Should I Fire My Divorce Lawyer?

Divorces can be very stressful, and parties rely on their attorneys to help them. You may doubt your attorney as the matter progresses, but that does not necessarily mean you made the wrong choice. There are good reasons to fire one lawyer and hire another, but the costs in time and money may be high. 

  1. Lack of Communication and Responsiveness 

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful lawyer-client relationship. If it is a problem, discuss this with your lawyer. Communication is a two-way street. Is your attorney making good faith efforts to keep in touch, but you are the one who is not responsive? 

If your current divorce lawyer is consistently slow to respond to your inquiries, fails to keep you updated on the progress of your case, or seems uninterested in addressing your concerns, it is a clear sign that their commitment to your case might be lacking. A new divorce lawyer who values clear and open communication can give you the peace of mind you deserve during this process. 

  1. Inadequate Expertise in Family Law 

Divorce cases may involve many legal issues, from property division and spousal support to child custody and visitation arrangements. If your current lawyer lacks specialized expertise in family law or has no proven track record in handling divorce cases, you might benefit from seeking representation from a lawyer with a stronger background in this area.  

You may have known your attorney is not the most experienced divorce lawyer when you retained them, but you did not think it would be a problem. If it has become an issue, a knowledgeable divorce lawyer like Karen Ann Ulmer can offer insightful guidance and increase your chances of achieving a favorable outcome in less time and, possibly, with less expense. 

  1. Misaligned Strategy and Objectives 

Every divorce case is unique, requiring a personalized strategy to address your specific circumstances and goals. If you feel your lawyer’s approach does not align with what you hope to achieve from the divorce, it might be time to explore other options.  

Your divorce lawyer should be your advocate, diligently safeguarding your interests and pursuing the best possible resolution. If you do not think this is happening, seeking a new lawyer may be a good idea. 

  1. Questionable Professionalism 

Professionalism is a fundamental trait that every lawyer should possess. If your current divorce lawyer consistently displays unprofessional behavior, such as missing deadlines, arriving unprepared to meetings or hearings, or engaging in unethical practices, it is a clear signal that their dedication to your case is compromised.  

No one is perfect and competent attorneys sometimes make mistakes. But it may be time for a change if you fear it has gone beyond that.  

  1. Conflict of Interest 

If you suspect your current lawyer might have a conflict of interest with a past or current client that could compromise their ability to represent you objectively, you should address this concern. Seeking a new divorce lawyer without any potential conflicts may give you peace of mind that your interests are being put first. 

  1. Lack of Empathy and Compassion 

Going through a divorce is emotionally challenging, and having a lawyer who understands and respects your feelings can make a significant difference in your experience. Attorneys should support their clients, but we are not social workers. You do not want an attorney who sugarcoats your situation and only tells you want to hear. 

But if your current lawyer lacks empathy, appears indifferent to your emotional needs, or fails to provide the support you require during this challenging time, it might be worth considering a switch to a lawyer who is more compassionate and attuned to your emotional well-being.  

Family law is a very “hands-on” practice in which you interact daily with stressed clients dealing with personal and important conflicts. Your lawyer might not be cut out for this type of work or may be burning out and not connecting with clients to limit the emotional toll these cases can take. 

  1. Stagnant Progress and Delays 

A divorce case should move forward efficiently and effectively, with all parties working toward a resolution. Our court system is severely backed up, but if your case has been stagnating without any progress or your lawyer seems to be causing unnecessary delays, it can lead to frustration and extended emotional distress.  

Seeking a new divorce lawyer who is proactive and committed to advancing your case may bring closure sooner. But getting a new attorney will cause an initial, additional delay as they “get up to speed” with your case. There may also be scheduling conflicts between your case and the attorney’s current caseload. Will this delay be worth it? 

