Tag Archive for: divorce

What is Discovery in a Divorce Case?

Discovery is the process in which both parties exchange information, documents, and sworn testimony. It is a critical part of a divorce, especially if the parties have difficulty negotiating a settlement and the case appears headed for a trial. 

Discovery produces the evidence that fuels the divorce process. Without facts, neither party can establish their case or negotiating positions. You cannot resolve a divorce based on opinions and emotions. You need facts, which discovery reveals. 

When Can Discovery Be Used? 

Pennsylvania Rules of Civil Procedure Rule 1930.5 covers discovery in domestic relations cases. It states discovery is: 

  • Not allowed in “simple” support, custody, Protection from Abuse, or Protection of Victims of Sexual Violence or Intimidation proceedings unless a judge authorizes it. 
  • Allowed without court approval in alimony, equitable distribution, counsel fees and expenses, and “complex” support proceedings. 

Discovery can be expensive and time-consuming, so it is not appropriate in every case. 

What Can a Party Seek in Discovery? 

The information and documents sought must be relevant under Pennsylvania Rule Civil Procedure 4003.1: 

  • What is sought can concern any matter not privileged (it need not be disclosed under civil procedure rules or applicable laws) which is relevant to the divorce.  
  • It can relate to a claim or defense. 
  • It can cover the existence, description, nature, content, condition, who has custody of, and location of documents, books, or other tangible things. 
  • It can ask for the identity and location of those knowing any discoverable matter. 
  • What is sought need not be admissible at trial if the request appears intended to lead to the discovery of admissible evidence. 

The discovery process should force both parties to “show their cards” so they understand all the relevant facts as well as the strengths and weaknesses of their case. After the parties make complete disclosures, cases where negotiations have not gone well often settle. 

How Does Discovery Work? 

Discovery methods include providing to the other party and responding to: 

  • Interrogatories: A set of questions. 
  • Production requests: A list of documents sought by a party. They can exist on paper electronically. 
  • Subpoena to produce things and/or documents: A formal request by one party to the other that is potentially enforceable by court order. They are usually used by the party seeking information or documents after the other party objects to what is sought and refuses to respond. 
  • Request for admission: One party asks the other to admit whether a series of statements is true or not. 

The receiving party can object if they have a valid reason to refuse to respond to a request. (It is not relevant, confusing, or overly broad, for example). The party seeking discovery can amend the request to accommodate the objection, ask a judge to order a response, or decide to drop the issue. If there are no valid grounds to object, the party must respond. 

What are Depositions? 

Depositions are another discovery form. They are interviews of parties and possible witnesses. The people answering questions are “deposed,” and they must swear under oath that what they are saying is true and accurate.  

Attorneys for both sides ask questions. If one side feels the other attorney’s question is improper, they can object and instruct the person not to respond or limit their response. If the questioning attorney wants to push the issue, they can ask the judge in the case to decide if the objection is valid. 

Every discovery method can be helpful, especially in cases where the parties’ incomes and assets are disputed, but depositions can be critical to cases beyond the information they may provide. Not only is what is being said important, but how. Is the person confident and credible? Nervous and reticent? Angry and uncooperative?  

If the deposition goes well, the party may be more confident in taking a case to trial and demand more in settlement negotiations. If it goes poorly, and a judge or jury may not find the person believable or likable, the party may be more flexible in negotiations to avoid a trial. 

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., if you have questions about the legal process or believe you will need representation in a divorce matter. Call us at (866) 311-4783 or complete our online contact form today.  

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Negotiating With a Difficult Spouse

A crucial benefit of retaining us for your divorce is that we will deal with your difficult spouse (or their attorney) so you will not have to. You will make important decisions on your goals and objectives and what you are willing to sacrifice to reach them. But we will work to get you the best resolution possible, given your situation. 

Your spouse may have been difficult during your marriage or become an irritation machine as the relationship ends. You may be used to negotiating during your relationship, but this can turn far uglier during a divorce. 

Stay Above the Fray 

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. attorneys are used to tough negotiations. We have seen all the head games, power plays, distractions, and problems created to invent obstacles. Divorces can be highly emotional, and your spouse may be furious at you and the situation.  

