Stress of Divorce

Fewer things in life are more stressful than going through a divorce. Who will end up with the house? What’s going to happen to your kids? The stress of divorce, and its many unknowns, really can feel like it’s eating you alive.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Below, find must-follow tips for managing stress throughout your divorce.

Follow the Boy Scout Motto and Be Prepared

What would happen if you were called into a work meeting, but hadn’t prepared any notes or talking points? You’d be pretty stressed, right? The same principle applies to your divorce.

You never want to go into a divorce unprepared. To be forewarned, as they say, is to be forearmed.

Stress reduction starts with preparing yourself for what’s going to come. The more you know what to expect, the more at ease you’re going to feel. That means you’re less likely to make rash decisions that could torpedo your divorce case.

This is why it’s so important to hire a good divorce attorney. Your lawyer can tell you what to expect in divorce negotiations regarding child custody arrangements, alimony, and property division.

Keep Your Organization Game on Point

The divorce process involves plenty of paperwork to fill out and deadlines to remember. It may be unpleasant, but if you want your divorce to go smoothly, you’ll need to treat organization like a full-time job.

Start by gathering important financial documents, such as bank statements, savings account information, retirement account details, and paystubs. Your lawyer will want to take a look at these to determine the fair division of property between you and your ex-spouse. If you have insurance policies (such as life insurance), make copies of those documents, too.

To stay organized, buy a binder and sort documents into categories, such as financial and legal. You can also scan documents and store them in the cloud or on your computer for quick access.

Take Care of Your Mental Health

The stress of divorce can be truly overwhelming and the emotional burden can be difficult to bear. Between talks with your ex and meetings with your lawyer, you might feel like there’s hardly any time to focus on yourself.

However, you won’t do yourself any favors by neglecting your mental health. Find moments where you can relax, breathe, and quiet your racing thoughts. It can help to keep a journal and talk to a therapist about how you’re feeling. And if you have a good friend, now’s the time to rely on them.

Having an excellent lawyer is a wonderful way to manage stress during divorce. Your lawyer will help by:

  • Providing solid advice to help you avoid legal mistakes that could jeopardize your financial stability
  • Handling paperwork so you don’t miss deadlines
  • Guiding you through divorce negotiations and ensuring a fair deal for you

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. deeply understands the stress of divorce and will work hard to make the process as smooth as can be for all involved. To schedule your consultation, call (215) 752-6200.

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When the Abuser Flips the Table

“There you go again,” your soon-to-be ex snaps. “Why are you yelling at me? You’re abusive. Maybe you need therapy because I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Spoiler alert: They have, in fact, done something wrong.

When the abuser flips the table, so to speak, they can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. They may not hurt you physically, but emotional damage like this can sting even worse.

You’re not at the mercy of your abuser, though. By recognizing their underhanded tactics, you’ll be better prepared to fight back.

The Dirty, Crazy-Making Tricks Abusers Pull To Convince You That You’re the “Bad Guy”

Abusers are masters at emotional manipulation. Many have honed their techniques for years, and they’re scarily good at what they do.

Gaslighting is one of these techniques. It involves misdirection, essentially shifting the blame from them to you in a way that makes you feel you’re losing your mind.

For example, a gaslighting pro might deliberately do something hurtful, then say, “You’re too sensitive,” or “That never happened.”

Gaslighting can also involve false accusations where the abuser flips the table and makes it seem as though you’re the one who deserves blame. For example, suppose your spouse is an alcoholic, and you call them out for drinking when they were meant to be watching the kids.

They say, “I wouldn’t have been drinking if you hadn’t been checking out that guy at the grocery store,” even though you did nothing of the sort. Suddenly, you’re the one under the microscope. The abuser has successfully shifted blame from themselves to you.

Recognizing Self-Defense vs. Abuse

A very common tactic abusers use is to push their victims until they snap and turn to reactive abuse. The victim might scream back or even hit the abuser. This gives the abuser even more ammunition to use against their victim. “You’re the abusive one,” they tell you.

