Bad Divorce Advice

If you are divorcing, you need the support and understanding of friends and family to help you through the process. What you do not need is bad advice that, if followed, can harm your interests and increase the cost and complexity of the process. 

If you talk to someone about your divorce and the issues that come with it, you could get a variety of reactions. The other person may want to change the subject. They may have been divorced in the past and provide you with helpful insight.  

They could also be well-meaning but give you misinformation or inappropriate suggestions based on what they have read on social media or the supposed experiences of their friends and family members. You need to filter out the wheat from the chaff. 

Bad divorce advice:  

Over the years, clients have told us plenty of incorrect, illegal, and just plain whacky ideas they have heard. Here are a few that are worth avoiding: 

  1. You Should Lie to Get the Best Divorce Possible 

It could be making up abuse by a spouse, hiding assets, distorting important conversations with your spouse, or claiming you do not remember something that you clearly do. Chances are this will poison whatever goodwill is left with your spouse. The case will head to litigation, not a settlement, and your duplicity will probably be exposed. 

You may have been in a good position to reach your goals, but your dishonesty may effectively set your case on fire. Judges have enough to deal with and do not have patience for liars. Neither do we. We have enough honest clients to serve. We do not want to work with dishonest ones. It is not worth the grief. 

  1. You Should Save Money and Represent Yourself 

Representing yourself may be a good idea in limited circumstances. If the two of you are childless, have low incomes and few assets, and want the relationship to end, then representing yourself is worth considering.  

However, while you may think you are saving money by representing yourself rather than hiring an attorney, more than likely it will cost you in the long run.  The legal process can be complicated and you could waive rights, trust your ex a bit too much, or not take care of details causing you headaches and significant issues in the future.  

You may qualify for help from legal aid organizations, depending on your circumstances. You may also receive financing to help pay for our services. 

Anyone thinking about a divorce should at least talk to an attorney. When we talk to prospective clients, we often spot issues they did not know about or thought were unimportant. If an attorney is not protecting your rights and interests, you may end up with a divorce that is not in your best interest. It may cost you far more in the long term than what you saved in legal bills. We can help you keep your costs down. 

  1. Spend Money While You Can 

Going on shopping sprees, enjoying an expensive vacation, or showering friends and family with gifts sounds like great fun, but it is not a good idea if you are getting divorced. It comes with equitable or fair asset and debt distribution. There will be a formal moment when you and your spouse decide to divorce. Once you establish that point, you will be responsible for your spending.  

By spending money owned by the two of you, you will end up with less when all is said and done. That wasted money will be subtracted from what you may have received. It will not come out of your spouse’s pocket. You also risk being cut off from funds if your spouse asks a court to freeze assets you might abuse, and you, not the two of you, may end up with your credit card bill. 

Get the Help You Need from an Attorney You Can Trust  

If you are considering getting divorced or have decided it is right for you, call us at (215) 608-1867 or schedule a consultation online now. We can discuss your situation over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in our Langhorne or Doylestown office. 

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International Divorces and Some of the Challenges the Parties Face

Bucks County and Central New Jersey have large immigrant communities, so it is not unusual for another country’s laws to impact the divorce of someone living here. No matter where the parties are or whose laws are used, the more reasonable and cooperative the spouses are, the easier the process.  

If you believe your spouse may file for divorce and/or child custody in another country, it is critical that we speak immediately to protect your rights as soon as possible. In the meantime, it is best to gather all of your IDs (and those of your children) and place them somewhere for safekeeping. Do not allow your spouse to take your children out of the country. 

What is an International Divorce? 

Another country’s laws may apply to a divorce, depending on the circumstances. When this happens, it is considered an international divorce. International divorces involve spouses married in another country or one or both of them: 

  • Live in another country 
  • Own property in another country 
  • Are another country’s citizens 

If you think you fall into this situation, contact our office immediately. International divorces can be like a complex machine. You do not want to get caught up in the gears, and what you do and when may impact the outcome. 