That can play out during negotiations. Some spouses use settlement talks to try to settle scores and cause as much grief as possible. Our attorneys will deal with this and reduce its impact on you as much as we can. 

Negotiations Should Not Be a Battle of Wills 

It is normal for a party in any negotiation to use leverage to get a favorable agreement. What sets destructive negotiations apart is when one party goes to extremes to create or use that leverage to get what they want.  

Keep calm and think straight while your spouse tries to stockpile issues to hold over you. Settling a divorce should be considered a business transaction. The two of you are trading things, so you are both in a good position after the marriage ends.  

Facts and the legal issues that arise from them fuel the divorce process. We need to document your family’s debts and assets thoroughly. If your spouse owns a business, it may be used to hide assets to prevent some of them from going to you or your children. 

We may discover evidence that your spouse can not try to spin to their advantage. Facts may create a basis for legal claims that could give you leverage. As a result, your obstinate spouse may realize the cards they are holding are not nearly as good as they think. 

Pick Your Battles and Be Smart About Negotiations  

We will discuss with you what you will need after your divorce. You may achieve these non-negotiable issues because you are willing to sacrifice (or at least be flexible about) other matters. For example, you may be willing to give up claims on some assets or spousal support because you want the family house.  

Ultimately you will need to decide the outcome of complex negotiations. If your spouse makes a stink about inconsequential things, it may be best to give in. But you will also have lines that you are unwilling to cross.  

That is entirely reasonable, as long as what you are willing to go to battle for is critical to starting your life over. Do not become like your spouse – drawing uncrossable lines to create conflict and chaos to weaken and frustrate the other spouse in a battle of attrition. 

If Spouses Can Not End Their Marriage, a Judge Can Do It for Them 

Very few divorce cases go to trial. They are expensive, time-consuming, and emotional, and may force you to spend energy you would rather use on other parts of your life. But they are often the result of one or both spouses being unwilling to reasonably and sensibly negotiate a resolution to their differences.  

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., if you have questions about divorce or believe you will need legal assistance with one. Call us at (866) 311-4783 or complete our online contact form today.  

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Visitation Can Be Supervised If It is in the Best Interests of the Child

A parent would need to have severe problems for a judge in Pennsylvania to order they should have no contact with their child. A more common situation for parents with a criminal record or severe emotional, psychological, or substance abuse challenges is having supervised visitation (or supervised physical custody) during which the parent and child are never alone. 

What is Supervised Visitation or Custody? 

There are many types of custody in Pennsylvania: 

  • Legal custody: The right to make major decisions on behalf of the child, including medical, religious, and educational issues. The parents can share it, or one will have legal custody.
  • Physical custody: The physical possession and control of a child. This could be by one parent (sole physical custody), or it can be shared between the parents. A parent with primary physical custody will have the child with them most of the time, while the other parent will have partial physical custody. 

Supervised physical custody means that either through a court order or an agreement reached by the parents, an agency or an adult monitors the interaction between the parent and child during visits. If a judge believes the child will not be safe when alone with the parent, they may order supervised physical custody.  

Why Would This Be Ordered? 

Custody decisions should be based on the child’s best interests, not what one or both parents want. In these cases, the court balances the importance of the parent having time with the child with the child’s well-being and best interests. 

Pennsylvania law presumes it is in the child’s best interests to have a relationship with both parents. But that has its limits. If the parent’s problems are such that they would harm the child or the parent is indifferent to them, a judge could order that the parent have no custodial rights. Common reasons include: 

  • Domestic violence  
  • Child neglect  
  • Substance abuse  
  • Unmanaged or poorly managed mental illness 
  • Criminal acts  

If the parent’s situation is not as severe and he or she wants to be part of the child’s life, a judge may order supervised parenting time rather than revoking a parent’s custody rights.  

How Would Supervised Physical Custody Work?  

A court order may specify that a particular person be present during this supervised time, such as an extended family member or friend trusted by both parents. If there is no such person, or a judge is uncomfortable with that arrangement, they may decide that a qualified professional supervisor must be present. The setting will be safe for the child, whether at the parent’s home or at a location where there is room for these types of visits. 

If you are the parent wanting to limit your child’s time with the other parent, ending custody rights is a drastic step few judges want to take. Unless the other parent is legitimately a danger to your child, you should be open to supervised physical custody. 