Is that really true? Probably not. These are clear signs that it’s self-defense, not abuse:

  • Your actions are out of character. You’ve never yelled at or hit anyone else before.
  • You feel guilty for what you did afterward.
  • You didn’t initiate the abuse. You only lashed out after the abuser struck first.
  • You feel confused about why you acted the way you did.

Beating Emotional Abusers at Their Own Game

The only real way to beat an emotional abuser at their game is not to play. The abuser wants a reaction from you, so don’t give them one.

Walk away from the conversation (or better yet, leave the house if the abuser lives with you). Call a trusted friend and talk about what happened. It can also be helpful to journal about the incident.

We Refuse To Let That Abuser Walk All Over You

When an abuser flips the table, flip it back by calling Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. Our attorneys have seen it all, and we know how to handle abusive gaslighters with the help of Protection from Abuse (PFA) orders and divorce assistance. You’re never alone when you have our firm looking out for you.

To schedule a consultation, call (215) 752-6200.

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What To Expect When Meeting With a CCES Evaluator

If you’ve been ordered to undergo a meeting with a CCES evaluator, you’re probably feeling a bit nervous. What happens during the interview? What kinds of questions will the evaluator ask you?

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. explains the Bucks County CCES meeting process and what to expect during your interview below.

What Is CCES?

CCES stands for “Court Conciliation and Evaluation Service.” Its main goal is to help parents create a parenting plan that is in the child’s best interest. If parents can’t agree on a parenting plan, CCES will create one for them based on the evaluation.

CCES takes place over six to eight sessions. In addition to the evaluation, CCES sessions can include co-parenting counseling and education.

The Custody Evaluation Process

The CCES process begins with a referral and ends with the creation of a parenting plan following interviews, document review, and court recommendations.

CCES Referral and Form Completion

Either the Custody Master or judge assigned to your case can submit a referral for CCES. You and the child’s other parent must fill out the Referral Form and Consent and Waiver Form. Once you’ve submitted the forms, you’ll have to pay your portion of the CCES fee within 14 days.

CCES Evaluator Assignment

After submitting forms and paying the fee, you’ll have a CCES evaluator assigned to your case. If there is a mutual preference, parties can select up to three names from the CCES evaluator list.

Evaluator assignment is based on:

  • The evaluator’s caseload
  • No conflicts of interest
  • The parties’ geographical area
  • Mutual preference

Individual and Joint Interviews

First, the CCES evaluator will meet with you and the child’s other parent individually. During the meeting, you can discuss the history of the custody case and any issues you have regarding the current parenting plan. Bring documents that you want the evaluator to review to this meeting.

After meeting with both parents separately, there will be a joint meeting. This meeting allows the evaluator to see how the parents interact with each other. The evaluator watches:

  • Body language
  • How each parent speaks about the other
  • Consistency in their stories

Next, the evaluator will meet with the children if they’re of an appropriate age. The evaluator may also want to interview grandparents, stepparents, or other parties that spend a lot of time with the children.

Document Review

Lastly, the evaluator will review all relevant documents, which may include medical records, school transcripts, text messages, etc. They will then create a clinical report with a recommendation on how to resolve the disputes between parents. Depending on the evaluator’s caseload, it can take several months for them to finish their report.

If the parents can’t reach an agreement after reviewing the report, they may file a motion for a hearing with a judge. 

Our Attorneys Can Help You Create the Right Co-Parenting Plan

Do you need advice on preparing for your meeting with a CCES evaluator? Considering trying mediation? Reach out to Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. at (215) 752-6200 to schedule a consultation.

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I Don’t Talk to My Kids – Reunification Therapy

Not having a relationship with your children can be heartbreaking. Regardless of the circumstances that led to you and your children not speaking, you can attempt to repair the relationship with reunification therapy. This process could even help you resolve custody disputes and allow you to regain visitation with your kids. 

Here’s what you need to know.

What Is Reunification Therapy? 

