Overcoming the Stress of Divorce

Stress after divorce is to be expected. You’re embarking on a new stage of your life, but things will be different socially, emotionally, and financially. Looking at the big picture can cause anxiety, but by allowing yourself time to adjust and by taking things one at a time, you can manage the stress and anxiety and come out stronger on the other end.

It’s important, first of all, to allow yourself to feel many different emotions. Do not try to bottle them up. And give yourself time to perform at less than full capacity. You may be juggling new responsibilities, or the feelings themselves may be slowing you down. It’s okay. Don’t worry about what others may think of you, everyone has a different way of coping.

Don’t go through this alone, though. It’s important to have the strong social support of friends or family with whom you can share your feelings and who make you feel better. You may also need to reach out to a support group or professional counselor, especially one who is an expert in helping people adjust after divorce.

Keep yourself physically healthy. Exercise and a good diet improve your mental and emotional health. Get involved in activities you enjoy, indulge in hobbies to lift your spirits.

Positive self-talk is crucial. Don’t blame yourself for past mistakes, real or imagined. Focus on a better future. Understand that you can’t control everything, but you can control some things. Write down everything that worries you and brainstorm solutions. Friends may also have ideas. If there are some concrete things you can do to improve the situation, take one challenge at a time, and celebrate your progress.

Financial concerns can be a major stressor. If your spouse handled most of the finances, you’ll need to learn how to do so now. A financial professional can help you make a budget and suggest ways to improve your financial situation. If necessary, look into further professional training in order to get a job that will bring in more money.

If you have children, you’ll be understandably concerned about them. Give them extra attention and make sure they know they can rely on you. But they also need consistent routine and clear discipline, giving them structure and security during this insecure time.

After your divorce, things will be different, but they can still be good – maybe even better. By focusing on your emotional health, you will be able to cope better and also help your children cope. A good divorce lawyer should be able to refer you to appropriate support services. At Ulmer Law, we are committed to helping our clients not only get the best settlement but move beyond their divorce with the best possible future before them. Call us for a consultation.

by

Surrogacy Contracts

Surrogacy is the process whereby a third party is used to assist couples in having a child. Surrogacy may be traditional wherein the third party will have a biological tie to the child but has agreed to relinquish any legal rights as a parent. The other option is gestational surrogacy where the third party is just a carrier and the egg and sperm of the intended parents are implanted in the surrogate. Pennsylvania does not have a statute in place as it relates to surrogacy, however, case law has established courts are willing to uphold the provisions of a surrogacy contract. In J.F. v. D.B., the carrier mother attempted to keep the children following birth despite having entered a surrogacy agreement. 897 A.2d 1261 (2006). The court eventually held she didn’t have standing for a custody action and turned the children over to the intended parents per the contract.

Another case which upheld a surrogacy agreement is In re Baby S, 2015 Pa. Super. 244 (2015).

In re Baby S, involved celebrity couple Sherri Shepherd and former husband, Lamar Sally. The couple had entered into a surrogacy contract to assist in having a child. Several months into the pregnancy, Shepherd refused to sign additional forms to have her listed on the birth certificate as the intended parent of the child because of the pending dissolution of her marriage to Sally. Sally ended up taking care of the child and subsequently sought support from Shepherd. The court ruled that Shepherd was an intended parent evidenced by the signed surrogacy contract and accordingly, ordered her to meet her child support obligation. Accordingly, parties who intend to use a surrogate should consult with an attorney first and draft a clear, unambiguous agreement.

You may also need a pre-birth Order to ensure the names of the intended parents can be listed on the birth certificate at the time of birth.

by

Adoption Fees

There are a number of costs involved in an adoption action. The total amount of expenses will vary depending on the nature of the adoption. For example, a kinship or family adoption where the natural parent(s) are cooperating with the adoption will have different costs than a case where the adoption is contested by the natural parent(s) or if the adoption is not kinship. There is a filing fee due to the court for an adoption petition. Other filings that may be necessary depending on your circumstances can include a request for a home study, notice of intent to adopt, petition for involuntary termination and/or confirmation of consent. Each county will determine which pleadings require a filing fee as well as the amount. On average, it can be several hundred dollars just in filing fees. This may be something to consider if you have multiple options available in terms of counties with proper venue for your adoption case.

