File First or Negotiate First?

After coming to terms with a divorce, the next part of the process is the negotiation stage. You may find yourself preparing mentally by asking questions as you try to determine a proper course of action. One critical part of this process is the initial filing. If you’re wondering, “Should I file or negotiate first?” you’re not alone. This question looms over many divorcees as they anticipate how the process will play out. Considering the psychological and legal ramifications will help you understand the advantages of filing first. 

You’ve Reached an Agreement, Now What?

If you’ve reached an agreement with your spouse, congratulations. You’ve arrived at the first step of the divorce process: filing the divorce petition. So, should you file or negotiate first? There are myriad psychological benefits to consider. The planning stages provide you with a strong foundation to move forward with purpose. You may also experience an immediate surge of confidence when you file first. Taking this huge step in your divorce proceedings is liberating and can strengthen your resolve. 

The phrase, “strike while the iron’s hot,” rings true when considering the benefits of filing first. This decision is an important part of your strategy, allowing you to take matters into your own hands and proceed with fortitude and determination. In this case, your opponent is your spouse, and like a good game of chess, catching them off guard will only serve to your advantage. After all, you’ve already prepped with careful planning, making certain your financial and other legal concerns are in order. You’ve likely spoken with a qualified alimony attorney to help you understand the mediation process. Throughout your divorce proceedings, your attorney will help you properly negotiate to your benefit, giving you an even greater edge.

The next consideration for whether or not you should file first is thinking about the opportunity it will give you to fortify your assets. You and your partner’s shared assets must be legally separated, including all physical assets and joint personal finances. In this instance, seeking legal advice ahead of the filing will help you protect yourself and adequately set you up financially for life after divorce. 

Why You Should Consider Filing First

Now that you’ve pondered, “Should I file or negotiate first?” the decision depends on your unique situation. Preparing for this critical step by conferring with legal counsel will help you navigate the timing, present you with options, and prepare you for your next stage in life. When you take the step to file first, you’re making a power move. By taking control of the process before your spouse does, you may secure benefits that you might not gain otherwise.

Book a Consultation Today

A consultation with Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can help you protect your rights and determine an appropriate course of action if you’re questioning whether you should file or negotiate first. Our team of family practice attorneys serves Pennsylvania and New Jersey. We’re dedicated to providing solutions to our clients. Book your free consultation today, or contact us at (866) 349-4117.

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Grieving After Your Divorce

After going through a divorce, friends and family routinely ask if you’re “relieved” that the process is over. You might smile and nod, wanting to be agreeable. However, the truth for many people is that “divorce grief” is real and very present for a long time after the fact.

This is your reminder: it’s perfectly normal to feel emotions similar to mourning and loss after your divorce becomes final. 

Read on to learn more about healing from a divorce and how it may look for you.

Why You May Feel Grief After Divorce

Even though you may feel initial relief at ending a stressful marriage, sadness often turns into grief soon after signing the paperwork. First and foremost, understand that strong feelings are normal. After all, you’ve lost something in the divorce. 

Almost nobody marries with the expectation of divorcing years later. Some common feelings people contemplate at this time include:

  • Losing the hopes and dreams you had for your marriage together 
  • Recognizing your life with your spouse is forever altered
  • Being fearful of the future
  • Worrying about losing time with your children. 

During this period of divorce grief, some ex-spouses may even regret divorcing. All these feelings are normal and part of the process of moving on.

What Triggers “Divorce Grief?”

When you are grieving, a sudden swell of emotions can catch you off guard. You might walk past a restaurant you both loved in happier times and feel overwhelming sadness. You might see your spouse enjoying time with the children and feel a great sense of loss.

Even something as simple as sorting and keeping divorce papers can spark feelings of grief, so keep track of these triggers. Friends or family can support you as you meet tough situations and work through hard feelings.

How Long Does the Grief Last After a Divorce?

According to Psychology Today, the grieving process after your divorce lacks a specific timeline. Everyone reacts differently, from a few weeks of grieving to several months or years after the breakup. Being honest with yourself about your emotions is a key step in moving forward, so give yourself time to process all your emotions, including grief. 