Why File for Divorce in One Country and Not the Other? 

Part of a country’s culture is its view of marriage, parenthood, and the equality (or lack thereof) between the sexes. That affects their laws. A country may provide less legal protection and rights to a wife than a husband when they divorce.  

Someone may file for divorce in their home country, not the US because they think the laws there are tilted in their favor. They believe it will be easier to get what they want through a trial or they believe the foreign country’s laws will give them negotiation leverage. 

Who Has Jurisdiction? 

The courts of more than one country may claim jurisdiction or the ability to decide the matter. Each country has its own laws and court processes. Every divorce issue can be impacted, whether that is child custody, child support, alimony, or division of assets and debts. 

One factor is where the initial filing was made. But it is not just a race to the courthouse. To have jurisdiction, the country where papers are filed must meet two requirements: 

  • It must recognize your marriage exists. In the US, most marriages that are legally entered into in another country are recognized. That is not always true in other countries, especially if a spouse wants a divorce in their same-sex marriage.  
  • The party filing the divorce must satisfy the country’s residency requirements. For example, if you do not live, and never have lived, in France, filing for a divorce in France would be a waste of time.

A “dual filing” occurs when one spouse files in the US and the other files in another country. US courts will consider several issues when they decide if they have jurisdiction: 

  • Where is the property at issue?  
  • Does the foreign court have a greater interest in the divorce? If so, what is it? 
  • Does at least one spouse live in the state where the divorce was filed? 
  • If it is a fault-based divorce or if evidence is needed in the case, which jurisdiction is where more evidence is located?  
  • Will the spouse living in the US face considerable hardships if forced to participate in the foreign jurisdiction? 

International divorces can involve complex issues, and judges may be forced to make difficult decisions.  

Jurisdiction is Only the Beginning 

No matter where proceedings occur, jurisdiction only allows a court to make decisions. What is left are the other issues in dispute. After the divorce is finally adjudicated, there are other potential problems when a party tries to enforce a divorce order from one country in another country. 

Get the Help You Need from an Attorney You Can Trust  

If an international divorce might be in your future, call us at (215) 608-1867 or schedule a consultation online now. You do not have time to waste, and you must make informed decisions to get the best outcome. We can discuss your situation over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in our Langhorne or Doylestown office.  

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The Mental Health Impact of Divorce and How You Can Cope

Ending a marriage can be emotionally devastating, leaving individuals grappling with a range of complex feelings. Divorce can trigger a rollercoaster of what may be overwhelming emotions. If you are in an abusive relationship, divorce may result in feelings of relief and happiness. On the other hand, the abrupt change in life circumstances and the end of what you once thought would be a life-long relationship can lead to a profound sense of loss. You may experience grief, anger, guilt, sadness, and fear. 

A sense of rejection and failure can contribute to damaged self-esteem. You may find yourself questioning your worth and struggling to redefine your identity outside your marriage. This emotional turmoil can extend to various aspects of life, seeping into your personal and professional lives. 

Mental Health Consequences 

One of divorce’s most challenging emotional aspects is a sense of isolation. Family and friends may not understand the depth of your emotional pain, and you may be hesitant to open up. The result can be profound loneliness, which may lead to more serious mental health issues. 

Divorce’s emotional toll can have lasting effects on mental health, contributing to anxiety and depression. The stress and uncertainty surrounding divorce proceedings can lead to sleep disturbances, appetite changes, and difficulty concentrating. 