No matter the problem, you should: 

  • Discuss it with your attorney. You need to get their side of the story because what you think is a problem may be a misunderstanding or miscommunication that can be cleared up. 
  • Discuss it with another attorney. If you are serious about switching attorneys, get a copy of your file and review it with another attorney. They may find genuine areas of concern, or that what you are experiencing is a typical issue that comes with a divorce case. 

Divorce cases are stressful enough. Getting an attorney who is a better fit may lessen that stress, but needlessly switching lawyers will add to your problems. 

If you are dissatisfied with your current attorney, contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., so we can discuss your situation and whether having a new attorney represent you is in your best interests. Call us at (866) 311-4783 or complete our online contact form today.  

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Can I Record My Ex in Pennsylvania?

Like all things legal, that depends on the facts. Some types of recordings are legal, while others are not. The answer is no if you want to secretly record a conversation with your ex without their consent in Pennsylvania. That applies to face-to-face and phone or electronic communications. Pennsylvania’s wiretap laws are very strict. If you or the other party is located in PA at the time of the call then you must have consent. Therefore, if you feel it is necessary to record another individual, it is best to first consult with an attorney.  

You may be very motivated to succeed at whatever legal challenge you face. You might seek revenge against your spouse who did you wrong, and you think a recording of them making incriminating statements would be frosting on the cake. However, while secretly recording someone is generally legal in some states, it is not legal in others, including Pennsylvania. 

What Is the Law in Pennsylvania? 

The state has a criminal “wiretapping law” that covers recording conversations over the phone or electronically and in person. It requires that all parties involved consent to the recording unless you fall into one of the exceptions (which mainly cover law enforcement). If you are convicted of violating this statute you could face up to seven years in prison, a fine between $2,500 and $15,000, or both.  

This statute states that you would violate the law if you: 

  • Intentionally intercept, try to intercept, or get the help of another to intercept or try to intercept any “wire, electronic or oral communication.” 
  • Disclose or try to disclose to another “the contents of any wire, electronic or oral communication, or evidence derived therefrom” while knowing, or having reason to know, the information was obtained illegally. 
  • Use or try to use “the contents of any wire, electronic or oral communication, or evidence derived therefrom” while knowing, or having reason to know, the information was obtained illegally  

If you secretly record your ex, bring it to our office, and play it in the hopes of using it as evidence, you arguably broke the law three times. You recorded the conversation, played it, and tried to use it against your ex.  

If you have such a recording, we do not want to listen to it, and we cannot use it as evidence in a legal matter. If you make a secret recording and play it for us, we cannot represent you because we would be potential witnesses to your criminal prosecution. 

What are the Exceptions? 

Another statute states that you can record conversations when all parties consent. If you do this, you should ask for and record their consent in case they later claim you made the recording secretly. Explicit consent is always a good idea but is not required if you plainly warn the other party of the recording and they speak anyway. 

One Pennsylvania court ruled that recordings are permissible if all the parties knew, or should have known, of the recording. The recording at issue involved communications at a county jail where two people used a closed-circuit system using telephone handsets which gave them a warning the conversation could be recorded. 

If the two of you are in public but not having a private conversation, and the other person has no reasonable expectation of privacy, you could take out your smartphone and start recording. This could be a situation where you are both in a store, restaurant, or busy sidewalk, and the person is yelling at you, not in a restaurant where the two of you are using normal tones of voice while your smartphone secretly records what is said. 

Can I Use Video to Record My Ex? 

Video can be used as long as the audio is not recorded and the person does not expect privacy. If your ex is violating a custody agreement by chronically being late to pick up or drop off your child, a properly set camera with the correct date and time showing when they come and go is fair game. If you have a protection from abuse order against a person, but they violate it by coming to your home or following you, video can document what is happening.  

Before You Record a Conversation, Contact Our Office 

The potential cost of secretly recording a conversation is steep, so do not do it until you fully understand the law. What you want to do may or may not be legal or admissible in court. We can also answer your questions if you are involved in a family law dispute and learn you have been secretly recorded. 

Call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., at (866) 349-4721 or book a consultation online now.  

