Counseling During a Divorce

Going through a divorce is one of the toughest experiences a person can have. This is true even when the divorce goes rather smoothly. The reason divorce is so difficult is intimately linked to our emotions.

Love is an emotional experience. But it can be hard to maintain a relationship and over time your emotions can move from love to hate or frustration with them. This then often leads to self-doubts about ourselves. Were we not good enough people for them? Were we not good enough people for love? Do we even deserve to find love again if we’ve messed it up this time?

Dealing with questions like these is a normal, though extremely difficult, facet of going through a divorce. All of these emotions can be mixed up and confusing, especially when there was physical or mental abuse present in the marriage.

That’s why divorce counseling exists. Today we’re gonna learn what divorce counseling is, the purpose it has, and what you can expect from a divorce counselor should you decide to visit one.

What Is Divorce Counseling?

There are many different types of counseling available for a variety of different reasons. Divorce counseling is the type we use to explore, understand, recognize, and then resolve the conflicts that have arisen due to the divorce.

As a type of psychotherapy, it focuses on discussion with a trained counselor. Depending on where in the divorce process you are, you may start at a different point in counseling. For those who are just considering divorce, divorce counseling might be an option to determine if a divorce is the right choice.

A safe space is provided for individuals to discuss the challenges that they face in the relationship and their emotions, as well as their feelings about their partner as well. Your counselor will likely have some tools they can offer you to help you better manage all the emotions you are dealing with as part of the process.

Divorce counseling can be pre-divorce or post-divorce. Each presents its own issues that can be worked through and counseling can help with both.

What Is the Purpose of Divorce Counseling?

The purpose of divorce counseling, first and foremost, is to help those who are considering divorce, going through a divorce, or those who’ve just finished a divorce to better cope with their emotions during and throughout this turbulent experience.

It’s impossible to overstate how emotionally charged divorces are. Countless studies have shown that divorces bring up a range of negative emotions, even when separating from each other is the right choice to make.

The reason makes sense when you break it down. When we get married, we promise ourselves to each other until death does us part. But divorce is not death. It might be the right choice because the relationship is toxic, but it still represents a failure of the original stated goal. This can leave a lot of confusing feelings. We wonder if it was our fault or theirs. We wonder if we can ever get married again if our word, our vows, turned out not to be true.

There is an incredible amount of self-doubt involved in a divorce. This self-doubt may be mixed with anger and resentment but it is often a source of that anger and resentment rather than a separate emotional experience to it. When all sorts of emotions like these get mixed together, it can make it impossible to move forward with a divorce in a reasonable manner.

By meeting with a divorce counselor you are taking a proactive step in untangling this emotional web. As a result, you will build better tools for managing your anger, resentment, and self-doubt. These in turn can allow you to react with more calm and thoughtfulness during the divorce proceedings. Rather than just arguing and fighting because of all those pent-up emotions, you can develop the tools that allow you to deal with the situation in a healthy manner, one that allows the proceedings to move forward smoother and thus finish up quicker.

How Does Divorce Counseling Work in Practice?

Divorce counseling can be quite varied in practice. Some divorce counselors may work in a private practice while others work at a counseling center and still others only practice online. These will all function differently in the minutia, such as arriving at the practice and checking in with the receptionist or logging onto a designated website or video conferencing program.

However, the actual meetings will follow a much similar format. Your counselor will want to meet with you to get an understanding of the reasons behind the divorce. This will also allow them to get a much better sense of the situation, not just the divorce itself but where each party lies in terms of their emotions and rationalizations.

This will be done through discussion and conversation. But the conversation can actually be much broader than people expect. A divorce counselor wants more than to just help with the divorce. They want to provide you with tools and resources that will allow you to heal and grow into a stronger individual. To this end, they may teach coping skills for dealing with your emotions or offer self-care advice for individuals whose emotions make it hard for them to care for themselves. They can also help you in developing a new plan for your life now that you are going forward on your own again.

How Can I Tell If I Need Divorce Counseling?

If you are having a difficult time with the divorce then divorce counseling could help. But it may be hard to tell because everything is so stressful.

