College Scholarships and Divorce – Who Has to Pay?

We wrote a recent blog about children’s student loans and divorce. But what about children’s scholarships? How are those handled?  

Unlike other states, parents in PA do not have a financial obligation to pay college tuition.  However, to reduce conflict, you may want to negotiate tuition payments as part of your divorce process.  The effect of scholarships on college costs should be part of the negotiations before settlement. A “motion to modify” can be filed afterwards, but this can be a difficult and time-consuming process, so it is best if all contingencies are considered before the divorce is settled. Here we will consider several possible scenarios.

GI Bill

A parent who has been in the military is able to transfer his or her Post 9/11 GI Bill benefits to a spouse or child, under certain circumstances. If the military person is the father, for instance, he may negotiate that this will cover his portion of college expenses for several children, or perhaps decrease child support payments. But since the transfer can be revoked at any time while he is still on active duty, a settlement or final judgment must either prohibit the revoking of the transfer or provide for compensation in the way of payment, alimony, or another benefit of equal or greater value.

Parent works for a university

Universitites often offer significant tuition discounts to their employees’ children. This should also be part of the settlement. Contingencies must also be included in case the parent leaves the university, changes universities, or the child does not wish to attend that university where their parent works. In these cases, what is each parent’s responsibility? And will the discount reduce just that parent’s educational responsibilities, or will the benefits be spread between the two parents? These and other questions need to be considered and answered in the settlement.

Other scholarships

Additional scholarships are available as well, including many scholarships for the children of divorced parents. The divorcing couple needs to decide how this will impact the final amount each one is responsible for. If one parent works diligently with the child to find as many scholarships as possible and the other parent does nothing, do the scholarships benefit just the parent who worked so hard or do they reduce the responsibility of both parents?

There are no set laws regarding division of the benefits of scholarships, therefore this needs to be carefully reviewed and defined in the divorce settlement. We at Ulmer Law have extensive experience helping parents navigate all the intricate details involved in creating a settlement that provides for their children as best they can while covering their own assets. Contact us for a consultation.


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If Your Spouse Won’t Agree to a Divorce in Pennsylvania

Pennsylvania is unusual among states in that it still has both no-fault and fault divorce options on the books. The many issues regarding divorce in PA are defined in Pennsylvania Statutes Title 23 Pa.C.S.A. Domestic Relations, Part IV.

Uncontested Divorce

There are two no-fault, or uncontested, options: Mutual Consent and Irretrievable Breakdown.

Mutual Consent: In Mutual Consent Divorce, both spouses file affidavits requesting a divorce. There is a 90-day minimum waiting period, and then if they still both agree, the divorce can be finalized.

Irretrievable Breakdown: When a marriage has severely deteriorated, under the “irretrievably broken” grounds for divorce, spouses must live “separate and apart for a period of at least one year.” After separation, only one party needs to file an affidavit, indicating the date at which the separation began and that the marriage is “irretrievably broken.” The affidavit must be filed in court and served to the spouse, who has 40 days to contest or to argue for economic relief. If the served spouse does not respond in time, the divorce can be finalized by only one party.

Contested Divorce

Pennsylvania Law cannot force a spouse to sign divorce papers. If a spouse contests the divorce or denies separation, then the other spouse may be forced to file a “fault” divorce. The grounds under which such a claim can be made in Pennsylvania are defined in 23 Pa.C.S. § 3301(a) and (b):

1.       Willful and malicious desertion

2.       Adultery

3.       Cruel and barbarous treatment, endangering life or health of injured and innocent spouse

4.       Bigamy

5.       Imprisonment for more than 2 years

6.       Intolerable and burdensome indignities to spouse

7.       Institutionalization in a mental institution at least 18 months prior to and

expected subsequent to filing

If your spouse will not leave the family home and thus initiate the separation, under 23 Pa.C.S. § 3502(c)  you can file for exclusive possession of the family home.

Talk to a trusted advisor who is an expert in divorce and family law to help determine what steps you need to take. We help people every day to get through this difficult process and start fresh. Call us for a consultation.


