Co-Parenting Basics for Divorced Parents

Your children will benefit from a healthy relationship with both their father and their mother after divorce, so to co-parent effectively, remember the three C’s: Cooperation, Communication, and Consistency

Cooperation

Remember, it’s all about what’s best for your children. As adults, you have to put their needs before your own hurts and grudges, however real they may be. As long as one of them is not abusive, your children need to have a healthy relationship with both parents.

You will need to make some important decisions about who will be the parent liaison to doctors, educators, coaches, etc. Will communications from these institutions go to one parent or both? Who will pay for insurance, education, and extra-curricular activities? Will both parents attend school and sport events, parent/teacher meetings, and doctor appointments?

Determine a schedule of custody that takes into consideration school, holidays, and special events. How will the child be transported between homes? What degree of flexibility is there when “life” happens and schedules or plans need to be changed?

Communication

Communication and cooperation work hand in hand. You must have a well-structured communication plan in order to cooperate in the raising of your children. Depending on your relationship, you may have to keep it short and business-like, but you should still be civil. If possible, over time, work towards a friendly relationship, since you’re two people who love the same children and want what’s best for them.

Always share important information, milestones, and pictures with your ex. Some divorced parents find it useful to have a shared online calendar with their children’s schedules, notes from school, and other data loaded, so both parents have access.

If you have concerns about any of your children, it’s very important to communicate this, so you’re both aware and can both work on it. This will not only help with the issue, but will show the children that their parents are united with regard to their well-being, which will have a positive emotional effect on them.

Consistency

This unity should be displayed through consistency in other areas as well. Both homes should have consistent rules of conduct and behavior. It’s likely you will disagree on particulars, but children need stability for their best development.

You may find it easier to agree on certain essentials if each parent is permitted leeway in the specifics. While one parent might say 9:00pm bedtime on weekdays and the other says 10:00pm, the big picture message being communicated is, “You need a good night’s sleep to do well in school.” Chores may differ from house to house, but both parents should teach their children responsibility by giving them chores. Rules about manners, foul language, and other issues of courtesy should be obeyed in both homes.

One last word on attitude

Never complain about the other parent, and as much as possible, help the children respect your co-parent. If he or she has personality flaws, it’s best to let the children discover them on their own – within the realm of safety – to avoid unreasonable fantasies or inaccurate beliefs about the other parent that will make your role more difficult.

Make it clear to your children that the divorce is not their fault. They may need to hear this multiple times, but make sure they feel loved and secure, and they will grow into strong and healthy adults.


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Legal Issues When One Parent Moves Out of State

When deciding custody, the courts in most states use the “best interests of a child” measurement to determine division of custody and visitation rights. When the parents live a significant distance from each other, whether the custodial or non-custodial parent moves, “the best interests of a child” are again brought into the equation along with other relocation factors. Unless the parents are able to come to an agreement outside of court, the court may decide to permit the move or not, and can order new custody or visitation agreements. Different states have different laws, so it’s best to review the case with a legal counsel who is familiar with your state’s law.

When the custodial parent wants to move

In order for a custodial parent to move with a child, the parent needs permission from the other parent or court approval. If you leave without either, you risk being sanctioned, which could include fines or jail time.

Pennsylvania defines “relocation with children” as a move that “significantly impairs the ability of a non-relocating party to exercise custodial rights.” Before moving, the custodial parent must notify the non-custodial parent in writing, sent by certified mail with return receipt requested, including certain specific information. The other parent has 30 days to respond. The legal details of the process can be quite complex, especially if the non-custodial parent objects.

It is best to come to an arrangement with the non-custodial parent, with both parents signing an agreement giving permission to move and renegotiating visitation. This agreement can then be submitted to the court. If you cannot come to an agreement, you will need to file a petition with the court requesting to move.

Once again, the court will weigh whether or not the move is “in the best interests of the child.” The court may decide that the move may improve the child’s situation enough to outweigh the disadvantages of having a non-custodial parent farther away. The court will then issue a new visitation order.