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What is Discovery in a Divorce Case?

Discovery is the process in which both parties exchange information, documents, and sworn testimony. It is a critical part of a divorce, especially if the parties have difficulty negotiating a settlement and the case appears headed for a trial. 

Discovery produces the evidence that fuels the divorce process. Without facts, neither party can establish their case or negotiating positions. You cannot resolve a divorce based on opinions and emotions. You need facts, which discovery reveals. 

When Can Discovery Be Used? 

Pennsylvania Rules of Civil Procedure Rule 1930.5 covers discovery in domestic relations cases. It states discovery is: 

  • Not allowed in “simple” support, custody, Protection from Abuse, or Protection of Victims of Sexual Violence or Intimidation proceedings unless a judge authorizes it. 
  • Allowed without court approval in alimony, equitable distribution, counsel fees and expenses, and “complex” support proceedings. 

Discovery can be expensive and time-consuming, so it is not appropriate in every case. 

What Can a Party Seek in Discovery? 

The information and documents sought must be relevant under Pennsylvania Rule Civil Procedure 4003.1: 

  • What is sought can concern any matter not privileged (it need not be disclosed under civil procedure rules or applicable laws) which is relevant to the divorce.  
  • It can relate to a claim or defense. 
  • It can cover the existence, description, nature, content, condition, who has custody of, and location of documents, books, or other tangible things. 
  • It can ask for the identity and location of those knowing any discoverable matter. 
  • What is sought need not be admissible at trial if the request appears intended to lead to the discovery of admissible evidence. 

The discovery process should force both parties to “show their cards” so they understand all the relevant facts as well as the strengths and weaknesses of their case. After the parties make complete disclosures, cases where negotiations have not gone well often settle. 

How Does Discovery Work? 

Discovery methods include providing to the other party and responding to: 

  • Interrogatories: A set of questions. 
  • Production requests: A list of documents sought by a party. They can exist on paper electronically. 
  • Subpoena to produce things and/or documents: A formal request by one party to the other that is potentially enforceable by court order. They are usually used by the party seeking information or documents after the other party objects to what is sought and refuses to respond. 
  • Request for admission: One party asks the other to admit whether a series of statements is true or not. 

The receiving party can object if they have a valid reason to refuse to respond to a request. (It is not relevant, confusing, or overly broad, for example). The party seeking discovery can amend the request to accommodate the objection, ask a judge to order a response, or decide to drop the issue. If there are no valid grounds to object, the party must respond. 

What are Depositions? 

Depositions are another discovery form. They are interviews of parties and possible witnesses. The people answering questions are “deposed,” and they must swear under oath that what they are saying is true and accurate.  

Attorneys for both sides ask questions. If one side feels the other attorney’s question is improper, they can object and instruct the person not to respond or limit their response. If the questioning attorney wants to push the issue, they can ask the judge in the case to decide if the objection is valid. 

Every discovery method can be helpful, especially in cases where the parties’ incomes and assets are disputed, but depositions can be critical to cases beyond the information they may provide. Not only is what is being said important, but how. Is the person confident and credible? Nervous and reticent? Angry and uncooperative?  

If the deposition goes well, the party may be more confident in taking a case to trial and demand more in settlement negotiations. If it goes poorly, and a judge or jury may not find the person believable or likable, the party may be more flexible in negotiations to avoid a trial. 

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., if you have questions about the legal process or believe you will need representation in a divorce matter. Call us at (866) 311-4783 or complete our online contact form today.  

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Negotiating With a Difficult Spouse

A crucial benefit of retaining us for your divorce is that we will deal with your difficult spouse (or their attorney) so you will not have to. You will make important decisions on your goals and objectives and what you are willing to sacrifice to reach them. But we will work to get you the best resolution possible, given your situation. 

Your spouse may have been difficult during your marriage or become an irritation machine as the relationship ends. You may be used to negotiating during your relationship, but this can turn far uglier during a divorce. 

