Tag Archive for: PA divorce

Stress of Divorce

Fewer things in life are more stressful than going through a divorce. Who will end up with the house? What’s going to happen to your kids? The stress of divorce, and its many unknowns, really can feel like it’s eating you alive.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Below, find must-follow tips for managing stress throughout your divorce.

Follow the Boy Scout Motto and Be Prepared

What would happen if you were called into a work meeting, but hadn’t prepared any notes or talking points? You’d be pretty stressed, right? The same principle applies to your divorce.

You never want to go into a divorce unprepared. To be forewarned, as they say, is to be forearmed.

Stress reduction starts with preparing yourself for what’s going to come. The more you know what to expect, the more at ease you’re going to feel. That means you’re less likely to make rash decisions that could torpedo your divorce case.

This is why it’s so important to hire a good divorce attorney. Your lawyer can tell you what to expect in divorce negotiations regarding child custody arrangements, alimony, and property division.

Keep Your Organization Game on Point

The divorce process involves plenty of paperwork to fill out and deadlines to remember. It may be unpleasant, but if you want your divorce to go smoothly, you’ll need to treat organization like a full-time job.

Start by gathering important financial documents, such as bank statements, savings account information, retirement account details, and paystubs. Your lawyer will want to take a look at these to determine the fair division of property between you and your ex-spouse. If you have insurance policies (such as life insurance), make copies of those documents, too.

To stay organized, buy a binder and sort documents into categories, such as financial and legal. You can also scan documents and store them in the cloud or on your computer for quick access.

Take Care of Your Mental Health

The stress of divorce can be truly overwhelming and the emotional burden can be difficult to bear. Between talks with your ex and meetings with your lawyer, you might feel like there’s hardly any time to focus on yourself.

However, you won’t do yourself any favors by neglecting your mental health. Find moments where you can relax, breathe, and quiet your racing thoughts. It can help to keep a journal and talk to a therapist about how you’re feeling. And if you have a good friend, now’s the time to rely on them.

Having an excellent lawyer is a wonderful way to manage stress during divorce. Your lawyer will help by:

  • Providing solid advice to help you avoid legal mistakes that could jeopardize your financial stability
  • Handling paperwork so you don’t miss deadlines
  • Guiding you through divorce negotiations and ensuring a fair deal for you

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. deeply understands the stress of divorce and will work hard to make the process as smooth as can be for all involved. To schedule your consultation, call (215) 752-6200.

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Child Custody and Religious Upbringing

Religion is a contested topic in many divorces, specifically when there are minor children in the picture. When a custody dispute involves religion, the judges in Bucks County, PA will always put the child’s interest first.

Who decides on matters of religious upbringing in child custody agreements? How do you approach balancing religious beliefs in co-parenting? Let’s talk about religion and how it impacts child custody. 

Can My Spouse Stop Me From Raising My Kids in My Faith?

Religious freedom is a constitutional right; generally, a parent’s religion won’t sway courts when deciding on custody arrangements. However, there may be exceptions if a parent’s religious practices cause direct harm to a child.

If Bob, who is Christian, divorces Karen, who is Jewish, he probably won’t be able to stop Karen from taking the kids to the synagogue on the High Holy Days. Similarly, Karen can’t stop Bob from attending Christmas service with the children while they spend the holidays with him. 

However, courts will also consider the status quo beyond child custody and freedom of religion. For example, if Bob and Karen’s children previously attended Hebrew school, Bob probably wouldn’t be able to pull them out after the divorce if Karen wants them to remain enrolled.

In discussing religion and how it impacts child custody, it’s important to distinguish between physical and legal custody. Parents typically share legal custody equally, regardless of who has the larger share of physical custody.

Thus, even if the children spend more time with one parent, the other parent has an equal say in the children’s religious upbringing. However, if one parent has sole legal custody, they’ll be responsible for all the major decisions in raising the child, including religious education. 

Don’t Weaponize Religion 

Whatever you do, never use religion to undermine your co-parent or alienate your children from them. You should always show your children that you respect their other parent’s religious beliefs.

For example, it isn’t acceptable to engage in emotional blackmail to pressure a child into religious practices (“I won’t consider you my child anymore if you refuse to go to church with me”). Comments like “Your mom is going to hell because she walked out of our faith” are also extremely hurtful and traumatizing for children.

Make a Parenting Plan

Respecting religious differences in child custody cases makes life much easier for both sides. We encourage you to sit down with your co-parent and negotiate a parenting plan that suits everyone, especially for sensitive times like holidays. A professional mediator can help bridge your differences if you can’t work out a plan on your own.

