Congratulations! You’ve made a very wise choice by divorcing a spouse who’s a narcissist. Life is too short to spend your time with an abusive spouse. Expect that your spouse might try to make the divorce as painful as possible and expect us to strongly defend your rights and ensure you’re treated fairly by the court no matter what.
Here in Bucks and Montgomery counties, the attorneys at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., could take many approaches to your divorce. We will work with you to develop the right strategy, which is especially important when dealing with a spouse who will do all they can to make your life difficult. Contact us today so we can discuss your situation and share how we can help.
What is a Narcissist?
Narcissistic personality disorder, reports the Mayo Clinic, is a condition where the person has an exaggerated sense of their importance, a need for attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. The person has fragile self-esteem and is very sensitive to the slightest criticism.
The person may:
- Become angry and feel slighted if they don’t get special treatment
- Have severe problems with relationships
- Show rage or contempt and belittle another person to keep an appearance of superiority
- Have difficulty with or be unable to regulate their emotions and behavior
- Be unable to deal with stress and adapt to change
- Feel depressed when they are imperfect
- Feel insecure, ashamed, vulnerable, and humiliated
How Did I Stay Married to a Narcissist?
Every relationship is unique. Your spouse fulfilled whatever wants and needs you had until the point you had enough of their negative traits and behaviors. Narcissists can be charismatic, charming, and fascinating early in a relationship and whenever they want to turn on the charm. They can be popular for a time until friends and co-workers see their other side. Maintaining long-term relationships can be a challenge for them, reports an article in Psychology Today.
Narcissists tend to play mind games to exert power over their spouses and reinforce their independence. They can be very good at maintaining an emotional distance but engage more deeply when they feel they have something to gain. A narcissist may have many short-term relationships (in which they exploit the other person) but be incapable of what’s needed for a successful long-term relationship – intimacy and emotional connection.
How May Narcissism Impact a Divorce?
Another Psychology Today article warns those divorcing a narcissist of what may lie ahead:
1. He or she must “win” and be proven “right”
They will see themselves as victims, no matter the facts to the contrary, and may have little or no interest in negotiating a settlement. If there are negotiations, expect “low ball” offers, stalling, and a lack of good faith. Your spouse may want a trial to use the courtroom as their stage where they can tell the story of how abused they are and how evil you are.
You may face a “scorched earth” strategy to satisfy your spouse’s need for revenge. While most parties will avoid outrageous claims and stunts because it may harm the couple’s children or others might react negatively, that’s not true of narcissists because they don’t care how others feel. They just want to win, no matter the cost.
2. Your spouse wants you to give up
Narcissists love games and winning because it’s one of the few things that make them feel good. A symbolic trophy may be your giving in to their demands. Many of them will be petty, so it may be worth small sacrifices to move the process forward.
3. As many games as possible will be played
Studies show narcissists maintain power in relationships by keeping others off balance. If they have the resources and a cooperative attorney, there could be many court filings, and your spouse could be a charmer in the courtroom. Expect obstruction, chaos, and a desire to drive up your costs as much as possible, including disputes and litigation after your divorce is final.
4. A trial will make your spouse feel powerful
As bad as they are at maintaining them, narcissists need relationships to feed their needs. Your relationship will continue as the divorce drags on. Expect lies and negative information to hurt you and to make themselves look superior. Your spouse may rather be hated than have you feel indifferent.
Get the Help You Need From an Attorney You Can Trust
Over the years we’ve dealt with many narcissist spouses. We know how they treat our clients and the divorce process. Part of our strategy to protect your rights and interests is to be proactive and strongly discourage the game-playing and abuse that can make a bad divorce situation worse. We will deal with your spouse as much as possible, so you won’t have to.
If you have any questions about divorce or need legal representation, call our office at (215) 608-1867 or book a consultation online now. We can speak over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in one of our offices in Doylestown or Langhorne.
What is zoning?
BlogZoning is the way a local municipality controls how property is developed within its borders. The municipality will divide the town into zoning district which describe what the local government has decided what can be built in that area. For example, a residential zoning district would be limited to residential dwellings while a commercial zoning district would be limited to businesses.