Stay Above the Fray 

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. attorneys are used to tough negotiations. We have seen all the head games, power plays, distractions, and problems created to invent obstacles. Divorces can be highly emotional, and your spouse may be furious at you and the situation.  

That can play out during negotiations. Some spouses use settlement talks to try to settle scores and cause as much grief as possible. Our attorneys will deal with this and reduce its impact on you as much as we can. 

Negotiations Should Not Be a Battle of Wills 

It is normal for a party in any negotiation to use leverage to get a favorable agreement. What sets destructive negotiations apart is when one party goes to extremes to create or use that leverage to get what they want.  

Keep calm and think straight while your spouse tries to stockpile issues to hold over you. Settling a divorce should be considered a business transaction. The two of you are trading things, so you are both in a good position after the marriage ends.  

Facts and the legal issues that arise from them fuel the divorce process. We need to document your family’s debts and assets thoroughly. If your spouse owns a business, it may be used to hide assets to prevent some of them from going to you or your children. 

We may discover evidence that your spouse can not try to spin to their advantage. Facts may create a basis for legal claims that could give you leverage. As a result, your obstinate spouse may realize the cards they are holding are not nearly as good as they think. 

Pick Your Battles and Be Smart About Negotiations  

We will discuss with you what you will need after your divorce. You may achieve these non-negotiable issues because you are willing to sacrifice (or at least be flexible about) other matters. For example, you may be willing to give up claims on some assets or spousal support because you want the family house.  

Ultimately you will need to decide the outcome of complex negotiations. If your spouse makes a stink about inconsequential things, it may be best to give in. But you will also have lines that you are unwilling to cross.  

That is entirely reasonable, as long as what you are willing to go to battle for is critical to starting your life over. Do not become like your spouse – drawing uncrossable lines to create conflict and chaos to weaken and frustrate the other spouse in a battle of attrition. 

If Spouses Can Not End Their Marriage, a Judge Can Do It for Them 

Very few divorce cases go to trial. They are expensive, time-consuming, and emotional, and may force you to spend energy you would rather use on other parts of your life. But they are often the result of one or both spouses being unwilling to reasonably and sensibly negotiate a resolution to their differences.  

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., if you have questions about divorce or believe you will need legal assistance with one. Call us at (866) 311-4783 or complete our online contact form today.  

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Don’t Bring Your Kids to Court

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If you are involved in a family law matter in Bucks County, bringing your kids to court is not a good idea for practical reasons, how it may be perceived by those in the courtroom, and the harm it may do to your kids.  

Bringing your kids along may be interpreted as a “power play” by a judge, the other parent, and their attorney. Kids are not accessories to be used along with the right clothes to show you are someone to be reckoned with. This approach in a custody dispute may backfire because the judge may see you putting your interests ahead of your child. 

This Is Not a Play or a Sporting Event. Parents are Airing Their Grievances About Each Other 

It is crucial to shield children from conflict and allow them to maintain a positive and healthy relationship with both parents. Parents can protect their children from unnecessary stress by keeping them out of the courtroom and preserving the parent-child bond during a challenging time. 

Family court proceedings can be stressful and emotionally charged, with heated arguments and conflicting testimonies. Exposing children to these intense and potentially confrontational situations can cause significant emotional distress.  

Children may feel caught in the middle, torn between their parents or family members, leading to confusion, anxiety, and insecurity. Witnessing parental conflict in a formal courtroom setting can have long-lasting adverse effects on children’s emotional well-being and may contribute to relationship difficulties in the future. 

The Truth Should Be Spoken in Court. The Fact Your Kids are There May Make That More Difficult 

Kids’ presence in the court can distort the process. There is a risk a parent may say something for the child’s benefit. They may want the child “on their side” and put on a show to ingratiate themselves with the child while painting an overly negative picture of the other parent.  