In addition to filing fees, the home study, where required, is at your expense. Due to the intensive inquiry that must be completed, this is usually a fairly substantial cost. Keep in mind, a home study is not required for a family adoption. If you are planning to be married, it may make sense to get through the wedding first before the adoption to skip this step. Finally, due to the strict requirements and specific procedures for a successful adoption, an experienced attorney is strongly recommended. Most attorneys will charge by the hour for the time they spend working on your case. To that end, this expense can also fluctuate quite a bit depending on the nature of your case and whether everything goes smoothly and all parties cooperate versus if it is particularly contentious and additional litigation is required.

by

Wills for Heroes

Wills for Heroes is a program in conjunction with the Pennsylvania Bar Association that provides free wills, living wills, and powers of attorney to first responders and their families. Appointments are required along with proof of military or public service. There is also a limit on the size of the estate to utilize this service. Appointments can be made online at the Pennsylvania Bar Association website. Each appointment slot is one hour. Each participant will have their final, notarized documents to take home with them by the conclusion of their appointment. If a spouse or significant other is also participating, their appointment will be immediately following that of the first responder. The program is made possible through the time of volunteers including attorneys, reviewers and witnesses.

Bucks County has two “Wills for Heroes” events coming up. On Saturday, April 6, 2019 an event is being held at the Bucks County Public Safety Training Center located at 1760 South Easton Road (Route 611), Doylestown, PA. Another event is scheduled for May 18, 2019 at the Trevose Fire Company located at 4900 E. Street Road, Feasterville-Trevose, PA. Appointments begin at 11 a.m. For more information and events at other locations throughout the state, you can visit www.pabar.org/wfh/. Our firm is also able to assist with estate planning documents at a reasonable cost including trusts, wills, living wills and powers of attorney. Please contact our office if you would like additional information or to set up an appointment.

by

Blended Families

Divorce and remarriage is fairly common and can include new children in your life. Adoption may be an option to make those children your own legally. An adoption by a stepparent qualifies as a kinship adoption such that some of the statutory requirements for adoption are waived. As the prospective adopting parent, you will need to have three background checks completed prior to filing an adoption petition. Presently, the required background checks for Pennsylvania include (1) Child Abuse History Clearance; (2) PA State Police Criminal Record Check; and (3) FBI Criminal Background Check through the Department of Welfare. Your spouse and natural parent of the children would join as a petitioner in the adoption matter.

The rights of the other biological parent will need to be terminated in connection with the adoption. Their parental rights can be terminated voluntarily or involuntarily. With voluntary termination the other natural parent will sign a consent to the adoption which is subsequently attached to the Petition for Adoption. There must be at least thirty (30) days between when the consent is signed and when adoption petition is filed with the court since there is a thirty (30) day revocation period. With involuntary termination, you will plead the applicable grounds for involuntary termination within your adoption petition. A filing fee is payable to the county at the time you file your petition for adoption. After filing the Petition, you will receive notice of when you are scheduled for your hearing. You will need to notify any party that is required to receive notice of the hearing per the adoption statutes in advance of the hearing.

by

Interstate Adoptions

There are additional requirements to satisfy if you are adopting a child out of state. The Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children, which has existed for more than forty years, addresses adoptions where a child is to be transferred across state lines. It creates uniform legal and administrative procedures for interstate adoption matters. All U.S. states are members of the Compact and follow the same procedures. The state where the child presently resides must approve of the transfer across the state lines for placement. A copy of the approval is then submitted to the court for filing in the state where the adoption will ultimately take place. In order to get approval, a packet must be created with relevant information on the child or adoptee, the prospective parent(s) and the intended place of residence.

After the sending state is satisfied that the packet covers all the relevant areas, it is sent to the receiving state for their review as well. The receiving state would be responsible for having a home study completed for the intended residence typically through the local social services agency. If the receiving state is satisfied following the home study, it notifies the sending state and sends them a copy of the home study. At that time, following approval by both states involved, the interstate adoption may be completed. The Pennsylvania office of the Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children is located in Harrisburg and can be reached at (717)772-5503 for non-agency placements or (717)772-5502 for agency placements.

by

Adoptions for Same Sex Couples

Now that Pennsylvania recognizes same-sex marriages, same-sex partners can also benefit from the simpler process of a kinship or step-parent adoption. This means no home study is required. The adopting parent would still complete the requisite background checks. At the adoption hearing the court will verify that all requirements for an adoption have been met. The adopting parent(s) should be prepared to indicate their understanding of the responsibility they are taking on as parents.