When the non-custodial parent wants to move

In Pennsylvania, relocation laws do not specifically cover the non-custodial parent, but that does not mean that a parent can move wherever he or she wants without concern for the law. When a non-custodial parent moves out of state, the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA) comes into play, keeping all custody decisions within one state and enforcing the Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act, to ensure a non-custodial parent does not abscond with the children.

Additionally, if the non-custodial parent moves anywhere without notifying the custodial parent and the court, that parent risks various consequences: being found in contempt of court, paying the custodial parent’s legal fees, being charged with “parental neglect,” and losing parental rights.

Thus, it is crucial to go over your plans with the other parent well in advance of your move and, if necessary, file a modification of child visitation with the court.

 

Regardless of which parent is planning to move, having experienced counsel to help you through the process will limit the stress on both parents and help you come to an agreement that benefits the children and that the court will approve.


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Child’s Opinion in Custody

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Any custody award in Pennsylvania is to be based on the best interests of the child. Section 5328 of the Domestic Relations statue lays out 15 factors to be considered when awarding custody in addition to any relevant factor. One of enumerated factors is “the well-reasoned preference of the child, based on the child’s maturity and judgment.” Accordingly, there is no magic age at which a child is permitted to give their opinion on custody. Instead, the court weighs the child’s opinion and generally gives it more weight as the child is older. Children mature at different paces and perhaps the weight to be given to a 10 year old’s opinion could be greater than a 13 year old’s opinion. I think it is safe to assume teenagers are able to give a reasoned preference, will be permitted to do so, and that opinion would carry some weight.

Section 5323 provides that the court must detail the reasons for its decision either on the record in open court or in a written opinion. 23 Pa. C.S. 5323 (d). Therefore, the court must go through each factor that it considered and explain why it decided as it did. This means that the child’s preference cannot be the sole factor considered. The Superior Court has been strict in upholding the requirement for the court to go through all factors in a decision. In J.R.M. v. J.E.A., the court awarded primary custody to the mother and father appealed on the basis that the trial court did not consider the 16 factors listed in Section 5328. 2011 PA Super. 263 (2011). The Superior Court granted the appeal, agreeing that the trial court did not properly consider the factors listed in the statute. Accordingly, all parties in a custody action should be prepared to address all relevant factors in their case and not just rely on one.

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Improper Custody Relocation

23 PA C.S. 5337 is Pennsylvania’s custody relocation statute which requires any party seeking to move with minor children to get court approval or the other parent’s permission prior to the relocation. A relocation is defined as any move that would “significantly impair the ability of the nonrelocating party to exercise custodial rights.” A move that is only a few miles away would not count as a relocation. Procedurally, the party intending to relocate must give at least 60 days’ notice, or notice as soon as possible, of the intended move. The party would include a counter-affidavit with the notice which allows the non-moving party to designate their position. If the move is contested a hearing on whether or not the relocation should be granted should be held prior to the move. In addition to addressing the 16 factors as to what’s in the child’s best interests required in any custody case, the moving party must also address 10 relocation factors. The moving party has the burden of proof to show relocation will serve the best interests of the child(ren) and that there is no improper motive in seeking to move.

Failure to abide by the procedures listed in the statute has consequences. Section 5337(j) discusses the ramifications for failure to provide adequate notice and follow the appropriate channels. The court may consider the lack of notice as a factor when making a final determination on the relocation and whether custody rights should be modified. The court can also view the lack of notice as a basis for ordering the return of the child to the jurisdiction. The court may order the party who improperly relocated to pay attorney’s fees and expenses on behalf of the party who must initiate litigation to indicate their opposition to the relocation. The court can also treat it as a matter of contempt and impose sanctions against the moving party. Finally, 5337(l) explains the court is not permitted to confer any presumption in favor of the relocation where it occurs before the court holds a final hearing.