The opposite might also be true. A parent may hold back on what they might otherwise claim about the other parent to avoid hurting the child’s feelings and drawing them deeper into the conflict. A manipulative parent may bring their kids to court with this in mind as a shield to try to blunt what the other parent may say about them. 

Your Children are Going Through Enough. They Do Not Need to be Humiliated 

An essential reason for settling family law issues is if you do not, they will be discussed in a courtroom open to the public. All of the family’s dirty laundry may be aired. A child in a courtroom may hear things about their parents or siblings that they do not need to know in a way that can be very harmful.  

They may also hear their personal issues discussed in a room full of strangers, which may humiliate them. Respecting their privacy is essential for maintaining their dignity and protecting them from potential stigmatization or unwarranted attention. 

Distractions Can Make a Bad Situation Worse 

If a child is very young or emotionally sensitive, they may create a distraction in the courtroom. An infant not feeling well, hungry, or with a dirty diaper will make their presence known. They know nothing of courtroom etiquette. Distraught over what they hear, an older child may also respond with tears, sharp words, and lashing out. There is too much going on in the courtroom, and it is too important to be subjected to these distractions. 

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., if you have questions or believe you will need legal assistance with a child custody dispute, whether or not it’s part of a divorce. Call us at (866) 311-4783 or fill out our online contact form today. 

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The Dangers of Cohabitation After a Divorce

If you are emotionally ready, starting a new relationship after a divorce may be a good idea. Depending on your situation, living together may be a bad idea because it may jeopardize, among other things, the alimony you receive and child custody arrangements. 

Could Cohabitation Impact Alimony? 

Pennsylvania statute 23 P.A.C.S. § 3706 states that cohabitation bars receiving alimony: 

“No petitioner is entitled to receive an award of alimony where the petitioner, subsequent to the divorce pursuant to which alimony is being sought, has entered into cohabitation with a person of the opposite sex who is not a member of the family of the petitioner within the degrees of consanguinity.”  

“Cohabitation” under this statute has been interpreted as meaning: 

  • Two persons of the opposite sex residing together 
  • In the manner of husband and wife 
  • Mutually assuming those rights and duties that usually come with marriage 

Cohabitation may be shown by evidence of: 

  • Financial, social, and sexual interdependence 
  • Sharing the same residence 

This statute, strictly speaking, only applies to opposite-sex couples, though a divorce agreement could ban alimony if a party cohabitates with someone of the same sex as well. 

Could Cohabitation Impact Child Custody? 

Courts should make custody and visitation decisions based on the child’s best interests. Starting a new relationship, especially if it reaches the point where the two of you live together, could result in the other parent (rightly or wrongly) challenging your custody (whether that has been decided by a court in the past or it will be determined in the future): 

  • What is your relationship history? Have you had several partners moving in and out? The more unstable your household, the higher the number of people living with your child, the bigger the problem 
  • Does your partner have problems? Do they use illegal drugs, abuse alcohol, or suffer from poorly managed psychological issues? Do they have a criminal record? Are they a potential threat to the child? 
  • What is the relationship between your partner and your child? Does your partner care about your child or are they indifferent? Do they treat your child well or are they abusive? 
  • Does your partner degrade the other parent in front of the child? Do their words show they are trying to alienate your child from the other parent? Do they lobby you to ignore parenting time arrangements so the other parent sees their child less often? 
  • Are you also living with your partner’s children? If so, how does that affect your child? How do those children treat your child? How has that impacted your child’s relationship with you? 

You should live your own life, but if you share custody of a child with another person, they can have a say in what is going on if your lifestyle, and the people you share it with, negatively impacts their child. That may include your loss of custody if a judge sees it is not in your child’s best interests. 

If you are in a positive, stable relationship, and your partner is a good influence on your child who is benefitting from their presence, that relationship may make your argument for custody stronger. 

Work With Experienced Alimony and Child Custody Attorneys You Can Trust 

No matter which side you are on, if cohabitation becomes an alimony or custody issue, work with an experienced family law lawyer from Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., who has an in-depth understanding of Pennsylvania and New Jersey laws and court procedures. Call us at (215)752-6200 or book a consultation online now. 