If you are a parent facing challenges in your life, you can still seek custody. If you struggle with being with your child alone, accepting supervised visits may be a good choice. In the meantime, you should actively address your problems and take steps to show you will be a responsible parent. 

A custody order can be amended if one parent shows that circumstances have changed. If the supervised parent: 

  • Does not show up, is intoxicated, is still struggling with psychological problems, or says or does inappropriate things during visits, a judge may end their custody rights. 
  • Is under control, appropriately dressed, actively engaged with the child, and appears to be heading in the right direction, a judge may allow future unsupervised visits. 

Supervised physical custody can be a turning point in the child’s relationship with the parent. Which direction it goes depends on how the supervised parent responds. 

Child Custody Lawyers You Can Trust  

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. lawyers are skilled in developing compelling legal arguments and evidence that judges need to make wise child custody decisions. If you have questions about supervised visitation or need legal representation, call us at (215) 752-6200 today. 

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Don’t Bring Your Kids to Court

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If you are involved in a family law matter in Bucks County, bringing your kids to court is not a good idea for practical reasons, how it may be perceived by those in the courtroom, and the harm it may do to your kids.  

Bringing your kids along may be interpreted as a “power play” by a judge, the other parent, and their attorney. Kids are not accessories to be used along with the right clothes to show you are someone to be reckoned with. This approach in a custody dispute may backfire because the judge may see you putting your interests ahead of your child. 

This Is Not a Play or a Sporting Event. Parents are Airing Their Grievances About Each Other 

It is crucial to shield children from conflict and allow them to maintain a positive and healthy relationship with both parents. Parents can protect their children from unnecessary stress by keeping them out of the courtroom and preserving the parent-child bond during a challenging time. 

Family court proceedings can be stressful and emotionally charged, with heated arguments and conflicting testimonies. Exposing children to these intense and potentially confrontational situations can cause significant emotional distress.  

Children may feel caught in the middle, torn between their parents or family members, leading to confusion, anxiety, and insecurity. Witnessing parental conflict in a formal courtroom setting can have long-lasting adverse effects on children’s emotional well-being and may contribute to relationship difficulties in the future. 

The Truth Should Be Spoken in Court. The Fact Your Kids are There May Make That More Difficult 

Kids’ presence in the court can distort the process. There is a risk a parent may say something for the child’s benefit. They may want the child “on their side” and put on a show to ingratiate themselves with the child while painting an overly negative picture of the other parent.  

The opposite might also be true. A parent may hold back on what they might otherwise claim about the other parent to avoid hurting the child’s feelings and drawing them deeper into the conflict. A manipulative parent may bring their kids to court with this in mind as a shield to try to blunt what the other parent may say about them. 

Your Children are Going Through Enough. They Do Not Need to be Humiliated 

An essential reason for settling family law issues is if you do not, they will be discussed in a courtroom open to the public. All of the family’s dirty laundry may be aired. A child in a courtroom may hear things about their parents or siblings that they do not need to know in a way that can be very harmful.  

They may also hear their personal issues discussed in a room full of strangers, which may humiliate them. Respecting their privacy is essential for maintaining their dignity and protecting them from potential stigmatization or unwarranted attention. 

Distractions Can Make a Bad Situation Worse 

If a child is very young or emotionally sensitive, they may create a distraction in the courtroom. An infant not feeling well, hungry, or with a dirty diaper will make their presence known. They know nothing of courtroom etiquette. Distraught over what they hear, an older child may also respond with tears, sharp words, and lashing out. There is too much going on in the courtroom, and it is too important to be subjected to these distractions. 

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., if you have questions or believe you will need legal assistance with a child custody dispute, whether or not it’s part of a divorce. Call us at (866) 311-4783 or fill out our online contact form today. 

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What is a Child Custody Evaluation?

If you are involved in a custody dispute, there may be at least one child custody evaluation. It is a psychological assessment involving the parents’ living conditions, family dynamics, mental health problems, and other relevant concerns to recommend what is in your child’s best interests.  

Court-ordered evaluations are usually performed if the parents disagree on custody. If one is done fairly and competently, its recommendation may push the parties to settle on terms consistent with its findings. 

Who Will be Interviewed? 