Coping Strategies 

While the road to a post-divorce recovery may seem long and winding, you can take steps to safeguard your mental well-being: 

  • Professional therapy can provide a safe and non-judgmental space for you to explore your emotions and develop coping strategies. Therapists specialized in divorce-related issues can offer valuable insights and guidance. Many of our clients benefit from therapy, and you should not see it as something to fear, avoid, or be ashamed of. 
  • Sharing your thoughts and feelings with trusted individuals can alleviate the burden of loneliness and provide a sense of connection. Do not be afraid to rely on supportive family and friends.  
  • Engaging in self-care, such as exercise, meditation, and hobbies, can promote mental, physical, and emotional well-being. Taking time for yourself is not a luxury but a necessity during this challenging period. 
  • Acknowledge that healing is a gradual process because there is no quick fix. Set realistic expectations for your recovery so you can navigate the emotional ups and downs without becoming discouraged. 
  • Dwelling on the past is a normal reaction, but fixating on red flags you missed, past mistakes, or choices you made will not get you far. Dwelling on what went wrong can hinder your progress. Shift your focus to the future and set new goals so you can feel empowered and enjoy a sense of purpose. 

Acknowledge your emotional challenges, get support, and implement coping strategies. You will start your life over with newfound strength and resilience. Though your journey may be difficult, with the right mindset and support system, a brighter future awaits you on the other side of your divorce. 

Get the Help You Need from an Attorney You Can Trust  

If you are considering getting divorced or have decided it is the right step, call us at (215) 608-1867. You can start a new chapter in your life regardless of your age. We can discuss this over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in our Doylestown or Langhorne office.  

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I Own a Business, and I am Getting Divorced. What Will Happen? 

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Divorce outcomes are fact-driven. What will happen in your case depends on what is going on with your spouse, your business, and state law. We work with business owners to handle their unique situations fairly and protect their personal and business interests. There are “business owner gets divorced” horror stories, but your situation may be resolved so that the impact on your company is manageable (if not minimal) and you are able to start a new life. 

Part of the divorce process is the equitable distribution of assets, including determining which should be divided. After that, the judge decides whether a spouse is entitled to an asset (like business ownership, or at least part of it) based on their discretion and applicable law. Most divorce cases are settled through negotiations. Your spouse may accept other assets and/or spousal support in exchange for not pursuing claims related to your company. 

There are several factors in how your case may be resolved, including whether: 

  • You have an enforceable pre- or postnuptial agreement: Ideally, you both engaged with attorneys and worked out an agreement covering business ownership issues. If this is the case, the outcome may already be set. Time has passed, and with the benefit of hindsight, one or both of you may regret its terms. Unless both of you do not want to enforce the agreement and start all over again in the divorce process, how the issue will be handled has already been agreed upon. 
  • You have an unenforceable pre- or postnuptial agreement: There may be issues surrounding you or your spouse fully disclosing your business or financial situations and whether the agreement was voluntary. If your handwritten and mutually signed “contract” is not legally enforceable, it will not do you any good. Instead of contractual language, state law and its application to the facts will determine the outcome. 
  • You owned the business before your marriage, and your spouse has no ownership interest: Separate, personal property brought into the marriage is not subject to equitable division in divorce but any accrued value may be.   If your spouse had their own business or was fully occupied with their career and played no role in helping you or your business, they are not in a good position to claim they should be awarded partial ownership or part of its increased value during the marriage. Their claim becomes stronger if they gave up a career or spent substantial time and energy supporting you and your business.  
  • You started the business during your marriage: If the two of you co-own the company, hopefully, you have terms in a postnuptial or ownership agreement with a buy-sell provision that covers divorce. If so, it should state that in case of a divorce, one buys out the other’s interest with the price determined fairly and neutrally. Without an agreement, and if only you own the business, it can come down to whether your spouse helped you and your business, and if so, to what degree. The more your spouse sacrificed their life and career, the better argument they have to be awarded part ownership and/or a share of its increased value during the marriage 

The more organized, well-documented, and “by the book” you operate your business, the better off you will be in the divorce process. The more you run it by “the seat of your pants,” “under the table,” and engage in questionable practices to avoid taxes, the worse off you will be. You do not want to be in front of a judge insisting you are telling the truth if the evidence shows you are lying to the IRS. Credibility is critical if you cannot reach a settlement agreement with your spouse and your case goes to trial. Parties without credibility normally do not do well. 