Reunification therapy is a form of mental health therapy that aims to restore parent-child relationships. Judges sometimes order reunification therapy to help resolve messy child custody disputes. Courts like parents and children to be involved in each other’s lives, and this is one way to promote a healthy familial unit. 

In many families where the parents do not share custody, there is a “favored parent” and a “rejected parent.” Reunifying the rejected parent with the child and strengthening the relationship often requires therapeutic intervention. 

During reunification therapy, a therapist works with a parent and their child to improve communication and restore the bond between them. Techniques may include:

  • Family systems therapy, which involves resolving conflicts within the family unit
  • Education sessions about family dynamics
  • Setting boundaries and discussing co-parenting guidelines

Reunification therapy is child-focused and moves at the child’s pace. While the entire family can experience emotional healing through this therapy, the main goal is for the child to find healing and strengthen their relationship with the rejected parent. 

Reunification Therapy and Child Custody 

Judges often recommend or order reunification for families going through stressful custody disputes. It’s often a necessary method of resolving parental alienation. Alienation happens when one parent turns the child against the other parent to attempt to secure more favorable visitation or custody. 

After a family goes through reunification therapy, they may be more willing to concede to split custody. The child may also be happier in the home with the alienated parent. 

This process is often slow and involves other steps, such as individual therapy. With these tools, estranged families learn how to restore their relationships while maintaining healthy boundaries. 

Who Needs Reunification Therapy? 

Not having any communication with your kids is a surefire sign that you could benefit from reunification therapy. Your family may also benefit from this therapy if any of the following are true. 

  • Your ex has turned your child against you. 
  • Your relationship with your child has become strained, and the child favors the other parent.
  • A judge has ordered reunification therapy as part of your child custody arrangement. 

Reunification therapy is sometimes recommended in cases where a parent has been in drug or alcohol rehab, and their addiction has impacted their relationship with their child. In this case, supervised visitation may be safer for the child. 

Seek Child Custody Assistance From Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. 

Gaining custody can be challenging if you don’t talk to your kids. Reunification therapy can help. You should also work with an experienced family law attorney to navigate the child custody process successfully while prioritizing your child’s interests. 

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., today at (866) 349-4721 to schedule a consultation.

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No-Contact Order vs. Protection From Abuse (PFA) Order: What’s the Difference in Pennsylvania?

You’re scared, and you need to put distance between yourself and your spouse in fear that they will hurt you or your children. You know that filing some type of restraining order can help, but you are unsure about which one is appropriate and how the two differ. The idea of navigating the court system and following all the rules can also feel daunting. 

A Protection From Abuse (PFA) order and a no-contact order could both bring you peace of mind. Learn the difference between no contact vs. PFA in Pennsylvania, then seek legal assistance.  

What Is a PFA?

A Protection From Abuse (PFA) order is a court order that prohibits an abuser from coming into physical contact with you. This is a type of restraining order and is often used in cases of domestic violence. PFAs last up to three years and are available to individuals 18 or older or teens and children when accompanied by an adult. 

When you file for a PFA, a police officer will serve notice to your abuser. They must attend a PFA hearing, where a judge will hear both sides and determine whether to issue the court order. If you are in immediate danger, you can also seek a temporary PFA that would go into effect immediately.

PFA orders prevent the abuser from entering your home, school, and/or place of work. If you live with the abuser, they will need to vacate the home. You will also gain custody or visitation rights of your children during this period. 

However, if the defendant fights this restraining order, the judge may not grant it unless you can provide evidence of a physical threat or assault. 

PFAs offer victim protection, but they aren’t the only type of protective order in Pennsylvania. Ask your attorney whether a Sexual Violence Protection Order (SVPO) or Protection From Intimidation Order (PFI) may be better. 

What Is a No-Contact Order?

A no-contact order is a protective order that prohibits a person from contacting you in person, by phone, or by any other means. The main difference between a no-contact order and a PFA is that a no-contact order can only go into effect after a violent act has occurred, not just after the threat of an action. 