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Custody Relocation

Parties should be aware of court requirements prior to moving with minor children. A local move may not require any additional steps to be taken other than just providing the new address to the other parent. If the move is of a significant distance and could impact the existing custody schedule additional steps must be taken prior to moving. Pennsylvania’s custody relocation statute, 23 PA C.S. 5337, requires the party seeking relocation to get court approval or the other parent’s permission prior to relocation. A relocation is defined as any move that would “significantly impair the ability of the nonrelocating party to exercise custodial rights.” Procedurally, the party intending to relocate should give at least 60 days’ notice or notice as soon as possible after they have knowledge of the relocation. A full hearing on the relocation should be held prior to the move if the relocation is contested. In addition to addressing the 16 factors to consider in any custody award, the moving party must also address the 10 relocation factors. The moving party has the burden of proof to show relocation will serve the best interests of the child(ren) and that there is no improper motive in seeking to move.

Failure to abide by the procedures listed in the statute has consequences. Specifically, Section 5337(j) discusses the ramifications for failure to provide adequate notice and follow the appropriate channels. The court may consider the lack of notice as a factor when making a final determination on the relocation and whether custody rights should be modified. The court can also view the lack of notice as a basis for ordering the return of the child to the jurisdiction. The court may order the party who improperly relocated to pay attorneys’ fees and expenses on behalf of the party who must initiate litigation to indicate their opposition to the relocation. The court can also treat it as a matter of contempt and impose sanctions against the moving party. Finally, 5337(l) explains the court is not permitted to confer any presumption in favor of the relocation where it occurs before the court holds a final hearing.

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Steps for Custody Relocation

Section 5337 of the Domestic Relations statutes sets out the procedures and standards for relocation requests. All parties to a custody action are required to follow the procedures outlined in Section 5337 if they are moving to a distance which would make any existing custody arrangements difficult or impossible to follow. E.D. v. M.P., 2011 PA Super. 238, was one of the first cases to apply the new relocation law. In E.D. v. M.P., Mother appealed after the lower court granted Father’s relocation on the grounds that Father didn’t comply with the provisions of Sec. 5337.

The first error cited was Father’s filing of a petition and Mother’s filing of an answer. Under Sec. 5337 (c) regarding notice of relocation, the initial step procedurally is for the party requesting relocation to send notice to all other interested parties by certified mail, return receipt requested a certain number of days prior to the date set for relocation. Included with the notice should be a counter-affidavit that the opposing party can complete indicating whether or not they agree or disagree with the relocation and/or the modified schedule. If there is any opposition, a hearing will be needed. The counter-affidavit evidencing opposition should be filed with the court and served on the party requesting relocation in the same manner as received; by certified mail, return receipt requested. The next error relates to Sec. 5337 (g) which calls for a hearing to occur before relocation unless exigent circumstance exist. In E.D. v. M.P., the lower court granted Father’s request to relocate immediately without any finding or allegation of exigent circumstances.

Further, Sec. 5337(h) outlines ten (10) factors to be considered before a relocation is granted.

The party proposing relocation has the burden of establishing that the relocation will serve the best interests of the child. Each party has the burden of establishing the integrity of that party’s motives in either seeking the relocation or seeking to prevent it. The Superior Court agreed with Mother that the lower court failed to consider all the factors under Sec. 5337(h) in reaching its decision.

Ultimately, the case was remanded to the lower court for further proceedings applying the applicable laws. The decision indicates that the Superior Court will be diligent in scrutinizing decisions to determine if they have followed the provisions for all relocation matters.

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Passports for Children

Every person, regardless of age, must have a passport to travel out of the country. Initial passport applications for children under sixteen (16) years of age must be made in person. Both parents of the child should be present. If one of the parents cannot be physically present, they may complete a parental consent form instead. This form must be notarized and a copy of the parent’s ID must accompany the form. There are exceptions to the requirement of the consent of both parents including court order or proof of sole custody. Additionally, there is an application to obtain passport without the other parent on the basis of exigent circumstances and the unavailability of the other parent. You can visit the U.S. Department of State website for additional details on the requirements to obtain a passport at travel.state.gov.