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Shared Accounts and your Divorce

Digital technology has advanced at such a rapid pace and has permeated so many aspects of our lives that you don’t realize how many ways you’re dependent on it until you have to separate your digital world from the partner with whom you’ve shared it.

Chances are, you’ve disclosed much or all of your personal information to your spouse, and you two have many shared accounts. You need to do several things, ASAP.

  • Change the passwords on your personal accounts, and choose more unusual identifying questions. Your spouse probably knows your mother’s maiden name or the street you grew up on. Destroy any password lists you may have made, whether on your computer or on paper.
  • On accounts that you share but can easily be divided, create your own separate accounts or remove your spouse’s ability to access them.
  • On accounts that you may need to continue to share, set up separate access information. List shared accounts that primarily belong to your spouse or that may have monetary value and give it your attorney. If your spouse locks you out and you feel you should have access, your attorney will have the necessary information.
  • Transfer your own sensitive data from your home computer and shared gadgets, then permanently delete it. You may need to wipe those files from the machine. If you must continue to use that machine, create your own personal username and keep the password secret.
  • Secure your gadgets and those of your children, if you have custody. Remember, whatever your children have access to, your spouse may also have access to, especially when they are visiting. Make sure there are no spy apps or keyloggers on your gadgets, and turn off the “Find My Friends” tracking system. You can also back up all of your information on your gadget and do a full factory reset.  
  • If you’re connected with your ex on any of your social media accounts and you don’t want him or her to see your accounts anymore, make sure you block him or her.

Here is a partial list of the kinds of digital shared accounts you may need to consider:

 

  • Financial accounts, such as bank, credit card, investment, taxes, and retirement accounts (You may need to talk to an attorney about how to handle these.)
  • Insurance accounts (home, car, life, medical)
  • Access to your children’s schools’ parent portals or student portals
  • Medical records
  • Online storage, such as iCloud, Google docs, iTunes, photo storage, computer backup accounts
  • Online rewards, such as frequent flyer miles or credit card points Online entertainment services, such as Netflix, Hulu, ebooks on Kindle, etc.
  • Family email and social media accounts
  • Shared household accounts, such as phone service, amazon account, food delivery service, and any other services with whom you’ve contracted
  • Google calendar
  • Virtual property

Again, this is only a partial list. We try to go over the most common shared accounts with our clients and encourage quick action, but look closely at your digital activity and try to find all the ways you use digital space. Take action on those joint accounts that are clearly yours, and talk to us about the best way to handle the rest.


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Why Pro Se Divorce Is a Bad Idea for Most People

“Pro se” is Latin meaning “for oneself.” In divorce, it means not retaining legal counsel for any step of the divorce process: filing the paperwork to serve the other spouse divorce papers; negotiating a settlement of all assets, financial support, and custody; and finally, filing the final papers in court, including the Marital Settlement Agreement.

Pro se can be tempting, especially when a divorce is uncontested and seems amicable. It saves a lot of money in attorney fees. However, in the long run, it may cost you. There are many important reasons to retain counsel from an experienced divorce lawyer from the onset.

The most important reason is simply that the law is extensive, confusing, and time-consuming. Lawyers spend many years learning and developing experience so they can navigate the courts, the paperwork, the arguments, the research, and the proper legal terminology to provide you with the very best outcome for you and your children. You don’t know many of the loopholes and exceptions that could work against you, or the additional opportunities that might work in your favor.  Not knowing these things could cost you a bundle.

Additionally, a divorce may start out amicably, but emotions often run high and disagreements emerge when trying to reach settlement. Then the process ceases to be so agreeable. Often, if one partner has a stronger personality than the other, he or she can pressure or bully the other person into giving more than is actually fair. Having legal counsel makes this less likely to occur. And if one spouse suddenly decides to bring in a lawyer after the process has begun, the other ought to do so as well.