One of the ways to move forward is creating new memories and experiences, whether it’s trying a new restaurant or volunteering your time at a new organization. Friends and family naturally will check on you and support you in the first few weeks after a divorce. Don’t let them drift away if you need more help processing your grief – ask for help and support for as long as you need it!

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., Supports You Legally and Emotionally in Your Divorce

It’s important to realize that your emotional recovery is important after the separation and divorce. It requires an adjustment on your part to move forward with your life. The stress of the divorce process needs time to work through and settle.

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can help legally during your divorce proceedings and chat with you about dealing with “divorce grief” constructively. Call us today for a confidential consultation at (866) 349-4461.

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Seeking Revenge Through the Divorce Process Can Be Costly

People go through a variety of big emotions during the divorce process. Although anger is a common emotion, it shouldn’t solely drive your reasons for seeking divorce.

Are you angrily filing for divorce right now to seek revenge? Read on to learn why that approach may end up being costly for you.

Harming Your Chance of a Fair Financial Settlement

If you are filing for divorce to gain revenge on your spouse, will it affect your financial settlement? Almost certainly, yes.

Pennsylvania divorce laws don’t specifically call for penalties against a spouse engaging in spiteful behavior. However, a judge could treat your claims for alimony with more scrutiny if revenge is in focus. When letting anger guide your actions, someone might choose to fight every suggestion for mediation a spouse makes, and while it’s their right to use litigation to try to receive a fair settlement, it wastes everybody’s valuable time.

You may believe you’re harming your spouse by refusing to participate in mediation. In reality, you’re harming your own position more. Typically, participating in mediation goes faster and costs you less in legal fees in the long run.

Costing You More Than Just Money

If you have children and mutual friends, trying to gain revenge on a spouse through the divorce process can be extremely stressful for these other parties. They may feel like they’re stuck in the middle of a tug-of-war that makes little sense from the outside. When you have clouded judgment because you’re focused on revenge, you may not be able to see: 

  • How you’re affecting your children’s well-being
  • How you’re manipulating your children or loved ones without even realizing it

Some friends will be able to see through the actions you’re taking if you are focusing on revenge. What if they side with your spouse when you are clearly being spiteful and unfair during the divorce proceedings?

We’re only human. If you are going through the divorce proceedings with anger and revenge as your primary driving factors, you may also lose control of your emotions more easily. With the temptation to do almost anything to avenge your failed relationship, ethical behavior may feel like a gray area – and that’s always risky in the divorce process.

If a judge learns that you are lying about your spouse’s actions, you could open yourself up to legal problems and lawsuits. It’s best to sit back and let your divorce attorney do the talking.

Let Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., Help You Navigate the Divorce Process Calmly

Did your spouse cheat on you, lie to your face, or betray your trust in some way? You have every right to be angry, but using revenge as your reason for filing for divorce doesn’t help your case in court.

Take a deep breath, and have a confidential discussion with Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., before you file for divorce. It’s important to go through your divorce process for the right reasons. To learn more about affording a divorce or what to expect, call (866) 349-4117 today.

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Legal and Illegal Prenuptial Agreements

Creating a prenuptial agreement before a marriage is an excellent idea. It protects your interests in the event that you and your spouse divorce down the line. It also prompts you and your spouse to communicate about important issues like finances, property, and shared bank accounts. 

But you must understand the difference between a legal and illegal prenup to ensure that yours holds up in court. Know what you can and cannot include in a prenuptial agreement under Pennsylvania law and how to validate one. 

What Items Can a Prenup Include?

One way to ensure a legal and valid prenuptial agreement is to address only the specific items that can be covered in these agreements. Typically, you can include provisions about all of the following in a prenup: 

  • Asset division: Distinctions about marital vs. separate property in a divorce, including what happens to shared property, what property will stay separate, etc. 
  • Spousal support: Whether one spouse will owe the other spousal support, waiving future requests for spousal support, the minimum or maximum amount owed, etc. 
  • Providing for children from previous relationships: If one spouse has a child from a previous relationship, the prenup can include provisions for how both partners will financially provide for them and what assets (if any) the child would receive in a divorce. 

