When You Are Served With a PFA

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Being served with a protection from abuse (PFA) order can be incredibly scary. You can’t go near your spouse or partner, and maybe you’ve been forced to leave your home. You’re terrified that it’s going to affect your job or custody proceedings.

It’s normal to feel like a ship adrift in the ocean when you are served with a PFA, but Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. is here to help.

What Is a PFA Order and Why Were You Served?

A PFA is the same thing as a restraining order. If you’ve been served with a PFA, it means that the petitioner (your spouse or partner, for example) is accusing you of abuse, harassment, or stalking. Courts in Bucks County take domestic abuse and harassment very seriously, so they grant PFA orders as a form of protection for the petitioner.

There are three main types of PFAs in Pennsylvania, and there’s a big difference between a temporary and final PFA. 

  • Ex parte (temporary) PFA: An ex parte PFA is a temporary restraining order that lasts for a certain amount of time, typically a week to a few months.
  • Emergency PFA: If the petitioner feels like they’re in immediate danger, the court might grant an emergency PFA.
  • Final PFA: After a formal hearing, a judge might decide to make the PFA permanent. Final PFAs last for up to three years but can be extended to 10 years or longer.

Violating the Order Can Bring Disastrous Consequences

When you’re served with a PFA, one of the first things you’ll likely feel is anger. You’re furious that you can’t stay in your home or even see your kids anymore. What right does your spouse or partner have to do that to you?

You’re tempted to return to your home and give them a piece of your mind, but it’s a temptation you should resist. Bucks County courts don’t look kindly on people who violate PFAs. If that’s you, you could be permanently barred from entering your house or lose custody of your kids. The court can hold you in criminal contempt, too, which might result in hefty fines and/or jail time.

Your Spouse Had You Served With a PFA, Now What?

When you are served with a PFA, do not panic. Here’s what to do:

  • Review the PFA documents: A police officer or process server will likely serve you with a PFA document packet. Do not discard this packet, as it contains important information about what you can and cannot do. For example, your PFA might forbid you from communicating with your partner or visiting their workplace.
  • Hire an attorney: It’s not wise to go through legal proceedings without representation. Your lawyer will help you collect evidence disproving the allegations.
  • Attend the hearing: You’ll have the chance to contest the allegations in a court hearing. PFA hearings are usually set on Wednesdays in Bucks County.

Reliable PFA Hearing and Defense Preparation in Bucks County

When you are served with a PFA, Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. is here for you. Call (215) 752-6200 for a consultation now.

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When the Abuser Flips the Table

“There you go again,” your soon-to-be ex snaps. “Why are you yelling at me? You’re abusive. Maybe you need therapy because I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Spoiler alert: They have, in fact, done something wrong.

When the abuser flips the table, so to speak, they can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. They may not hurt you physically, but emotional damage like this can sting even worse.

You’re not at the mercy of your abuser, though. By recognizing their underhanded tactics, you’ll be better prepared to fight back.

The Dirty, Crazy-Making Tricks Abusers Pull To Convince You That You’re the “Bad Guy”

Abusers are masters at emotional manipulation. Many have honed their techniques for years, and they’re scarily good at what they do.

Gaslighting is one of these techniques. It involves misdirection, essentially shifting the blame from them to you in a way that makes you feel you’re losing your mind.

For example, a gaslighting pro might deliberately do something hurtful, then say, “You’re too sensitive,” or “That never happened.”

Gaslighting can also involve false accusations where the abuser flips the table and makes it seem as though you’re the one who deserves blame. For example, suppose your spouse is an alcoholic, and you call them out for drinking when they were meant to be watching the kids.

They say, “I wouldn’t have been drinking if you hadn’t been checking out that guy at the grocery store,” even though you did nothing of the sort. Suddenly, you’re the one under the microscope. The abuser has successfully shifted blame from themselves to you.

Recognizing Self-Defense vs. Abuse

A very common tactic abusers use is to push their victims until they snap and turn to reactive abuse. The victim might scream back or even hit the abuser. This gives the abuser even more ammunition to use against their victim. “You’re the abusive one,” they tell you.

