Tag Archive for: divorce

Is Your Ex Sabotaging Your Summer Plans?

Depending on your custody arrangement, summer can be a time for your children to spend more time with each of their parents. It can be difficult to juggle vacation plans and visitation for two different households; occasional confusion may arise and compromise is necessary. But when your ex is consistently failing to follow through or seems to be intentionally sabotaging your summer plans, you need to take action, for your sake and your children’s.

 

Keep records of all communication

Keep all interaction with your ex civil. This is very important, not only because it may bring about the desired results, but because if you need to file a motion, the court’s judgment will be influenced by which is the more reasonable, mature parent. You want to be that parent.

 

If possible, do all communication about summer arrangements with a paper trail. Use email or a parenting portal that is admissible in court and tracks when parents receive messages, so your ex cannot argue that he or she never received your message.

 

Track all phone conversations, record if possible (and let your ex know you’re recording), and keep a detailed log.

 

Try to keep your communications positive. When you feel you cannot respond respectfully or calmly, wait until you’ve calmed down and consult with your custody attorney about the best way to respond. When necessary, let your attorney handle negative communications, which he or she can do dispassionately.

 

Remind your ex of the terms of divorce and custody agreements

In writing, remind your ex of the divorce agreement and/or custody agreement. If the agreements are clearly being violated, you have good standing to demand they be followed, and you are not required to give in to what your ex wants.

 

Create clear boundaries

If your ex isn’t breaking any agreements but is just being unreasonable – repeatedly making changes at the last minute, calling at odd hours, or blaming you for plans falling through – keep documentation, but also protect yourself and your children. Create clear boundaries – in writing – for when you will accept calls and/or how much notice you need for schedule changes.

 

These are reasonable requests. If your ex will not follow them, hold firm. Do not answer the phone or read emails outside the time stated, and do not accept last minute changes. Obviously, if your ex was supposed to pick your children up from summer camp and suddenly can’t, you must do so, but do not set yourself up for another sabotage. If he or she will not abide by these simple guidelines, it may be time to file a complaint with the court.

 

Avoid future summer conflicts

If you have kept a clear record of ex-spouse sabotage or lack of cooperation in co-parenting responsibilities, petition the court for changes in the custody agreement that will prevent another summer of frustration. Consider requesting that you both attend co-parenting counseling. You do not want a battle over your children for the next however-many summers. It’s not good for you or your children.

 

Contact us here at Ulmer Attorneys at Law, experts in Pennsylvania divorce and custody law and mediation, to find out how we can help you.


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Divorce and the Stay-at-Home Mom: 7 Immediate Must-Dos

If you’re facing divorce after you dedicated years to staying home and raising your children, you need to act quickly to protect yourself and your children. Follow these important steps:

 

1. Find an expert in Family Law and Mediation who can help you protect your financial future as well as negotiate arrangements that will be best for the children. You don’t know which direction your divorce will take. You may be able to settle amicably and mediate child support and visitation that’s agreeable to both of you… and you may not. You need a lawyer who is committed to settling out of court if possible but is capable of winning in court if necessary.

 

2. Make copies of all important financial documents – tax forms, bank statements, bills. Your lawyer will need these to make sure you get a fair division of assets as well as sufficient child support and spousal support.

 

3. Create a list of tangible assets that are important to you for the settlement. Consider, too, the value of your house and the expense of maintaining it (including taxes). For many people, downsizing is the best option – it frees up cash, decreases expenses, and helps you start over again without painful memories. But every situation is different. Discuss with your lawyer and a divorce financial analyst.

 

4. Protect current assets and create a personal bank account. Talk to your lawyer about freezing assets in a joint account to prevent your husband from withdrawing everything and leaving you penniless. Also discuss how you can create a stash of cash in your own name to hold you over until the divorce is settled.