Get the Help You Need From an Attorney You Can Trust 

The last thing you want is your marriage and your business to end at the same time. Whether you and/or your spouse own a business and want to learn more about how a divorce may impact you, call our office at (215) 608-1867 or book a consultation online. We can speak over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in one of our offices in Doylestown or Langhorne.

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Divorcing When Wealthy: Please Use Common Sense

Divorce is never an easy decision, but when wealth enters the equation, it adds layers of complexity that can make the process more challenging. High-net-worth individuals face unique issues and considerations when seeking to dissolve their marriages. Nearly all divorces are resolved through negotiations, and negotiations are especially important when a couple is wealthy.

Legal Representation

The more the two of you have, the more is at stake in a divorce. High-net-worth divorces require specialized legal representation and the use of outside experts. You rely on other professionals to run your business or manage your wealth. It only makes sense to retain a Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., attorney to protect your interests during this critical time in your life. We will help you negotiate the best resolution possible for you and your family.

Equitable Asset Division

One of the most significant challenges in a high-net-worth divorce is the division of assets. The greater the assets and the more complex they are, the more difficult it can be to unwind the financial relationship between the two of you. Once we get all the information about the assets you hold, we can begin to negotiate a fair and reasonable division that will work for both parties.

Prenuptial Agreements

Prenuptial agreements are legal documents specifying the division of assets if the couple divorces. These agreements are especially useful when one or both parties have substantial wealth. If the two of you signed an agreement, we can review it.

If it is properly written and executed, it is binding. All that the agreement covers cannot be disputed or litigated during the divorce. That is good if the agreement is favorable to you, not so much if it is not.

Spousal Support

Depending on the circumstances, wealthy individuals may be required to pay substantial spousal support (alimony) to their former spouse. The marriage’s length, the income disparity between the parties, and the lifestyle to which the spouses are accustomed play a role in determining the amount and duration of spousal support.

Negotiating this aspect can be contentious, and often, the party potentially paying the support may be able to lessen or eliminate it if the other party receives certain assets or other issues are negotiated in their favor.

Business Interests

For those owning businesses, divorce can significantly impact a company’s operation and ownership. It is vital to consider the implications of a divorce on the business, including issues like stock ownership, control, and valuation. Depending on which side you are on, you want to protect your business interests and ensure its continuity, or you want your fair and equitable share of the company. Negotiations concerning the ownership of a family business can become emotionally charged, but it is something we have successfully handled many times.

Take the Best Approach

Litigation involving high-net-worth individuals can be very complex, time-consuming, and expensive. Those with more resources can spend more on litigation, but that is not necessarily a good idea.

In addition to spending hard-earned family wealth in the courtroom, divorce trials are open to the public. Whatever “dirty laundry” aired at trial can become public knowledge. You also lose control of the divorce’s outcome when it is put into the hands of a judge or jury.

Reaching a divorce settlement is like negotiating a business deal. It is all about costs, benefits, risks, and how to best manage them. Your divorce will be resolved one way or another. If the parties are reasonable, common sense will dictate the give and take between the parties. Once both parties know all the facts about your assets and other relevant issues, it is best to start negotiations sooner rather than later, because they could take a long time.

If your spouse is unreasonable when negotiating or sees the divorce as a way to get “payback,” litigation may be inevitable. Whatever path your case takes, Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., attorneys will protect your interests and defend your rights.

Get the Help You Need from an Attorney You Can Trust 

If you are thinking about getting divorced or you have decided it is the right choice for you, call us at (215) 608-1867 or schedule a consultation online now. No matter your income or assets, you can start a new chapter in your life. We can discuss your situation over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in our Langhorne or Doylestown office. 

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Is One of Your New Year’s Resolutions to Get Divorced?

We think of a new year as a re-birth, an opportunity to reinvent ourselves and change our lives. That could be changing jobs, living healthier, going on that vacation you dream of, or ending your dysfunctional marriage. If you have had enough of marriage and decide it is time to move on, Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., is here to help.