Meanwhile, a prenuptial agreement generally cannot protect any of the following: 

  • Child custody and support: Your prenuptial agreement cannot include terms regarding child support or custody. The court will decide these matters in the final judgment based on the child’s interests, not the parents’. 
  • Financial incentives for divorce: The prenup cannot encourage divorce in any way, such as providing a financial incentive for filing for divorce
  • Day-to-day household matters: This agreement shouldn’t cover any day-to-day household matters like who will complete certain chores, how you will raise children, what religious beliefs you will adhere to, etc. 
  • Anything inherently unfair: Prenups should spell out terms that are fair and just for both spouses and should not explicitly favor either spouse. Attempting to enact unfair terms could lead to a contempt of court charge in a divorce. 

How Do You Validate a Prenuptial Agreement? 

Take these steps to ensure that your prenuptial agreement is valid: 

  • Put the agreement in writing. Oral prenuptial agreements are never valid. 
  • Ensure full disclosure: You and your spouse must fully disclose your finances to ensure the prenup will hold up in court. 
  • Have an attorney draft it. Don’t create a prenuptial agreement without the help of an attorney. Better yet, you and your spouse should enlist separate attorneys to support your interests. 
  • Notarize the agreement. Have a notary sign and validate the prenup and give you a certified copy. 

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., Offers Support With Prenuptial Agreements 

Do you need help distinguishing between a legal and illegal prenup and ensuring the validity of your agreement? Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can help you draft a prenuptial agreement that will hold up to court orders, enforcement actions, and legal scrutiny. Contact us today at (866) 349-4117 for a consultation. 

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Follow Your Divorce Decree to the Letter

Your divorce decree exists for a reason. It provides tangible evidence of the terms your spouse agreed to in the divorce. 

You may be tempted to give your spouse wiggle room when it comes to alimony payments, child support, or asset distribution. However, straying from the divorce decree may only hurt your financial outcomes and encourage more shady behavior from your spouse moving forward. 

Is a Divorce Decree Legally Binding? 

Your divorce decree is the legal document that marks the end of your marriage. It also spells out important details about child custody, spousal support, asset division, and visitation guidelines. 

Divorce decrees aren’t mere suggestions for how to behave after a divorce; they are legally binding. Your ex-spouse is required to follow these rules to a T. If you start giving them leeway now, they will only continue taking advantage of you. Worse, the court will assume that you were okay with their behavior, harming your ability to file a motion for contempt of court in the future.  

Once your divorce is finalized, go to the family court clerk’s office and request a certified copy of your divorce decree. Keep it on hand and ensure your spouse’s adherence to every term. 

Enforce the Elements of Your Divorce Decree Precisely

Ensure that your ex-spouse follows all of these aspects of your final judgment closely:

  • Sends alimony and/or child support payments on time according to the timeline in the decree
  • Adheres to all custody times precisely
  • Divides assets in accordance with the decree
  • Sells the house promptly

What If Your Spouse Refuses To Follow This Court Order? 

Your ex-spouse cannot simply refuse to follow the terms of your divorce decree. If they disagree with any of these terms, they will need to request a modification with the court. This is a legal process. 

If you do not agree with their modification request, they will need to present their reasoning in court and allow a judge to decide whether to grant it. Unless your ex-spouse’s requests are reasonable, the judge probably won’t grant their wishes.

Should your ex-spouse violate the divorce decree and not seek a modification, you can file a motion for contempt of court or request an enforcement action. This prompts the court to assess their actions and intervene. If your ex-spouse is found in contempt of court, the court can: 

  • Impose fines
  • Issue a warning
  • Create a new order that makes up for their non-compliance
  • Order your ex-spouse to comply by paying the support they owe, plus attorney’s fees
  • Impose jail time

Your first step should be to have your attorney contact your ex-spouse’s attorney and warn them about your intention to file for contempt of court. 

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., for Divorce Assistance 

Do you need help enforcing your divorce decree? Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., offers compassionate legal support throughout the divorce process. We can help you file a motion for contempt of court or request an enforcement action to prompt your ex-spouse to adhere to your divorce decree. 

Contact us today at (866) 349-4117 for a confidential consultation. 