Court-ordered custody evaluations are established by Pennsylvania and New Jersey court rules. The parties can also commission their investigation. A custody evaluator should interview: 

  • The child 
  • The parents 
  • Other people residing in their homes  

They may also speak to teachers or counselors at school and review relevant medical or psychological treatment records. 

What Will be the Basis of the Evaluator’s Findings?  

The evaluator will consider: 

  • The facts 
  • Their understanding of the parties and the situation 
  • The parents’ views 

The ultimate purpose of the assessment is to determine what custody arrangement is in the child’s best interest. The evaluator will consider the factors the court will use when making a decision, including: 

  • The parents’ stability 
  • The child’s relationship with them 
  • A parent’s drug or alcohol abuse 
  • A parent’s physical, mental, and emotional health 
  • A parent’s willingness to encourage their child to continue their relationship with the other parent 

A custody evaluation could take months and cost several thousand dollars. If the parties cannot agree on who will pay for an assessment ordered by the court, a judge may decide for them. 

How Should I Prepare for the Evaluation? 

You, your child, and any other family members interviewed should not see an evaluation as an invasion of privacy or a burden. It is an opportunity to tell your side of the story and address any concerns the other parent has raised. 

There will be a visit to your home, so put yourself in the evaluator’s shoes. What would you look for? Your home should be clean and neat. Any obvious defects or problems with your home should be repaired. Mow your lawn. Dress neatly and comfortably. 

You are not going to court, but you are not going to the gym, either. 

What Should I Say to the Evaluator? 

To be most effective, those interviewed (especially your child) should be open and honest. You will not be considered credible if you are overly critical of the other parent, appear biased, and are found not to be telling the truth. 

You can maximize your ability to tell your story by: 

  • Discussing your child’s parenting history, including both parents’ strengths and weaknesses.
  • Talking about your child, their interests, needs, and any difficulties they have had. 
  • Addressing how your child has changed since you and the other parent separated or the event, if any, that created a perceived need for the evaluation.

You are best served by focusing on your child’s best interests and managing your emotions. Balance stating your legitimate concerns about the other parent while not bad mouthing or bashing them. You should also avoid playing an amateur psychologist by diagnosing them with a condition you think they suffer from. 

What Happens to the Report? 

The findings, including a recommendation, will be in a confidential report to the court that you and your attorney can read. If either party objects to the report, the evaluator can be cross-examined at a trial. If your case does not settle, the judge will probably rely on a court-ordered evaluation when issuing a ruling, but they should be open to fair criticism and legitimate assessments, if any, paid for by the parties. 

Child Custody Attorneys You Can Trust 

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. attorneys are skilled in developing the evidence that judges need to make child custody decisions. We will work with you to build a persuasive case to achieve your goals and protect your rights. If you have questions about custody issues or need legal representation, call us at (215) 752-6200 today.

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Fast Track Your Divorce

If you and your spouse are on the “same page” (or close to it) on getting a divorce and the major issues it involves, you may be able to move the process into the fast lane (though there is a waiting period here in Bucks County). If you are seeking a no-fault (or mutual consent or uncontested) divorce, after the complaint is filed, you have a 90-day waiting period before it is finalized.  

Pennsylvania has this “cooling off period” after the complaint and notice of process are filed and served on the other party. After the time expires, each party files an Affidavit of Consent stating the marriage is irretrievably broken and that each wants a divorce and asks the court to grant it without a hearing. Also included is a legally binding divorce agreement stating how your issues are resolved. 

If You and Your Spouse Work Together, Your Marriage Could End Quickly 

You and your spouse must agree on all critical issues for a no-fault divorce, including spousal support, child support, child custody, division of property, and debts. These divorces are easier to achieve when the couple: 

  • No longer wants to be married, and they want to end the marriage amicably or at least without extended conflict 
  • Has a valid, enforceable prenuptial or postnuptial agreement that spells out how financial issues will be resolved 
  • Do not have children, so custody and support aren’t issues 
  • Have few assets and or low incomes, which minimize spousal support and asset division disputes 

The spouses must communicate openly before the complaint is filed and agree they want a no-fault divorce. Ideally, disagreements about significant issues should be close to being resolved if not brought to an end.  