Other important reasons to retain legal counsel:

  • There is a significant disparity of income (e.g., one spouse is a homemaker)
  • One spouse has retirement plans that the other spouse would like to share
  • Issues of fraud, abuse, addiction, or narcissism are involved or are suspected
  • Children are involved

Divorce is a difficult process by its very nature. It’s our job to try to make it as easy as possible for you. Talk to us to see how we can help you navigate the divorce process with minimal stress on you and with maximum results.


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Do We Need a QDRO?

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If your spouse has a retirement plan or pension and you are entitled to share in the distributions, you absolutely need a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). In fact, a plan’s administrator is not permitted to distribute funds to anyone but the participant without a QDRO.

A Domestic Relations Order (DRO) is an order or judgment issued by a court directing or approving the distribution of all or part of a participant’s retirement plan to another payee. This payee can be an ex-spouse or a dependent. According to the IRS, an adult payee would also be required to cover part of the cost of the plan, while a minor would not. (The calculation is here.)

An order is considered “qualified” only after it has been approved by the plan’s administrator–i.e., it fulfills the particular plan’s criteria and procedures. A DRO judgment is generally submitted directly to the plan to be officially qualified. Distributions to the payee are made tax-free and penalty-free, even if the participant is below the age of distribution, so that the participant is not disadvantaged by the roll-over or distribution.

The language of a QDRO is very specific, so it’s best to work with an experienced lawyer and/or actuary to draw it up. The need for a QDRO can be avoided, even if your spouse (or you) have retirement or pension plans, through the negotiation process. Some other asset or assets can be accepted by a spouse in exchange for any portion of the retirement account, for instance, maintaining full ownership of the family home rather than selling and splitting the profit. If you can come to an out-of-court property settlement that stipulates how much, if any, of the pension or retirement account will be split, you can avoid the judge dividing your retirement accounts for you, as he or she sees fit. If at all possible, come to an equitable agreement before the end of the divorce process in order to retain a degree of control.

The QDRO process can take time, so don’t wait. Ideally, it should be completed in time to submit along with the rest of the divorce settlement. If you begin the process late, or even after the divorce, and your spouse remarries or dies, you may not get any benefits.

Government and military pensions follow different laws and are not covered by the QDRO laws. They are more difficult to split than plans from private employers, in which case, it is even more imperative to get the help of a divorce law expert.


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Student Loans and Your Divorce

Given the high cost of higher education, student loans carried by either or both spouses can weigh heavily on financial decisions and life choices. Often it can delay the purchase of a house or starting a family. This can cause a great deal of stress. It’s not surprising that 13% of divorced people say student loans were the major cause of their divorce.

But who pays the loans after you split? There’s no easy answer to this question. You might think that the spouse who got the loan pays for the loan, but there are many factors.

  • Was the loan incurred before or after marriage?  Here in Pennsylvania, loans acquired during a marriage will be considered marital property.
  • Did the other spouse supply support, such as delaying education, taking over additional responsibilities, or taking another job while the incurring spouse was in school?
  • Did the supporting spouse help pay down the debt already?
  • Was a degree earned?
  • How long were you married after the degree?
  • Did the degree lead to a lucrative career from which both parties benefited?
  • How well can the other spouse support himself or herself without the incurring spouse’s income?

The determination of whether the loans are considered separate property or marital property is the most fundamental factor, before other considerations are made. In a community property state, marital property, including debt, is split 50/50. In an equitable distribution state, the factors listed have much more weight when determining the distribution of the debt.

If the loan was incurred before marriage, it is considered separate property – generally. But if the degree was subsequently incurred once married and both spouses benefited from the degree, the loan may be considered to have been incurred in order to attain marital property, and therefore it will be considered marital debt. If a degree was not earned or no benefit came from the degree, it would likely remain separate property. The spouse who incurred the debt would be solely responsible for it.

In some situations, the support provided by the other spouse may actually be considered a loan in kind, which could offset the supporting spouse’s portion of the incurring spouse’s loan debt.  It is important to note, when we work with you on equitable distribution of assets and debts, the loan may still fall primarily on the party who attended school.