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Fast Track Your Divorce

If you and your spouse are on the “same page” (or close to it) on getting a divorce and the major issues it involves, you may be able to move the process into the fast lane (though there is a waiting period here in Bucks County). If you are seeking a no-fault (or mutual consent or uncontested) divorce, after the complaint is filed, you have a 90-day waiting period before it is finalized.  

Pennsylvania has this “cooling off period” after the complaint and notice of process are filed and served on the other party. After the time expires, each party files an Affidavit of Consent stating the marriage is irretrievably broken and that each wants a divorce and asks the court to grant it without a hearing. Also included is a legally binding divorce agreement stating how your issues are resolved. 

If You and Your Spouse Work Together, Your Marriage Could End Quickly 

You and your spouse must agree on all critical issues for a no-fault divorce, including spousal support, child support, child custody, division of property, and debts. These divorces are easier to achieve when the couple: 

  • No longer wants to be married, and they want to end the marriage amicably or at least without extended conflict 
  • Has a valid, enforceable prenuptial or postnuptial agreement that spells out how financial issues will be resolved 
  • Do not have children, so custody and support aren’t issues 
  • Have few assets and or low incomes, which minimize spousal support and asset division disputes 

The spouses must communicate openly before the complaint is filed and agree they want a no-fault divorce. Ideally, disagreements about significant issues should be close to being resolved if not brought to an end.  

You and your spouse need not be on good terms or feel good about each other. But your desire to wrap up your marriage in a short period of time must be greater than a need for conflict or to drag out the inevitable end of your relationship. 

Three months should be enough time to work out your disagreements. It is also long enough to allow the parties to think about what they want and be comfortable with their decisions without feeling rushed. A 90-day deadline can also instill some urgency in parties who may let these issues fester for much more time. 

Plan B If One Spouse Will Not Consent 

If you want to move forward with a no-fault divorce, but your spouse will not consent, you can obtain a divorce decree after you provide evidence that your marriage is irretrievably broken and that the two of you have lived separately and apart for one year.  

Under Pennsylvania law, you can live separately and apart even though you live in the same house. If you establish this separation lasted at least a year, your spouse could dispute that the marriage is irretrievably broken, but the one-year separation is usually enough proof that’s the case. 

If There Is No Need to Delay a Divorce, Why Do So? 

Our attorneys can get to work negotiating your settlement agreement and are ready to advocate for your interests, regardless of what kind of divorce is right for you. We know how difficult this time can be for you, and we will work to create the best possible outcome with the least wasted time. 

Learn more by contacting our office. Call (215) 752-6200, book a consultation, or send us an email. We can meet you in our office or speak with you by phone. 

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​​I’ve Been Served with Divorce Papers in Bucks County. What Should I Do Next?

Some people are honestly surprised when they receive a divorce complaint. Ideally, this is not you because everyone should be prepared for a significant change in their life, no matter what it might be. This is an important step, but far from the final one, in your divorce journey. 

After you have gathered yourself, call us at (215) 752-6200. We have helped thousands of people just like you get through this process as quickly and as painlessly as possible, given their situations. Our Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., attorneys know the law, court procedures, and what you are going through.  

Take Precautions If You Fear for Your Safety 

Pre-divorce relationships run the spectrum. A couple could still deeply, genuinely care about each other but understand their marriage is no longer right for them. A couple might also be unable to stand the sight of each other, and one person, if not both, may engage in physical and emotional abuse. Your marriage may be somewhere in between. 

If you are the victim of domestic violence, you need to protect yourself and your children (if you have them). You should plan on contingencies if this turning point becomes an excuse for violence by your spouse.  

It may be a good sign if your abusive spouse starts the divorce process. Some do not want their marriage ever to end because they want someone to control and torment the rest of their lives. If they want a divorce, this dire situation will end. 

