Tag Archive for: parenting plan

Adapting the Parenting Plan As Children Age

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When you and your spouse divorced, you created a parenting plan that met your children’s needs at the time. But schedules and priorities never stay the same. Adapting the parenting plan as children age can ensure that it meets their needs now and fits with your family’s Bucks County lifestyle. 

Understand That Children’s Schedules and Needs Change

Perhaps you divorced when your children were young, and now they are entering middle school or high school. What made sense for your family at the time of your split may no longer fit these evolving needs. 

Maybe one child is into sports, while another is involved in several clubs or extracurriculars. Perhaps one child attends a different school now or seriously practices an instrument. Equally dividing their time between both parents may not be realistic with these new schedules. Remember that the goal of a co-parenting agreement is doing what is best for the child, not for the parents. 

Sit Down and Talk With Your Children 

Now that your children are older, they should have more of a say in their visitation schedule. Sit down together with your ex-spouse and children and have an open discussion about what the custody arrangement should look like now. 

Ask each child individually whether they have any preferences about the schedule, and take their opinions seriously. They don’t need to have the final say, but the custody arrangement should reflect their wishes as much as possible. They may have more insight into what schedule makes sense than you and their other parent do. 

Be Realistic About Their Best Interests 

It may be challenging to realize that your children should spend more time with your spouse than with you. Try to be realistic when adapting the parenting plan as they age. Even if they previously went back and forth every week, this may no longer make sense for their schedules and needs. 

Not seeing them as often doesn’t mean you are any less of a parent or an influence in their lives. Remember that children naturally need their parents less the older they get. Physical custody doesn’t need to significantly impact their relationship with you. 

Be Flexible and Prioritize Good Communication 

Keep in mind that whatever you decide about the parenting plan now may only last for a year or two before you need to change it again. Be open to adapting it as needed and communicate with your ex-spouse regularly about what makes sense for your shared children moving forward.

Acting with hostility toward your ex-spouse will only drive a wedge between you and your children. Instead, maintain a mature mindset and show that you value their opinions.

Give Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., a Call If You Need Assistance

If you need help adjusting your parenting plan as children age, changing your child support agreement, or updating any other aspects of your legal custody arrangement, our attorneys can advise you. Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., today at (866) 349-4149 to book a consultation.

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Child Custody and Religious Upbringing

Religion is a contested topic in many divorces, specifically when there are minor children in the picture. When a custody dispute involves religion, the judges in Bucks County, PA will always put the child’s interest first.

Who decides on matters of religious upbringing in child custody agreements? How do you approach balancing religious beliefs in co-parenting? Let’s talk about religion and how it impacts child custody. 

Can My Spouse Stop Me From Raising My Kids in My Faith?

Religious freedom is a constitutional right; generally, a parent’s religion won’t sway courts when deciding on custody arrangements. However, there may be exceptions if a parent’s religious practices cause direct harm to a child.

If Bob, who is Christian, divorces Karen, who is Jewish, he probably won’t be able to stop Karen from taking the kids to the synagogue on the High Holy Days. Similarly, Karen can’t stop Bob from attending Christmas service with the children while they spend the holidays with him. 

However, courts will also consider the status quo beyond child custody and freedom of religion. For example, if Bob and Karen’s children previously attended Hebrew school, Bob probably wouldn’t be able to pull them out after the divorce if Karen wants them to remain enrolled.

In discussing religion and how it impacts child custody, it’s important to distinguish between physical and legal custody. Parents typically share legal custody equally, regardless of who has the larger share of physical custody.

Thus, even if the children spend more time with one parent, the other parent has an equal say in the children’s religious upbringing. However, if one parent has sole legal custody, they’ll be responsible for all the major decisions in raising the child, including religious education. 

Don’t Weaponize Religion 

Whatever you do, never use religion to undermine your co-parent or alienate your children from them. You should always show your children that you respect their other parent’s religious beliefs.

For example, it isn’t acceptable to engage in emotional blackmail to pressure a child into religious practices (“I won’t consider you my child anymore if you refuse to go to church with me”). Comments like “Your mom is going to hell because she walked out of our faith” are also extremely hurtful and traumatizing for children.

Make a Parenting Plan

Respecting religious differences in child custody cases makes life much easier for both sides. We encourage you to sit down with your co-parent and negotiate a parenting plan that suits everyone, especially for sensitive times like holidays. A professional mediator can help bridge your differences if you can’t work out a plan on your own.

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.: Helping You Navigate Custody and Parenting Plans in PA and NJ

Are you unsure about how your child custody arrangement will impact the religious upbringing of your children? Contact our law firm for reliable counsel on protecting your rights in divorce. We can also help you reduce stress and conflict by collaborative mediation for religious disputes in child custody.  

Call us at (866) 349-4907 or book a consultation online.