If you are a single parent you should make sure your custody agreement is clear about where the children can travel. A good custody order will dictate that international travel may only be by written consent of both parties or court order. Parents should pay attention to which country the other parent intends to travel to with the child and whether that country belongs to the Hague Convention on Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction and would recognize a U.S. custody order if necessary. Additionally, all details of the itinerary and contact information for the child while away should be provided in advance. The Department of State also handles international child abduction if you encounter a custody problem while your child is out of the country.

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Bringing Children to Court

One of the factors for consideration in determining what is in the best interests of the child for a custody award is the preference of the child. It is common for the opinion of the child to be sought in the course of a custody evaluation. There is also the possibility that a child will appear in court to offer testimony. There are rules specific to the testimony of children in Pennsylvania. The policy of the Commonwealth is to promote procedures to protect children witnesses. These procedures are outlined in 42 Pa C.S.A. 5981 – 5988. For the purposes of the provisions in these sections, child is defined as an individual under sixteen (16) years of age. Per Section 5984.1, the court may direct that a child’s testimony be recorded for subsequent presentation in court so long as the method accurately captures all information presented during such testimony.

Similar to the allowance for recorded testimony, Section 5985 allows for the child to testify in a room other than the courtroom with the testimony being transmitted by contemporaneous alternative method. For example, the court may interview the child in chambers as opposed to on the stand in the open courtroom. There should still be a transcript of what was said in chambers. The purpose of this would be to make the experience less intimidating for the child. The court should determine if the child would be subject to serious emotional distress if they had to testify in an open forum and/or before the defendant. It is good practice to contact your Judge prior to any hearing to see if they are interested in speaking directly to the children or if they will permit the children to testify if you would like them to.

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Criminal Background

Certain criminal charges are relevant in family law cases. Pennsylvania law requires parties to submit a criminal history verification in every custody proceedings. Under 23 Pa CS 5329, the court is to consider criminal convictions, not just official charges, when making a custody decision. Charges for the following crimes must be disclosed: homicide, aggravated assault, terroristic threats, stalking, kidnapping, unlawful restraint, false imprisonment, luring a child into a vehicle or structure, rape, sexual assault, involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, indecent assault, indecent exposure, sexual intercourse with animal, sex offenders, arson, incest, concealing the death of a child, endangering welfare of children, dealing in infant children, prostitution, obscene sexual material or performances, unlawful contact with minor, sexual exploitation of children, driving under the influence, and manufacture/sale/delivery of controlled substances.

While the court must consider criminal convictions, it does not mean the party with a criminal background is automatically barred from spending time with their child. Instead, the court would just need to make sure appropriate safeguards are in place for the welfare of the minor children involved. A party who has a rape conviction is at risk of a permanent bar against custody. Pursuant to 23 Pa CS 2511(a) which lays out the grounds on which a parent’s rights can be involuntarily terminated, paragraph (7) provides for termination where “the parent is the father of a child conceived as a result of rape or incest.” A party petitioning for involuntary termination will still need someone willing to adopt the child simultaneously with the termination.

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Counseling for Children

Counseling may be a useful resource for children dealing with changes in family status due to divorce or separation. It can serve as a safe place for children to discuss and process their feelings. It is not uncommon for children to be reluctant to discuss their feelings with their parents. Both parents will need to agree to counseling unless one parent has sole legal custody. A parent can petition the court for an Order regarding counseling if they believe it is necessary and they are unable to get the other parent’s consent.

Family counseling may serve to repair a relationship between a parent and child that has been damaged. It may also prove useful where a parent is looking to rebuild a relationship after a period of missed time with the child. Also known as reunification counseling, its goal is to reintroduce and/or reinforce the relationship between a parent and their child. Reunification counseling can be viewed as a more collaborative approach to re-establishing a relationship as opposed to just having the court force certain periods of visitation when the child may not be willing or emotionally ready. This is especially true when dealing with teenagers. It is the role of the reunification therapist to facilitate the process with the end goal of repairing the relationship going forward. If you are facing a high conflict divorce or separation or have been inactive in your child’s life for a certain period of time and feel you may need help rebuilding the relationship, consider counseling as an option.

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