 

5. Consider getting a job. This is tricky for the stay-at-home mom, because if your husband is currently out of work or quit his job and you take a minimum-wage job to keep the roof over your head, you could be considered the breadwinner. But if your husband is still gainfully employed, a part-time job may give you the funds you need until settlement.

 

6. Consider if/when you will go back to work after the divorce and what you need to do to prepare. If your divorce has to go to court, the judge will consider the age and health of your children, the years of marriage, and your skills to determine if you should be expected to return to work and when. Prepare now for that likelihood by looking at online courses you could take to brush up on your skills and make you more marketable.

 

7. Have someone to talk to. This is a very stressful time, but with help, you can do it. Your lawyer will work to give you the best settlement you can get, but he or she is not a therapist. You may need a professional counselor or a support group who will give you the strength and support you need to get you to the other side. Consider a counselor for your children as well.

 

There are other things you need to do, but these are the most immediate. If you’re a stay-at-home mom getting divorced in PA, contact us at The Legal and Mediation Services of Karen Ann Ulmer, Attorneys at Law to see how we can guide you through these and other important steps you need to take to protect yourself and your children.


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The First Things to Do If Your Husband Leaves You

The very first thing to do if your husband leaves you is to find an expert Montgomery or Bucks County divorce lawyer. You’re in a very vulnerable position, especially if your husband has been the primary breadwinner and you have children at home. You need a lawyer who knows the law and knows how to fight for you.

 

While you’re finding your lawyer, there are a few more “first things” you need to do immediately to protect yourself and your children.

 

Protect your finances:

  • Change passwords, withdraw some cash, and contact the bank and other financial institutions. Your lawyer may file a temporary restraining order to prevent your husband from being able to withdraw funds.
  • Close joint credit cards and other joint accounts (i.e., PayPal, amazon, Netflix, Facebook) and open them in your own name only.
  •  Protect valuable assets: transfer them if possible into a protected location, whether that’s a friend’s house or a safety deposit box.
  • Log all communications, including phone calls, with him and what the conversation was about. Check with your lawyer about whether or not you can record them and how to do so legally.  

Save important documents:

  • Save all written communications: emails, letters, scraps of paper he wrote notes on, receipts. Anything could be valuable. Print out anything on the computer including emails so you also have a hard copy.
  • Print out any helpful information on social media accounts: pictures, posts, anything that will help your case.
  • Save all bills, bank statements, credit card statements, tax returns.
  • Save photos that can support your position and help you in court.

Tell the people who need to know:

  • Financial institutions and accountants – they may be able to advise you on what to do to protect your assets.
  • Close friends and relatives as well as your children’s school and doctors –  to avoid disclosure of information to your husband without your knowledge or consent.

Many of these protective measures can be more thoroughly and effectively implemented under the guidance and advice of a seasoned divorce lawyer. The associates at Ulmer are experts in divorce and mediation. Contact us to find out how we can help you.

 

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Divorced and Taking Your Children Out of the Country – PA Law

If you have joint custody of any children under 16, both parents must consent before taking them out of the country.

If your child does not already own a passport, Pennsylvania law requires that both parents must appear in person and provide proof of parentage to apply for the passport. In the case of divorce, a single parent may apply for the passport if he or she presents evidence of having sole legal custody or a court order permitting international travel with the children.

With joint custody, one parent has the right to oppose major decisions that pertain to the child, and this would include travel abroad, even if the child under 16 already owns a passport. If you are the one wishing to travel abroad with your child, you must obtain the written consent of your ex-spouse. This consent must be written in a manner that will be accepted at airports. If your ex is uncooperative, you may apply to the court to receive permission, but this can take time, and filing incorrectly can extend that timeframe. Whether you receive written consent or apply to the court, be sure to review your situation with an experienced family lawyer.

If your ex is trying to take your child overseas and you want to prevent it, you have the right to apply to the court to stop the travel. If your ex takes the child without your consent, you may file an international child abduction case with the U.S. State Department. But you want to avoid this since it is a long and difficult process.