The best approach when dealing with these muddy waters is to enlist the help of a lawyer with expertise in the area of student loan debt. The lawyer will be able to give you the likely scenarios for your particular situation and come up with a presentation of facts that will best benefit you. Talk to us to see what we can do for you.

 


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Can Any Part of a Divorce Decree Be Reversed?

A divorce decree is a court order that is final and legally binding on both parties. Besides declaring the marriage legally over, it decides division of property, custody, and support.

Reversing any part of the decision requires an appeal to a higher court here in Bucks and Montgomery Counties. In the case of both parties reconciling and wanting to reverse their divorce entirely, several states will allow reversal, if within a certain timeframe; but for most states, even when the request is mutual, the divorce decree cannot be reversed.

Appealing aspects of the ruling

You can appeal certain decisions of the court, such as support and alimony, child custody, and division of property. However, it cannot be on the basis that you think the judgment is “unfair.” There must be compelling legal reasons.

Choose a lawyer who is experienced in appealing family law cases. Not all lawyers have this experience. Sit down with your lawyer and discuss your options. Legal errors or evidentiary errors are the most successful bases when appealing a ruling. Your lawyer should comb the decision for any errors that might have occurred and explain to you the errors and the standard of review that applies.

Factual errors have to be significant and very well documented to bring about a successful appeal. Division of property is rarely overturned unless clear evidence of fraud or hiding of assets is uncovered.

Modification of the ruling

Life situations change. Sometimes they change so much that the conditions of the divorce should be adjusted, at which point you would file a “motion to modify,” generally in the same court where the original decree was handed down.

Modification of child support:  Major changes in the financial position of the parent or the needs of the child could justify a modification. Examples include the parent getting laid off or the child incurring extensive medical bills.

Modification of spousal support: Spousal support can be modified with regard to the amount or duration of support when there have been significant changes in circumstances for either former spouse. One cannot demand more money simply because the paying spouse has suddenly hit the lottery.  In rare cases an alimony agreement is non-modifiable.

Modification of child custody: A modification can be ordered if the judge determines it is in the best interests of the child. Situations might include the custodial parent’s arrest, strong concerns about neglect or abuse, or a deterioration of living conditions.

Appeals and motions to modify can be legally complicated and emotionally draining. We are experienced in these areas and can guide you through them. Contact us today so we can discuss how we can help you.


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Divorcing a Narcissist: What to Expect, What to Do

Not every jerk is a narcissist. A true narcissist has low empathy, assumes superiority, craves power and control, and wants to win at all costs. Men outnumber women 2:1 in true narcissism, so for ease of reading, I will assume the husband is the narcissist. But this advice is equally important for a husband dealing with a narcissistic wife.

What to expect in your divorce

In short, expect it to be long, hard, and ugly. This probably won’t surprise you, considering what you lived with.

Your narcissist will try to drag it out as long as possible, filing motions, not showing up, missing deadlines. He will refuse to settle and refuse to negotiate. He wants to be in control, wants to win, and wants to see you lose. It doesn’t matter how much it costs him, and if it costs you, too, that’s a win for him and a loss for you.

He will paint you black, even if he has to lie about it. He has little or no concept of the emotional harm he’s doing, even to his children. He thinks he’s right, thinks he’s superior, and probably thinks he’s the victim and everyone should feel sorry for him. And narcissists can be charming (which is probably how he fooled you in the first place) and will, at least at first, probably fool the judge.

If there are children involved, this behavior will sadly overflow into his relationship with them. He will not share his schedule, will make commitments for them without telling you that will cause you inconvenience or embarrassment, and will probably talk badly about you to them and their friends.

What you can do to survive and “win”

First, you need to stay emotionally healthy through this. Seek the emotional support you need. You may already be experiencing the effects of living with such a spouse for so long. You will probably benefit from a therapist experienced in dealing with these kinds of situations. Your children might also need someone to talk to. Strengthen your circle of friends and family who see your spouse clearly and support you emotionally.