A municipality will also have multiple types of the same district. These districts will have differing requirements of what can be in that district. There are many kinds of residential properties from detached single-family homes to townhouses, and apartments. Therefore, one residential district may be limited to detached single family homes with a certain minimal lot size. Another residential district may allow both detached single-family homes and townhouse.
Four Ways to Make Divorce Easier on Yourself
DivorceDivorce can be stressful, but you can take steps to make it easier. You can’t control your spouse, but you can control your reaction to the process and to the times when issues or people become difficult. The attorneys at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., know the law and what you’re going through. We support our clients every step of the way and can help you make the process a bit easier on yourself:
There are many documents, dates, and deadlines during the divorce process. Avoid the stress of missing documents or playing catch up after passing deadlines. If you control your schedule, you won’t lose control of your life.
Use an online or paper calendar and buy some folders. If you’re more computer-inclined, scan your important documents and organize them electronically. If you don’t want your spouse snooping on your material, protect your laptop or computer with a password.
You have enough stress in your life. Being chronically late will cause you, and those who rely on you, problems. Those rare times you must be in court, you must be on time. We should get there early so we can go over your case and have time to take a breath or two. A court appearance will be stressful enough for you, one that’s late will only be worse. It also sends the message that you don’t respect the court’s time or that of your spouse or the attorneys involved. That is not a message you want to convey.
Your spouse and their attorney can read everything you post on social media. There are no secrets online, so it’s best to stay away. Let your friends and followers know you care, but that you need to step away for a time, then unplug. If you have good friends you trust, talk to them in person or on the phone. If necessary, get help from a mental health professional to help you cope.
Your child has the right to enjoy a relationship with both parents and ideally, the issues that drove you and your spouse apart are not child-related. However, if you cannot reach an agreement regarding your children, a judge will make decisions for your family which are binding. We help our clients work with their soon-to-be-ex (or ex) to ensure reasonable agreements are in place. You both love your children. Do the best you can with what you have until permanent arrangements are made.
Get the Help You Need From an Attorney You Can Trust
Given all you’ve heard about divorce, you may fear getting one. It’s a manageable process that we’ve helped hundreds of others get through. Have questions about divorce or need legal representation? Call our office at (215) 608-1867 or book a consultation online now. We can speak over the phone, via teleconference, or meet in our Doylestown or Langhorne office.
Parental Alienation Syndrome
DivorceWhen parents are going through a contentious divorce in Bucks or Montgomery counties here in Pennsylvania, great care must be taken to ensure the children are not “put in the middle.” One common issue is parental alienation. Children subjected to emotional blackmail by one or both parents may suffer from parental alienation syndrome. These supposedly loving parents try to turn their children into pawns in the divorce. Not only will a parent harm their own interests trying to do this, but they may also cause long-lasting emotional harm to their kids.
Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., represents families in Bucks and Montgomery counties. Parental alienation is an issue that, sadly, we see too often. We help our clients deal with manipulative spouses and make sure courts know the damage they’re inflicting on their children. Contact us today so we can discuss parental alienation and share how we can help.
What is Parental Alienation Syndrome?
Parental alienation syndrome happens when a parent tries to turn a child against the other parent, according to Psychology Today. This attempt at estrangement can be seen as seeking revenge and trying to settle scores, and can inflict pain on the other parent.
This can happen when the parent criticizes, blames, or lies about the other parent to the child. They may try to prevent the child from spending time with the other parent and tell the child they can either love them or the other parent, not both. The alienating parent may also seek the help of other family members to split the child from the other parent.
Who Might Be More Likely to Alienate Their Child From the Other Parent?
A narcissistic parent would be more likely to play harmful games with their child to punish the other parent. They don’t have empathy for others and they focus on themselves, their feelings, and their beliefs. They build themselves up by tearing others down. While claiming to protect the child, they inflict harm.
What Are the Legal Implications?