One way to avoid an international abduction case is to file for a Ne Exeat bond (Latin for “that he not depart”). This bond requires the traveling parent to specify location and duration, provide contact information, and put up sufficient bond to cover the cost the non-traveling spouse would incur to try to get the child back.

Additionally, per PA law, a parent who owes $2,500 or more in child support is not eligible to receive a U.S. passport. You can also utilize the U.S. Department of State’s Children’s Passport Issuance Alert Program to flag any attempt to get a passport for your child with a fake consent form.

 

Traveling outside of the country with a child after divorce or separation requires many legal steps but can be done in a way that gives the child a positive experience while protecting the child and the rights of the parents. Given the many Pennsylvania and federal laws governing international travel with minors, we recommend that you reach out to us at Ulmer Law so that we can guide you through the process.

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How to Explain Divorce to Your Children

Divorce impacts children of different ages very differently, and the impact can be ongoing. You’ll need to be prepared for challenges, but by starting right, you can minimize the impact and speed healthy adjustment.

Both parents should tell the children together, if at all possible, and present a unified front. Plan together how you will tell the children about your divorce, what you will say, and just as importantly, what you will not say. Children of different ages can handle different information, so if you have a wide range of ages, keep it simple when telling them together and provide more details to the older ones later, or tell the older children separately so they have more time to ask questions and discuss.

Focus on what does not change: that you are still their parents, that you will both continue to love them unconditionally, and that you want to create a healthy and happy environment for them. Don’t go into details beyond their ability to understand, and don’t place blame on one spouse or the other – and don’t let them blame themselves.

With this general framework in mind, consider the needs of each child’s age-group:

Preschool/Toddlers: This age is self-focused, concrete, dependent, unable to process emotions; they need stability, consistency, and routine.

With this age-group, actions speak louder than words. They need constant reassurance, nurturing, and consistency in routine in order to feel stable and emotionally healthy. Keep your explanations short and concrete: “I’ll be moving to a different house, but I’m still your Daddy and I love you.” The mother would add, “I’ll be taking care of you and you’ll keep living here, but sometimes you’ll visit at Daddy’s house and you’ll see Daddy a lot.” Younger children will need frequent reminders and constant reassurance.

Elementary school age (6 – 12 year olds): This age wants to make sense of the situation, find reasons. Those reasons may be illogical or petty (they may remember a small incident and think that caused the divorce) or they may blame themselves. They are still mostly concrete and dependent and will want to know how it will affect their lives: school, activities, friends.

Be sure to provide some age-appropriate explanations. They will ask many questions, and here’s where your preparation will come in handy. Be prepared with answers they can understand that do not cast blame on the other parent. Try to remain calm. Emphasize it’s not their fault and that it’s okay and right to be sad, angry, confused. Keep open communication with them and watch for mood or behavior changes that can alert you to distress so you can intervene and help them cope.

Teenagers: Teens are more independent, have more external relationships to turn to, and can understand deeper causes, but still need adults to be adults so they can still be kids.

Discuss the divorce with your teens in more detail so they can understand how you’ve tried to save your marriage and why it didn’t work. Try to do so without harming the respect they have for the other parent (unless the cause of divorce is obvious, like substance abuse, adultery, or abandonment). Teens are looking to their parents as examples of adulthood. This could also mean learning from mistakes, so being honest with them about mistakes and how you could have done things differently might actually help them grow. But they still need you to be a parent and not a buddy. They may turn to peers, teachers, and/or coaches for support, but make sure they are receiving this support from positive influences and not turning to the wrong crowd of kids to cope. Consider counseling if you see personality shifts.

For any age group, it’s critical to keep the communication open. Talking to your children about your divorce consists of many small conversations, not one big one. Even if you feel they are trying to push you away or distance themselves, keep trying. They may just be testing you to see if you really love them. Show them by your words and your actions that your love for them will not change, even if other things do.