That stress is a sign that you could use counseling. Other signs include:

  • Irritability
  • Lack of appetite
  • Lack of personal hygiene
  • Destructive tendencies
  • Depression and anxiety
  • Random crying fits
  • A reliance on drugs and alcohol

These are just a few of the signs. If you are going through a divorce, chances are good that you could benefit from divorce counseling. At the very least, it is worth reaching out to a divorce counselor to ask their opinion.

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How Are Divorce Papers Served?

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You may read stories about people trying to avoid being served with legal papers. This rarely happens, and in most divorces, this critical step is handled without drama by spouses who understand their marriage is ending. 

A divorce is a legal action. A necessary step in the process is serving the non-filing party (the defendant) with the complaint. Most divorces are not surprises, and agreements are often worked out before a divorce complaint (which is filed with the court stating the party seeks a divorce, why, and the basic facts of the case) is finalized. Usually, service, though necessary, is a formality. 

What is Being Served? 

That complaint is completed and filed with the court. A copy is provided (or served) to the defendant. The court will not want to proceed without proof the other spouse has a copy of the complaint. 

In Pennsylvania, your spouse must be “personally served” with the complaint (though that does not necessarily mean they are handed the complaint), a notice that the party can defend their rights, a counseling notice, and any other documents filed with the complaint at the courthouse. This must be accomplished within 30 days of the complaint’s filing (90 days if they live out of state). 

How Can My Spouse Be Served? 

Service can be accomplished by: 

  • An unrelated individual older than 18 hands the documents to your spouse and fills out an affidavit describing how that happened. There are companies whose employees provide this help (people referred to as process servers) as well as the local sheriff’s department. 
  • Certified mail with restricted delivery is a cheaper route and an option when the two of you cooperate to end your marriage. With this kind of delivery, there would be an acceptance of service form for your spouse to sign. 
  • The defendant’s attorney accepts service on their client’s behalf. If your spouse is not represented, they may consent to our office mailing them the complaint, and then they fill out the acknowledgment of service form. 

The defendant has 90 days after service of the complaint to file an answer in response. The service process is similar in New Jersey, but the defendant has 35 days to file an answer. 

Why Should I Not Do This Myself? 

There are many benefits to hiring an attorney to represent you in a divorce. The process can involve several steps involving various filings with different requirements and deadlines, depending on your case’s complexity and how much the two of you work together to finalize the divorce. 

A significant benefit of retaining our services is we deal with all these details, including service, not you. You do not have to worry about whether your spouse will try to run and hide from the process server or if the service will be on time. You will not have to spend time recruiting your neighbor’s unemployed son to serve the papers. 

Divorce is stressful enough. Why add to it by trying to do it on your own? Making sure all the requirements of the divorce process are followed is a crucial part of what we do. This allows you to spend your time and energy on more important things like your well-being, job, and kids.  

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, PC, today because we are here to help. If you are considering getting divorced and have questions, or you have decided it is right for you and you need legal representation, call us today.

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Divorce and Life Insurance

Divorce will cause many changes in your life, but one thing never changes – no one lives forever. Life insurance is an essential financial tool to help those you leave behind. Whether you are married or not, life insurance is critical if you have minor children. 

Many potential life insurance issues may arise during a divorce. We can help you navigate them so you and your children can avoid legal and financial problems later on. 

Your Policy May Be a Marital Asset Subject to Equitable Division 

Whole and universal life policies have a cash value, so they are part of your net worth. It must be listed as a marital asset to be divided, and it may be cashed out and divided between you and your spouse. A term life policy does not have a present cash value, so it is not a marital asset and is not subject to division. But it can still come into play because, as part of the divorce order, you may need to maintain life insurance coverage to benefit your children. 

Changing the Beneficiary After Your Divorce 

Married couples typically name each other as life insurance beneficiaries to cushion the financial blow when one dies. Pennsylvania estate law automatically nullifies the ex-spouse’s beneficiary pre-divorce designation in a private life insurance policy.  

Your ex could still be the beneficiary if your settlement agreement or divorce order clearly provides they are to continue. If you and your ex are on good enough terms and you feel your ex is capable, part of an agreement can be that they will care for your minor children after your death.  

If that is the case, you could create a trust funded by your policy’s proceeds with your ex as the trustee and your children as the beneficiaries. If your ex is the policy’s beneficiary and you pass away without a trust, they could spend the money on themselves if they wish. 