No-contact orders go both ways — neither of you can contact each other. This protective order seeks to prevent future crimes. You may seek a no-contact order while waiting for a judge to issue a PFA.

If your abuser violates a no-contact order, they may be found in contempt of court, which can lead to jail time and fines. 

Do you need help understanding the difference between a no-contact order and a PFA? Are you seeking an appropriate protective order? Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., is on your side and can help you navigate every step of this legal process. Contact our Pennsylvania attorneys today at (866) 349-4721 to schedule a consultation. 

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Child Custody – What Not To Say About Your Ex

Your emotions are probably intense if you’re navigating a heated child custody battle. Saying something negative about your ex may seem like a good idea. After all, couldn’t it show the judge that you should have full custody instead of them?  

In reality, saying the wrong thing during a custody battle can hurt your case. It can also place more stress on your children during an already tumultuous process. Our Bucks County, PA child custody attorneys provide a few tips on what not to say or do during a child custody battle. 

Don’t Say Negative Words About Your Ex to Your Children

Your children are at the heart of your custody battle. It can be tempting to involve them in your arguments by slandering your ex in front of them. 

Maybe you want to vent to your kids about how rude your ex is. It’s much better to vent to a friend or an attorney than to involve your children. 

Kids become confused easily and don’t need to know the details of your dispute with your spouse. If the judge hears you were complaining about your ex to your kids, they may believe you were trying to alienate them, which could affect your co-parenting agreement and visitation rights. 

Don’t Tell Your Children What Your Ex Did

Did your ex cheat on you? Steal money from your joint accounts? Lie about their behavior? Tell it to the court — not your children. On the rare chance your child is called to testify, a judge will not look favorably on your tattling about your ex to your kids. Your custody battle is already stressful enough for your children without you encouraging them to choose sides or lose trust in their other parent. 

Don’t Tell Lies About Your Ex

You may be tempted to make up lies about your ex in court to prove poor parental conduct. Maybe you believe your ex would be neglectful of your child, but you don’t have any proof of them acting that way, so you decide to make up a story about how they forgot to pick your child up from school. 

If a judge finds out you lied in court, it could have devastating consequences for your child custody case.  

Don’t Be Rude or Disrespectful 

While tensions run high during child custody battles, avoid being rude or disrespectful to anyone involved in your case. Unkind words to your spouse can make their way to the judge’s ears and hurt your case.

You especially need to watch what you say in court. Judges make decisions in the child’s best interest, and if they see you acting immaturely or aggressively, they’ll consider your behavior when finalizing the court orders. 

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., for Guidance Through Your Custody Battle

Knowing what to say and what not to say during a child custody dispute can be challenging. Allow experienced and compassionate divorce attorney Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., to guide you. Contact us today at (866) 349-4721 to schedule a confidential consultation. 

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Child Custody: What Not To Do for the Good of Your Kids

How can you help your child navigate your divorce?  Keep the focus and a close eye on them, agree to be civil and peaceful, and let them process the changes.  

Working out a child custody agreement is one of the biggest priorities for divorcing couples with kids. Just because you and your spouse don’t want to remain married doesn’t mean you must give up parenting time and miss out on parental involvement as your children grow up.

However, you will need to avoid certain things that could affect the status of a child custody agreement. This will reduce the chances of you ending up in a custody battle later on because you chose not to play by the rules you helped establish.

Here are several examples of what not to do when it comes to child custody.

Criticizing Your Ex

As part of the child custody agreement you and your ex-spouse reached, you’ll likely have specific times throughout each week when you’ll have sole custody of your kids. If your divorce is still fresh on your mind, you might use this as an opportunity to tell your kids details about your divorce. You might also use it to criticize their other parent while in their presence.

Steer clear of doing these actions at all costs. Studies on children with divorced parents have shown that about one-third of them wish their parents wouldn’t criticize each other while they’re around. It can do a disservice to kids by making them feel like they’re stuck in the middle.

Even if you and your ex-spouse aren’t cordial in the aftermath of your divorce and continue to disagree over issues like child support, you shouldn’t let it show when you’re with your kids. Instead, keep the focus on them to take full advantage of your child custody setup.