Is that really true? Probably not. These are clear signs that it’s self-defense, not abuse:

  • Your actions are out of character. You’ve never yelled at or hit anyone else before.
  • You feel guilty for what you did afterward.
  • You didn’t initiate the abuse. You only lashed out after the abuser struck first.
  • You feel confused about why you acted the way you did.

Beating Emotional Abusers at Their Own Game

The only real way to beat an emotional abuser at their game is not to play. The abuser wants a reaction from you, so don’t give them one.

Walk away from the conversation (or better yet, leave the house if the abuser lives with you). Call a trusted friend and talk about what happened. It can also be helpful to journal about the incident.

We Refuse To Let That Abuser Walk All Over You

When an abuser flips the table, flip it back by calling Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. Our attorneys have seen it all, and we know how to handle abusive gaslighters with the help of Protection from Abuse (PFA) orders and divorce assistance. You’re never alone when you have our firm looking out for you.

To schedule a consultation, call (215) 752-6200.

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No-Contact Order vs. Protection From Abuse (PFA) Order: What’s the Difference in Pennsylvania?

You’re scared, and you need to put distance between yourself and your spouse in fear that they will hurt you or your children. You know that filing some type of restraining order can help, but you are unsure about which one is appropriate and how the two differ. The idea of navigating the court system and following all the rules can also feel daunting. 

A Protection From Abuse (PFA) order and a no-contact order could both bring you peace of mind. Learn the difference between no contact vs. PFA in Pennsylvania, then seek legal assistance.  

What Is a PFA?

A Protection From Abuse (PFA) order is a court order that prohibits an abuser from coming into physical contact with you. This is a type of restraining order and is often used in cases of domestic violence. PFAs last up to three years and are available to individuals 18 or older or teens and children when accompanied by an adult. 

When you file for a PFA, a police officer will serve notice to your abuser. They must attend a PFA hearing, where a judge will hear both sides and determine whether to issue the court order. If you are in immediate danger, you can also seek a temporary PFA that would go into effect immediately.

PFA orders prevent the abuser from entering your home, school, and/or place of work. If you live with the abuser, they will need to vacate the home. You will also gain custody or visitation rights of your children during this period. 

However, if the defendant fights this restraining order, the judge may not grant it unless you can provide evidence of a physical threat or assault. 

PFAs offer victim protection, but they aren’t the only type of protective order in Pennsylvania. Ask your attorney whether a Sexual Violence Protection Order (SVPO) or Protection From Intimidation Order (PFI) may be better. 

What Is a No-Contact Order?

A no-contact order is a protective order that prohibits a person from contacting you in person, by phone, or by any other means. The main difference between a no-contact order and a PFA is that a no-contact order can only go into effect after a violent act has occurred, not just after the threat of an action. 

No-contact orders go both ways — neither of you can contact each other. This protective order seeks to prevent future crimes. You may seek a no-contact order while waiting for a judge to issue a PFA.

If your abuser violates a no-contact order, they may be found in contempt of court, which can lead to jail time and fines. 

Do you need help understanding the difference between a no-contact order and a PFA? Are you seeking an appropriate protective order? Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., is on your side and can help you navigate every step of this legal process. Contact our Pennsylvania attorneys today at (866) 349-4721 to schedule a consultation. 

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Co-parenting and Dangerous Parenting

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Co-parenting after splitting up can be challenging, even when both sides are well-meaning and cooperative. It’s a lot more difficult to navigate co-parenting when there are signs of dangerous parenting on the side of your ex-partner. 

Courts will always prioritize well-being while protecting children from high-conflict co-parenting. Consider the following when creating a safety plan for co-parenting with a risky ex.

What If You’re Concerned for Your Child’s Safety When They’re With Your Ex?

As a rule, family law courts believe it’s in the child’s best interests to spend time with both parents. However, some signs might tell you that your ex is unsafe for your kids.

Certain things your children do or say after spending time with the other parent could make you believe it’s dangerous for them to stay with your ex unsupervised. In this scenario, stay vigilant and consult a custody lawyer who knows how to navigate co-parenting and dangerous parenting.