Holidays are stressful when a marriage is on the verge of breaking up, especially if you have kids. You feel the need to “keep up appearances” to family and friends. You want your kids to have a positive holiday season, not one filled with thoughts of parents going their own ways. That is all perfectly reasonable, and it may be easier to do knowing that you will not need to continue your charade next year, so make the most of it.

Talk to Your Spouse

If you have not discussed a divorce with your spouse, unless you are in an abusive relationship and fear for your safety, you should. Ideally, you will be on the same page and can limit disagreements. When each spouse is reasonable and respectful, the process can go much faster, with less stress and expense. It is also far easier on children when the relationship ends on a positive (or at least not negative) note.

Contact Our Office

Holidays and obligations in November and December cut into the time and energy needed to prepare for a divorce. No matter how hectic your schedule, take the time to call our office and schedule a consultation. We can discuss your situation, what you need to do to prepare to get divorced, and how we can help. Together, we can “game plan” how to accomplish your goal of getting divorced.

Get Organized

Whether you start this year or after the holidays, collect and organize critical financial information and documents, including those concerning:

  • Mortgages
  • Home equity loans or lines of credit
  • Credit scores and reports
  • Debts such as credit cards, student and vehicle loans
  • Property ownership
  • Investments
  • Retirement savings
  • Bills from private schools or colleges showing tuition costs
  • Medical records if one or both of you have conditions limiting your income potential
  • Business ownership and finances

Starting new bank accounts just for your use is a good idea. You should also set up a new email account and rent a post office box so you can communicate with us and others without your spouse being able to monitor your communications.

Be Prepared if You Think the Divorce Will Not Go Smoothly

If you fear your spouse will not end the marriage without a financial or emotional fight, you will have to be mentally and financially prepared. Long, drawn-out proceedings cost both spouses more time, energy, and money. Mediation may be an effective way to pull a spouse out of their anger and selfishness and make them realize the best resolution is one both parties can accept. Divorce is about starting new lives, not inflicting pain and revenge.

Get Emotional Help If You Need It

A divorce can come with a lot of emotional baggage. You may be angry or disappointed in yourself or your spouse. You may blame yourself for the end of what you imagined would be a fairy tale marriage. You may fear being alone in the future. It is very common for those undergoing a divorce to get help from healthcare professionals. You should explore this option if you feel you may need help.

Family and friends can be excellent sources of support – or not. They may tell you to stay together “for the children.” Their divorce may have involved very different issues, and their ex may have a different personality than your spouse, so what they say may be of limited use. People near you may greatly help you or give you bad advice. You must separate the good from the bad.

If It Is Time for You to Start a New Life, We Can Help  

To learn more about divorce, the legal process, or to discuss legal representation, call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., at (215) 752-6200 or book a consultation online.  

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Must You Put Up with Your Co-Parent’s Slander?

If your co-parent makes damaging, false statements about you and you suffer some legally recognized harm under Pennsylvania law, you may have a defamation case. If these statements are made to or around your child and alienate them from you, a faster resolution may be through family court.

Parental Alienation

If your co-parent is making defamatory statements about you to your child, or they hear them when they are made to others, this may be part of an effort to seek vengeance against you or to punish you by poisoning your relationship with your child. They may try to toy with the child’s feelings for you. They want to manipulate them to the point it negatively affects or breaks up their relationship with you.

These parental alienation efforts need not be intentional or directed at the child. Their criticism of you may be so constant and open that your child cannot help but hear and think about it. They may conclude you are such a bad person that they do not want to be around you.

If this happens, your child may need counseling to separate the fact that you love and care about them from the fiction that you are a terrible person. This can also be a basis to ask a court to end or limit the other parent’s visitation or custody rights.

