Reconciliation

Pennsylvania allows a no-fault divorce on the basis of one year separation period. Separation is defined in Section 3103 of the Divorce Code as follows: “Cessation of cohabitation, whether living in the same residence or not. In the event a complaint in divorce is filed and served, it shall be presumed that the parties commenced to live separate and apart not later than the date that the complaint was served.” Cohabitation, though not specifically defined in the divorce code, is generally understood to be living and dwelling together as husband and wife with the mutual assumption of all marital rights, duties and obligations. It requires more than just remaining in the same house overnight or for the weekend or taking a week-long trip together. Any reconciliation between parties can negate a prior separation period. Specifically, if a party is pursuing a divorce on the grounds of separation, a reconciliation may result in a new date of separation date and hence a new one-year waiting period.

Case law has distinguished what actions/behavior will be considered a successful reconciliation, hence tolling a new period of separation, versus those actions/behavior that will not change the initial separation date. For example, isolated instances of sexual relations during a separation will not alone establish a reconciliation. Additionally, residing in the same home does not alone establish reconciliation. The court would examine the facts in each case and evaluate whether or not there was a full-blown resumption of the marital relationship. In Britton v. Britton, 400 Pa. Super. 43 (1990) a reconciliation was recognized when the reconciliation lasted three months, the parties resumed living together, ceased to maintain separate residences, jointly purchased a townhome, shared the same bedroom, engaged in sexual relations, shared a joint bank account and had a social life as husband and wife.

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Separation for Divorce

Separation is one of the no-fault grounds for divorce in Pennsylvania. A no-fault divorce simply means there has been an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. Grounds for a divorce can be established if a one year separation period is established. One party would need to file an affidavit of separation setting forth the separation date. This affidavit is to be served on the other party along with a counter-affidavit. If no objection is made by the other party the date of separation as stated in the initial affidavit is accepted.

Separation does not mean the parties have to actually live separately from another. Many parties still reside in the same home but are considered to be “separate” based on the definition provided by the Divorce Code. Section 3103 of the Divorce Code defines “Separate and apart” as follows: Cessation of cohabitation, whether living in the same residence or not. In the event a complaint in divorce is filed and served, it shall be presumed that the parties commenced to live separate and apart not later than the date that the complaint was served.” Accordingly, the date the divorce complaint is filed will be accepted as the latest date of separation regardless of whether the parties continue to live together or not. However, the date of separation can be an even earlier date such as the date one party moves out of the marital home. Alternatively, even if the parties continue to reside together, a date of separation can be established when one party makes it clear to the other party that the marriage is over by stating so clearly or preferably putting it in writing. Be sure that the other party is keenly aware of your intended separation, especially if you will continue to reside together and/or hold off on filing for divorce.

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How to Change Your Custody Agreement/Parenting Time

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If you have children and are getting divorced, you will negotiate a parenting time schedule, typically called a custody agreement. This dictates the amount of time that each child will spend with each parent. It can include overnights, holidays, and special arrangements like pick-ups and birthdays. If you are divorcing with younger children, your schedule will more than likely need to be adjusted in the future to accommodate different schedules.  If you have already been divorced for a few years, you may be concerned that your custody agreement is no longer working. After all, your schedule, as well as the activity schedules of your children, have probably changed over time.  


First, as you move through your year, you may find that certain dates in the schedule need to be adjusted.  For instance, you may need to attend a work event or a wedding on a weekend when you are scheduled to have your children.  If your ex is agreeable, a simple email, phone call or text can handle these one-time changes. Sometimes, in contentious post-divorce relationships, parents feel they need to get an attorney involved in every single change.  This can ensure that there is a formal agreement to the change, but is usually not necessary.  


For more substantial changes to your custody agreement, you will want to make sure that the new plan is fair and, most importantly, includes a consultation and/or review with an attorney.  For instance, if you are taking on more nights with your children, you may be entitled to additional child support.  With more permanent changes, you should file with the court.  A handshake (or email) agreement is not enforceable all the time.  