Red Flags of Dangerous Co-Parenting Behavior

If your child comes back from their other parent with bruises or other signs of physical harm or tells you that your ex has abused them, you’ll want to take immediate action. However, not all abuse is obvious, especially if your child is too young to describe what happened.

Neglect and lack of supervision are also a form of abuse. For example, maybe your child often returns underfed or dirty from your ex’s house, or you discover that your ex neglects to ensure they take their prescription medications. You may also suspect your co-parent lets your child engage in risky or age-inappropriate activities without supervision. 

Finally, you may feel concerned about your ex-partner’s unaddressed problem of alcohol or substance abuse in the context of co-parenting.

You Must Still Obey Court Orders

While courts focus on prioritizing child safety in co-parenting plans, they expect you to comply with the proper procedures and present solid proof of your co-parent’s risky behavior. 

A seasoned lawyer can help you look into legal options for limiting contact with a dangerous parent. However, you can’t simply withhold parenting time based on suspicion. You could get into serious trouble, and the court may reduce your parenting time.

Document Each Incident of Potentially Dangerous Co-Parenting Behavior

Did your child tell you their other parent pushed, shoved, or slapped them? Write it down and date it. Did your ex-partner send you a text message or voicemail admitting they let the children stay outside until late unsupervised, despite your insistence to the contrary? Save this message.

Keep a personal record of all your ex-partner’s actions that are abusive or could potentially endanger your kids. Then, consult a family lawyer for reliable advice on keeping your children safe.

Dealing With an Unsafe Co-Parent? Call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. 

Do you believe your ex is an unsafe co-parent? The skilled divorce and custody lawyers of Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can help you handle co-parenting and dangerous parenting, including co-parenting with a narcissist or abusive ex. Call us at (866) 349-4907 or schedule a consultation online.

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You Thought It Would Be Over, But the Abuse Continues

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You suffered abuse while you lived together. Now you are separated. You might be going through the divorce process, or you have completed it. You have taken multiple steps to put this nightmare behind you. But your ex just can not let go of degrading or demonizing you.  

The Abuse Can Happen in Many Different Ways 

The abuse may have gotten worse since the separation. If the two of you have kids, they may be part of this brutal play your spouse stages. Your ex may: 

  • Belittle, undermine, and criticize you at every opportunity. 
  • Expose your children to unsafe situations or people who cause you fear and concern. 
  • Use intimidation, threats, violence, ridicule, and manipulation to force the children to comply with their wishes. 
  • Prevent your child’s social interaction to maintain control.  
  • Stalk you physically or electronically by bombarding you with emails, calls, threats, and abusive messages. 
  • Physically confront you at your home, in a public space, or at your workplace. 

The abuse is only limited by your ex’s imagination and what they think they can get away with. 

What Can I Do About It? 

Document what is going on. Keep text messages and emails. Take screenshots of abusive social media posts. Write a journal and describe what is happening, how you are responding, and the stress and pain you are enduring.  

If you are harassed in person, use your smartphone to (as discreetly as you can) record conversations. To be legal, both parties must consent to phone calls being recorded. You can use an app to record what is being said on a call, but your ex must be told about it. They may hang up or not care, and they will continue the verbal abuse. If your ex comes to your home, you can set up security cameras to record what they are doing and when. 

If your children are sucked into this tornado, we can help you seek sole custody and, if we cannot end visitation, limit it and ensure that a third party supervises it. If there is no custody order, we can start the process. If there is one, we can ask the court to modify it. Your chance of success increases with more extreme and better-documented behavior. 

Judges decide custody and visitation issues based on a child’s best interests. Being subjected to this kind of behavior and language is harmful and damaging, not just now but potentially for the rest of their lives. 

If you feel you or your child is in danger, you have been threatened, struck, sexually abused, or your spouse refuses to leave your home, call the police. Provide them with images, videos, photos, and journal entries to establish what is going on and for how long. If there are witnesses, name them and provide contact information.  

