Tag Archive for: coparenting

Protecting Your Relationship With Your Child During and After Your Divorce

As a parent, you may naturally worry about how divorce will impact your relationship with your children. Separation is a time of emotional upheaval for everybody, including your children, who face the loss of the family unit as they know it. 

The prospect of divorce may make children feel confused, anxious, or angry. Any associated changes, like relocation or changing schools, could add to the stress. The tips below will help nurture your relationship with your child throughout and after divorce.

Help Your Child Process the Situation

Your child may struggle to understand or accept the end of your marriage. They may wonder how the family will function from now on, how holidays and birthdays will work, or whether they’ll have to leave their home and friends. 

Sit with your child and explain what’s happening in a calm, reassuring, and age-appropriate way. For young children, hearing that the divorce is nobody’s fault and that both parents will always be there for them may be enough. Teens may appreciate more eye-to-eye communication and stronger involvement in their living or schooling arrangements. 

However, no matter how old your children are, avoid over-sharing details about the legal proceedings, property division, or alimony. Simply assure your child that you and their other parent will arrange all practical matters. 

Make Time for Your Children

During divorce proceedings, it’s easy to become caught up in practical arrangements like gathering documentation or looking for a new place to live. It’s important to stay present for your children, not just in taking care of their physical needs, but as a parent who still makes time for fun. 

Take your child out to the park, arrange a movie night, or do other meaningful activities that show your child that spending time with them is high on your priority list. 

Work Together With Your Co-Parent

Divorce is a time when emotions run high and disputes flare up. The entire process will be much less stressful if you and your soon-to-be-ex agree on a parenting plan that covers all essentials, like with whom the child will primarily live and how you’ll split vacation time. 

Your child will fare much better emotionally if you present a stable and united front as co-parents. Always speak respectfully about your child’s other parent and avoid making your child feel like they must choose sides. Professional mediation can help you both bridge any differences with your ex.

Of course, amicable co-parenting might be challenging if your soon-to-be-ex deliberately tries to alienate your child against you or uses custody as a bargaining chip. Consult a skilled family lawyer if you’re divorcing a narcissist or another high-conflict personality type.

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.: Helping You Navigate Divorce and Custody in NJ and PA

Are you concerned about how family dynamics might affect your children before, during, and after divorce? Our skilled and empathetic family law team at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can help you work out a parenting plan that minimizes conflict and protects relationships. Schedule a consultation today.

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Child Custody: When Your Ex Is Always Late Dropping Off or Picking Up Your Kids

Your ex was supposed to pick up your child three hours ago, but they still haven’t arrived. Not only that but they can’t even be bothered to call you and tell you what’s going on. You’re annoyed, to put it lightly, and your child keeps asking, “Why isn’t daddy here yet?”

Below, a divorce and child custody attorney explains how to handle non-compliance of court-ordered visitation here in Bucks County.  

Why Is Your Ex Not Complying With the Parenting Plan?

If your ex is only late occasionally, that’s understandable. But if they’re always late, they might be trying to annoy you. Some exes enjoy wasting your time and they do it to “punish” you.

“How dare she divorce me?” these people think. “I’ll show her.”

Of course, your ex might just as well have a problem with time management. Regardless, that’s not an excuse to be constantly late for drop-offs and pickups.

Chronic Lateness Impacts You and Your Child

Your child gazes out the window as they eagerly wait for their parent to arrive. Your ex was supposed to arrive at 10, but 30 minutes later, they’re still not here. You try to assure your child that mommy still cares about them. They’re not convinced, though, and you can’t blame them.

Young children can’t understand why mom or dad is always late. It makes them sad and frustrated. They might even feel like their parent doesn’t love them anymore.

Chronic lateness affects you, too. You might be late to work or miss an important meeting because of your ex’s behavior. If your ex’s lateness is impacting your life, call a divorce and child custody attorney for guidance.

How To Handle an Ex Who’s Always Late

If your ex is fairly amicable, you can try talking to them. Simply ask why they’re always late. Maybe they have a good reason. For instance, perhaps they have a new job schedule that interferes with visitation. If this is the case, you might consider custody modification.

Mediation can also help you sort out tardiness. During mediation, you and your ex will meet with a neutral party to find a solution to their chronic lateness.

When Should You Hire a Lawyer?

If your ex doesn’t abide by your custody arrangement and no amount of talking helps, it may be time to call a divorce and custody attorney. Your lawyer can send a letter to your ex laying out the consequences of their chronic lateness.

Should that fail, your attorney can file a motion for contempt of court. A judge may give you more parenting time or fine your ex to discourage further lateness.

Is Your Ex Always Late for Custody Exchange? Contact Our Firm

Your ex may think it’s funny to annoy you by constantly showing up late, but chronic lateness is no laughing matter. If your ex refuses to show up on time, contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.

For a confidential consultation with a divorce and child custody attorney, call (866) 349-4265.

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Is Your Spouse Talking Badly About You to Your Kids?

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If your spouse is talking badly about you to your kids, it needs to stop. Neither parent should degrade the other when speaking to their kids. Divorces can get very heated, but this emotional poisoning can harm the child. If this is happening, have a direct talk with your spouse and make it clear that this is unacceptable. 

If you’re lucky, maybe your spouse’s off-hand bad joke about you was misquoted by your child. Your spouse may have been talking to someone else, unaware that your kids could hear the remarks. If so, your spouse needs to be more careful.  

If this was an intentional verbal slam or an attempt to harm your relationship with your kids, it needs to stop immediately. Make it clear this won’t be tolerated. If it continues, our office can communicate with your spouse, and if that fails, we can seek a court order prohibiting this from happening and potentially cutting back the time your spouse spends with your kids. 

Are Your Spouse’s Words Harming Your Relationship With Your Child? 

They may have a tough enough time seeing their parents end their relationship. One loved parent telling them their other loved parent is a bad person is not good for anyone. Children need as much peace and certainty in their lives as possible. 

The official term for emotionally manipulating a child against the other parent is “parental alienation.” It, according to Psychology Today, happens when a child refuses to have a relationship with a parent because they’re being manipulated by the other. It can be exaggerating something, telling lies, or saying hateful things.  

Parental alienation can happen during a divorce, but it may take place before one starts or after it’s finalized. It could include emotional blackmail, where one parent threatens to withhold love or attention if the child continues their relationship with the other. A parent may convince a child to make a false claim of abuse or neglect. The parent may make the child promise that these statements and acts are secrets that can’t be revealed. 

What Impact Can Parental Alienation Have? 

As a result, a child may be distraught, confused, angry, sad, and lonely. Children may not understand why they love someone the other parent hates. They may be afraid to speak honestly with the targeted parent and lack evidence that what they’re being told is untrue. In extreme cases, this can impact a child’s relationship with a parent for years. 

Parental alienation can have more than an emotional impact on you and your child. It can affect custody proceedings. If your child is mature enough, a judge may give weight to your child’s opinion on which parent should have what kind of custody. If parental alienation colors that opinion, it can impact your case. If the other parent is interfering with the time you’re allotted with your child, that failure to cooperate can be used against them. 

If you suspect parental alienation is affecting your relationship with your child, please contact us here at Karen A. Ulmer, P.C. We can help clarify what’s going on and stop it. 

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