A parent alienating a child from the other shouldn’t have legal custody. Pennsylvania statute emphasizes having both parents in a child’s life within limits. There are 16 factors to be considered by a judge deciding who should have what kind of custody including:
What Can You Do?
Tell us what’s happening. Your spouse is harming your child and that must end. We can file motions with the court asking that time with the child be supervised or eliminated.
Talk to your child. Tell them if the other spouse says bad things about you, they should get your side of the story. Don’t start bashing the other parent in response, or you may be accused of doing the alienating.
Get the Help You Need From a Lawyer You Can Trust
If you have any questions about or need representation in a child custody or divorce matter, call us at (215) 608-1867 or schedule a consultation online now. We can speak over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in our Doylestown or Langhorne offices.
Divorcing a Narcissist
DivorceCongratulations! You’ve made a very wise choice by divorcing a spouse who’s a narcissist. Life is too short to spend your time with an abusive spouse. Expect that your spouse might try to make the divorce as painful as possible and expect us to strongly defend your rights and ensure you’re treated fairly by the court no matter what.
Here in Bucks and Montgomery counties, the attorneys at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., could take many approaches to your divorce. We will work with you to develop the right strategy, which is especially important when dealing with a spouse who will do all they can to make your life difficult. Contact us today so we can discuss your situation and share how we can help.
What is a Narcissist?
Narcissistic personality disorder, reports the Mayo Clinic, is a condition where the person has an exaggerated sense of their importance, a need for attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. The person has fragile self-esteem and is very sensitive to the slightest criticism.
The person may:
How Did I Stay Married to a Narcissist?
Every relationship is unique. Your spouse fulfilled whatever wants and needs you had until the point you had enough of their negative traits and behaviors. Narcissists can be charismatic, charming, and fascinating early in a relationship and whenever they want to turn on the charm. They can be popular for a time until friends and co-workers see their other side. Maintaining long-term relationships can be a challenge for them, reports an article in Psychology Today.
Narcissists tend to play mind games to exert power over their spouses and reinforce their independence. They can be very good at maintaining an emotional distance but engage more deeply when they feel they have something to gain. A narcissist may have many short-term relationships (in which they exploit the other person) but be incapable of what’s needed for a successful long-term relationship – intimacy and emotional connection.
How May Narcissism Impact a Divorce?
Another Psychology Today article warns those divorcing a narcissist of what may lie ahead:
1. He or she must “win” and be proven “right”
They will see themselves as victims, no matter the facts to the contrary, and may have little or no interest in negotiating a settlement. If there are negotiations, expect “low ball” offers, stalling, and a lack of good faith. Your spouse may want a trial to use the courtroom as their stage where they can tell the story of how abused they are and how evil you are.
You may face a “scorched earth” strategy to satisfy your spouse’s need for revenge. While most parties will avoid outrageous claims and stunts because it may harm the couple’s children or others might react negatively, that’s not true of narcissists because they don’t care how others feel. They just want to win, no matter the cost.
2. Your spouse wants you to give up
Narcissists love games and winning because it’s one of the few things that make them feel good. A symbolic trophy may be your giving in to their demands. Many of them will be petty, so it may be worth small sacrifices to move the process forward.
3. As many games as possible will be played
Studies show narcissists maintain power in relationships by keeping others off balance. If they have the resources and a cooperative attorney, there could be many court filings, and your spouse could be a charmer in the courtroom. Expect obstruction, chaos, and a desire to drive up your costs as much as possible, including disputes and litigation after your divorce is final.
4. A trial will make your spouse feel powerful
As bad as they are at maintaining them, narcissists need relationships to feed their needs. Your relationship will continue as the divorce drags on. Expect lies and negative information to hurt you and to make themselves look superior. Your spouse may rather be hated than have you feel indifferent.
Get the Help You Need From an Attorney You Can Trust
Over the years we’ve dealt with many narcissist spouses. We know how they treat our clients and the divorce process. Part of our strategy to protect your rights and interests is to be proactive and strongly discourage the game-playing and abuse that can make a bad divorce situation worse. We will deal with your spouse as much as possible, so you won’t have to.