You May Be Legally Obligated to Carry Life Insurance 

You may need to maintain life insurance if you will pay child and/or spousal support (or alimony) either as part of the agreement with your spouse or due to the divorce order. If you pass away unexpectedly, the benefits will replace the support you would have paid during your lifetime. 

Not everything goes as planned. A spouse required to have life insurance may stop paying premiums without you or the court being aware of the problem. This can be addressed by:  

  • Providing the insurance carrier with a copy of the divorce decree with instructions that the beneficiary is to be notified if the policy changes or if the premiums go unpaid 
  • Having the beneficiary own the policy and make payments 
  • Adding the premium amount to the child and/or spousal support with the beneficiary using this money to pay the premium 

Planning on unforeseen, potential problems like missed premiums and addressing them before they happen can be the ounce of prevention that is worth a pound of cure. 

If You Have Children and Are Getting Divorced, Life Insurance Makes Sense 

Whether your ex is a responsible parent or not, whether life insurance is part of the divorce decree or not, if you have young children, you should consider purchasing life insurance as part of estate planning. You may have created an estate plan with your spouse. If so, it needs to change. If not, you should make one for yourself. 

If your ex will be the single parent to your kids with your unexpected passing, fund a trust for them through insurance proceeds with your ex as the trustee. If the other parent is out of the picture or otherwise incapable, through your will you can nominate someone as your kids’ guardian (although a judge has the final say). That person could also be the trustee, and insurance proceeds would help fund your children’s expenses as they grow up. 

If you are thinking about getting divorced and all the financial issues (like life insurance) that come with it, contact us at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., so we can answer your questions and discuss how we can help you.  

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Student Loan Debt and Your Divorce

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When it comes to dividing things during a divorce, you may think about assets like investments or real estate, but you may also need to split your debts. Depending on what they are and how much, avoiding getting stuck with your spouse’s student loans may be a bigger financial win than obtaining an investment account or car. 

Americans have about $1.5 trillion in student debt, according to NBC News, so it should not be a surprise that one or both of you have these loans. Payments may be in the hundreds or thousands of dollars each month. Unless you qualify for a program to make your payments or forgive your loans, not even bankruptcy can wash away your liability. 

Usually, the spouse taking the asset takes on the loan paying for it. If you get the car, and it is not paid off yet, you are responsible for the car loan. But education is not a tangible asset. It is a service. You paid for someone to educate you. Part of the plan was probably that your education was an investment that would lead to a higher income than if you went without.  

Depending on your finances, debts, and professional and personal lives, these divorce issues could be very complicated. The more money at issue, the greater your need for an attorney’s help because there is more at stake and more to lose. 

Is the Student Debt Subject to Equitable Distribution? 

The first step is determining if the student loan is a marital or a non-marital debt. If it was incurred during the marriage, it is a marital debt. If the debt arose before the marriage or after your separation, it is a non-marital debt and not subject to equitable distribution (to split fairly amongst the parties depending on the facts of the situation). 

Marital debts are generally subject to equitable distribution. That could mean both parties are equally liable, only one is responsible for the debt, or what they must pay is somewhere in between. 

Issues a Judge May Consider 

Student loans are personal to the spouse receiving the education. The student loan’s benefit is usually obtained by the spouse getting the education. But a student loan could cover living expenses for both spouses. If the other spouse benefitted from the education because of a higher household income, they might be partially responsible for paying it back.  

If the debt is greater than any income increase or the spouses were economically independent of each other, requiring the other spouse to help pay the debt would be unfair. If a spouse is attending college full-time or enough to impact how much the two earn, often the other spouse will have more, if not all, of the burden of earning an income. That may mean shelving their plans for additional education or starting a business, impacting them financially. It would not be equitable for that person to bear these burdens, plus make student loan payments. 

What Is on the Paperwork? 

Whose name is on the loan? If you and your spouse took out the loan together so one of you could attend grad school, both of you are on the hook. If your name is not on the paperwork and you did not co-sign the debt, it is easier to say it is not yours. 

If you co-signed a loan, things get complicated. When you co-sign, you are only responsible if your ex defaults or stops paying for the loan. You would like to think that would only happen if payment is, as a practical matter, impossible. But it can also occur if the debtor stops paying and spends their money elsewhere. The creditor may decide it is easier to get payments from you than pursue your ex. 