Contact us at Ulmer Law to see how we can help you through your divorce.

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Obtaining Sole Custody in PA

When determining custody arrangements in Pennsylvania, judges must hold to the standard of “best interests of the child.” Recognizing that children develop best when they have positive relationships with both father and mother, judges do not award sole custody without very strong evidence that this is best for the child.

Sole physical custody means the child lives with one parent only, although usually the other parent will have visitation rights. Sole legal custody means that one parent has complete authority to make decisions in the best interests of the child.

If you want to receive sole custody in PA, the burden is upon you to prove that it would be detrimental to the welfare of your child to live with your ex, even part-time. You will do best to discuss this with an experienced family lawyer to help you develop your case and avoid common mistakes.

Reasons for sole custody

The court will look at all factors impacting a child’s welfare: physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, psychological, and moral. The judge may also consider the child’s preference, the custody of siblings, relationships with extended family, and the primary caregiver prior to the separation.

Some considerations you may need to demonstrate to the judge:

  • Ways in which the other parent is unfit – history of violence, substance abuse, neglect
  • An unhealthy environment in your ex’s home or neighborhood – friends or significant others who come to your ex’s home and who pose a threat to the child; bad neighborhood; unhygienic environment
  • Other parent’s inability to provide – the child eats poorly when with the ex; ex has too little income to support the child
  • Physical or psychological harm to the child – history of physical or emotional abuse or manipulation; immoral behavior; lack of structure or discipline when the child is with the other parent; trying to damage the child’s relationship with you
  • Lack of involvement – the other parent has shown no interest in the child’s activities, school results, etc.
  • Erratic behavior when with child – refusing to allow you contact with your child; not following agreed-upon pick-up times; taking the child out of school or away without your knowledge

Keeping records and taking action

You will need documentation and witnesses to support your claims. There are legal and illegal ways of obtaining evidence, so it’s important to talk to an expert to help you do this.

When you feel you have a case, you will need to file a complaint in the court of the county where the child resides and complete other paperwork required by that county. Your ex will then need to be served the papers. This means he or she will have to physically take the papers in hand. With an uncooperative ex, it is sometimes necessary to call on an expert who knows how to hand deliver papers and get your ex to take them. After this, a conciliator may try to get both parents to work out an arrangement. If this does not lead to an agreement between parents, you may request a trial before a judge.

How we can help

While this is probably your first time attempting to gain sole custody, here at Ulmer Law, we have handled this situation many times. We know all these steps intimately and can help you build a case for sole custody that has a greater chance of success than if you were to do this on your own. We know the law, and we know when to bring in experts to help you. Contact us today to start building your case for sole custody.

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The differences between separate and marital property

When going through a divorce, people should be aware of the differences between marital and separate property.

Filing for divorce in Pennsylvania or anywhere across the country for that matter is not always a simple process. There are many issues that must be negotiated before the final divorce settlement is created and approved. One of the most difficult tasks for people to accomplish is that of dividing the marital property. Determining who is entitled to what after years of marriage can be hard, as there may be strong emotional ties to certain items. It is important for people who are entering into the divorce process to understand the differences between marital and separate property so that they are more likely to receive everything they are entitled to in the settlement.

A look at marital property

In addition to the family home, vehicles, furniture and other basic items, marital property includes a wide- range of items, including any assets and property that were amassed throughout the marriage. Marital property also includes, but is not limited to the following:

· Lottery tickets winnings and income tax refunds.

· Memberships to exclusive country clubs and golf courses.

· Collections, such as antiques, cars, coins, stamps, art and books.

· Intellectual property, such as trademarks, copyrights, patents and royalties.

· Term life insurance

· Gifts given to one another during the marriage.

Furthermore, if one spouse lent money to someone during the marriage, that money is subject to division once it is paid back.