For couples conceiving using assisted reproductive technology, it may be possible to have your name included in your child’s birth certificate prior to finalization of the adoption hearing. Specifically, for female same-sex couples where one partner is the birth mother, the other partner’s name can be included in on the birth certificate so long as they are married. However, having your name on the birth certificate is not necessarily enough to protect your rights as a parent so you are advised to still consult with an attorney regarding adoption as soon as possible.

by

Where to File for Adoption

An adoption petition can be filed in a number of places depending on the circumstances of your case. Pursuant to 23 P.A. CS 2302, an adoption may be brought in the county where the parent(s) reside, where the adoptee resides, where an office is located for an agency having custody of the adoptee, or with leave of court, where the adoptee formerly resided. Section 2301 dictates that each county shall exercise jurisdiction through the appropriate division for adoption matters. In Pennsylvania, it is the Orphans’ Court that regularly handles adoption matters. In New Jersey, it is the Surrogates’ office.

Each county has their own local rules and forms to be used in an adoption matter. Additionally, each county sets their own fee schedule in terms of what filing fees will be due and for which pleadings. The cost and procedure for a home study, where necessary, also varies by county. Finally, the wait for a hearing is longer in some counties than others based on the overall volume of cases to be heard and the number of sitting Judges. All of the above may be reasons to consider in determining where to file an adoption petition.

by

Adoption Hearing

One of the final steps in the adoption process is the adoption hearing. The hearing is often ceremonial in nature. It is common for family and friends to attend along with the prospective adoptee parents. The adoptee(s) must be present as well. At the hearing, the Petitioners should be prepared to show all legal requirements for an adoption have been met. Any documents that were attached to your original petition or subsequently filed with the court should already be in the court file (i.e. original birth certificate, background checks, home study report.) Additional requirements may include service on the opposing party in which case you should be sure to have valid proof of service with you for your hearing.

As adoption is permanent, there are some questions to make sure the prospective adoptive parents understand exactly what they are taking on. For example, prospective parents will be asked if they understand the adoption confers all the legal rights and duties between a parent and child that the law provides for natural born children. Those rights and duties include, but are not limited to, the right of the child to inherit through you and your family, the legal obligation to financially support the child, the right of the child to seek support from you, the principle that these rights and duties would continue if you and your spouse separate or divorce as well as if the child develops any physical, psychological problems or becomes ill or disabled for any reason in the future.

The Judge presiding over the case will often allow for pictures at the conclusion of the proceedings. As a family member or friend, you can bring gifts or card however, the court has a strict no balloon policy. After receiving the final decree of adoption, you can follow up with getting a new birth certificate for the adoptee.

by

What If Your Ex Hid Money During the Divorce?

While the law requires both spouses to disclose all assets and liabilities with an accurate estimation of value for distribution between spouses, it’s not uncommon for someone to try to hide the actual worth of their property.

This is, of course, illegal. But if the lie isn’t caught, the lying spouse gets to keep more of his or her money. The other spouse thus gets less money at settlement and also possibly less child support or alimony.

Common ways to hide property

There are many creative ways to hide money from your spouse, and those of us who have been in divorce law for a number of years have seen some surprising schemes. But most people try one or more of the following:

  • Transferring real estate or other property into the name of a friend or family member
  • Making large purchases to resell at a premium after the divorce
  • Asking friends or family to hold onto valuables like art or jewelry, to be collected after the divorce
  • Hiding cash away, either under the proverbial mattress or in an account or box in someone else’s name – via a large cash withdrawal from a joint account, many small withdrawals over a period of time, or unreported income from a cash business
  • Deflating one’s income. A self-employed person can easily do this with creative bookkeeping, or a boss might agree to a temporary demotion or false reporting. The spouse might also add more to the 401K or inflate withholdings
  • Postponing of income until after the divorce. This could be by asking the boss to delay a bonus or by not submitting reimbursement reports in a timely manner
  • Depositing and then withdrawing money from children’s custodial accounts
  • Paying off phony debts to a friend or family member
  • Understating the value of property
  • Hiding money or property offshore
  • Overstating debts

What to do if you suspect dishonesty

It’s best to catch this sort of illegal behavior during the divorce proceedings, because the spouse who suspects cheating can petition the court to subpoena the employer for all employee records as well as the banks for all their information.  After the divorce, it is difficult to reopen the case, especially in equitable distribution states, such as Pennsylvania and New Jersey.

But if the divorce is final and you have recently found out your ex lied to you and to the court, don’t despair. Contact an experienced divorce lawyer. Your lawyer will help you construct as strong a case as possible. You may have to hire a private investigator and/or a forensic accountant. The investigator may use surveillance and online research to uncover evidence of fraud, while the forensic accountant will scrutinize any documentation available, looking into unexpected corners to uncover what’s been hidden.

There can be stiff penalties for hiding property in a divorce case. If you’re thinking of doing it, don’t. But if you suspect your ex undervalued his/her worth, talk to one of our experts to see what we can do to help you.

by