Post-Adoption Contact

Pennsylvania does recognize agreements that permit post-adoption contact with the natural parents so long as all parties consent to the contact. Act 101 was signed into law in 2010 to allow certain post-adoption contact by agreement of the parties. Specifically, a birth relative by blood, marriage or adoption can contract with the new adoptive parents in terms of continued contact with the adoptee. In each adoption case, the parties should sign to acknowledge they received notice of the options available under Act 101. If the parties do not sign an acknowledgement, then proof that they were served with the notice should be provided to the court. A sample of the Act 101 notice is included below. New parents are not required to allow to post-adoption contact if they do not desire to do so.

NOTICE REQUIRED BY ACT 101 of 2010

23 Pa. C.S. §2731-2742

This is to inform you of an important option that may be available to you under Pennsylvania law. Act 101 of 2010 allows for an enforceable voluntary agreement for continuing contact or communication following an adoption between an adoptive parent, a child, a birth parent and/or birth relative of the child, if all parties agree and voluntary agreement is approved by the Court. The agreement must be signed and approved by the Court to be legally binding.

A birth relative is defined only as a parent, grandparent, stepparent, sibling, uncle or aunt for the child’s birth family, whether the relationship is by blood, marriage or adoption.

This voluntary agreement may allow you to have continuing contact or communication, including, but not limited to:

Letters and/or emails

Photos and/or videos

Telephone calls and/or text messages; or

Supervised or unsupervised visits.

If you are interested in learning more about this option for a voluntary agreement, you contact your attorney.

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Divorced and Taking Your Children Out of the Country – PA Law

If you have joint custody of any children under 16, both parents must consent before taking them out of the country.

If your child does not already own a passport, Pennsylvania law requires that both parents must appear in person and provide proof of parentage to apply for the passport. In the case of divorce, a single parent may apply for the passport if he or she presents evidence of having sole legal custody or a court order permitting international travel with the children.

With joint custody, one parent has the right to oppose major decisions that pertain to the child, and this would include travel abroad, even if the child under 16 already owns a passport. If you are the one wishing to travel abroad with your child, you must obtain the written consent of your ex-spouse. This consent must be written in a manner that will be accepted at airports. If your ex is uncooperative, you may apply to the court to receive permission, but this can take time, and filing incorrectly can extend that timeframe. Whether you receive written consent or apply to the court, be sure to review your situation with an experienced family lawyer.

If your ex is trying to take your child overseas and you want to prevent it, you have the right to apply to the court to stop the travel. If your ex takes the child without your consent, you may file an international child abduction case with the U.S. State Department. But you want to avoid this since it is a long and difficult process.

One way to avoid an international abduction case is to file for a Ne Exeat bond (Latin for “that he not depart”). This bond requires the traveling parent to specify location and duration, provide contact information, and put up sufficient bond to cover the cost the non-traveling spouse would incur to try to get the child back.

Additionally, per PA law, a parent who owes $2,500 or more in child support is not eligible to receive a U.S. passport. You can also utilize the U.S. Department of State’s Children’s Passport Issuance Alert Program to flag any attempt to get a passport for your child with a fake consent form.

 

Traveling outside of the country with a child after divorce or separation requires many legal steps but can be done in a way that gives the child a positive experience while protecting the child and the rights of the parents. Given the many Pennsylvania and federal laws governing international travel with minors, we recommend that you reach out to us at Ulmer Law so that we can guide you through the process.

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How to Explain Divorce to Your Children

Divorce impacts children of different ages very differently, and the impact can be ongoing. You’ll need to be prepared for challenges, but by starting right, you can minimize the impact and speed healthy adjustment.

Both parents should tell the children together, if at all possible, and present a unified front. Plan together how you will tell the children about your divorce, what you will say, and just as importantly, what you will not say. Children of different ages can handle different information, so if you have a wide range of ages, keep it simple when telling them together and provide more details to the older ones later, or tell the older children separately so they have more time to ask questions and discuss.

Focus on what does not change: that you are still their parents, that you will both continue to love them unconditionally, and that you want to create a healthy and happy environment for them. Don’t go into details beyond their ability to understand, and don’t place blame on one spouse or the other – and don’t let them blame themselves.

With this general framework in mind, consider the needs of each child’s age-group:

Preschool/Toddlers: This age is self-focused, concrete, dependent, unable to process emotions; they need stability, consistency, and routine.