If you have a more serious circumstance to consider, it is essential that you have legal guidance through the process.  If your ex does not show up for scheduled time and your children are continually disappointed, homework is not completed when the children are in your ex’s care, your ex suffers from alcoholism or drug abuse or is incarcerated, then the circumstances may be extreme and legal guidance is imperative.


Lastly, you may want to change your custody agreement but your ex may be opposed to doing so.  You may be changing jobs or moving or you may realize that your child’s new schedule needs to be accommodated in a different way.  If you and your ex do not get along, then you might need lawyers, or even the court, to handle the change.  If both parties do not agree…this will need to be negotiated.  You must be able to demonstrate that it is in the best interest of the child to amend the parenting time agreement.  


Regardless of the changes you need to make, your parenting time schedule can usually be adjusted.  It is critical to find a lawyer who is experienced in Bucks and/or Montgomery County who can walk you through child custody issues and any other changes that should be considered.  

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Dealing with Emotions of Your Divorce

When you move through your divorce you may feel as if your entire life is being turned upside down.  This upheaval can lead to emotional fallout that appears overwhelming to handle.  If you do not want to get divorced this can be even harder to comprehend and start to manage.  When we work with clients, we help them move through the process and build a stronger life for themselves so they can easily walk into their post divorce life.   Putting the right supports in place for yourself will greatly help you manage all of the pieces and stress.


Get honest with yourself about what is happening.  Many individuals, even those who actually want their divorce, have problems accepting the reality of what is going on with their lives.  Usually this happens when one partner moves out, the kids start visiting their new homes, or a joint account is closed. It is very important that, at each and every step, you keep moving forward.  

 

Getting organized will help you feel as if you are in control of the process.  There is a lot of information to organize as you move through your final judgement for divorce and into your post-divorce life.  Clients who are organized have the best chance of staying ahead of the stress. Files or a binder can help as you start to collect documentation related to financials, housing, and even a list of important phone numbers to remember.

 

Putting a support system in place is an important next step.  When we partner with you and help you get divorced, we take care of each legal issue for you.  When you have experienced representation your stress level will be lower and feelings of being overwhelmed will lessen.  However, you will still need help sorting out and managing the myriad of emotions you may feel.  Explore the idea of seeing a counselor and also find a few close confidants – ideally those who have gone through a divorce, to help you when you need support.

 

Trust the process:  So many people start the divorce process scared they are going to wind up broke at the end of the process and with significantly less time seeing their children.  

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After Your Divorce, Make These Changes Immediately

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The process of getting divorced can be hard to move through.  When you are finally divorced you will probably want a break from making decisions and taking care of legal matters.  However, it is crucial to immediately update a few important areas of your life including your will, life insurance beneficiaries, and other estate planning documents.  

Your divorce agreement may include some estate planning language as it pertains to your children, including how life insurance beneficiaries must be maintained.  It is critical to not only follow these agreements, but to ensure that the other pieces of your estate are changed so your ex-spouse is removed and can no longer control your life or handle any of your affairs should something happen to you.  

Your Will

If your last will includes your former spouse, then you will need to update that information so your final arrangements, distribution of personal items, and your financial matters are handled according to your wishes.  Remove your former spouse as your executor and ensure that they are no longer the recipient of any of your personal property.  Additionally, should anything happen to you or your ex-spouse, you should name a guardian for your children.  

Beneficiaries on Financial Accounts


Beneficiaries on your life insurance policies as well as investment and bank accounts need to be changed according to the policies and procedures established by each institution.  Clearly stating your wishes in your will that you want your children to inherit your money is not enough.  Each company is going to have a different form that needs to be correctly filled out to properly change your beneficiaries.  If it is not done correctly the previous beneficiary stands, and your ex-spouse may wind up with a significant amount of money.  Click here to read more about changing your life insurance policies.

