High Conflict, Parental Alienation, and Custody Evaluations

The divorced parent’s worst nightmare is for your child to suddenly refuse to see you. What’s wrong? What happened? Is your child mentally or physically ill? Is your child emotionally or physically safe? What could have caused this change?

You try to talk to your ex to find out what is going on. You may receive a soothing response (perhaps uncharacteristic of your ex), insisting that everything is fine; or you may receive a brick wall, blocking you out of knowing your child’s condition. You may be told that your child has been seeing a therapist without your knowledge, and who knows what your child or your ex is saying about you to the therapist?

This is not part of any parental custody agreement. As a parent, you have the right to know what is going on in your child’s life and to be involved in decisions regarding your child’s mental and physical well-being.

If you are being blocked from important information about your child, or if your child seems to have turned against you, you may be the victim of parental alienation. You need to act fast with the help of the best legal counsel, who knows how to legally protect your child and your parental relationship. You need the experienced divorce attorney team at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.

What is parental alienation?

While it is natural for parents to occasionally let a negative comment slip about the other parent, good parents know that a child develops best when he or she can love both their mother and father. But sometimes a parent intentionally poisons a child against the other parent. Your ex may blame you for the divorce; tell your child intimate details that a child should not know; not let you know about important events in the child’s life—sports, parent-teacher night, school play—and tell your child you didn’t want to come; insult you in front of your child.

Alienation can happen with the custodial parent as well as the non-custodial parent. If you are the custodial parent, you may suspect your ex is poisoning your child against you if:

your child begins to become belligerent, defiant, or combative toward you
begins to parrot your ex’s opinions
blames you for the divorce
doesn’t want you to attend their events
says your ex’s gifts are better than yours
says that your ex loves them more than you do
wants to live with your ex

What can you do to save your relationship with your child?

In high-conflict divorces, parental alienation is not uncommon. A 2010 study found that it is present in 10-15% of all divorces. Parental alienation is very harmful to children and is considered by some a form of emotional child abuse. PA law requires that the courts act in the best interests of the child, and therefore, we must immediately petition the court to protect your child. There are several options:

File for contempt of court, either through civil contempt or a motion to enforce, if your ex is trying to violate or manipulate the custody order.
Request custodial evaluations. The evaluator will speak with you, your ex, and your child in detail to provide the judge with a clear family picture and identify potential alienation.
Seek a Guardian ad Litem to advocate for your child. This is a deeper evaluation than the custodial evaluation. It includes researching family history, interviewing witnesses, and submitting formal findings to the court.

We will work with you to determine which step is best, but we need thorough documentation from you in order to support our case. Document, document, document! It is especially valuable if you have any written communication or video evidence to support your claims. Document content such as:

Conversations you’ve had with your ex or your child that demonstrate alienation
Social media posts of your spouse or ex
Texts, emails, letters, or other written documents
Video evidence, such as a conversation with your child that demonstrates a previous good relationship that has changed fairly suddenly
Witness statements
Missed events that you were not informed about
Evidence of health issues that were hidden from you, or therapy sessions you were not permitted to be involved in

Do not contact your ex about the alienation, and do not call the child’s therapist, if there is one. Contact us. We will handle all formal communication with all parties involved.

Hope for healing

You can heal your relationship with your child, especially if you receive a ruling from the court that demonstrates that your child was a victim of alienation. Therapeutic reunification counseling works to unwind the lies and deceptions that the child was made to believe and rebuilds new structures of thought and relationships. There are also family support groups that can help you and your child walk through the healing process together.

If you suspect that you are being blocked out of your child’s life, you need to act quickly to limit the harm done. If you are in PA or NJ, request a confidential consultation today by calling (866) 349-4721. We will determine how to proceed quickly, based on your particular situation, to save your relationship with your child.