You also may have consolidated student loan debt by using a home equity line of credit (HELOC). If your name is on the debt, it is half yours. If the amount is substantial and primarily for your spouse’s education, you may be responsible for paying it.  

The Big Picture 

Like all disputes arising in a divorce, the issue will be litigated if the parties cannot agree, making a resolution far more costly and time-consuming. Couples need to inventory their assets and debts, determine which are personal and which are marital, and come up with a way marital assets and debts can be fairly spread among them. Both sides will probably get a mix of debts and assets. Student loans are just one piece of the puzzle. At Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., we know how to protect our clients from unfairly taking on debts. Contact us today to see how we can help you.

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Should I Move During My Divorce?

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Not to sound like a lawyer, but that depends. If you feel unsafe or your spouse drives you crazy, you should move, but you should be aware of and prepare for the negative consequences. If you can still tolerate each other and be civil, you’re probably better off staying in the home, at least until you reach a divorce agreement. 

Moving out makes the most sense when: 

  • You’re earning an income that will pay for both homes’ expenses 
  • You don’t have kids or, if you do, you aren’t interested in having primary custody 
  • You (and your kids) must leave an abusive situation 
  • You’re not interested in owning the house when marital assets are divided 

Should you stay or should you go? You have to consider the issues: 

  1. Would Moving Impact a Custody Dispute? 

If you have kids, do you plan to move out with them, or will they stay with the other parent? Moving out of the home while your kids remain will likely impact your custody claim, so if that’s a priority, stay where you are. 

Unless you’re involved in an abusive relationship, it’s usually in a child’s best interests to stay in the family home during a divorce because it should minimize the potential disruptions to children’s lives.  

  1. How Would Moving Affect Your Finances in the Short and Long Term? 

Moving means two households and possibly twice as many expenses. Leaving your marital home doesn’t mean you no longer need to worry about its bills. If you share the title and a mortgage to a house, you must keep up the payments. You’ll have your new expenses, plus your old ones. Can you swing that? 

Your house may be the most valuable asset the two of you own. Though it’s no guarantee, when it’s time to decide who will get the house, the spouse living in or maintaining it can have a stronger claim than the one who moved out or who isn’t helping to maintain it.  

If you want the house when marital property is divided, remaining in it may help protect your interests. Leaving is not a big deal if you don’t want the house and would rather have your share of it paid to you in cash or some other asset. 

  1. Might Remaining at Home Push the Divorce Process Along? 

Emotionally, moving out can be a mixed bag. In the short term, the two of you are physically away from a source of stress which should improve your peace of mind. This reduced stress takes some pressure off and makes finalizing the divorce less urgent. Therefore negotiations may drag out longer. If you share the same household, the two of you may be more motivated to get the divorce over and done with. 

Don’t Make a Move Without Talking to Us 

Moving out of your marital home may have far more consequences than you realize. You may see living on your own as a major goal that shouldn’t wait for a finalized divorce. Depending on your circumstances, you may be able to achieve that with minimal impact on your interests. It may also be a significant financial stretch that can impact your ability to get custody of your kids and your house as part of the division of assets. 

Should you move during your divorce? Like all other issues, that depends on your goals, situation, and the law’s impact. If you’re thinking about getting divorced and how that’ll impact where you’ll live, contact us here at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., so we can answer your questions and discuss how we can help you.  

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How Long Could the Divorce Process Take?

Divorce is a frustrating experience, though actually having a divorce granted is often a great relief. But not every divorce is the same. Some are based on faults, some are based on irreconcilable differences, and others yet are hard-fought battles in order to achieve freedom.

If you are considering a divorce, then you already know that you are going to be going through a rough experience. But what you might not know already is how long it will take. That’s a question that’s a little harder to answer than you might have thought.

The reason it’s hard to answer is that it depends on the circumstances of the divorce itself. To get a sense of how long your divorce may take, we’ll look at the different kinds of divorce there are. We’ll see how long it takes when there is no fault, how long it takes when there is fault, and how long it takes when the divorce is contested; that way, you can have a sense of how long yours will take.

How Long Does a No-Fault Divorce Take?