Other Estate Planning Docs

 

Power of Attorney documents should be updated.  In the event that you are rendered incapacitated, you want a trusted relative or friend to have the authority to make decisions for you.  This includes matters related to your health as well as your financial matters.  

When we work with clients we always work through these issues to ensure that your best interests are protected through your divorce and into your new adult life.  Taking the time to ensure your will is properly updated after your divorce will give you peace of mind as you will know your final wishes are clearly stated.  

Additional Resources: https://www.reviews.com/life-insurance/

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When You Get Divorced…Actually Get Divorced

Many couples who have financial problems feel like they should still co-own assets after divorce. Maybe you are upside down on the mortgage on your home and you would lose money selling it.  Perhaps you have debt you still want to co-own or can not split for some reason.  Perhaps one of you wants out of the house but there is not enough cash to be bought out.

 

The problem with co-owning anything after your divorce is that you will no longer be married and co-ownership without that legal protection of marriage can be scary.  A good divorce attorney can help you brainstorm ways to ensure that your assets and debts are split in such a way that you each take your fair share and, most importantly, become financially independent of one another.  

 

You can learn a few things from this story:  A couple divorced after 15 years of marriage.  Upon the divorce they continued to co-own the marital home, an investment property, and a HELOC against the marital home.  With this much joint ownership after a divorce, there were bound to be problems.  


  1. They maintained the marital home and nested their children.  Each parent moved in and out according to their parenting agreement. They did this for the emotional security of their children.  However they didn’t have money to maintain the house and it fell into disrepair over the years, to the point that it could not be sold for market value.  


Lesson learned:  While nesting may seem like a great idea, it requires substantial financial resources to maintain the home for the children, particularly when neither of you are really still invested in the home.  Additionally each parent also needs a place to live when they are not with the children so you need the cash to maintain three homes.  


  1. The investment property was the primary responsibility of the ex-husband and after some time he tired of it.  He decided to sell it, forgetting it was in joint ownership.  Additionally he sold it “short sale” forgetting that the down payment was in the Heloc against the marital home.  Once it was sold he had a legal quagmire on his hands in violation of the divorce agreement and now there was no asset and yet a substantial debt to pay.  


Lesson learned:  After your divorce it is best not to jointly own any investment or debt. As former partners, it can be hard to reach an agreement on what should be done and one partner may feel they have more right to control or make decisions.  


3)  The ex-husband unexpectedly died. The HELOC was only in his name and his estate immediately went bankrupt.  Typically, debts are forgiven but since the house was securing the HELOC, the ex-wife had to start making the monthly payments or face a lien.  Furthermore, because the HELOC account was only in the ex-husband’s name, the ex-wife had no access to the account and the bank would not discuss any particulars of the loan with her.


Lesson learned:  If there is joint debt coming out of your divorce it is best to split that debt in some way and move on independently.  If you must co-own anything, ensure that, in your divorce agreement, you mandate life insurance be maintained specifically for the repayment of debt.


Divorce is not easy and many times finances are a factor in your reason to split. There is always a way around a difficult situation and we can help you creatively solve your financial issues so you can independently walk into your post divorce life.

 

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Discussing Your Home During Divorce

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If you are overwhelmed with the divorce process it is important to take a step back and get organized.  One of the most overwhelming aspects of divorce is related to getting your financial documents gathered and assessed.  For our clients in Bucks and Montgomery Counties here in PA, we know how stressful this can be, especially when it comes to your home.

 

What will happen to your home when you get divorced?  For most couples the marital home is one of the largest assets in their financial portfolio.  Typically there is a mortgage attached to the home and equity that needs to be evaluated.  One party may want to keep the home, but doing so can cause financial issues.