You and your spouse need not be on good terms or feel good about each other. But your desire to wrap up your marriage in a short period of time must be greater than a need for conflict or to drag out the inevitable end of your relationship. 

Three months should be enough time to work out your disagreements. It is also long enough to allow the parties to think about what they want and be comfortable with their decisions without feeling rushed. A 90-day deadline can also instill some urgency in parties who may let these issues fester for much more time. 

Plan B If One Spouse Will Not Consent 

If you want to move forward with a no-fault divorce, but your spouse will not consent, you can obtain a divorce decree after you provide evidence that your marriage is irretrievably broken and that the two of you have lived separately and apart for one year.  

Under Pennsylvania law, you can live separately and apart even though you live in the same house. If you establish this separation lasted at least a year, your spouse could dispute that the marriage is irretrievably broken, but the one-year separation is usually enough proof that’s the case. 

If There Is No Need to Delay a Divorce, Why Do So? 

Our attorneys can get to work negotiating your settlement agreement and are ready to advocate for your interests, regardless of what kind of divorce is right for you. We know how difficult this time can be for you, and we will work to create the best possible outcome with the least wasted time. 

Learn more by contacting our office. Call (215) 752-6200, book a consultation, or send us an email. We can meet you in our office or speak with you by phone. 

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​​I’ve Been Served with Divorce Papers in Bucks County. What Should I Do Next?

Some people are honestly surprised when they receive a divorce complaint. Ideally, this is not you because everyone should be prepared for a significant change in their life, no matter what it might be. This is an important step, but far from the final one, in your divorce journey. 

After you have gathered yourself, call us at (215) 752-6200. We have helped thousands of people just like you get through this process as quickly and as painlessly as possible, given their situations. Our Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., attorneys know the law, court procedures, and what you are going through.  

Take Precautions If You Fear for Your Safety 

Pre-divorce relationships run the spectrum. A couple could still deeply, genuinely care about each other but understand their marriage is no longer right for them. A couple might also be unable to stand the sight of each other, and one person, if not both, may engage in physical and emotional abuse. Your marriage may be somewhere in between. 

If you are the victim of domestic violence, you need to protect yourself and your children (if you have them). You should plan on contingencies if this turning point becomes an excuse for violence by your spouse.  

It may be a good sign if your abusive spouse starts the divorce process. Some do not want their marriage ever to end because they want someone to control and torment the rest of their lives. If they want a divorce, this dire situation will end. 

Protect Your Financial Resources 

Part of divorce is the equitable division of marital property. Your debts and assets will be split as a result of an agreement or a trial. The outcome should be fair to you. But that might not be the case if a trial does not go your way, which is one reason most divorce cases resolve through a negotiated settlement. 

You are financially vulnerable if you have bank or investment accounts in both names because your spouse may empty them. Depending on the account, you should withdraw half of the money and set up new ones for yourself.  

Non-marital or personal assets are not subject to division. If you have financial resources that your spouse had nothing to do with (you had them before your marriage or inherited them) but you are both listed as the account holders, withdraw the money and put them in new accounts. If the same is true for your spouse (there are joint accounts with assets that belong to them), you should take the high road and leave them alone. 

You do not know what the final division of the marital property will be. At least some money you are moving around may end up with your spouse, so now is not the time for a spending spree. Just the opposite – you should save up for expenses that come with divorce (some you can plan for, others may be unexpected). 

The Beginning of the End and a Start of Something New 

The divorce filing will not surprise most couples because their relationship has broken down, and they can discuss their marriage’s end. If you are surprised, communications with your spouse have probably gone off the rails. You should try to reach out to them and calmly talk about what they want. 

A divorce will end your marriage, but it will start a new and probably better part of your life. Divorce can be a problem when stressful and challenging, but it will not be if the spouses act and make decisions like mature adults. A divorce is also an opportunity to do something new and better with your life. 

Experienced Divorce Attorneys Who Want to Help 

Work with an experienced Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., family law attorney. Our attorneys have an in-depth understanding of New Jersey and Pennsylvania law and how the courts work. We can help make the process go as smoothly as possible. Call us at (215) 752-6200 or book a consultation online now. 

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Should Virtual Visitation Be an Option?