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Financial Problems in a Divorce – Financial Abuse

One of the more challenging steps in the divorce process is separating your finances from your spouse’s. Nearly every divorcing couple in Bucks County experiences some tension around the division of assets. However, some individuals exhibit abusive behaviors that make this process more arduous. 

Knowing what constitutes financial abuse can help you recognize and address these financial problems in a divorce. You have the right to equitable distribution of property. If your spouse has begun stealing money from your accounts or otherwise tampering with your finances, contact an experienced divorce attorney for help. 

Examples of Financial Abuse in a Divorce

Financial abuse can take many forms in a divorce process. Watch out for any of these shady tactics from your spouse: 

  • Hidden assets: Your spouse may have started transferring money to a private account to exclude it from the property division process, essentially stealing it from your shared account.
  • Running up legal bills: They may use your shared bank account to run up legal bills or even call your attorney incessantly to increase your legal costs.
  • Using a higher income as leverage: If your spouse makes more money than you, they may try to hold that over you to gain leverage in the divorce.
  • Racking up debt: The debt allocation process usually requires divorcing couples to split debt equitably. Your spouse may rack up more debt before the divorce to increase your financial burden. 
  • Wrecking your credit: Any irresponsible behaviors on your spouse’s part could harm your credit, making it more challenging for you to secure loans or other financial opportunities in the future.

How To Navigate Financial Problems in a Divorce

You don’t have to stand by and watch your spouse use abusive tactics to control your finances. You can navigate financial problems in a divorce with these tips:

  • Retain your own attorney: Never share a divorce attorney with your spouse. Retain an attorney who can support your interests and help you achieve a fair outcome. 
  • Limit bank account access: If your spouse currently has access to your private accounts, contact your bank immediately to start the process of removing their access. 
  • Keep records of your spouse’s behavior: If your spouse has been withdrawing money from your accounts, take screenshots of their activity and keep them on file. The more evidence you have of their actions, the more leverage you’ll gain in your divorce proceedings. 
  • Document your finances: Gather documentation for all of your bank accounts, deeds, life insurance policies, and car titles to show in court.  
  • Enlist the help of a forensic accountant: Forensic accounting can uncover your spouse’s abusive financial activity. 

Let Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., Help You Protect Your Finances in a Divorce

Is your spouse using shady tactics to gain economic control in your divorce? At Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., we help clients protect their rights in the PA divorce process. We make it easier to navigate the division of assets, spousal maintenance, and other financial problems in a divorce while promoting an equitable outcome and prioritizing your interests. 

Contact us today at (866) 349-4117 for a general consultation. 

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Moving Out of PA With Your Child Before Divorce

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Divorces offer a fresh start and an opportunity to move to a new location, putting the past behind you. However, moving out of state becomes more complicated if you have children with your ex-spouse. 

Relocating will affect your child custody arrangement and parenting plan. If you plan to take your child with you, be sure you understand the guidelines around moving out with your child before the divorce. 

Can You Move Out of State Before or During the Divorce? 

You can relocate before or during the divorce, but you’ll need to navigate the process correctly. The steps may look different depending on whether you plan to bring your child with you during the move.  

Moving Out of State With Your Kids

Moving out of state with your child before the divorce may sound like a tempting idea, especially if you don’t want your spouse to gain shared custody. But you cannot do this without severely disrupting the custody process — unless your spouse fully agrees. 

The court prioritizes the best interests of the child when drafting parenting plans. If you want to move out of state with your child, you’ll need to show that the move would be in their best interests. A judge would consider all of the following to make this determination: 

  • The child’s preference in custody
  • The ability of the child to maintain a relationship with the non-relocating parent
  • The reason for relocation
  • The age and needs of the child
  • The anticipated emotional and educational impact of the move

Working with an experienced child custody attorney can help show that the move would be in the child’s best interests.

Moving Out of State Without Your Kids

If you plan to move out of the state sometime after the divorce, even if you don’t plan to bring your children, make your intentions known. You would need to file a parenting plan modification to update the court about your relocation. You would also need to ensure your spouse can handle tasks like selling the house on their own. 