With this age-group, actions speak louder than words. They need constant reassurance, nurturing, and consistency in routine in order to feel stable and emotionally healthy. Keep your explanations short and concrete: “I’ll be moving to a different house, but I’m still your Daddy and I love you.” The mother would add, “I’ll be taking care of you and you’ll keep living here, but sometimes you’ll visit at Daddy’s house and you’ll see Daddy a lot.” Younger children will need frequent reminders and constant reassurance.

Elementary school age (6 – 12 year olds): This age wants to make sense of the situation, find reasons. Those reasons may be illogical or petty (they may remember a small incident and think that caused the divorce) or they may blame themselves. They are still mostly concrete and dependent and will want to know how it will affect their lives: school, activities, friends.

Be sure to provide some age-appropriate explanations. They will ask many questions, and here’s where your preparation will come in handy. Be prepared with answers they can understand that do not cast blame on the other parent. Try to remain calm. Emphasize it’s not their fault and that it’s okay and right to be sad, angry, confused. Keep open communication with them and watch for mood or behavior changes that can alert you to distress so you can intervene and help them cope.

Teenagers: Teens are more independent, have more external relationships to turn to, and can understand deeper causes, but still need adults to be adults so they can still be kids.

Discuss the divorce with your teens in more detail so they can understand how you’ve tried to save your marriage and why it didn’t work. Try to do so without harming the respect they have for the other parent (unless the cause of divorce is obvious, like substance abuse, adultery, or abandonment). Teens are looking to their parents as examples of adulthood. This could also mean learning from mistakes, so being honest with them about mistakes and how you could have done things differently might actually help them grow. But they still need you to be a parent and not a buddy. They may turn to peers, teachers, and/or coaches for support, but make sure they are receiving this support from positive influences and not turning to the wrong crowd of kids to cope. Consider counseling if you see personality shifts.

For any age group, it’s critical to keep the communication open. Talking to your children about your divorce consists of many small conversations, not one big one. Even if you feel they are trying to push you away or distance themselves, keep trying. They may just be testing you to see if you really love them. Show them by your words and your actions that your love for them will not change, even if other things do.

Contact us at Ulmer Law to see how we can help you through your divorce.

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Obtaining Sole Custody in PA

When determining custody arrangements in Pennsylvania, judges must hold to the standard of “best interests of the child.” Recognizing that children develop best when they have positive relationships with both father and mother, judges do not award sole custody without very strong evidence that this is best for the child.

Sole physical custody means the child lives with one parent only, although usually the other parent will have visitation rights. Sole legal custody means that one parent has complete authority to make decisions in the best interests of the child.

If you want to receive sole custody in PA, the burden is upon you to prove that it would be detrimental to the welfare of your child to live with your ex, even part-time. You will do best to discuss this with an experienced family lawyer to help you develop your case and avoid common mistakes.

Reasons for sole custody

The court will look at all factors impacting a child’s welfare: physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, psychological, and moral. The judge may also consider the child’s preference, the custody of siblings, relationships with extended family, and the primary caregiver prior to the separation.

Some considerations you may need to demonstrate to the judge:

  • Ways in which the other parent is unfit – history of violence, substance abuse, neglect
  • An unhealthy environment in your ex’s home or neighborhood – friends or significant others who come to your ex’s home and who pose a threat to the child; bad neighborhood; unhygienic environment
  • Other parent’s inability to provide – the child eats poorly when with the ex; ex has too little income to support the child
  • Physical or psychological harm to the child – history of physical or emotional abuse or manipulation; immoral behavior; lack of structure or discipline when the child is with the other parent; trying to damage the child’s relationship with you
  • Lack of involvement – the other parent has shown no interest in the child’s activities, school results, etc.
  • Erratic behavior when with child – refusing to allow you contact with your child; not following agreed-upon pick-up times; taking the child out of school or away without your knowledge

Keeping records and taking action

You will need documentation and witnesses to support your claims. There are legal and illegal ways of obtaining evidence, so it’s important to talk to an expert to help you do this.

When you feel you have a case, you will need to file a complaint in the court of the county where the child resides and complete other paperwork required by that county. Your ex will then need to be served the papers. This means he or she will have to physically take the papers in hand. With an uncooperative ex, it is sometimes necessary to call on an expert who knows how to hand deliver papers and get your ex to take them. After this, a conciliator may try to get both parents to work out an arrangement. If this does not lead to an agreement between parents, you may request a trial before a judge.

How we can help

While this is probably your first time attempting to gain sole custody, here at Ulmer Law, we have handled this situation many times. We know all these steps intimately and can help you build a case for sole custody that has a greater chance of success than if you were to do this on your own. We know the law, and we know when to bring in experts to help you. Contact us today to start building your case for sole custody.