Although a prosecutor can proceed with a domestic violence case without a victim’s cooperation, it rarely happens because it is so difficult. Follow through, file the reports, and cooperate with the police and prosecution. If your ex sees criminal charges result from their words and actions, they should come to their senses. 

We can help you file a protection from abuse order. Through the order, you may gain temporary custody of your kids, which will require your ex to stay away from you wherever you are. 

Compassionate Advocacy From Lawyers Who Care 

If your ex is abusing, stalking, or physically assaulting you, we can help. Call our office at (215) 515-5172, book an appointment online, or fill out our contact form today. We can meet in our office or speak with you by phone. 

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Protect Yourself Against Stalking

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A spouse may feel angry and betrayed when you want a divorce. If they can’t handle the situation, they may exact revenge, stalk you, and possibly become violent. Thanks to the internet and smartphones, it’s never been easier to stalk someone. 

What is Stalking? 

Stalking is using unwanted, harassing, or threatening tactics that cause fear or safety concerns in the victim, according to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). These tactics may include: 

  • Following and watching you 
  • Approaching you or showing up where you are, whether that’s in a public place, your home, or workplace 
  • Using global positioning system (GPS) technology to track you 
  • Going into a private place while you’re elsewhere and leaving you items or objects to scare or threaten you 
  • Using technology to spy on you 
  • Making unwanted phone calls, text messages, emails, social media posts, or photo messages 
  • Sending you unwanted cards, gifts, letters, or flowers 

What your spouse might do to stalk you is only limited to their twisted imagination. 

What Can I Do to Prevent Being Stalked? 

Some steps can make stalking more difficult: 

  • Stay off of social media. The more information about your life you put on social media, the easier it is for your spouse to find you 
  • Change your phone number and email address to prevent unwanted phone calls, texts, and emails 
  • If your spouse had access to your smartphone, PC, or laptop, they might have uploaded spyware or stalkerware. It allows them to know everything you use it for and track you. You can try to find it on your device and remove it, but the most effective way to prevent this from affecting you is to get another one 
  • Your spouse may have put an Apple AirTag on your vehicle. This is an electronic device that can allow them to see where it is in real-time. This article explains more about what this is, how it works, and ways to try to prevent this from happening 
  • Lock your smartphone by using a code, a fingerprint, or face recognition technology
  • Turn off the location setting (until you need it to get somewhere), and don’t share your location 
  • Change your routine, so your movements are less predictable 
  • Tell your employer what’s going on in case your spouse shows up at your workplace or tries to call you there  
  • If you are threatened in any way or physically struck, call the police and press charges 
  • If you qualify, get a protection from abuse order. It shows your spouse you’re serious about ending the stalking. If it continues, call the police. If your spouse is arrested and convicted, they may face fines and jail time 

Sadly, you need to take these actions and change your life, but when dealing with a stalker, you need to protect yourself as best you can. Hopefully, your spouse will stop when they see the negative consequences of their actions. 

Get the Help You Need From an Attorney You Trust 

We’ve handled many divorces where the relationship totally broke down, and one spouse became hostile toward the other. This can be a difficult and stressful time, but we’re here to help you get through this and enable you to start a new life. Contact Karen A. Ulmer, P.C. for additional guidance on family law, divorce, protection from abuse orders, and all things divorce. 

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How Do I Get a Protection From Abuse Order?

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If you are in a relationship that is unsafe, it is critical to remove yourself and your children and immediately get to safety. Here in Bucks and Montgomery Counties of PA, we have many resources available to assist you. Physical and psychological abuse can have serious long-term consequences on your life. Our attorneys want to make sure you have the legal protection you need.  

How do I get a restraining order in Bucks and Montgomery Counties?  

A Protection From Abuse (PFA) Order, commonly called a restraining order, is a court order that raises the legal stakes for your abuser. Once obtained, if the person contacts you, comes to your home, place of work, or within a certain distance of you, he or she risks arrest and criminal penalties. If you need a PFA or feel you’ve been wrongly accused of abuse and are the subject of a PFA, Karen Ann Ulmer can help.

What’s the Process to Get a Protection From Abuse Order?