A no-fault divorce can be one of the quicker ways to achieve a divorce. The idea of a no-fault divorce is that nobody involved was at fault, the relationship between the spouses has hit some irreconcilable differences, and therefore the only way to move forward is separately.

Because nobody is at fault, these divorces can often move forward rather quickly. However, it’s important to note that the divorce could be contested and this, in turn, would greatly lengthen the process. However, we will be discussing contested divorce in more depth below, so for the purposes of this discussion on no-fault divorce, we will assume that it is uncontested.

There are two ways to get a no-fault divorce, and they take vastly different amounts of time. The first way, which is the shortest, is for you and your spouse to both consent to the divorce. When this is the case, you could have the divorce finalized 90 days after filing. This is the mandatory waiting period in Pennsylvania and so you won’t be able to speed that up.

The other way to get a no-fault divorce requires that you and your spouse be separated for at least two years. This would mean then that this approach could get a divorce finalized two years and three months later. Clearly, the faster route is to both agree to a no-fault divorce, otherwise you’ll have to wait.

How Long Does a Fault Divorce Take?

A fault divorce is different in that it is directly stating that one of the spouses is at fault for the divorce. Legally this means that the at fault individual is guilty of:

  • Adultery
  • Abandonment (for at least a year)
  • Extreme cruelty
  • Bigamy
  • Or they were convicted of a crime that would see them behind bars for two years or more

Divorces of this nature can be long and costly. You can’t just say that your spouse is guilty of one of these, you need to prove it. While this is easiest when they are convicted of a crime, it can be much harder to prove extreme cruelty or adultery. It takes time to gather evidence and build a case that will prove the allegations.

Thankfully, though, if your particular case is easy to prove then it could move quite quickly. A fault divorce is not subject to the three month waiting period discussed above. This means that if you already have enough evidence, this type of divorce should, in theory, be faster. 

How Long Does a Contested Divorce Take?

A contested divorce can take a very, very long time to resolve in some cases. A contested divorce is simply a divorce wherein the two parties disagree on different parts of the divorce agreement. So it could be a loveless marriage that both individuals want out of, but because of a disagreement on the divorce agreement it could be dragged out for years.

Disputes typically arise in regards to the distribution of assets of the marriage, as well as child-related issues such as the amount of child support or the custody of the children. These fights can become quite intense.

One thing that often helps to speed up the process is to work with an attorney as a mediator. A mediator acts as a neutral third party to engage the fighting parties in a structured resolution-focused discussion in order to try to come to agreeable terms. A mediator isn’t a couple’s therapist; they aren’t going to try to make you like each other. Their goal is to bring the conflict to an end.

This is often the best way to bring a contested divorce to a close. If issues continue to long, and especially if they are negatively impacting the children of the marriage, then the courts may make decisions for the couple in order to bring an end to the ordeal. This may resolve any conflicts that were still open, but it removes control from the parties involved. This means that the resolution isn’t necessarily going to be agreeable to either individual.

The reason that we mention children of the marriage specifically is that the courts really do pay special attention to how the process is affecting them. They also want to ensure that the decisions the couple makes or outcomes they fight for are appropriate. So one parent trying to gain sole custody only to deprive the other of their children would be looked at negatively by the court and almost certainly never get the request granted. But a spouse seeking sole custody to protect the children from an abusive parent would be a whole different story.

Is There Any Way to Speed Up My Divorce?

If you are looking to get divorced, then one thing that could help speed up the process is to attain the services of a qualified and experienced divorce attorney. They can file paperwork on your behalf to start the divorce process, or they can help you to build a case for a fault divorce prior to filing.

Should the divorce go forward smoothly, then you won’t need their services for very long. But if your spouse contests the divorce, then your attorney is in the right position to get a quick start on whatever legal challenge comes your way.

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What are Your Divorce Options? 

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Like most lawsuits and legal disputes, nearly all divorces resolve outside of a courtroom. Most parties can’t justify the costs of a trial in money, time, energy, and stress. How you approach your divorce and its resolution depends on you and your spouse.  

Divorcing spouses come from all different emotional directions. They may be heartbroken, emotionally exhausted, or enraged. They may be willing to settle at all costs and just get the divorce over with or be eager to fight over every penny. After learning about the law and going through the process, most couples, no matter their starting point, realize that reaching a resolution is the best option. 