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Child Custody: When Your Ex Is Always Late Dropping Off or Picking Up Your Kids

Your ex was supposed to pick up your child three hours ago, but they still haven’t arrived. Not only that but they can’t even be bothered to call you and tell you what’s going on. You’re annoyed, to put it lightly, and your child keeps asking, “Why isn’t daddy here yet?”

Below, a divorce and child custody attorney explains how to handle non-compliance of court-ordered visitation here in Bucks County.  

Why Is Your Ex Not Complying With the Parenting Plan?

If your ex is only late occasionally, that’s understandable. But if they’re always late, they might be trying to annoy you. Some exes enjoy wasting your time and they do it to “punish” you.

“How dare she divorce me?” these people think. “I’ll show her.”

Of course, your ex might just as well have a problem with time management. Regardless, that’s not an excuse to be constantly late for drop-offs and pickups.

Chronic Lateness Impacts You and Your Child

Your child gazes out the window as they eagerly wait for their parent to arrive. Your ex was supposed to arrive at 10, but 30 minutes later, they’re still not here. You try to assure your child that mommy still cares about them. They’re not convinced, though, and you can’t blame them.

Young children can’t understand why mom or dad is always late. It makes them sad and frustrated. They might even feel like their parent doesn’t love them anymore.

Chronic lateness affects you, too. You might be late to work or miss an important meeting because of your ex’s behavior. If your ex’s lateness is impacting your life, call a divorce and child custody attorney for guidance.

How To Handle an Ex Who’s Always Late

If your ex is fairly amicable, you can try talking to them. Simply ask why they’re always late. Maybe they have a good reason. For instance, perhaps they have a new job schedule that interferes with visitation. If this is the case, you might consider custody modification.

Mediation can also help you sort out tardiness. During mediation, you and your ex will meet with a neutral party to find a solution to their chronic lateness.

When Should You Hire a Lawyer?

If your ex doesn’t abide by your custody arrangement and no amount of talking helps, it may be time to call a divorce and custody attorney. Your lawyer can send a letter to your ex laying out the consequences of their chronic lateness.

Should that fail, your attorney can file a motion for contempt of court. A judge may give you more parenting time or fine your ex to discourage further lateness.

Is Your Ex Always Late for Custody Exchange? Contact Our Firm

Your ex may think it’s funny to annoy you by constantly showing up late, but chronic lateness is no laughing matter. If your ex refuses to show up on time, contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.

For a confidential consultation with a divorce and child custody attorney, call (866) 349-4265.

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When Parenting Plans Don’t Work

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Though a court order ends your marriage and makes your divorce official, it won’t end your relationship with your ex-spouse if you have kids. As part of your Montgomery County divorce, we will negotiate a parenting plan for you and your spouse that will set the standards for communications and schedules. The parenting plan sets a schedule for when your kids will be with whom and who is responsible for doing what to make it happen. Problems are common, whether that’s because, as a practical matter, the plan doesn’t work or one parent is intentionally trying to sabotage it.

A parenting plan usually is negotiated between the parties as part of the divorce settlement. A judge could decide the plan and make it part of the divorce order if a case goes to trial. It spells out the schedule for when children will be with each parent, transportation issues, vacation and holiday schedules, and what to do if problems arise. If difficulties come up and parents can’t find a solution, the judge decides the resolution.

Happy Holidays or Holidays from Hell?

Holidays can be incredibly stressful when parenting plans go sideways for a divorced family. Holidays are times when not only does a parent spend time with their kids, but extended families often get together. If the other parent is not living up to their end of the bargain by not allowing the children to be there or being late when delivering them, feelings can get frayed.

The Only Constant is Change

Another ongoing problem can be constant or unexpected changes. Both sides should comply with the plan in good faith. It’s a problem if one parent isn’t organized enough to follow the plan or just doesn’t care if the other parent is inconvenienced. Emergencies and unexpected problems can happen, but disruptions should be the exception, not the rule.

Parenting Plan Issues are Just the Beginning

Problems following the parenting plan can be a symptom of a bigger issue – a lack of respect. Your ex-spouse may be consistently late in picking up your kids or bringing them back and couldn’t care less about the impact on you. Making issues out of a parenting plan, along with alienating your children from you and disputing child support, could all be part of an overall strategy to make you miserable.

We Need to Resolve the Issue or Take It to Court

If a solution isn’t negotiated, we may need to go to court. We’ll tell your side of the story with evidence. You must document everything as best you can. That means taking notes, keeping copies of emails or texts, taking photos, and making videos.

Get the Help You Need From a Lawyer You Can Trust

Call Karen Ann Ulmer, PC, if you need help with your parenting plan, whether that’s questions that need answers or legal representation. Call our office at (215) 608-1867 to schedule an online consultation. We can speak via teleconference, over the phone, or meet in our Langhorne or Doylestown office.

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