A PFA can be sought by:

  • Anyone 18 or older, and
  • A teen or a child accompanied by a parent, an adult household member, or a guardian ad litem

You (the plaintiff or petitioner) can start the process to obtain a temporary PFA  at a police station or courthouse depending on the time and day. As the plaintiff, you can fill out a petition. You will need to:

  • Explain why you need protection 
  • Describe the abuse you’ve suffered
  • State what protection you seek

A judge will consider your petition and may have additional questions for you at a hearing. The judge will either grant you a temporary PFA or deny your request. If it’s granted, a final hearing will be scheduled within ten business days. 

This temporary PFA provides you legal protection through the date of the final hearing. The county sheriff’s office will serve copies of the petition, the order, and a notice of the final hearing on the accused abuser (the defendant).

The PFA can make it illegal for the person to contact, harass, or abuse you or your children. It could order the abuser to move out of your home, return your personal property, and grant you temporary custody of your children.  Additionally, your abuser may be required to surrender all weapons including guns and ammunition.  

What Role Does a Judge Play in the Process?

You and the defendant will have an opportunity to come before the judge at the final hearing. Both can tell their sides of the story and have legal representation. If you and the defendant agree on the terms of an order, the judge will review it and may make it official, with or without changes. 

Without an agreement, the judge decides what to do based on the testimony and evidence presented at the hearing. The plaintiff must show he or she fears serious and imminent harm. There must be evidence showing a recent violent incident, prior violence, or firearm ownership for a court to issue the order. The judge can deny the petition or create a final PFA, which could last for up to three years.

Where Does a PFA Apply?

The Protection from Abuse Order is valid everywhere in Pennsylvania, in every state, and on tribal lands. Protection orders from other parts of the US are also valid in Pennsylvania due to federal law. Defendants’ names are put into a law enforcement database, making it easier for police to check if you have a protection order and whether the defendant is violating it. If you travel or move, have a copy of the order with you to help prove your status. 

Compassionate Advocacy From Lawyers Who Care

Everyone should feel safe and secure in their own homes. If you or someone you know feels threatened, contact us immediately. If you are a defendant in a PFA case, schedule an appointment to discuss the situation, how Pennsylvania law may apply in your case, and how we can help. Learn more by calling our office at (215)515-5172, booking an appointment online, or by filling out our contact form. We can meet in our office or speak with you by phone.

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Protection From Abuse

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A PFA Order is a civil remedy to end abusive relationships. Remedies for a successful PFA petition can include having the Defendant removed from a residence that was previously shared, restrictions on contact for up to three (3) years, relinquishment of firearms or other weapons, reimbursement for related expenses or out of pocket costs suffered, temporary support, and in some cases, a custody schedule. It is possible to list multiple persons in need of protection under the PFA in one petition including children. A Protection from Abuse (PFA) petition requires the petitioner to identify the defendant, state the incidents constituting the “abuse” as well as any prior history of similar incidents, provide notice of any weapons involved, and set out the relief requested.

A PFA can only be filed if there is a relationship between the Petitioner and Defendant. Recognized relationships include spouse or former spouse, parent of child with Defendant, current or former sexual/intimate partner, child of Plaintiff or Defendant, family member related by blood or marriage, and sibling. Abuse, for purposes of obtaining a PFA, is defined as

physical violence or imminent threat thereof, stalking or any other course of conduct which would place a person in fear of bodily injury. The party pursuing a PFA order must establish by a preponderance of the evidence, or more likely than not, that some abuse occurred. Violations of a PFA may be criminal in nature depending on the nature of the violation. Criminal charges may also be pending simultaneously with a PFA petition.

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FAQs on escaping an abusive marriage

Victims of domestic abuse may need help from others to get a divorce. It can also help to create an escape plan and seek a protective order.

For countless people in Pennsylvania and elsewhere, marriage is a nightmare that they may feel they can never escape. Tragically, domestic violence affects millions of men, women and children every year. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in three women and one in four men will be abused by an intimate partner at some point during their lives. The problem is so serious, in fact, that 15 percent of all violent crimes are committed by abusers against their partners. The following questions address some that abuse victims are likely to ask when preparing to end a marriage.

IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ALWAYS PHYSICAL?
In many cases, an abuser physically strikes or otherwise causes bodily harm to his or her victim. However, domestic abuse may be emotional, psychological, sexual or financial. Abusers often resort to threats and manipulation to maintain control over their victims. They may restrict their partners from seeing their family members or friends; prevent them from having access to the phone, Internet or the car; and not allow them to work or have any money. Non-violent abusive relationships do not always escalate to physical violence, but often they do.

HOW CAN I ESCAPE AN ABUSIVE MARRIAGE?
It is rarely easy to escape an abusive relationship; this is why it is important to create an escape plan. The National Domestic Violence Hotline suggests implementing the following type of plan:

• Enlisting the help of trusted loved ones

• Keeping emergency cash, clothing and documents in a safe place that the abuser does not know about

• Documenting evidence of physical injuries and keeping a journal of the abuser’s behavior

• Memorizing the phone numbers and addresses of abuse shelters and law enforcement offices

It may also be a good idea at this point to seek a protection order.

WHAT IS A PROTECTIVE ORDER AND HOW DOES IT WORK?
A family law court can issue a protective order to abuse victims that extends certain legal protections. While the order is in effect, the abuser will not be allowed to approach or contact the victims. This may give the victim time to get to a safe place and to begin divorce proceedings. Protective orders are not initially permanent. Both sides will be given the chance to tell their side in court, and a judge can then decide if additional protection is necessary.

You are likely to need professional assistance to leave an abusive marriage. This may include help from law enforcement and abuse counselors. A Pennsylvania family law attorney with experience in domestic violence cases can also be an invaluable ally. Your attorney may be able to help you obtain a protective order, as well as start you on the road to freedom from abuse.

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FAQs on escaping an abusive marriage

Victims of domestic abuse may need help from others to get a divorce. It can also help to create an escape plan and seek a protective order.

For countless people in Pennsylvania and elsewhere, marriage is a nightmare that they may feel they can never escape. Tragically, domestic violence affects millions of men, women and children every year. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in three women and one in four men will be abused by an intimate partner at some point during their lives. The problem is so serious, in fact, that 15 percent of all violent crimes are committed by abusers against their partners. The following questions address some that abuse victims are likely to ask when preparing to end a marriage.

IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ALWAYS PHYSICAL?
In many cases, an abuser physically strikes or otherwise causes bodily harm to his or her victim. However, domestic abuse may be emotional, psychological, sexual or financial. Abusers often resort to threats and manipulation to maintain control over their victims. They may restrict their partners from seeing their family members or friends; prevent them from having access to the phone, Internet or the car; and not allow them to work or have any money. Non-violent abusive relationships do not always escalate to physical violence, but often they do.

HOW CAN I ESCAPE AN ABUSIVE MARRIAGE?
It is rarely easy to escape an abusive relationship; this is why it is important to create an escape plan. The National Domestic Violence Hotline suggests implementing the following type of plan:

• Enlisting the help of trusted loved ones

• Keeping emergency cash, clothing and documents in a safe place that the abuser does not know about

• Documenting evidence of physical injuries and keeping a journal of the abuser’s behavior

• Memorizing the phone numbers and addresses of abuse shelters and law enforcement offices

It may also be a good idea at this point to seek a protection order.

WHAT IS A PROTECTIVE ORDER AND HOW DOES IT WORK?
A family law court can issue a protective order to abuse victims that extends certain legal protections. While the order is in effect, the abuser will not be allowed to approach or contact the victims. This may give the victim time to get to a safe place and to begin divorce proceedings. Protective orders are not initially permanent. Both sides will be given the chance to tell their side in court, and a judge can then decide if additional protection is necessary.

You are likely to need professional assistance to leave an abusive marriage. This may include help from law enforcement and abuse counselors. A Pennsylvania family law attorney with experience in domestic violence cases can also be an invaluable ally. Your attorney may be able to help you obtain a protective order, as well as start you on the road to freedom from abuse.

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