Failing to Cooperate

If you’re constantly uncooperative while communicating with your spouse about child custody, it could create major problems. They may accuse you of being difficult and begin documenting all the instances in which you’ve given them a hard time. It could lead to a judge changing the terms of your original child custody agreement to minimize the contact you have with your ex-spouse and/or kids.

To keep your initial child custody agreement intact, stick to the child custody schedule that you agreed to and that a judge signed off on.

Being Inconsiderate

Are you always showing up late to pick up your kids or calling your ex-spouse at the last minute to let them know you can’t make it for a visit? Worse, do you take your children on vacation without letting your ex-spouse know or even just pick them up early from school on certain days without your ex-spouse’s permission?

All these actions are inconsiderate, to say the least. They are also reasons that a judge might cite for needing to make adjustments to your current child custody schedule.

Need Help With a Child Custody Case? Let Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., Lend a Hand

Divorce cases that involve child custody can be more complex than other divorce cases. Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can provide the legal representation you need to navigate your way through a complicated case. Call (866) 311-4783 now to arrange a consultation.

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College and Divorce: Covering Kids’ Tuition and Other Costs

Just because you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse are ending your marriage doesn’t mean your kids can’t still receive a college education. You should, however, devise a plan regarding college and divorce to ensure your kids can afford to enroll one day.

See how to accomplish this goal below.

Who Pays College Tuition for Kids Following a Divorce?

In a perfect world, divorced parents with kids wouldn’t have to worry about who would pay for their children’s college tuition since the school would provide enough financial aid and scholarships to cover those costs.

In reality, most situations involving college and divorce are more complicated and involve some level of financial investment. It isn’t always clear which parent should pay for college-related expenses, leading to confusion and, in some cases, resentment.

You and your ex-spouse should be on the same page as far as who will cover which college costs. In some cases, one of you might be in a financial position that allows you to cover significantly more costs than the other. However, you might also need to agree to fill out a Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) form with your kids to take out loans to pay for their schooling.

Do Child Support Payments Continue When Kids Attend College?

When a married couple with kids chooses to divorce, they usually come up with a custody agreement. As part of it, one parent typically agrees to pay the other child support until their kids turn 18.

However, you and your ex-spouse might decide to extend child support payments beyond this point and use them to pay for your kids’ college tuition. This could turn into one parent’s contribution while the other pays out of pocket for additional expenses.

How Can You and Your Ex-Spouse Plan Ahead for College?

Married couples ready to divorce shouldn’t wait until their kids are college-aged to figure out who will pay for higher education. Instead, they should talk about their expectations for paying for college while working on their initial divorce settlement.

Whether your kids are still small or on the verge of going to college in a few years, make the proper plans for paying for their college educations in advance. This will prevent you from having to scramble to come up with last-minute solutions to dealing with college and divorce.

Call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., To Assist With Your Divorce

When it comes to who pays for college and divorce, there aren’t any definitive laws. It’s one of the many instances in which divorced couples must set their feelings for one another aside and do what’s right for their kids.

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can help make this possible. Call (866) 311-4783 to learn about your options.

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What Happens After Divorce Papers Are Filed?

Serving divorce papers is typically the first step taken during the divorce process. One party will file for either a no-fault or fault-based divorce through a lawyer. This attorney will put together the proper divorce paperwork and have it served to the other party to start the process.

But what happens after divorce papers are filed and served? It often varies from one divorce case to the next.

Keep reading to find out which steps take place once divorce papers have been filed.

The Spouse Who Received Divorce Papers Responds

The spouse who files an initial divorce complaint is considered the plaintiff in a divorce case. They must arrange to have their soon-to-be ex-spouse served with divorce papers. This spouse is considered the defendant in a divorce case and has 20 days in Pennsylvania to review the papers and respond.

In some cases, the defendant in a divorce case is expecting divorce papers and can respond to them quickly. In others, they’ll find themselves caught off guard and want to connect with a divorce lawyer before taking any further action to learn the answers to questions like, “What happens after divorce papers are filed?”