The best way to answer the question of “What should we do with the house in our divorce?” is to first take a look at the following:  


  1. The most recent appraisal of the marital home or fair market value. This is an important first step in determining what the house is worth in today’s market.  We recommend checking out comparable homes in your area that are on the market and that have recently sold.  Additionally, you will want to talk to a local realtor for current market conditions and determine if it is a seller’s market.    


  1. Your current mortgage statement and home equity line of credit statements.  With the appraisal and the debt owed, we can determine the equity you have in your house and come up with a plan to divide that equity or have one spouse buy the other out of the house.  If you have a home equity line of credit that will reduce your overall equity in the house and, when sold, will be paid off first from any proceeds.  


  1. Detailed information on who owned the home at the time of marriage.  If one spouse owned the home before you were married, then their initial investment of a down payment and some appreciation may not be subject to distribution. We can only divide appreciation that was earned during the course of the marriage.  Additionally, if one of you owned the house and the other paid for improvements or paid down the mortgage, then those factors would also need to be discussed.


  2. Copy of the deed.  It is very important to have a clear picture of who has legal rights to your home.  One or both of you may be on the deed and the distinction is important for many reasons we can discuss.  Additionally, if one of you wants to buy the other out of the house then the deed may need to be changed.  


When we work with clients like you we explain each step of the process and look for every opportunity to ease your stress.  Your current housing situation and how you want to start your post-divorce life are guiding factors in our work as we negotiate on your behalf.  Getting all of your financial documents organized will make this easier for you to understand and also considerably reduce your legal bills.  

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September Newsletter

We love this time of year as the weather is enjoyable and more time can be spent outside.  We have had some glorious weather here in PA, even as the summer has come to a close.  With your very busy lives we want to provide you with some great information on saving money and having fun at this time of year!

 

Saving Money When Getting Divorced

Many couples fear the divorce process because they do not want to pay high legal fees.  Household budgets are already stretched and the thought of paying legal bills makes many feel they can not afford to get divorced.  In our new blog “Are You Too Broke To Get Divorced?” we discuss this issue and offer great tips to cut down on legal fees. /blog/2017/09/are-you-too-broke-to-get-divorced/


Fall for Single Parents

As a single parent you may feel as if there is just never enough time in a day to get everything done.  Being Mom or Dad while juggling schedules and your career can be overwhelming.  Sometimes you just want to spend a few stress-free and unscheduled minutes with your child and need a great idea. Here is a great list – over 100! – of activities to do with your kids: https://www.thespruce.com/absolutely-free-activities-for-kids-2997490

 

Student Loan Debt

Dividing assets and debts is a significant part of the financial negotiations of your divorce. Student loan debt, acquired during the marriage, is subject to distribution. However, rather than divide it equally, the court may choose that the spouse who earned the degree take more of the debt.  How you negotiate all debt in your divorce depends on your individual financial situation.

 


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Are You Too Broke to Get Divorced?

The financial implications of your divorce can be substantial and you may think you cannot afford to get divorced.  Friends and relatives may share war stories of losing a significant amount of their savings to their ex, paying unreasonable levels of child support and alimony, and paying exorbitant legal fees.  While the financial reality can be hard to face, staying in an unhealthy marriage can be harmful to you and your children. Being reasonable through the process can also reduce your legal fees and ease the impact of the process on your family.  

Why are you financially scared to get divorced?

  1. Legal fees – every client is always concerned about legal fees which is why we readily share ours so you understand costs and billing (www.ulmerlaw.com/Family-Law-Divorce/Affording-a-Divorce/).  Legal fees in your divorce do not have to be exorbitant.  

  2. Debt – if you have substantial debt from school loans, credit card debt, or a Home Equity Line of Credit (HELOC), you might be nervous about taking that debt on yourself.

  3. Two households – if money is an issue now, running two households on your current income can seem almost impossible.  A new job, promotion, or promise to stick to a strict budget can help.

So how can you afford to get divorced and keep your head above water?  It is possible to get divorced even with an abysmal financial picture.  If you are being asked for the divorce then it can seem overwhelming, if not impossible.  When we work with you, we will suggest many ideas to help you afford your legal bills and actually build a financial picture for your life.