Planning for the move before you finalize the parenting plan will make this process much easier. If you move out of state, sharing custody with the child’s other parent becomes more challenging. You will need to consider both of your locations when drafting a reasonable and fair parenting plan. 

What About Relocating After the Divorce? 

If you want to move out of state after the parenting plan has been finalized, you’ll need to meet relocation notice requirements and modify the parenting plan. This involves attending a relocation hearing and explaining why the move would be in the child’s best interests. The child’s other parent has the option to submit an objection and counter-affidavit to your request. 

Seek Assistance With Custodial Rights and Relocation 

Your divorce shouldn’t stop you from pursuing career goals or aspirations that require you to move states. Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can help you protect your rights to custody during a relocation. Contact us today at 866-349-4461 for your consultation. 

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The Statute of Limitations and Your Bucks County Divorce Decree

Your divorce decree dictates the actions you and your ex-spouse need to take post-divorce, such as distributing property and paying alimony or child support. You may also desire to modify your separation agreement after it has been finalized. Enforcing either of these actions typically requires you to stick to a specific timeline — known as the statute of limitations. 

Learn more about this statute and how it affects your rights and options post-divorce. 

Statute of Limitations for Enforcing Child Support and Alimony

If your spouse agreed to provide child custody or alimony under your separation agreement, you expect them to send the payments by the specified deadlines. But what happens if they fail to do so? 

You can take them to court to enforce alimony and child support orders, and both Pennsylvania and New Jersey statutes give you a generous amount of time to do so. Pennsylvania has no statute of limitations for enforcing child support and alimony, and you have 20 years to go after missed payments. In New Jersey, you have until a child turns 23 to collect back child support. 

While these deadlines are generous, you should stick to reasonable alimony and child support timeframes. The sooner you take enforcement action against your spouse, the faster the process will be. Trying to enforce these orders five or ten years down the line will make it more challenging to access the original support orders and provide evidence of your spouse’s failure to pay.

Additionally, enforcing these orders down the line likely means you want to request a lump sum equal to the amount your spouse owes you. If your spouse can’t afford this lump sum, you probably won’t have much luck in this endeavor.  

Timeline for Property Division Enforcement

Your separation agreement likely lists the property that will go to each spouse after the divorce. But what happens if your spouse fails to transfer the stock, retirement assets, or property they agreed to? 

In Pennsylvania, a party usually has 90 days to enforce a property division order. In New Jersey, you can file for contempt of court within two years of your spouse’s failure to provide the specific property. 

Again, the sooner you seek to enforce this aspect of the divorce decree, the better. Talk to your attorney if your spouse is refusing to cooperate. 

Statute of Limitations for Modifying Your Separation Agreement

Your separation agreement doesn’t need to be permanent. You can seek to modify the agreement through a court order if at least one year has passed since you signed the original decree.

You’ll need to meet a few modification criteria to show that exceptional changes in circumstances have occurred and provide documentation of financial changes. 

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., Today

Do you need legal representation in a divorce in New Jersey or Pennsylvania? Are you seeking assistance with spousal support modifications, wanting to explore mediation and negotiation options, or needing help enforcing your divorce decree within the statute of limitations? 

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., offers personalized legal assistance. Call (866) 349-4461 to request a confidential consultation. 

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How Long Should You Keep Divorce Papers?

Your arduous Bucks County divorce process is finally over, and you have the papers to prove it. While you may be tempted to rip them to shreds, throw them away, and never think about the process again, you should plan to hold on to them. You’ll probably need them in the future.

How long should you keep divorce papers? Ideally, forever. Learn why you may need your divorce papers down the road and which documents you should keep in a safe space. 

Do You Really Need To Keep Divorce Papers Forever? 

Maybe your divorce was finalized 20 years ago, and you just stumbled on the paperwork hidden in a drawer somewhere. Is it safe to throw it away? Unfortunately, no. 

Any divorce attorney will tell you to keep your complete divorce file forever. Store this paperwork in a safe place, such as a locked, fireproof legal document storage box or a safe deposit box at a bank. You’re also welcome to tuck it away in a basement or the back of a closet and avoid looking at it; just ensure it’s easily accessible should you ever need it. 