A Divorcing Couple Goes Through a Separation Period

In Pennsylvania, married couples aren’t allowed to simply file for divorce and go their separate ways in a matter of days, weeks, or months. Even if a couple plans to keep things amicable and go through a mutual consent divorce, they’ll need to endure a mandatory separation period before they can officially divorce.  

In the greater Bucks County area, we follow Pennsylvania laws for divorce.  The Keystone State imposes a one-year separation period for no-fault divorce cases. However, this can be shortened to 90 days (also known as the cooling off period) in instances in which the couple agrees to move forward. Fault-based divorces are an exception to this rule. They won’t need to go through a waiting period since these cases usually involve serious issues like adultery, domestic violence, substance abuse, etc.

The Rest of the Divorce Process Moves Forward

After a married couple spends a year living separately, they can go to divorce court in Pennsylvania to go through the formal divorce process. This process involves ironing out issues, such as marital property division, alimony, child custody, and more, in front of a judge.

You and your partner might also have the option to skip divorce court by coming up with a divorce agreement. Divorce lawyers for you and your partner can work on hammering out an agreement outside of court so you don’t have to deal with the stress of going through the usual divorce proceedings.

Start Working With Trusted Divorce Attorney Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.

In some situations, the answer to the question, “What happens after divorce papers are filed?” is straightforward. In other instances, it can confuse a person going through divorce proceedings for the first time.

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., is here to help you make sense of the divorce process. Call (866) 311-4783 to speak with a divorce lawyer you can count on.

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Who Pays the Bills During Divorce Proceedings?

Studies have shown that going through a divorce can take a huge physical and mental toll on a person. Divorcees are more likely to have health-related issues including heart issues and depression.

A divorce can also present problems for a person’s financial situation, especially if they share joint finances with their soon-to-be ex-spouse. They might struggle to answer the question, “Who pays the bills during divorce proceedings?”

If you’re going through a divorce, you’ll want to answer this question first. It will prevent you from falling behind on your financial obligations during the divorce process.

If You and Your Partner Are on Good Terms

Recent surveys suggest about one-third of divorced couples describe their splits as “amicable.” If you and your partner are ending your marriage but are still on good terms, it should bode well for you when answering the question, “Who pays the bills during divorce proceedings?”

In this case, you and your partner should attempt to stick to the status quo and continue paying your bills just like you always have. If, for instance, you’ve traditionally used both your paychecks to cover household expenses, keep doing this.

Take this approach to paying:

  • Mortgages
  • Insurance premiums
  • Utilities
  • Car notes
  • Grocery bills
  • Daycare costs

Just confirm your partner is holding up their end of the bargain. Gain access to online accounts you share and check to see that they’re making payments.

If You and Your Partner Aren’t on Good Terms

While some couples keep things cordial during divorces, others end up on bad terms from the second they separate. This can complicate matters when answering the question, “Who pays the bills during divorce proceedings?”

If you and your partner are going through a contentious divorce, you shouldn’t simply trust them to continue to operate in good faith when it comes to paying the bills. You both need to sit down and come to an official agreement about who is in charge of paying which bills.

You might even want to secure a temporary order from a judge laying out how you’ll pay your bills. This order will reveal:

  • How much income you and your partner make
  • Which of you is responsible for paying which bills
  • What will happen if one of you decides not to pay bills

A Word of Caution

Divorce often brings out the worst in people. This is especially true in divorce cases involving alimony and child support.

If you have the slightest inclination that your divorce proceedings might not go smoothly, work with a divorce attorney to create an agreement between you and your partner.

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., for Help With Complicated Divorce Issues

“Who pays the bills during divorce proceedings?” is just one of many questions you’ll encounter as you go through the divorce process. You might also have to work out issues as you divide your marital assets and take other important steps.

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can speak with you about your situation and aim to make your divorce less stressful. Call 866-311-4783 to schedule a consultation.

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