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Consents Necessary to Adoption

Before an adoption can be finalized, certain parties must consent to the adoption. Pursuant to 23 Pa. C.S. Section 2711, a consent must be signed by the following individuals where applicable: (1) the child(ren) being adopted if over 12 years of age; (2) the spouse of the adopting parent if that spouse is not also a petitioner; (3) the natural parent(s) of any minor child(ren) being adopted; (4) the guardian of an incapacitated child up for adoption; and (5) the guardian of a minor child or persons having custody when the adoptee has no parent whose consent is required. Only the consent of the adoptee is needed for an adult adoption. Consents of the natural parents should include the date, full address of place of execution, and be witnessed by two adults whose name, address and relationship to the person executing the consent are provided.

It is good practice to also have the consent notarized and the notary’s complete address should be included. Another practical tip is to be careful who you select as a witness. The persons witnessing the consents may be called upon in court to testify as to the circumstances under which the consent was executed. The court must be satisfied that there was no fraud or duress and the person executing the consent was of sound mind. The best witnesses will be impartial and credible witnesses with no interest whatsoever in the outcome of the adoption. A consent executed outside of Pennsylvania can be valid here if executed in accordance with the laws of the other jurisdiction.

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Adopting Multiple Children

Where parent(s) are adopting more than one child, most of the adoption procedures are the same. The home study will be waived if it is a kinship adoption. If a home study is required find an approved social worker or contact your local Children & Youth services agency. Background checks will be required for the adopting parent(s). Presently, there are three background checks required: (1) Child Abuse History Clearance; (2) PA State Police Criminal Record Check; and (3) FBI Criminal Background Check through the Department of Welfare. The rights of the natural parent(s) must be terminated in connection with the adoption. This may entail multiple petitions for termination of rights depending on whether the adoptees have the same parents.

If the natural parents are consenting to the adoption, their consents can be attached to the Petition for Adoption. There must be at least thirty (30) days between when the consents are signed and when they are attached to the Petition for filing since there is a thirty (30) day revocation period. Proceedings for adoption by the same adopting parent(s) of more than one child of the same natural parents can be joined in one petition and heard in one hearing, but separate final decrees of adoption shall be prepared and entered for each child to preserve anonymity.

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Adoption Appeals

Decrees in adoption matters are permanent in nature. If you disagree with the entry of a decree in an adoption case, you need to file an appeal right away to preserve your right to contest. The rules for appeal in an adoption matter follow the general rules for appeal meaning you have thirty days from the date of the Order to file an appeal. Notice of appeal should be filed with the court where the matter was heard. Any applicable filing fee is due to the court at the time of filing. If applicable, you will need to order the transcript from the hearing resulting in the Order you are appealing. There is a cost for the transcript as well which varies depending on the length of the proceedings. You should get in touch with the court reporter or court administration to order a copy of the transcript.

If your appeal is timely filed with requisite documents, the appellate court will contact you regarding next steps in the appeal process. For a contested adoption, often the relevant appeal date would be within thirty (30) days of the decree terminating parental rights. This may be an earlier date than the decree of adoption. Generally, a subsequent adoption hearing would be scheduled at least thirty (30) days after a decree is entered terminating parental rights to account for the appeal window. If you have voluntarily terminated your rights by consenting to the adoption, there is a thirty-day window from when you signed the consent to change your mind. You must revoke your consent in writing and deliver to the party filing for adoption and the county court within the initial thirty days. After that initial thirty-day period the consent becomes irrevocable.

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Name Change through Adoption

If you are adopting a minor child, a name change can be accomplished as part of the adoption. Specifically, the final adoption decree can include the desired new name for the child. This certified decree along with vital records request form can be used to change the child’s name on their birth certificate as well as social security records. Vital records does assess a cost for a new birth certificate. If looking to change your name as an adult pursuant to an adoption, you must also follow the steps for a civil name change.

First, adult adoptees will need to submit a copy of your fingerprints with the adoption petition. Fingerprints can be obtained from your local police department. Adult adoptees also need to supply record checks from the Prothonotary, Clerk of Court, and Recorder of Deeds for each county of residence for five (5) years prior to your filing. Finally, notice of the adoption hearing date must be published in a newspaper of general circulation within the county as well as the local Law Reporter regarding the proposed name change. Proof of the record checks and publication should be offered as evidence at the adoption hearing. Name changes are not permitted for adults in the event of certain criminal convictions.