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.: Helping You Navigate Custody and Parenting Plans in PA and NJ

Are you unsure about how your child custody arrangement will impact the religious upbringing of your children? Contact our law firm for reliable counsel on protecting your rights in divorce. We can also help you reduce stress and conflict by collaborative mediation for religious disputes in child custody.  

Call us at (866) 349-4907 or book a consultation online.

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Co-parenting and Dangerous Parenting

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Co-parenting after splitting up can be challenging, even when both sides are well-meaning and cooperative. It’s a lot more difficult to navigate co-parenting when there are signs of dangerous parenting on the side of your ex-partner. 

Courts will always prioritize well-being while protecting children from high-conflict co-parenting. Consider the following when creating a safety plan for co-parenting with a risky ex.

What If You’re Concerned for Your Child’s Safety When They’re With Your Ex?

As a rule, family law courts believe it’s in the child’s best interests to spend time with both parents. However, some signs might tell you that your ex is unsafe for your kids.

Certain things your children do or say after spending time with the other parent could make you believe it’s dangerous for them to stay with your ex unsupervised. In this scenario, stay vigilant and consult a custody lawyer who knows how to navigate co-parenting and dangerous parenting.

Red Flags of Dangerous Co-Parenting Behavior

If your child comes back from their other parent with bruises or other signs of physical harm or tells you that your ex has abused them, you’ll want to take immediate action. However, not all abuse is obvious, especially if your child is too young to describe what happened.

Neglect and lack of supervision are also a form of abuse. For example, maybe your child often returns underfed or dirty from your ex’s house, or you discover that your ex neglects to ensure they take their prescription medications. You may also suspect your co-parent lets your child engage in risky or age-inappropriate activities without supervision. 

Finally, you may feel concerned about your ex-partner’s unaddressed problem of alcohol or substance abuse in the context of co-parenting.

You Must Still Obey Court Orders

While courts focus on prioritizing child safety in co-parenting plans, they expect you to comply with the proper procedures and present solid proof of your co-parent’s risky behavior. 

A seasoned lawyer can help you look into legal options for limiting contact with a dangerous parent. However, you can’t simply withhold parenting time based on suspicion. You could get into serious trouble, and the court may reduce your parenting time.

Document Each Incident of Potentially Dangerous Co-Parenting Behavior

Did your child tell you their other parent pushed, shoved, or slapped them? Write it down and date it. Did your ex-partner send you a text message or voicemail admitting they let the children stay outside until late unsupervised, despite your insistence to the contrary? Save this message.

Keep a personal record of all your ex-partner’s actions that are abusive or could potentially endanger your kids. Then, consult a family lawyer for reliable advice on keeping your children safe.

Dealing With an Unsafe Co-Parent? Call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. 

Do you believe your ex is an unsafe co-parent? The skilled divorce and custody lawyers of Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can help you handle co-parenting and dangerous parenting, including co-parenting with a narcissist or abusive ex. Call us at (866) 349-4907 or schedule a consultation online.

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A Brief Guide To Appealing Your Divorce

Imagine this scenario: A judge has ruled on your divorce, and you are unhappy with the decision. Is there anything you can do?

In some situations, you may be able to seek a more favorable judgment that allows you to modify the judge’s original decision regarding child custody or support, property distribution, alimony, and debt arrangements.

This article explores the various grounds for divorce appeal and recommendations for challenging unfair divorce settlement findings.

When You Can Appeal Your Divorce

There’s no question that contesting divorce decree provisions is not easy, and you must have a compelling reason to do so. It’s not enough to simply say that you disagree with the judge, or that you feel the outcome is “unfair.”

Instead, you need to have proper grounds for filing an appeal. There are a few ways you can do this. One of the most common rationales for overturned divorce settlements on appeal is that there was some kind of mistake made.

Examples of mistakes include the judge misinterpreting the law, not correctly applying the legal standards, or making an error regarding the facts. 

Other potential grounds for appealing your divorce could be a showing that there was a lack of evidence to support the judge’s findings or there was another problem with the evidence that impacted the judge’s ability to rule fairly. This often comes down to the judge abusing their discretion and making an unreasonable final decision.

Even if you can demonstrate one or more of the above flaws in the case, there is still a final obstacle to overcome before your case can even be heard. You will have to be able to show that whatever the mistake or flaw was, it would have materially affected the outcome of your case.

How To File a Divorce Appeal in Bucks County

Once you have identified the proper grounds for a divorce appeal, the legal process of overturning the initial judgment and seeking a new one comes next.