Protect Your Financial Resources 

Part of divorce is the equitable division of marital property. Your debts and assets will be split as a result of an agreement or a trial. The outcome should be fair to you. But that might not be the case if a trial does not go your way, which is one reason most divorce cases resolve through a negotiated settlement. 

You are financially vulnerable if you have bank or investment accounts in both names because your spouse may empty them. Depending on the account, you should withdraw half of the money and set up new ones for yourself.  

Non-marital or personal assets are not subject to division. If you have financial resources that your spouse had nothing to do with (you had them before your marriage or inherited them) but you are both listed as the account holders, withdraw the money and put them in new accounts. If the same is true for your spouse (there are joint accounts with assets that belong to them), you should take the high road and leave them alone. 

You do not know what the final division of the marital property will be. At least some money you are moving around may end up with your spouse, so now is not the time for a spending spree. Just the opposite – you should save up for expenses that come with divorce (some you can plan for, others may be unexpected). 

The Beginning of the End and a Start of Something New 

The divorce filing will not surprise most couples because their relationship has broken down, and they can discuss their marriage’s end. If you are surprised, communications with your spouse have probably gone off the rails. You should try to reach out to them and calmly talk about what they want. 

A divorce will end your marriage, but it will start a new and probably better part of your life. Divorce can be a problem when stressful and challenging, but it will not be if the spouses act and make decisions like mature adults. A divorce is also an opportunity to do something new and better with your life. 

Experienced Divorce Attorneys Who Want to Help 

Work with an experienced Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., family law attorney. Our attorneys have an in-depth understanding of New Jersey and Pennsylvania law and how the courts work. We can help make the process go as smoothly as possible. Call us at (215) 752-6200 or book a consultation online now. 

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Should Virtual Visitation Be an Option?

How can you still spend time with your child even if you can not physically be with him or her? Virtual visitation may be your solution. These visits with your child can include reading books, playing games, listening to your child practice an instrument and many other activities.  

For many of us, work has become virtual. We work at home thanks to computers and keep in touch with co-workers and customers thanks to smartphones and video services like Zoom or Skype. Would the same thing work for child visitation? 

Some of us are more productive employees when we are not commuting to a workplace and avoid the distractions of working in an office. But performing work in one location instead of another is not the same as relating to your child while physically being with them versus seeing them on a computer or smartphone screen. 

What is Virtual Visitation? 

It is contact between a parent and their child by electronic means. Some of the technology that may be used includes: 

  • Email and texts 
  • Video streaming such as FaceTime, Skype, and Zoom 
  • Phone calls 
  • Document and photo sharing  

Virtual visitation should not replace actual visitation. It is an additional way for parents and kids to stay connected when physically getting together is impossible or impractical. 

When is Virtual Visitation Brought Up? 

Virtual visitation proposals may come about in a couple of circumstances. It may be a temporary approach when a parent with visitation rights is dealing with a health or family crisis and cannot physically be with the child. It is a permanent issue when the custodial parent wants to move out of the area and offers this option to keep the other parent in touch with the child. 

When there is court-ordered visitation, and the parent with custody wants to move from the area, the parent with visitation rights could challenge that parent’s ability to live elsewhere or seek custody of the child.  

If the parents cannot come to an acceptable compromise, the issue will be decided in court. The moving parent may propose an altered schedule where the child physically visits for extended periods (instead of a day or two a week) with virtual access for the rest of the year. A judge would decide the issue based on the child’s best interests.  

Is Virtual Visitation Good or Bad? 

Depending on which side you are on, virtual visitation is: 

  • An added extra to “sweeten the deal” that provides the other parent with greater access than what might otherwise be legally mandated. Moves received judicial approval long before the internet and Zoom were developed, and virtual visitations are not explicitly required by statute 
  • A poor substitute for what the parent is entitled to have, which denies the parent and child what they both benefit from the most – a genuine, personal relationship 

As technology improves and people are more willing to move, virtual visitations will become a more common part of the mix when visitations are scheduled. 