  1. The number one thing you can do to save yourself money in your divorce is to be reasonable.  If you and your spouse are going to fight over every single issue and involve an attorney each time, then your bills are going to be substantial.  Divide your property, start to talk about your finances and kids and gather your financial paperwork all before visiting with a lawyer.  Do not fight to leave the other person destitute and do not threaten he/she will never see the children. This aggression will cause problems.  

  2. Leave the emotion out of your decisions and negotiations.   It is best to treat our work together as you would a business transaction, leaving all emotion out of it. Be aware that divorce involves your personal life and, especially when talking about your children, it is hard to separate out the emotion.  We can help you put support in place to ensure that your fear, anxiety and sorrow are also dealt with so you can get to the business of getting divorced as quickly as possible.  

  3. Stay out of court. “Having your day in court” may seem like a good idea as you want the judge (and everyone else) to hear how awful your spouse is or you just don’t want to agree in order to cause your soon-to-be ex significant pain.  The truth is that going to court in a divorce case is a long process that requires many steps which, in turn, means higher legal bills for preparation and appearances. And, don’t forget, the judge will then be making decisions for your family, possibly for the care of your children, and they will be legally binding.

Getting divorced is not easy for most aspects of your life – and your finances are certainly one of them.  Taking a realistic view of your current financial picture, talking with your spouse and agreeing to negotiate will all ease the burden on your wallet.  

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Your Teen and Your Divorce

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All children process divorce differently and your teen will be no different.  They may be relieved if you and your spouse were constantly fighting or unhappy that mom and dad are no longer together.  They may experience a variety of emotions that they are unsure how to handle.  

 

What should you watch out for when raising a teenager and navigating through your divorce?

Regardless of their feelings about your split, it will be important for you to keep a close eye out for the following:

  1. Don’t let them play off of mom and dad:  “Dad said I could do this,” “Mom said you should buy me new sneakers.”  “Mom said that she will pay half if you pay the other.”  Whatever the case may, be do not allow your child to tell you what the other parent is going to do.  Check in with each other.  

  2. Create stability for your children:  Children of all ages need to know their schedules, how things are changing, and that they have two homes with parents who love them.  If you are all going to move then make sure they understand how they will see the other parent, attend school, and see their friends.

  3. Watch carefully and put support around them:  Your children are going through a substantial transition and need many forms of support.  Make sure that their guidance counselors are aware of your divorce so they can talk with the children and recommend a therapist as necessary.

  4. Realize boys and girls are going to process your divorce differently.  If you have a teenage daughter and son make sure you address their concerns and realize that they may have completely different fears causing anxiety.

  5. Don’t badmouth your ex:  Your children have the right to be loved and supported by both parents throughout their childhood.  The divorce is going to be difficult enough, so make sure you do not say bad things about the other parent.

  6. Promote bonds with both parents:  continuing on from #5 – your teen needs both a mom and a dad so encourage him/her to enjoy their time with the other parent.

  7. Listen to complaints but be firm:  Your child may not like the fact that he/she needs to now move between two homes, live under two different sets of rules, and “go see mom who lives too far away from my friends.”  Listen to their frustrations, acknowledge their feelings, but be the adult as they adjust to their new normal.

  8. Help them manage their emotions:  Your teens are going to have to process a significant number of emotions including shock, anger, sadness and even embarrassment – and sometimes all at once.  Make sure they know you are available to listen.

  9. It isn’t their fault – so many children feel that their parents could have been happier if they had been a better child – maybe not gotten in so much trouble, earned better grades, or not have needed so much “stuff.”  If your marriage was going to last it could have survived all of that – and your child needs to hear that from you.

 

When a teen goes through a divorce, communication is the key.  They need to know they can come to you when problems arise but they are going to need to also understand that the parents are in charge.

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