If you have any questions about divorce or need legal representation, call our office at (215) 608-1867 or book a consultation online now. We can speak over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in one of our offices in Doylestown or Langhorne.
Back to School – Who Makes the Decisions?
Blog, Child Custody, DivorceA child’s education has lifelong effects. If you’re divorced or separated from the other parent, you may not agree on how to handle your child’s education. You must resolve this issue between yourselves with the help of an attorney, or a judge in Bucks or Montgomery County may need to make the decision.
Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., is a team of lawyers and staff in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. We have significant family law experience and have worked hard to build a law firm that can address your child custody needs, including disputes over your child’s education. If you have any questions or need help, call us at (215) 608-1867, book a free consultation online now, or contact us by email.
Parents usually make educational decisions about their kids. If parents are divorced or never married and had their parental rights formalized in court, a judge decided who has legal custody. This includes the ability to make important decisions for the child regarding such issues as education. In most cases, legal custody is shared by both parents. In relatively rare cases, a parent may give up their parental rights, or a judge decides it is not in the child’s best interests for a parent to have any legal custody.
Educational Issues That Can Split the Two Parents
If the two of you agree on issues, it’s not a problem. But if your child’s life is complicated and as more issues come up, there are more opportunities for disagreement:
If you can’t agree on important educational issues, Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can represent you to help negotiate a decision both parties can accept. If not, these issues can be litigated and eventually decided at a trial. But that’s an expensive, time-consuming option that should only be used for very serious issues critical to your child’s success in school.
Your Attitude Toward Your Child’s Education Can Impact Your Child Custody Order
If you’re thinking about divorce or considering getting a child custody order, or one is already in place, you must think about your child’s education and your role in it. One way to show you should keep or be given shared or sole legal custody is to be actively engaged in your child’s education. Communicate with the teacher, attend meetings, and actively address problems as they come up. If you’re not interested in your child’s schooling and are indifferent to their success, it can be used against you by the other parent. They might argue that you having legal custody of your child is not in the child’s best interest so it shouldn’t be granted or it should be taken away.
Get the Help You Need From an Attorney You Can Trust
If you have questions about child custody or need help enforcing or changing a custody order, call our office at (215) 608-1867 or book a consultation online now. We can speak over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in one of our offices in Doylestown or Langhorne.
Gray Divorce – Ending a Marriage Later in Life
DivorceAmerica’s population is getting older, and older couples with longer marriages getting divorced are more common. If you no longer feel marriage is right for you, you should consider a divorce no matter your age or the length of your marriage.
Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., represents clients over 50 years of age in divorce and related family law issues. We know these divorces involve unique problems, and we are sensitive to our clients’ wants and needs. We will protect your rights and negotiate a fair settlement that allows you to move on with the rest of your life in the best position possible.
There are No Age Limits on Divorce
Some older married couples grow apart as time goes on. Their emotions towards each other may weaken or turn negative. Spouses may have more health issues and a limited income, increasing the stress on their relationship.
A spouse may look to the past and feel disappointed. Their life, including their marriage, hasn’t turned out as they planned. They understand better than most of us that time is limited, and changes must be made if they want to live the life they seek. One of these changes may be ending their marriage.
The COVID-19 pandemic has shaken many of us, giving us a greater appreciation for the fragility of life and our health. Increasingly, people unhappy with their jobs aren’t returning. The experience may also leave some older, dissatisfied Americans to decide they no longer want to put up with a relationship that no longer works for them. Many marriages limp along “for the sake of the children” but after the children grow up and spouses are older, they may want a divorce for their own sake.
Is it the Right Time to Divorce?
In some ways, it’s a great time to divorce. If the marital home must be sold, real estate prices are at historic highs while interest rates are at historic lows. If you’ll return to the workforce, employers are raising wages and improving working conditions to attract job applicants.
Many more women own businesses and earn higher incomes than in the past, but a divorce can be a financial blow to both spouses. The greater your wealth, the better off you’ll weather this storm, no matter your age. Whatever your losses, younger people generally have more time to earn and save money to make up for the money spent and assets transferred during a divorce. If you’re at or near retirement age, that can be a lot harder to do.
