custody of your child is not in the child’s best interest so it shouldn’t be granted or it should be taken away.

Get the Help You Need From an Attorney You Can Trust

If you have questions about child custody or need help enforcing or changing a custody order, call our office at (215) 608-1867 or book a consultation online now. We can speak over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in one of our offices in Doylestown or Langhorne.

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How Will Your Divorce Impact Owning a Business?

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If you own a business, or your spouse does, and you plan on divorcing, it is potentially a big issue that must be addressed.

Marital property is usually divided during a divorce. That can be done through an agreement by the spouses or a judge’s order if no agreement is reached. That marital property can include ownership in a business. 

Every divorce and business is unique and how it’s handled in your case can vary depending on your circumstances.   

Karen Ann Ulmer represents clients who are ending their marriages. Her divorce practice can help you whether you, your spouse, or the two of you own a business. Dealing with this issue can be very stressful and emotional, but it doesn’t have to be that way. If you have any questions, call us at (215)608-1867.

Issues Outside Divorce Law May Determine What Happens to the Business Ownership

Different agreements can impact the division of business ownership in a divorce:

  • Ownership: If it’s a small business with more than one owner, there should be an agreement between them. It should clearly spell out what happens to the divorcing partner’s share. It could state that their share needs to be sold to the other partner(s) at a given price or the price may be calculated based on the company’s value or some other calculation.
  • Partnership agreements: If there was a partnership agreement in place before the marriage, it may have required that a prenuptial agreement be signed specifically stating how the non-ownership spouse will be compensated (or not) should the marriage end in divorce.  
  • Pre or post-nuptial agreements: Before or during the marriage, a couple may have agreed on financial matters if they get divorced. How business ownership would be handled may be part of that agreement.  

If you and your spouse both own a business, you need to decide if you want one or both of you to sell your interests. If the divorce is amicable and you both feel you can work together, you can both keep your interests and see if you can work it out. However, the details of this arrangement, including what happens should a spouse want to cash out, should be clearly spelled out. It is important to remember that you are divorcing for specific reasons and working together may be very difficult. We recommend giving this a trial run with very detailed scenarios detailed in agreements to protect the business and both spouses in the future.  

How Should the Business Ownership Be Divided?

Marital assets (generally what the couple obtained during their marriage) are supposed to be split equitably or fairly under state statute 23 Pa.C.S. § 3502(a). If one spouse has an ownership interest in a business, it could be split with the other based on the following factors:

  • The length of the marriage
  • The age, health, income, vocational skills, employability, estates, liabilities, and needs of each party
  • The contribution by one party to the education, training, or increased earning power of the other
  • The opportunity for each party to acquire capital assets and income in the future
  • The income sources of both parties, including insurance or other benefits
  • The contribution or lessening by each party of the acquisition, preservation, depreciation, or appreciation of the marital property, including the contribution of a party as a homemaker
  • The value of property set apart to each party
  • The parties’ standard of living established during the marriage
  • Each party’s economic circumstances when the property will be divided
  • How taxes and costs impact the property division
  • Whether the party will be the custodian of any dependent minor children

Either through an agreement or court order, it would be decided if the business ownership is marital property to be divided, and if so, by how much and how that would be accomplished.

How Might This Play Out?

A common outcome is the value of the ownership would be determined and the party owning it would pay the other spouse for their share. That payment could be in cash or as part of a larger asset agreement. If the husband owns the business and must pay his wife $100,000 for her share of ownership, he could give up claims to $100,000 worth of other assets (cash, investments, share of the house, vehicles) which would go to the wife to satisfy what’s owed.  

It is also common for this amount to be paid out over time so the business can remain solvent. However, we recommend putting safeguards in place in case the business is sold or starts to encounter financial trouble. Both the paying and receiving spouse need to be protected.  

Get the Help You Need From an Attorney You Can Trust

Whether you, your spouse, or the two of you together own a business and want to learn more about how a divorce may impact you, call our office at (215) 608-1867 or book a consultation online now. We can speak over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in one of our offices in Doylestown or Langhorne.

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Estate Issues – Joint Accounts

What if you had a joint account with a decedent? How the account will be treated depends on a number of factors. First, when was the account made joint? Pennsylvania requires that a joint account have been created at least a year before the death of one of the owners for it to be treated as a joint account. If meeting this one year requirement, only half of the account is potentially subject to inheritance tax. If the account was made joint within a year of death, the entire account is subject to tax. Second, what was your relationship with the decedent? If you were their spouse, the account would not be taxed at all since there is no inheritance tax for assets passing to a spouse.

If you have a different degree of kinship or no relationship at all, the decedent’s half is subject to inheritance tax and the account should be reported as a joint asset on the inheritance tax return for the decedent’s estate. Third, how was the account titled? If the account was titled as joint tenants with rights of survivorship then the balance of the account automatically goes to the surviving owner. This just means that the account does not need to go through probate. Again, depending on the relationship between the co-owners, the half of the account belonging to the decedent may still be subject to applicable inheritance tax. It is important to consider all of these scenarios if you intend to make joint titling of accounts a part of your estate plan.

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