Not everything is marital

In some cases, people may have separate property, which is not eligible for division in a divorce settlement. Separate property includes items that were owned by either party prior to becoming married, such as real estate or assets. Any inheritance money, gifts given by a third-party or personal injury compensation that was awarded to either party before, during or after the marriage is also considered separate property.

There are some instances where marital property may be divided between a couple. For example, if the title of a property was in the original owner’s name, but he or she had it revised to include the other spouse’s name, it is no longer considered separate property. Similarly, if separate money belonging to one spouse is deposited into a joint bank account with the other spouse’s name attached, that money may become marital and eligible for division.

Upholding your rights

Going through the divorce process can be extremely emotional, making it difficult to make decisions that will affect your future. An attorney may be helpful in answering your questions, giving you essential information and assisting you throughout the divorce process.

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Co-Parenting Basics for Divorced Parents

Your children will benefit from a healthy relationship with both their father and their mother after divorce, so to co-parent effectively, remember the three C’s: Cooperation, Communication, and Consistency

Cooperation

Remember, it’s all about what’s best for your children. As adults, you have to put their needs before your own hurts and grudges, however real they may be. As long as one of them is not abusive, your children need to have a healthy relationship with both parents.

You will need to make some important decisions about who will be the parent liaison to doctors, educators, coaches, etc. Will communications from these institutions go to one parent or both? Who will pay for insurance, education, and extra-curricular activities? Will both parents attend school and sport events, parent/teacher meetings, and doctor appointments?

Determine a schedule of custody that takes into consideration school, holidays, and special events. How will the child be transported between homes? What degree of flexibility is there when “life” happens and schedules or plans need to be changed?

Communication

Communication and cooperation work hand in hand. You must have a well-structured communication plan in order to cooperate in the raising of your children. Depending on your relationship, you may have to keep it short and business-like, but you should still be civil. If possible, over time, work towards a friendly relationship, since you’re two people who love the same children and want what’s best for them.

Always share important information, milestones, and pictures with your ex. Some divorced parents find it useful to have a shared online calendar with their children’s schedules, notes from school, and other data loaded, so both parents have access.

If you have concerns about any of your children, it’s very important to communicate this, so you’re both aware and can both work on it. This will not only help with the issue, but will show the children that their parents are united with regard to their well-being, which will have a positive emotional effect on them.

Consistency

This unity should be displayed through consistency in other areas as well. Both homes should have consistent rules of conduct and behavior. It’s likely you will disagree on particulars, but children need stability for their best development.

You may find it easier to agree on certain essentials if each parent is permitted leeway in the specifics. While one parent might say 9:00pm bedtime on weekdays and the other says 10:00pm, the big picture message being communicated is, “You need a good night’s sleep to do well in school.” Chores may differ from house to house, but both parents should teach their children responsibility by giving them chores. Rules about manners, foul language, and other issues of courtesy should be obeyed in both homes.

One last word on attitude

Never complain about the other parent, and as much as possible, help the children respect your co-parent. If he or she has personality flaws, it’s best to let the children discover them on their own – within the realm of safety – to avoid unreasonable fantasies or inaccurate beliefs about the other parent that will make your role more difficult.

Make it clear to your children that the divorce is not their fault. They may need to hear this multiple times, but make sure they feel loved and secure, and they will grow into strong and healthy adults.


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Is There Permanent Alimony in PA?

Alimony in Pennsylvania is usually awarded as rehabilitative or reimbursement alimony. As it sounds, reimbursement alimony helps to pay back a spouse for helping with some major expense of the ex-spouse, often education. Rehabilitative alimony is generally awarded for a fixed time period to give the receiving spouse time to receive training or otherwise become self-supporting.

However, there are times when the possibility of a spouse becoming self-supporting is unlikely. In these circumstances, a ruling of permanent alimony is possible.

The awarding of alimony depends on 17 factors defined by law. In summary, those factors include matters of standard of living during the marriage, income level or income potential of each spouse, and various available financial resources weighed against financial need. Also considered are marital misconduct, each spouse’s contribution to the care of minor children, the length of the marriage, and the health of each spouse.