Divorce and Social Security
Generally, men earn more than women, but given the division of marital assets and the possibility of spousal support, the post-divorce picture should be more even. If you haven’t worked much or earned less income than your spouse, another way to cushion the blow might be Social Security payments based on your spouse’s work history.
If you are 62 and divorced from someone who’s entitled to Social Security retirement or disability benefits, you might be eligible for benefits based on your ex-spouse’s work record, according to the Social Security Administration:
How an Older American Without Health Insurance May Find Coverage
Healthcare coverage is a major concern for those getting divorced. That’s especially true for older couples who may currently, or in the future, suffer a chronic medical condition. If both spouses are covered because one works and qualifies for a healthcare benefit, the other spouse will lose that coverage when the divorce is final (unless you qualify for COBRA benefits, extending your coverage for up to three years, if you can afford the payments).
Another way to get coverage can be an Affordable Care Act (or Obamacare) plan. There’s mixed news if you seek coverage this way. Premiums are partially based on your age, so the premium for someone older may be much higher than one for a young American. But premiums are also partially based on your income (which won’t include alimony if you haven’t divorced yet), so it makes health coverage more affordable if you’re not making much money.
Get the Help You Need from an Attorney You Can Trust
If you are considering divorce or have decided it’s the right choice for you, call our office at (215) 608-1867 or book a consultation online now. It’s never too late to start a new chapter in your life. We can speak over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in one of our offices in Doylestown or Langhorne.
How Will Your Divorce Impact Owning a Business?
Blog, Divorce, Equitable DistributionIf you own a business, or your spouse does, and you plan on divorcing, it is potentially a big issue that must be addressed.
Marital property is usually divided during a divorce. That can be done through an agreement by the spouses or a judge’s order if no agreement is reached. That marital property can include ownership in a business.
Every divorce and business is unique and how it’s handled in your case can vary depending on your circumstances.
Karen Ann Ulmer represents clients who are ending their marriages. Her divorce practice can help you whether you, your spouse, or the two of you own a business. Dealing with this issue can be very stressful and emotional, but it doesn’t have to be that way. If you have any questions, call us at (215)608-1867.
Issues Outside Divorce Law May Determine What Happens to the Business Ownership
Different agreements can impact the division of business ownership in a divorce:
If you and your spouse both own a business, you need to decide if you want one or both of you to sell your interests. If the divorce is amicable and you both feel you can work together, you can both keep your interests and see if you can work it out. However, the details of this arrangement, including what happens should a spouse want to cash out, should be clearly spelled out. It is important to remember that you are divorcing for specific reasons and working together may be very difficult. We recommend giving this a trial run with very detailed scenarios detailed in agreements to protect the business and both spouses in the future.
How Should the Business Ownership Be Divided?
Marital assets (generally what the couple obtained during their marriage) are supposed to be split equitably or fairly under state statute 23 Pa.C.S. § 3502(a). If one spouse has an ownership interest in a business, it could be split with the other based on the following factors:
Either through an agreement or court order, it would be decided if the business ownership is marital property to be divided, and if so, by how much and how that would be accomplished.
How Might This Play Out?
A common outcome is the value of the ownership would be determined and the party owning it would pay the other spouse for their share. That payment could be in cash or as part of a larger asset agreement. If the husband owns the business and must pay his wife $100,000 for her share of ownership, he could give up claims to $100,000 worth of other assets (cash, investments, share of the house, vehicles) which would go to the wife to satisfy what’s owed.
It is also common for this amount to be paid out over time so the business can remain solvent. However, we recommend putting safeguards in place in case the business is sold or starts to encounter financial trouble. Both the paying and receiving spouse need to be protected.
Get the Help You Need From an Attorney You Can Trust
Whether you, your spouse, or the two of you together own a business and want to learn more about how a divorce may impact you, call our office at (215) 608-1867 or book a consultation online now. We can speak over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in one of our offices in Doylestown or Langhorne.