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Co-Parenting Basics for Divorced Parents

Your children will benefit from a healthy relationship with both their father and their mother after divorce, so to co-parent effectively, remember the three C’s: Cooperation, Communication, and Consistency

Cooperation

Remember, it’s all about what’s best for your children. As adults, you have to put their needs before your own hurts and grudges, however real they may be. As long as one of them is not abusive, your children need to have a healthy relationship with both parents.

You will need to make some important decisions about who will be the parent liaison to doctors, educators, coaches, etc. Will communications from these institutions go to one parent or both? Who will pay for insurance, education, and extra-curricular activities? Will both parents attend school and sport events, parent/teacher meetings, and doctor appointments?

Determine a schedule of custody that takes into consideration school, holidays, and special events. How will the child be transported between homes? What degree of flexibility is there when “life” happens and schedules or plans need to be changed?

Communication

Communication and cooperation work hand in hand. You must have a well-structured communication plan in order to cooperate in the raising of your children. Depending on your relationship, you may have to keep it short and business-like, but you should still be civil. If possible, over time, work towards a friendly relationship, since you’re two people who love the same children and want what’s best for them.

Always share important information, milestones, and pictures with your ex. Some divorced parents find it useful to have a shared online calendar with their children’s schedules, notes from school, and other data loaded, so both parents have access.

If you have concerns about any of your children, it’s very important to communicate this, so you’re both aware and can both work on it. This will not only help with the issue, but will show the children that their parents are united with regard to their well-being, which will have a positive emotional effect on them.

Consistency

This unity should be displayed through consistency in other areas as well. Both homes should have consistent rules of conduct and behavior. It’s likely you will disagree on particulars, but children need stability for their best development.

You may find it easier to agree on certain essentials if each parent is permitted leeway in the specifics. While one parent might say 9:00pm bedtime on weekdays and the other says 10:00pm, the big picture message being communicated is, “You need a good night’s sleep to do well in school.” Chores may differ from house to house, but both parents should teach their children responsibility by giving them chores. Rules about manners, foul language, and other issues of courtesy should be obeyed in both homes.

One last word on attitude

Never complain about the other parent, and as much as possible, help the children respect your co-parent. If he or she has personality flaws, it’s best to let the children discover them on their own – within the realm of safety – to avoid unreasonable fantasies or inaccurate beliefs about the other parent that will make your role more difficult.

Make it clear to your children that the divorce is not their fault. They may need to hear this multiple times, but make sure they feel loved and secure, and they will grow into strong and healthy adults.


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Cohabiting and Ending Alimony in PA

Both cohabitation and remarriage are grounds for termination of alimony in Pennsylvania. In the case of remarriage, a court-ordered alimony award is terminated automatically upon the receiving spouse’s remarriage. However, if the couple settled outside of court, the divorce settlement must include a statement terminating alimony upon remarriage in order for it to end. Most divorce agreements in PA do include such a provision.

Cohabitation will also terminate court-ordered alimony, but it must be proven. Cohabitation in PA is recognized when a person is living with someone of the opposite sex who is not a close relative, demonstrates evidence of romantic or sexual relationship, and comingles assets or finances, thus approximating marriage.

If you believe your ex-spouse to whom you pay alimony is cohabiting and therefore believe your alimony should be terminated, you need to petition the court for an order to terminate alimony. File a motion in the court that handed down your divorce decree and be prepared to present evidence and witnesses in court to support your claim.

In order to gather evidence, look for pictures on social media or talk to friends or neighbors. You may have to hire a private detective who knows how to legally collect evidence of cohabitation – this may include surveillance, collection of documentation, and getting subpoenas to collect records. Our article Proving your Spouse is Cohabiting goes into more detail on this.

When you suspect your ex is living with someone and doesn’t deserve alimony anymore, it’s important to do a cost-benefit analysis. Consider the court and legal fees, the cost of hiring a private investigator, the time and effort associated with collection and court appearances, and the possible damage to relationships with friends and family. If your monthly alimony payment is not very large or burdensome and is awarded for a limited time, you know exactly how much alimony will cost you and can easily compare. You may find it’s not worth the expense or effort. If, however, your alimony payments are large or have no termination date stipulated by the court, you may determine it is worth the effort.

Child support is not automatically affected by termination of alimony. However, if you feel the cohabiting arrangement is not in the best interests of your children, you may wish to petition the courts for modification of custody.

 

These are decisions best reviewed with an expert in divorce law. if you suspect your ex-spouse is cohabitating, contact us here at Ulmer Law so we can help you determine the best approach regarding alimony and child custody.

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