Pennsylvania law makes putting both parents in a child’s life a priority, but there are limits. Two factors a judge should consider when making a custody decision are whether:

  • One parent is trying to turn the child against the other
  • A parent encourages and enables the child’s frequent and continuing contact with the other

If you discuss this problem with your co-parent and they deny it happens (but your child says it does) or tell you they will say whatever they want, you should contact our office. If we cannot convince them (directly or through their attorney) to stop, taking this to court and forcing them to understand that their slander is endangering their visitation or custody rights may make them change their ways.

Making Defamatory Statements to Others

If these remarks are not made to or around your child but are made to others, depending on the facts of the case, under Pennsylvania statute, you may have grounds for a defamation case against the co-parent. Defamation that is spoken (to neighbors, coaches, and teachers, for example) is considered slander, and when it is written (like in social media posts), it is libel.

The statements must tend to harm your reputation and lower your position in your community. They may also discourage others from associating or dealing with you. Libel would blacken your reputation and expose you to public hatred, contempt, or ridicule. A court would view these statements in the context of your relationship.

It is not enough if these statements embarrass, annoy, or anger you. You would have to show the court real and tangible injuries, such as distress, depression, or anxiety. Losing a job or customers if you own a business can also show the statements harmed you.

Your co-parent may have defenses to your defamation claims, including a denial that the statements were made, or that they were made but are truthful or they are the opinion of the co-parent. If you file a claim for libel, you will need to prove the statements were made negligently or maliciously to be awarded damages.

What Should I Do If My Child Starts Turning Against Me? 

If you think you may be dealing with parental alienation or believe your co-parent’s statements have gone too far, please call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., at (215) 752-6200.

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Our Flat Fee for Divorce Representation

If you are thinking, “I cannot afford to get divorced,” we have an option that may work for you. 

If your divorce is relatively simple, our flat fee is a good option for divorcing couples. If you have no children or few assets, a simple divorce may be your best choice. This may also work if you have worked out child custody or alimony issues and a fair distribution of debts and assets through a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement. If complications arise, we will bill you hourly if they require more time and effort to resolve than we expected. 

The Benefits of a Flat Fee Charge 

There are many advantages to this approach beyond saving money: 

  • Cost Predictability: One of the most significant benefits of a flat fee is that you know what to expect. We agree on a specific price for our services upfront, allowing you to budget effectively and avoid unexpected legal costs.  
  • No Hourly Billing Surprises: In traditional hourly billing, you might receive invoices with charges for every phone call, email, or meeting with an attorney. Flat fee arrangements eliminate this uncertainty, as the total cost is set from the outset. 
  • Reduced Conflicts Over Billing: We avoid billing disputes, which can cause conflicts between clients and their attorneys in hourly billing arrangements. 
  • Focus on Resolution: With a flat fee arrangement, we are focused on ending your marriage as quickly and as efficiently as possible, preventing expensive, contentious, and lengthy legal battles. 
  • Reduced Financial Stress: Divorce can be financially challenging, and flat fee arrangements can reduce the stress associated with the process. You can focus on your future and family instead of monitoring your legal expenses. 
  • Peace of Mind: Knowing the cost of your legal representation upfront can provide peace of mind during a stressful divorce process. It allows you to concentrate on other aspects of your life and reduces the anxiety associated with ongoing billing concerns. 
  • Alignment of Interests: Flat fee arrangements align everyone’s interests. Spouses benefit from efficient case management and a swift resolution, which can result in a more cooperative working relationship. 
  • Tailored Services: We will tailor our services to your specific needs within our agreed-upon fee structure. 
  • Encourages Open Communication: Flat fee arrangements can foster better, more open communication between clients and our attorneys. Clients are more likely to seek advice and discuss their concerns without worrying about hourly charges 

Your divorce may still be affordable if your situation is too complex for a flat fee arrangement. Our firm works with a third-party company that may be able to finance our legal services. If you are interested in this, you will need to complete an application, and we will submit it to the company. If your case is complete, we also may help you with a payment plan to pay your balance. 