The first step in this process is filing a Notice of Appeal, which ultimately informs your former spouse that you intend to appeal the judge’s decision. From there, your attorney will prepare the “Record,” which includes the transcripts and documents from the initial proceeding.

Upon completion of this step, your attorney will file an appellate brief that outlines all of your legal arguments. After being assigned a court date, you’ll be able to present your arguments about the grounds for the appeal and the relevant evidence to support your case.

Finally comes the waiting part of the appeals process. This can take several days, and the court may affirm or reverse the trial court’s decision. It’s also possible that the judgment may be modified or the case could be remanded back to the trial court with further instructions.

Contact an Experienced Appellate Lawyer for Divorce Cases

While the goal is to stay out of court so you and your spouse can make all the decisions, sometimes an appeal is necessary. For more information or to begin the appeal process, contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., at 866-349-4907 for an initial consultation.

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Is a Parent’s Home Unsuitable for Visitation? Here Are Some Options

While there is no such thing as a “perfect” home, a child must have a safe, stable, and healthy environment in which to live. If you believe that your former spouse or partner is putting the mental, physical, or emotional safety of your child at risk by not maintaining a home suitable for visitation, keep reading to learn more about your options.

What Really Makes a Home Unfit for Child Visitation?

Whether a home is actually adequate for a child to live in or visit depends on numerous factors. A judge can evaluate if an environment meets the overall criteria, looking specifically for objective signs that the home is suitable, comfortable, and safe for children.

Obvious signs of unsuitability include substance abuse, domestic violence, and physical abuse. In these situations, the other parent can be ruled unfit, and the court can remove the child from the home.

There are also more subtle clues that a parent’s home is genuinely unsuitable for visitation. For example, an unclean, a hoarding situation, or a lack of basic needs (like utilities being deactivated), clearly indicate that the parent is ill-equipped to provide a home appropriate for visitation.

Additional factors may also come into play. For example, if the other parent is neglecting the child or not being responsive to their needs, that could be a sign that the environment is unsuitable. While there can be universal guidelines, many of these judgments may come down to an individual situation based on the age of the child and the current and past rules set by or agreed upon by the parents.

One of the first steps in protecting a child from having to spend time in a home that is unsuitable for visitation is to gather evidence of an unsafe visitation environment. This can involve documenting your concerns and communicating constructively with the other parent.

In keeping with the goal of protecting the best interests of the child, anyone who suspects abuse or neglect can report the situation to Child Protective Services. This initiates an investigation and includes interviews, home observations, and reports, which can be used as evidence in court.

A family law attorney can guide you in pursuing legal actions such as filing a petition to restrict visitation due to unfit home conditions or pursuing child custody modifications due to unsafe conditions. If there is concern that both parents’ homes are unsuitable for visitation, the next step may be to explore alternative solutions such as conducting visitations at a neutral site.

Contact an Experienced Family Law Attorney

Every child deserves to grow up and thrive in a truly safe and healthy environment. At Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., our law firm takes an empathetic and compassionate approach to resolving child custody conflicts, including those centered around safety.

To learn more about how our attorneys can help you, call us at 866-349-4907 for a consultation.

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What Should I Ask for When Negotiating a Divorce Settlement?

A divorce allows you to start your life over, but your old, married life will impact that new one. Think about how untangling your life from your spouse will affect you legally and financially. What will you not have, or not have enough of, to start this new life?

You can break down what to ask for in a settlement agreement regarding parental roles and property rights or prioritize your ask based on needs and wants.

What Do You Need? What Do You Want?

Think about your priorities. What do you need, and what do you want but can go without? Nearly all divorce cases are settled without going to trial. That means there will be negotiations (and possibly mediation) between you and your spouse through your attorneys.

In any negotiation, there are things that a party needs (or thinks they need) to resolve the issue. Other issues are negotiable, and you should be willing to give things up as necessary to satisfy your needs. After your needs are met, try to obtain what you want. Ideally, both sides will get most of what they need and some of what they want.

State law may entitle you to certain things. If those laws address your needs, that is great! If not, and you are willing to part with the things given to you by state law (partially or totally), they can be bargaining chips to ensure your needs are met.

It is like a chess match. You must protect your king. All the other pieces are expendable if that means you win the game. In this case, winning satisfies your needs, and you are in the best position to start your new life.

What Role Must You Play With Your Kids?

If you have kids, Pennsylvania law makes your child’s interests paramount, so what you need or want takes a back seat. State law presumes a child needs both parents in their lives.