Do You Want to Go to Court? 

Going to court usually happens when one or both parties are unreasonable. One side may look at the issues rationally, but the other makes unreasonable, unacceptable settlement demands. Sometimes both parties are willing and able to use litigation to try to legally bludgeon the other spouse to get what they think will be a victory. 

There are many reasons to avoid litigation. The cost in time and expense can be substantial, especially if the issues are complex and there’s a lot of evidence that could be admitted. Even if you get a favorable judgment, the other party may appeal, potentially prolonging the case for years. 

Litigation puts the outcome into the hands of a judge or jury. It’s like handing over your car keys to someone you don’t know and giving them directions, but they ultimately decide where you’ll end up. In this situation, the issue is not which town you’ll be in. It’s what will happen with your future life, your finances, and your children. 

How Do You Want to Approach Your Divorce? 

Nearly all divorces are uncontested, but you could try to fight your spouse’s attempt to get one. Unless you have compelling reasons, contesting a divorce when your spouse no longer wants to be married, for practical and legal reasons, probably doesn’t make sense. 

If the two of you understand the relationship is over and have no (or few) axes to grind, a collaborative divorce is worth considering. It’s a divorce in which both parties agree to do their best to resolve their issues out of court (though resolving them in court is an option if their efforts fail). It works best when you’re both amicable and will talk and act in good faith. It may also work when financial issues are already worked out in a prenuptial agreement.  

Disagreements that you can’t resolve need not end up in court. Another option is using a mediator, a neutral third party (usually an attorney, sometimes a retired judge) who helps both sides reach an agreement. In addition to representing parties, we at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. also mediate disputes between divorcing couples. 

Do You Want Legal Representation? 

The answer should be yes. If you’re of low income and have few assets, you may qualify for help from a legal aid organization to help you and your spouse divorce. Otherwise, contact our office. Your situation may be much more complicated than you think, and your spouse’s proposals may not be as reasonable as they appear. You must understand your rights and protect them during a divorce. A mistake made when you do it yourself may haunt you for the rest of your life. 

The attorneys at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can answer your questions and represent you in your divorce, no matter which approach you take or how it’s resolved. Contact us today to see how we can help you.  

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Congratulations! Your Divorce is Final! Now What?

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A divorce starts a new chapter of your life. But even after it’s final, your life will not turn on a dime, especially if you share children with your ex-spouse. There will be loose ends to tie up and details to address. Where do you start? 

What’s in Your Divorce Agreement? 

The divorce agreement is part of your divorce order. It will require you and your spouse to do certain things by given dates. Some things are time sensitive, like changing property titles and deeds. 

Compile a list of what needs to be done and when, and calendar each task. You must honor your end of the bargain and keep track of your spouse’s obligations, so if they miss a deadline you’ll know about it.   

If you have a qualified domestic relations order (QDRO), it’s a court order that may require one of you to share your retirement savings with the other. It’s often part of the process that divides spouses’ assets, and their requirements are time-sensitive. 

Will You Need Health Insurance? 

Unless you’re old enough for Medicare, have health insurance from your employer, or already purchased it yourself, you’ll need health coverage. If you got it through your spouse’s employer, you could continue it through the COBRA process for up to three years. This is probably pretty expensive, so you might just want it to be a bridge to more affordable coverage. One option may be an Affordable Care Act (ACA) plan or a policy you buy from an insurance agent. 

If you have kids and your ex-spouse gets medical benefits from work, maintaining that coverage is probably the best option. If not, COBRA or the ACA may be good options. 

What’s Your Credit Score? Is it Getting Better or Worse? 