How Should Virtual Visitations Be Handled? 

Like all visitations, both parents should live up to scheduled sessions. Virtual visits are far easier than physical ones, so a child may want to interact with the non-custodial parent more often than the schedule dictates. The child may want to chat or share something especially stressful or positive. 

The custodial parent should be flexible and act in good faith. They probably should not limit these unscheduled interactions unless they become a problem (it becomes the child’s excuse not to do chores or homework). If this happens, a frank conversation with the other parent requesting they limit their time online would be a good idea. 

If the virtual visitations become a pipeline the visiting parent uses to alienate your child from you, you should try to stop it. If it continues, taking the issue back to court may be needed to prevent this emotional manipulation from harming your relationship with your child. 

Get the Help You Need From Attorneys You Can Trust 

Visitation is best kept out of the courtroom and left in the hands of those who know the children best, the parents. Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., lawyers often negotiate practical visitation solutions with attorneys representing the other parent. In more contentious cases, we make the case our client’s approach is in the child’s best interests. 

Work with an experienced family law lawyer from Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., with an in-depth understanding of the Pennsylvania and New Jersey statutes and court procedures. Call us at (866) 349-4721 or book a consultation online now. 

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What Kids Want Their Divorcing Parents to Know

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You may have difficulty with your feelings during your divorce, but your kids may have a more challenging time. Your family is or will be experiencing significant changes. Everyone benefits when kids are prepared for your divorce. 

What Do Your Kids Want You to Know?  

The University of Missouri has some ideas: 

  • You both should stay involved in their lives. If one or both of you move away, they want letters, phone calls, texts, and questions about who they spend time with and what they like and do not like to do. If you fail to do so, they’ll feel unimportant and unloved. 
  • If you and your spouse argue, you should stop and work hard to get along. Try to agree on issues concerning your kids and their needs. If you fight about your kids, they will think they did something wrong and feel guilty. 
  • They want to love the two of you and enjoy the time they spend with each of you. Support them and the time they spend with each of you. If you act upset or jealous, they may feel the need to take sides and love one of you more than the other. 
  • Communicate directly with each other, so your kids will not be messengers. If you do not want to talk to your spouse in person or on the phone, use text messages and emails. 
  • Saying mean, unkind things to each other in these communications can cause your child to feel like you are putting your spouse down and that you expect your child to take your side. When it comes to communication with your spouse, stick to the point and keep it simple. 
  • Your children want both of you in their lives. They rely on the two of you to raise them, teach them what is important, and help them with their problems. 

Both parents should be empathetic with their kids and look at the situation from their perspective. If you were them, what would you want your parents to do? 

What Do Your Kids Want You to Say? 

Address the most important issues upfront with honest and kid-friendly explanations: 

  • Tell the truth: Explain why you are getting divorced but keep it short so they do not get confused. The fact you and your spouse do not love each other does not mean you do not love your kids. Since your kids may ask both parents the same questions, you should try to agree on consistent responses. 
  • Tell them you love them: With all that is going on, the fact your love has not changed is a powerful message.  
  • Discuss changes: Acknowledge that some things will change, but others will not. Together you will cope with each detail as you go. If the relationship with your spouse has completely broken down and is harming your children, you could honestly tell them some changes will be for the better 
  • Do not blame: Be honest without criticizing your spouse. This can be difficult if your spouse has caused you a lot of pain, but finger-pointing will not help your kids  

How much information is too much? Use your best judgment considering how far your relationship with your spouse has failed, the age and maturity of your kids, and how sensitive they are. 

Get the Help You and Your Kids Need  

Get counseling if you or your kids need it to get through your divorce. Many of our clients benefit from counseling, and getting psychological and emotional support may ease your burdens. We can refer you to excellent counselors if you need help finding one. 

We empathize and care about our clients. We do our part by getting the best possible legal outcomes as quickly as possible. If you have any questions or want legal representation, please contact us here at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.

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