How can you still spend time with your child even if you can not physically be with him or her? Virtual visitation may be your solution. These visits with your child can include reading books, playing games, listening to your child practice an instrument and many other activities.  

For many of us, work has become virtual. We work at home thanks to computers and keep in touch with co-workers and customers thanks to smartphones and video services like Zoom or Skype. Would the same thing work for child visitation? 

Some of us are more productive employees when we are not commuting to a workplace and avoid the distractions of working in an office. But performing work in one location instead of another is not the same as relating to your child while physically being with them versus seeing them on a computer or smartphone screen. 

What is Virtual Visitation? 

It is contact between a parent and their child by electronic means. Some of the technology that may be used includes: 

  • Email and texts 
  • Video streaming such as FaceTime, Skype, and Zoom 
  • Phone calls 
  • Document and photo sharing  

Virtual visitation should not replace actual visitation. It is an additional way for parents and kids to stay connected when physically getting together is impossible or impractical. 

When is Virtual Visitation Brought Up? 

Virtual visitation proposals may come about in a couple of circumstances. It may be a temporary approach when a parent with visitation rights is dealing with a health or family crisis and cannot physically be with the child. It is a permanent issue when the custodial parent wants to move out of the area and offers this option to keep the other parent in touch with the child. 

When there is court-ordered visitation, and the parent with custody wants to move from the area, the parent with visitation rights could challenge that parent’s ability to live elsewhere or seek custody of the child.  

If the parents cannot come to an acceptable compromise, the issue will be decided in court. The moving parent may propose an altered schedule where the child physically visits for extended periods (instead of a day or two a week) with virtual access for the rest of the year. A judge would decide the issue based on the child’s best interests.  

Is Virtual Visitation Good or Bad? 

Depending on which side you are on, virtual visitation is: 

  • An added extra to “sweeten the deal” that provides the other parent with greater access than what might otherwise be legally mandated. Moves received judicial approval long before the internet and Zoom were developed, and virtual visitations are not explicitly required by statute 
  • A poor substitute for what the parent is entitled to have, which denies the parent and child what they both benefit from the most – a genuine, personal relationship 

As technology improves and people are more willing to move, virtual visitations will become a more common part of the mix when visitations are scheduled. 

How Should Virtual Visitations Be Handled? 

Like all visitations, both parents should live up to scheduled sessions. Virtual visits are far easier than physical ones, so a child may want to interact with the non-custodial parent more often than the schedule dictates. The child may want to chat or share something especially stressful or positive. 

The custodial parent should be flexible and act in good faith. They probably should not limit these unscheduled interactions unless they become a problem (it becomes the child’s excuse not to do chores or homework). If this happens, a frank conversation with the other parent requesting they limit their time online would be a good idea. 

If the virtual visitations become a pipeline the visiting parent uses to alienate your child from you, you should try to stop it. If it continues, taking the issue back to court may be needed to prevent this emotional manipulation from harming your relationship with your child. 

Get the Help You Need From Attorneys You Can Trust 

Visitation is best kept out of the courtroom and left in the hands of those who know the children best, the parents. Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., lawyers often negotiate practical visitation solutions with attorneys representing the other parent. In more contentious cases, we make the case our client’s approach is in the child’s best interests. 

Work with an experienced family law lawyer from Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., with an in-depth understanding of the Pennsylvania and New Jersey statutes and court procedures. Call us at (866) 349-4721 or book a consultation online now. 

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What Kids Want Their Divorcing Parents to Know

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You may have difficulty with your feelings during your divorce, but your kids may have a more challenging time. Your family is or will be experiencing significant changes. Everyone benefits when kids are prepared for your divorce. 

What Do Your Kids Want You to Know?  

The University of Missouri has some ideas: 

  • You both should stay involved in their lives. If one or both of you move away, they want letters, phone calls, texts, and questions about who they spend time with and what they like and do not like to do. If you fail to do so, they’ll feel unimportant and unloved. 
  • If you and your spouse argue, you should stop and work hard to get along. Try to agree on issues concerning your kids and their needs. If you fight about your kids, they will think they did something wrong and feel guilty. 
  • They want to love the two of you and enjoy the time they spend with each of you. Support them and the time they spend with each of you. If you act upset or jealous, they may feel the need to take sides and love one of you more than the other. 
  • Communicate directly with each other, so your kids will not be messengers. If you do not want to talk to your spouse in person or on the phone, use text messages and emails. 
  • Saying mean, unkind things to each other in these communications can cause your child to feel like you are putting your spouse down and that you expect your child to take your side. When it comes to communication with your spouse, stick to the point and keep it simple. 
  • Your children want both of you in their lives. They rely on the two of you to raise them, teach them what is important, and help them with their problems. 