Protecting your credit score will allow you to borrow money and get lines of credit at the lowest interest rate possible. Here are post-divorce steps you can take, according to AARP: 

  • Close joint accounts: Your ex-spouse may run up debts and be late with payments or not pay at all. Inform creditors of your divorce and that you’re not responsible for further debts. 
  • Get monthly statements: If joint accounts have outstanding balances, these statements will show you’re making timely payments. 
  • If you move, file a change of address notice with the U.S. Postal Service: If you don’t get a bill, you won’t pay it, and that will harm your credit score. If you pay bills online, getting monthly statements or changing your address won’t be issues. 
  • Use credit cards wisely: Don’t engage in binge “retail therapy” shopping if you feel depressed. You’ll only feel worse when you get the bill, and your credit score will suffer if you don’t make payments on time. 
  • Regularly check your credit reports: See if there are any errors or problems caused during your marriage or divorce. Take action if you find them. 
  • Freeze your credit files: Given your spouse knows your Social Security number and other critical information, you may fear they may engage in identity theft. If so, a credit freeze should prevent any new accounts from being opened in your name 

Be proactive because preventing financial problems is easier than unwinding them after they happen. 

Have You Updated Your Estate Planning? 

If you had estate planning done during your marriage, you likely named each other as your primary beneficiaries. You probably don’t want your assets going to your ex now, though you may feel they can handle being a trustee for a trust that benefits your children. Make sure your estate plans accurately reflect your wishes.

Is Your Divorce Over, But You Still Need an Attorney? 

We will fight to protect your interests and work to ensure you’re in the best position possible after your divorce is final. Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., Attorneys at Law, for a free consultation so we can discuss your situation and how we can help. 

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Why Your Date Of Separation Is Important In A Divorce

In Pennsylvania, your date of separation can be a big factor in your divorce. It may help determine how assets and debts are divided, for example. But many people mistake their date of separation for the moment they officially state they want a divorce.

Find out more about why your date of separation is important and how the courts might determine when it is if you and your spouse can’t agree. Then learn how a family law attorney in Pennsylvania can help you protect your interests in a divorce.

What Is a Date of Separation?

In Pennsylvania, the date of separation in a marriage occurs when it is apparent that two people are no longer living together as a married couple. The most obvious form of separation occurs when at least one person moves out of the home, but a couple can be separated without taking that step. For example, if two people stop wearing their wedding rings and agree to sleep in separate rooms and only live as roommates for practical purposes, it could be a sign they are separated.

Why Does Your Date of Separation Matter?

The date of separation—and not the date you file for divorce—becomes an important marker in a divorce when it comes to dividing marital property and debts. It may also be a consideration for child support and alimony payments.

When it comes to dividing marital property, Pennsylvania follows the concept of equitable distribution. That means property isn’t necessarily divided along a 50/50 split (as is typical in community property states). Instead, the court considers the financial details and situation of each person and tries to allocate property fairly given those factors.

All assets acquired during the marriage are subject to this fair allocation by the court. Of course, a divorcing couple may also negotiate their own settlement, but, again, any assets acquired during the marriage are fair play.

What is not subject to these negotiations or allocations are assets acquired after the date of separation. Those are considered the individual property of each person.

The same is true of debts. Debts acquired during the marriage may be allocated to either spouse as is deemed fair. Debts acquired after the date of separation are the sole responsibility of the person who acquired them.

You can see that there may be an incentive for one spouse to push for a certain date of separation that the other doesn’t agree with. A different date might leave one person more assets or less debts. Courts can also order someone to pay child support or alimony retroactively, and that retroactive date can reach as far back as the date of separation.

How to Determine Your Date of Separation

In many cases, spouses do come to an agreement on when their date of separation was. If you’re trying to get through a civil divorce without a court battle, for example, you may want to negotiate together to choose a date that works in both of your interests (and which meets the standards for separation).

When spouses can’t agree on a date of separation, the court makes a decision—often after hearing from each side on why a certain date is the right date. Some facts the court looks at when determining a date of separation include:

  • When someone moved out. If one or both people moved out of the home they shared and did not again reside together, that is typically a pretty decent indicator of the date of separation.
  • When a couple stopped acting like a couple. The court may consider when you stopped sleeping together or having sex, wearing your wedding rings, or telling people you were married. Other indicators you are no longer a couple might include dating other people and telling your friends that you were separated.
  • When couples took separate financial or legal actions. If you closed your joint accounts and opened individual ones, contacted attorneys to discuss divorce, or updated your wills to exclude a spouse, these can be indicators of separation.

In many cases, one of these details alone won’t demonstrate a date of separation. For example, you might consult a divorce attorney after an argument or when you and your spouse are considering a potential separation. But if you keep going to marital counseling and show up at family events clearly together, you’re probably not actually separated yet.