Estate Issues – Joint Accounts
BlogWhat if you had a joint account with a decedent? How the account will be treated depends on a number of factors. First, when was the account made joint? Pennsylvania requires that a joint account have been created at least a year before the death of one of the owners for it to be treated as a joint account. If meeting this one year requirement, only half of the account is potentially subject to inheritance tax. If the account was made joint within a year of death, the entire account is subject to tax. Second, what was your relationship with the decedent? If you were their spouse, the account would not be taxed at all since there is no inheritance tax for assets passing to a spouse.
If you have a different degree of kinship or no relationship at all, the decedent’s half is subject to inheritance tax and the account should be reported as a joint asset on the inheritance tax return for the decedent’s estate. Third, how was the account titled? If the account was titled as joint tenants with rights of survivorship then the balance of the account automatically goes to the surviving owner. This just means that the account does not need to go through probate. Again, depending on the relationship between the co-owners, the half of the account belonging to the decedent may still be subject to applicable inheritance tax. It is important to consider all of these scenarios if you intend to make joint titling of accounts a part of your estate plan.
Can Grandparents Get Custody In Pennsylvania?
Child Custody, Family Law, For Kids, Guardianship, ParentingThere may be times where a Grandparent is worried about the situation that they see their grandchild in. They might be concerned for their safety or well-being. Other times it could be that the grandchild has lived with them for some time now and they just want to have an official document saying that the child is in their custody. They might need a custody order in order to be able to sign off on certain things for the child. The fact is that in Pennsylvania it is possible for a Grandparent to get custody, however there is certain criteria that needs to be met.
In Pennsylvania in order for a grandparent to get custody rights they need to have standing. To have standing means that your scenario complies with what the law says is required in order to get custody. To have standing a grandparent of the child cannot be in loco parentis. To be in loco parentis means acting as the parent in place of the parent. Usually you have to be in that situation for a long period of time. The next requirement by law is that the grandparent must have a relationship with the child that started with the consent of the parents. The next requirement is that the grandparent assumes or is willing to assume responsibility for the child.
The next requirement requires that one of the following scenarios is true.
(A) the child has been determined to be a dependent child under 42 Pa.C.S. Ch. 63 (relating to juvenile matters);
(B) the child is substantially at risk due to parental abuse, neglect, drug or alcohol abuse or incapacity; or
(C) the child has, for a period of at least 12 consecutive months, resided with the grandparent, excluding brief temporary absences of the child from the home, and is removed from the home by the parents, in which case the action must be filed within six months after the removal of the child from the home.
Either A, B, C also needs to apply in order to have standing for custody as a Grandparent. However, even if you do not have standing for custody, you might have standing as a Grandparent for visitation, which is different. If you do not have standing by are curious about whether you have standing for visitation be sure to see my blog post on Grandparent visitation rights. If you are a Grandparent in Pennsylvania and want custody of your Grandchild pleas schedule an appointment with us today.
Do Grandparent’s Have Visitation Rights to Grandchildren?
Child Custody, For Kids, GuardianshipIf you are a Grandparent your Grandchildren are probably pretty important to you. You probably enjoy spending time with them, watching them learn and develop into the person they are becoming. However, what happens if you are being denied time with your Grandchildren by a parent? What if the parent refuses to let you see the child or have any contact with them what so ever? This can be a very difficult situation to be faced with. However, in Pennsylvania Grandparents do have rights to visit their Grandchildren.
In order to assert these rights however, certain circumstances need to be met. The first scenario where a Grandparent can file for visitation rights is when one of the child’s parents is deceased. The second scenario where a Grandparent can assert visitation rights with a child is when the child’s parents have been separated for at least six (6) months or have filed a divorce or separation action. The third scenario is if the child has lived with the Grandparent that is seeking the visitation, for at least 12 months. In any of these scenarios the Grandparent filing must demonstrate that partial custody or visitation serves the grandchild’s best interest and also does not interfere with the child-parent relationship.
If you are a Grandparent in Pennsylvania and are seeking visitation of your Grandchild please contact our office today to discuss your options.