The factors that weigh most heavily on the question of permanent alimony include:

  • The presence of long-term or permanent physical or mental disability or illness
  • The length of the marriage
  • The age of the spouse and the lack of marketable skills that would allow a spouse to be reasonably expected to attain self-support

The word “permanent” is somewhat misleading, because such alimony can in actuality be stopped if the payer or recipient dies or if the recipient either remarries or co-habits with a member of the opposite sex who is not a relative.

Permanent alimony can also be modified, if the circumstances of either spouse change substantially and are expected to be long-term.

When couples negotiate an agreement, they may be able to determine a fair alimony payment that takes into consideration their standard of living, budgeted expenses and income, and the financial opportunities of each spouse. Since the rules governing the awarding of alimony in Pennsylvania are not distinctly defined and there is no set calculation, the amount and duration of alimony awarded is entirely at the discretion of the judge, and therefore sometimes a surprise to both spouses.

An experienced divorce lawyer can help you negotiate an agreement that is fair to both parties, or when necessary, help you present your best possible position in court. Reach out to us here at Ulmer Law to discuss how we can help you.


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The 4 Keys to Repairing Credit after Divorce

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If your credit has been damaged during your marriage, expect to take some time to repair it. The first step, of course, is to obtain a credit report. You can receive one free report each year from a free report agency, or check with your bank. Assess your situation and then make a plan of action. There are four key steps to repairing your credit: close current joint accounts, restructure your debt, develop a budget, and take positive steps to repair the damage.

Close

The first step is to close all joint accounts. Officially call the companies or banks and close the accounts. Some institutions may require your spouse to also call or sign. Make sure you document your efforts, and if your spouse delays, document that, too. Keep copies of statements in case your spouse decides to go on a wild shopping spree before closing the joint account. In settlement, the judge may award a larger portion of the debt to the spouse if there is clear evidence of an attempt to burden you with more debt.  Obviously, keep official proof that the account has been closed. If your spouse is handling this aspect, make sure you have copies as well.

Restructure

The joint debt remains the responsibility of both of you until it is paid off. Restructuring the debt by transferring a portion of the balance to an account in just your name or refinancing in some other way will separate the expenses – assuming your ex does this as well. If a portion of the debt remains in both your names, you will remain jointly responsible for it, at least until a clear judgment is made by the courts. So try, as much as possible, to get an agreement from your spouse to split the bills.

If you’re selling a house, you could use a portion of the sale to pay off any joint debt before distribution of the balance. This will leave a smaller payoff, of course, but will give you both a clean slate with which to start your new lives apart.

If the above options are not possible, try to split the responsibilities evenly, and get it in writing. For instance, if you offer to pay loan A and he or she is to pay loan B, get it in writing. If your ex doesn’t pay and the bill collectors come after you, you will have proof of divided responsibility and will be able to go to court for payment enforcement.

Budget

Now that you know how much you have to pay, take a close look at your income and expenses, including repaying debt. Create a budget and stick to it. If you don’t have much experience with budgeting, or if it looks like you don’t have enough income to cover your necessities, find a trustworthy credit counselor who can help you make good financial changes.

Repair

It’s time to open some accounts in your own name. If you changed your name when you married and you want to change it back, do so before opening the new accounts. If your credit is bad, you may need to open a secured card. With a secured card, you put forward a certain amount of money and then you are able to borrow against that money and pay it back at the end of each month. By paying bills on time over a period of months and by not taking out new loans for a while, your credit score will begin to improve. As it improves, you will be able to get a normal credit card, close the secured card, and get your down payment back.

When going through a divorce, it’s important to have a team to help you. Besides having moral support, choose trusted advisors for credit, tax, and legal advice. With financial and legal guidance and emotional support, you can get through this and be stronger on the other side.

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