If spouses can’t agree on a date of separation and courts don’t have enough evidence to choose a specific date, the court may simply consider the date you filed for divorce as your date of separation. After all, in 2021 alone, more than 31,000 divorces and annulments were granted in Pennsylvania. The courts may not have time to dig any deeper into when, exactly, two people stopped living as if they were married.

Why You Might Need a Divorce Attorney

The details really matter during a divorce. Getting them right and understanding how they impact your case can help you stand up for your rights and protect your interests. A divorce lawyer fights to protect your interests and works to ensure all the small details are covered.

If you’re considering a divorce, contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., Attorneys at Law. We can help you plan ahead to protect your assets and interests—as well as the interests of any children—during and after your divorce.

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Can My Spouse Force Me to Get a Job After We Divorce?

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If you’re awarded or have negotiated spousal support (alimony) as part of the divorce order, whether you work after it’s final may be an issue. Collecting support doesn’t necessarily mean you must work, nor does it necessarily allow you to stop working. It depends on your circumstances. 

Your spouse can’t force you to work after the divorce is final, but they may ask the judge to lower or end your alimony if you don’t have or are not actively seeking employment or a better-paying job. The judge would weigh that against the circumstances you claim would make that unreasonable or impossible. 

What is Spousal Support or Alimony? 

It can be one of several economic changes due to a divorce. One party would pay the other as part of ending the marriage. Arguments for alimony include one spouse sacrificing their earning power by caring for children or otherwise supporting their spouse and their career, so it would be unfair not to compensate the person. 

Pennsylvania statutes don’t require alimony.  Granting it must be “reasonable,” and the alimony must be “necessary.” There are 17 factors a judge must consider, and a judge could come up with more if they’re “relevant” to your case. Some of the factors spelled out in the law include: 

  • The parties’ relative earnings and earning capacities 
  • Their ages and physical, mental, and emotional conditions 
  • The extent the earning power, expenses, or financial obligations of a party will be impacted because they’re a minor child’s custodian  
  • The parties’ living standards during the marriage 
  • Whether the party seeking alimony is incapable of self-support through appropriate employment 

The court order would include how long alimony would be received. The time frame could be limited or indefinite but must be reasonable under the circumstances.  

Why Would Your Spouse Want You to Work? 

It’s in your spouse’s financial interests to limit or prevent you from getting spousal support because the less you receive, the less support they pay. They would claim it’s not reasonable or necessary for you to receive so much support.  

If alimony is part of a divorce order and later your ex-spouse claims a substantial change in circumstances has taken place, they may try to have the order changed, so you receive no or less alimony. 

If the judge sees things your spouse’s way, they may consider your circumstances, education, and work experience and estimate the income you should earn if you sought employment (imputed income). Given that income, the judge may decide if you should receive support and if so, how much. 

Why Shouldn’t You Work? 

You’d have to give reasons why alimony is necessary and receiving enough to support you fully is reasonable. 

  • You’re unable to work. You’re too old or may have a physical, emotional, or psychological disability that makes working impossible. 
  • You’re the full-time caregiver of your minor children, so given the demands of parenthood and daycare costs, working is impractical. You have a stronger argument if you have multiple kids and or they have special needs that take more time and energy. 
  • You’re the full-time caregiver of a parent or other family member. 
  • Your standard of living established during the marriage should continue. You didn’t need to work while you were married. The fact you’re divorced shouldn’t change that.  

You would need evidence to support your claims. Your opinion wouldn’t be enough. 

How Might This Be Resolved? 

The judge may make a compromise between both parties’ positions. You would get enough alimony to fully support you for a limited time, then it would decrease and eventually end. In this period where you need not work: 

  • You should improve your education, skills, or experience so you can get a decent-paying job 
  • Your disabilities would be treated, and job training should help you find work 
  • Your children would mature, requiring less time and effort on your part, allowing you to work  

The judge may also agree with your spouse, and you’ll get no or little alimony. Like all divorce-related disputes, you and your spouse avoid the risk of losing the case at a trial by negotiating an agreement. 

If you’re considering getting divorced, involved in a spousal support dispute, or your ex-spouse is trying to end your alimony payments, please contact us here at Karen A. Ulmer, P.C. We can discuss your options and how we can help you. 

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