The more time you feel you need with your child, and the more significant role you wish to play, the stronger the facts and legal arguments must be to accomplish that. Unless the other parent is irresponsible or a potential danger to your child, you may have a tough time if you feel a need to be the sole parent or the other parent should have minimal contact with their child.

Most parents meet in the middle. They share legal custody (the ability to make crucial decisions), but their physical custody or parental time may vary. One parent may spend most of the time with the child, or it may be split evenly.

What are Your Financial Needs?

The distribution of a married couple’s debts and assets is supposed to be based on what is equitable and fair, given the situation. When negotiating a settlement, there is a mix of what a person may be entitled to and what they are willing to trade with their spouse to achieve their needs and wants.

You may need more financial help in the short term, so you may forego the ongoing income of spousal support to get more cash or assets upfront. If you need the marital home, what assets will you swap to get it? Ideally, a spouse who needs the home is married to someone who wants to move away and start over, so the marital home (with all the memories that come with it) is the last thing they want.

Get the Help You Need from an Attorney You Can Trust  

If you think getting divorced may be in your future or have decided it is the next step, call us at (215) 608-1867. We can discuss your situation via teleconference, on the phone, or in our Doylestown or Langhorne office.  

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Can I Record My Ex in Pennsylvania?

Like all things legal, that depends on the facts. Some types of recordings are legal, while others are not. The answer is no if you want to secretly record a conversation with your ex without their consent in Pennsylvania. That applies to face-to-face and phone or electronic communications. Pennsylvania’s wiretap laws are very strict. If you or the other party is located in PA at the time of the call then you must have consent. Therefore, if you feel it is necessary to record another individual, it is best to first consult with an attorney.  

You may be very motivated to succeed at whatever legal challenge you face. You might seek revenge against your spouse who did you wrong, and you think a recording of them making incriminating statements would be frosting on the cake. However, while secretly recording someone is generally legal in some states, it is not legal in others, including Pennsylvania. 

What Is the Law in Pennsylvania? 

The state has a criminal “wiretapping law” that covers recording conversations over the phone or electronically and in person. It requires that all parties involved consent to the recording unless you fall into one of the exceptions (which mainly cover law enforcement). If you are convicted of violating this statute you could face up to seven years in prison, a fine between $2,500 and $15,000, or both.  

This statute states that you would violate the law if you: 

  • Intentionally intercept, try to intercept, or get the help of another to intercept or try to intercept any “wire, electronic or oral communication.” 
  • Disclose or try to disclose to another “the contents of any wire, electronic or oral communication, or evidence derived therefrom” while knowing, or having reason to know, the information was obtained illegally. 
  • Use or try to use “the contents of any wire, electronic or oral communication, or evidence derived therefrom” while knowing, or having reason to know, the information was obtained illegally  

If you secretly record your ex, bring it to our office, and play it in the hopes of using it as evidence, you arguably broke the law three times. You recorded the conversation, played it, and tried to use it against your ex.  

If you have such a recording, we do not want to listen to it, and we cannot use it as evidence in a legal matter. If you make a secret recording and play it for us, we cannot represent you because we would be potential witnesses to your criminal prosecution. 

What are the Exceptions? 

Another statute states that you can record conversations when all parties consent. If you do this, you should ask for and record their consent in case they later claim you made the recording secretly. Explicit consent is always a good idea but is not required if you plainly warn the other party of the recording and they speak anyway. 

One Pennsylvania court ruled that recordings are permissible if all the parties knew, or should have known, of the recording. The recording at issue involved communications at a county jail where two people used a closed-circuit system using telephone handsets which gave them a warning the conversation could be recorded. 

If the two of you are in public but not having a private conversation, and the other person has no reasonable expectation of privacy, you could take out your smartphone and start recording. This could be a situation where you are both in a store, restaurant, or busy sidewalk, and the person is yelling at you, not in a restaurant where the two of you are using normal tones of voice while your smartphone secretly records what is said. 

Can I Use Video to Record My Ex? 

Video can be used as long as the audio is not recorded and the person does not expect privacy. If your ex is violating a custody agreement by chronically being late to pick up or drop off your child, a properly set camera with the correct date and time showing when they come and go is fair game. If you have a protection from abuse order against a person, but they violate it by coming to your home or following you, video can document what is happening.  

Before You Record a Conversation, Contact Our Office 

The potential cost of secretly recording a conversation is steep, so do not do it until you fully understand the law. What you want to do may or may not be legal or admissible in court. We can also answer your questions if you are involved in a family law dispute and learn you have been secretly recorded. 

Call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., at (866) 349-4721 or book a consultation online now.  

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