Call for a Confidential Consultation


Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can provide dedicated, caring advice and counsel if you are considering getting divorced or have already decided that one is right for you. For a confidential consultation with a Doylestown divorce lawyer at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., call (215) 752-6200 or send us an email. We can meet you in our Doylestown or Langhorne office or speak on the phone about the divorce process and its cost.

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Navigating Co-Parenting Challenges: Common Problems and Solutions

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Co-parenting after a divorce or separation can be a challenging endeavor. Both parents should consider the child’s best interests, but practical problems and an uncaring or uncooperative spouse can present serious issues. The parents should act like adults and resolve conflicts, but that does not always happen. The situation may end up in court if the parents cannot fix the problem. We help many clients out of our office in Langhorne prepare to co-parent and can also help renegotiate agreements if there are issues. Here are the most common problems:  

Communication Breakdowns 

One of the most frequent co-parenting challenges is a communication breakdown. Misunderstandings, missed messages, and ineffective communication can lead to frustration and conflict. The parties should establish clear lines of communication using methods that work best for both parents. Whether it is phone calls, emails, text messages, or co-parenting apps, communications should always maintain a respectful tone and focus on the child’s best interests. 

Differing Parenting Styles 

Co-parents often sometimes have different parenting styles and values, which may lead to disagreements about the child’s discipline, routines, and rules. The parents should act in good faith and focus on compromise and consistency. Discuss your parenting styles and establish agreed-upon guidelines for raising your children. Flexibility and a willingness to adapt may be necessary for successful co-parenting. 

Scheduling and Logistics 

Coordinating schedules for visitation, school events, extracurricular activities, and holidays can be a logistical nightmare, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. Shared calendars or co-parenting apps can help the parties keep track of schedules and appointments. Be flexible when accommodating changes and provide the other parent ample notice if adjustments are needed. Plan for holidays and special occasions to avoid last-minute conflicts. 

Emotional Strain 

Co-parenting can be emotionally draining, potentially requiring constant interaction with an ex-partner, bringing up past grievances and hurt feelings. You can seek emotional support from friends, family, or a therapist. Co-parenting is about your children, not your past relationship. Keep conversations child-focused and keep a business-like tone when discussing parenting matters. 

Financial Disputes 

Disagreements about child support, medical expenses, and other financial matters can strain co-parenting relationships. Child support agreements and orders spell out who cares for the child and pays child support. Agreeing to changes can be a slippery slope where one compromise leads to more. You should call our office for advice on handling this situation. 

Residential Relocation 

Depending on the distance, one parent relocating due to work or personal reasons can complicate or wreck your co-parenting arrangement. You should be cooperative if this is a local move. A long-distance move could force you to rewrite your parenting plans. This is also an important issue that justifies getting legal help. 

Parental Alienation 

The other parent may attempt to alienate your child from you from the other parent, damaging the child-parent relationship. This emotional blackmail and criticism of the other parent is intended to turn the child against the targeted parent. If you suspect parental alienation, document any incidents and contact our office. Courts take parental alienation seriously, and legal remedies may be necessary to address this issue and protect the child’s relationship with you. 

The other parent may fail to comply with court-ordered visitation, child support, or other legal obligations. This may happen because they are chronically disorganized, but it is more likely this is an intentional way to punish you for the divorce and protest what they think may be unfair mandates. Like alienation, this is a serious matter. Keep records of what happens. If the other party is not acting in good faith, contact our office so we can take steps to put a stop to this behavior. 

Do Not Put Up With Co-Parenting Problems. Take Action Before They Get Worse  

Depending on your child’s age, you may co-parent for many years. Ignoring problems will only make them worse. To learn more about handling co-parenting issues or to discuss legal representation, call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., at (866) 349-4721 or book a consultation online.   