Both parents should be empathetic with their kids and look at the situation from their perspective. If you were them, what would you want your parents to do? 

What Do Your Kids Want You to Say? 

Address the most important issues upfront with honest and kid-friendly explanations: 

  • Tell the truth: Explain why you are getting divorced but keep it short so they do not get confused. The fact you and your spouse do not love each other does not mean you do not love your kids. Since your kids may ask both parents the same questions, you should try to agree on consistent responses. 
  • Tell them you love them: With all that is going on, the fact your love has not changed is a powerful message.  
  • Discuss changes: Acknowledge that some things will change, but others will not. Together you will cope with each detail as you go. If the relationship with your spouse has completely broken down and is harming your children, you could honestly tell them some changes will be for the better 
  • Do not blame: Be honest without criticizing your spouse. This can be difficult if your spouse has caused you a lot of pain, but finger-pointing will not help your kids  

How much information is too much? Use your best judgment considering how far your relationship with your spouse has failed, the age and maturity of your kids, and how sensitive they are. 

Get the Help You and Your Kids Need  

Get counseling if you or your kids need it to get through your divorce. Many of our clients benefit from counseling, and getting psychological and emotional support may ease your burdens. We can refer you to excellent counselors if you need help finding one. 

We empathize and care about our clients. We do our part by getting the best possible legal outcomes as quickly as possible. If you have any questions or want legal representation, please contact us here at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.

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Can I Get a Divorce if I am Pregnant?

There is no law against getting divorced while you are pregnant. If you are in an abusive relationship and fear your child will be a victim of violence, it may be a reason you want a divorce. If your husband is not the father, it may be why he wants to end the marriage. Additionally, if you are in a relationship that isn’t working and become pregnant, it might be in the best interest of the child to divorce.  

Do Not Put the Cart Before the Horse 

Child custody and support are divorce issues when couples divorce, but only after a child is born. Your marriage could end before giving birth, depending on how quickly you want to divorce and how long you have been pregnant. If that is the case, child support and custody would be formalized after the birth. 

You are free to discuss these issues during the pregnancy and come to an informal agreement. If you miscarry, child support and custody become non-issues. You may or may not know your child will be born with severe medical difficulties or disabilities. If so, you can plan ahead. If not, it can upset planned arrangements. 

Instead of the child going to daycare after a period of time, the child may need full-time attention, and a parent providing that care may be unable to work (or only be able to work part-time). That may result in different child custody and support than what you expected. 

Alimony or spousal support becomes an issue if the full-time caregiver plans to work but cannot. It may result in a spousal support claim, or the amount of support should increase if it is already an issue. 

How is Paternity Established? 

Under the law, the husband is presumed to be the child’s father. If the child’s father’s identity is in doubt, it would be wise for the husband not to acknowledge paternity and ask the court for a paternity test before agreeing to pay child support.  

If the mother is not honest, the husband may spend a substantial part of his income on a child that is not his. There can also be a steep emotional cost for an ex-husband to care for a child he is told is his but later learns that is not true.  

Over time, if the ex-husband continues to behave like a father to a child not his own, and learns he may not be the father, a court may not allow him to challenge paternity and force him to continue support payments. Though this would be unfair to the ex-husband, courts have made this ruling because they see it as in the child’s best interests. 

Experienced Divorce Lawyers 

Your divorce may be more complex than you think. Negotiations resolve nearly all divorce cases. You cannot effectively do this without knowing all the legal and factual issues. There is also an excellent chance you have little or no negotiating experience. Retaining legal counsel could prevent life-altering problems after your divorce. 

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.’s experienced family law lawyers have an in-depth understanding of the Pennsylvania and New Jersey statutes and court procedures. We can help make the process go as smoothly as possible. Call us at (866) 349-4461 or book a consultation online now. 

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