What Will You Need Your Divorce Paperwork for in the Future?

How long should you keep divorce papers, and which ones take precedence? If your spouse signed any child custody or alimony agreements, you’ll want to keep these on hand as proof of their responsibilities under the arrangement. In the case that your spouse fails to follow one of these orders, you can bring the original agreement to court to prove your spouse’s wrongful behavior. 

You may also need your divorce paperwork for future endeavors, such as:

  • Changing your name
  • Remarrying
  • Applying for a mortgage
  • Claiming Social Security benefits (if you were married for more than 10 years)

Which Documents Should You Keep From Your Divorce?

You should keep your entire divorce file in a safe place. At the very least, store all of these documents somewhere secure:

  • Divorce decree with the raised seal
  • Separation agreement
  • Marriage license
  • Spousal and child support records 
  • Property appraisal documents
  • Financial records

What Happens If You Lose Your Divorce Papers?

If you misplace any of your divorce papers, you can request a new copy from the court where you finalized the divorce. Contact the clerk of courts and provide the date of your divorce, your name, and your ex-spouse’s name. 

You may need to pay a fee for the new copies of the paperwork, which can take some time. Hanging on to the original paperwork will ensure you always have access to these documents when you need them. 

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., for Divorce Assistance

Navigating a divorce doesn’t stop once the divorce is finalized. You’ll likely encounter questions about your divorce for some time after the process is over. If you need assistance with your divorce before, during, or after the process, Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. is here for you. 

Contact us today at (866) 349-4461 for a consultation. We’re committed to calming the chaos and creating solutions for you. 

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Why You May “Conflict Out” in Your Divorce Case

Divorce attorneys must be very careful to avoid conflicts of interest when representing clients. Unfortunately, angry spouses in a divorce case sometimes use this issue to their advantage, effectively barring their spouse from working with an attorney with whom they have already shared their side of the story. 

Learn why you may “conflict out” in a divorce case and how to proceed when your spouse uses this tactic against you. 

What Does It Mean To “Conflict Out?” 

“Conflicting out” is a tactic used to prevent a person from working with an attorney. When you call a divorce attorney’s office to inquire about hiring them, they will conduct a conflict check to ensure they have not had a conversation with your spouse. 

Sometimes, in heated divorces, one spouse will call every divorce attorney in the area and set up a consultation with them. Even your spouse speaking with an attorney briefly about your divorce can bar you from working with them. Suddenly, you cannot work with attorneys in your area due to a conflict of interest. 

Types of Conflicts That May Prevent You From Working With an Attorney 

Many conflicts of interest can lead to disqualification in legal cases. Attorneys take confidentiality obligations seriously as part of their prospective client rules. If there is any barrier to confidentiality in your case, they won’t work with you. 

Any of the following may also be a reason to conflict out:

  • Your children know the attorney’s children 
  • Your spouse has been divorced before, and this attorney represented them
  • Your attorney has a personal interest that interferes with their ability to represent you fairly
  • Your attorney is concerned about any other “materially adverse interests” 

Under an attorney’s rules of professional conduct, they will not accept any clients that may violate the confidential attorney-client relationship. This is why attorneys complete an initial conflict check process before you sign a retainer agreement.

What To Do If Your Spouse Has “Conflicted Out” Your Preferred Attorney 

If you are concerned that your soon-to-be-ex-spouse will attempt to conflict you out, explain why this would not be wise. Preventing you from seeking good legal counsel will only prolong your divorce case. If you both have access to strong attorneys, you can finalize the divorce faster and move on with your lives. 

But if your spouse has already used this tactic with an attorney you were interested in hiring, document their behavior. You won’t be able to work with your preferred attorney, but the attorney you end up with can use your spouse’s behavior to your advantage during the divorce. This may give you a leg up during the property division or child custody process. 

The attorney you were hoping to work with can recommend other divorce attorneys in your area.

Schedule a Consultation With Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., Today 

Knowing why you may “conflict out” when hiring a divorce attorney can help you prepare for your spouse’s tactics. Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., today at (866) 349-4461 for help protecting your rights during the divorce. 

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