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The Empty Nest Divorce

Empty nest syndrome is a complex and emotional situation many married couples face after their children leave home for college, work, or to start their own families. A parent may feel lonely, depressed, and without purpose. They may also feel relieved, happy, and eager to start a new chapter. This emotional mash-up and other marital challenges can lead a long-married couple to divorce. 

What is Empty Nest Syndrome? 

Empty nest syndrome is the label for feelings of sadness, grief, and loneliness that parents experience when their children move out. For many couples, this period marks a significant shift in their lives.  

They must adapt to a new routine, redefine their roles, and rediscover each other as individuals and partners. While some couples successfully navigate this transition, others face considerable challenges that can strain their relationship to the breaking point. 

Why Would Empty Nest Syndrome Lead to Divorce? 

A critical reason empty nest syndrome can lead to divorce is the shift in priorities that often occurs. Parents dedicated their time, energy, and resources to raising their children for years. When they leave, couples may have more free time and the opportunity to focus on their interests and desires.  

This newfound freedom can lead to self-discovery, which may reveal that they have grown apart or developed different aspirations. These parents may struggle to redefine their identities once the nest is empty. Some couples may realize they have grown apart and have little in common beyond their children. 

Raising children often provides couples with a shared purpose and a sense of unity. When children leave, this shared purpose disappears, leaving a void that some couples struggle to fill. Couples may feel disconnected and adrift without a common goal, leading to a sense of emptiness in the relationship. 

Unrealistic expectations about life can accompany empty nest syndrome once the children are gone. Some couples may believe that their relationship will automatically improve or that they will instantly reconnect. When these expectations are unmet, disappointment and frustration can set in, leading to marital dissatisfaction and, in some cases, divorce. 

Middle-aged empty nesters also may face issues that add additional stress. Their health may start to decline. Couples may face financial problems, especially if one loses a job and paying for college dries up a chunk of their savings. They may also be burdened by their elderly parents’ health issues and need for financial help. 

Effective communication is critical to the success of any marriage, and the absence of children can reveal pre-existing communication issues. With fewer distractions and obligations, couples may become acutely aware of communication breakdowns or unaddressed conflicts that have been simmering beneath the surface. These unresolved issues can create tension and push couples toward divorce if not adequately addressed. 

What are Coping Strategies for Empty Nesters? 

While empty nest syndrome can pose significant challenges to a marriage, divorce is not inevitable. Many couples successfully navigate this transition and emerge with stronger, more fulfilling relationships. Here are some coping strategies: 

  1. Open Communication: Addressing feelings and concerns openly and honestly is crucial. Couples should make an effort to talk about their expectations, fears, and future aspirations.  
  2. Reconnect: Rediscover each other as individuals and as a couple. Rekindle shared interests or explore new hobbies and experiences together. 
  3. Seek Support: If you cannot turn the situation around by yourselves, you may need a therapist or counselor. Professional guidance can help couples work through challenges and improve communication. 
  4. Set New Goals: Create new goals and aspirations together. Whether they are traveling, volunteering, or pursuing personal interests, having shared goals can help couples find purpose and meaning. 
  5. Spend Quality Time Together: Prioritize quality time spent together. This could be through date nights, weekend getaways, or simply spending time talking and connecting on a daily basis. 

Your marriage is unique, so what may work for one couple may not work for another. Both parties need to openly communicate what they want for their future, but that will not be easy when one or both do not know what that is. 

It May be Time for a Divorce 

It may be time for a divorce if your relationship challenges cannot be resolved despite your best efforts. If your marriage is just a shell of what it once was, held together by the desire to remain married “for the sake of the children,” both parties may be better off going their own way. Those divorcing later in life may face health insurance, financial, and housing issues, but they may be addressed fairly through negotiations or litigation. 

Get the Help You Need from an Attorney You Can Trust 

If you are thinking about getting divorced or have decided it is the right choice, call us at (215) 608-1867 or schedule a consultation online now. No matter your age, you can start a new chapter in your life. We can talk over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in our Langhorne or Doylestown office. 

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