Second, find a good lawyer who clearly understands these situations and how to counter the tactics of a narcissist. Any old lawyer won’t do. You need experienced help.

Record everything! Your lawyer will advise you as to the kinds of records you need to carefully keep, but start chronicling your conversations and interactions with your spouse as well as your day-to-day activities. You will need them when he makes wild accusations against you.

Stay calm and take the high road. Though you’re likely to fall into his trap once or twice and lose your cool, each time you explode in anger or tears, you play into the scenario he’s painted of you. Your pain won’t be able to be hidden, and that’s good and appropriate. But remain honest and calm in your court dealings.  Your narcissistic spouse is not rational and will not listen to rational arguments, so speak only to your lawyer or the judge about the false accusations.

This also applies to your interactions with your children. You may have to correct any false things your spouse or ex-spouse says about you, but avoid accusations or negative talk about their other parent. It may take time, but eventually they will see through the lies.

Even if your spouse is not a full-blown narcissist, some of these problems may arise and the advice remains. Take the high road, develop emotional strength, record everything, and get a good lawyer.

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Starting a Divorce

The first step in pursuing a divorce is to have a Complaint filed with your local court. The Complaint would include the grounds under which you are seeking divorce as well as any other types of relief requested. For example, your complaint may also include counts for equitable distribution if there is marital property, custody if there are minor children involved, and support for minor children or between spouses. There is a filing fee due at the time the complaint is filed. The amount of the filing fee varies by county. Once a divorce complaint the court will assign a case number. This case number is to be used on all future filings regarding the case.

After filing a complaint, the next step is service. Pennsylvania Rule of Civil Procedure 1930.4 discusses acceptable methods of service for all domestic relations matters. The opposing party also has the option to sign an Acceptance of Service form. This is a viable option if the divorce is amicable. The complaint can be served by personal service. If the complaint is being served personally, the person effectuating service should complete an affidavit of service indicating when and where the opposing party was served. Personal service can be carried out by any adult that is not a party to the action. The Sheriff can be contacted to effectuate personal service for a fee. There are also numerous private companies that will effectuate service for a fee. Finally, a complaint may be served via mail; specifically, certified mail, return receipt requested, restricted delivery. Service in a divorce matter must be accomplished within 30 days of when the complaint was filed where the Defendant is within the Commonwealth.

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How to Help Your Divorce Lawyer Help You

Our goal is to help your divorce proceed with the least amount of stress and difficulty. We know our business, but regarding your particular case, we only know what you tell us. There are things you can do to help everything run smoothly.

So, how can you make your divorce easy?  

First: We need to know your goals as well as certain personal information. What are you hoping to gain from the divorce? Full custody? Child support? Spousal Support? The business? Certain property items? A clear wishlist at the beginning will help us strategize.

Do you or your spouse have any medical issues, either mental or physical? Are you both U.S. citizens, or could divorce affect legal status in the country? Do you have any pre- or post-nuptial agreements or any lawsuits pending? These details and issues might affect settlement.

Second: Timeliness is crucial. Please be sure to provide us with the necessary documents or answers to questions we may ask as quickly as possible so that we can keep your case moving forward.  Sometimes our schedule will be set to keep your process moving forward while other times the courts have a set calendar we must follow.

Third: Keep in touch. There will be periods of lull in the proceedings; we will reach out to you to keep you informed or request further information, but check in regularly if you would like a real-time update.

Fourth: Provide documentation. We will provide a list of documents that we need from you, but if you come to your first appointment equipped with some documentation, things may go much more smoothly. Here is a summary of the kinds of items we will need:

 

  • Statements from banks and other financial institutions
  • Tax returns and supporting documents
  • Bills, loans, mortgages
  • Insurance policies
  • Wills or living wills
  • Titles on property owned
  • Financial information about any businesses owned
  • List of property owned singly or jointly, including jewelry, furniture, and other items, with listed value
  • Any correspondence you think is pertinent: letters, emails, texts, or social media posts

In summary, help us help you by providing documents or answers that we need, meeting deadlines, and keeping in touch.

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