The First Things to Do If Your Husband Leaves You

The very first thing to do if your husband leaves you is to find an expert Montgomery or Bucks County divorce lawyer. You’re in a very vulnerable position, especially if your husband has been the primary breadwinner and you have children at home. You need a lawyer who knows the law and knows how to fight for you.

 

While you’re finding your lawyer, there are a few more “first things” you need to do immediately to protect yourself and your children.

 

Protect your finances:

  • Change passwords, withdraw some cash, and contact the bank and other financial institutions. Your lawyer may file a temporary restraining order to prevent your husband from being able to withdraw funds.
  • Close joint credit cards and other joint accounts (i.e., PayPal, amazon, Netflix, Facebook) and open them in your own name only.
  •  Protect valuable assets: transfer them if possible into a protected location, whether that’s a friend’s house or a safety deposit box.
  • Log all communications, including phone calls, with him and what the conversation was about. Check with your lawyer about whether or not you can record them and how to do so legally.  

Save important documents:

  • Save all written communications: emails, letters, scraps of paper he wrote notes on, receipts. Anything could be valuable. Print out anything on the computer including emails so you also have a hard copy.
  • Print out any helpful information on social media accounts: pictures, posts, anything that will help your case.
  • Save all bills, bank statements, credit card statements, tax returns.
  • Save photos that can support your position and help you in court.

Tell the people who need to know:

  • Financial institutions and accountants – they may be able to advise you on what to do to protect your assets.
  • Close friends and relatives as well as your children’s school and doctors –  to avoid disclosure of information to your husband without your knowledge or consent.

Many of these protective measures can be more thoroughly and effectively implemented under the guidance and advice of a seasoned divorce lawyer. The associates at Ulmer are experts in divorce and mediation. Contact us to find out how we can help you.

 

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Clearances for Adoption

Background checks are required for all prospective parents in an adoption matter. In Pennsylvania, there are three background checks that are required: Pennsylvania Child Abuse History Clearance through the Department of Human Services, Pennsylvania Criminal Record Checks through the State Police, Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) Criminal Background Check through the Department of Welfare. These background checks must also be completed for all other adult household members where the adoptee will reside. At this time, requests for all three background checks can be done online. The cost for each background check is nominal. Fingerprinting is required for the FBI Criminal Background Check.

New Jersey requires state, federal and local criminal history checks for adopting parents and all household members as well as child abuse record information background checks. If a prospective parent has lived outside of the current state in the five (5) years immediately preceding the adoption petition, similar background checks must be acquired from each state where he or she previously resided. Background checks must be less than one year old at the time of the adoption hearing. The background checks are reviewed in the context of a home study, where required, and attached to that report. Where a home study is not required, the background checks can be submitted to the court with the petition for adoption. The mere existence of a record does not necessarily thwart the adoption process. The court must look to the nature of the record and whether it poses risk to a child. If there is no substantial risk, the adoption may still proceed.

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Confirming Consent to Adoption

If the natural parent(s) agree to the adoption and are signing off on their rights, prospective parents may file a petition to confirm their consent to finalize the voluntary termination of their parental rights. In this scenario, the child is usually already in the care of the prospective parent(s). The prospective parent must consent to accept custody of the child until such time as the child is adopted. The prospective parent(s) would also need to file a report of intention to adopt with the court.

The natural parents should appear at the hearing to offer testimony regarding their consent. The court needs to verify the consent was entered knowingly and voluntarily. If the natural parents are not present, the parties who served as witnesses at the time the consent was executed may be called to testify as well as any notary that notarized the document. After the hearing, the court may enter a decree terminating parental rights if satisfied that the consents were properly executed and there was no duress or fraud. The prospective parent(s) would still need to appear at subsequent hearing to finalize the adoption. Hearings for confirmation of consent are to be confidential such that the identities of the parties involved is not disclosed.

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Private vs Agency Adoption

In a private adoption, you know someone and have direct communication regarding the adoption. This can include a kinship adoption or a non-kinship adoption. The prospective parents should work with an attorney to make sure all the requisite steps are taken and the correct paperwork is submitted to the court for a successful adoption. The natural parents may elect to have their own counsel if they so choose. Counseling is available for natural parents considering terminating their rights regardless of the nature of the adoption.

If you are working with an agency, then the agency is an intermediary between parties looking to adopt and parties looking to relinquish their rights as a parent and place a child for adoption. There are numerous requirements and background checks for parties looking to adopt to complete to be eligible as a prospective family. Parties looking to relinquish their rights can often view the profiles of parties looking to adopt to find a good match. There is the potential for disappointment for prospective parents in either method as consents to adoption cannot be signed until after the birth of the child and the natural parents can change their mind.

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Adoption Network

SWAN is the Statewide Adoption and Permanency Network for Pennsylvania. It is a central resource for all individuals and agencies seeking to place children in permanent homes. SWAN supports local social services agencies and adoption agencies by promoting children available for adoption with the goal of expediting placement. There is information available on the SWAN webpage for individuals as well in terms of how to become a foster parent or adoptive parent. Information on upcoming events is available. Events often serve the purpose of introducing children and prospective families to one another.

SWAN also has various forms that may be required in an adoption matter along with general information about the process of adoption. The PA Adoption Exchange (PAE) is a component of SWAN that focuses on helping social services agencies find adoptive families for children in their care. PAE also interfaces with other state exchanges and national exchanges. Post-permanency services are available to families after adoption. Services may include case advocacy to ensure access to necessary services, support groups to foster better relationships and respite services. Visit adoptpakids.org for additional information.

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Foreign Adoption

If you have adopted a child from abroad, there are several steps to take to finalize the adoption domestically. A re-adoption being filed in the United States can serve a few purposes. It can allow for an adoption decree that is in English. It can be required for immigration purposes. It may also be helpful for effectuating a name change of the child if not already completed.

The procedure for re-adoption in Bucks County is similar to domestic adoptions. It begins by filing a Report of Intent to Adopt. There is only one post-placement visit required that is usually completed by the agency the parties worked with for the foreign adoption. Once report is completed, petition for adoption can be filed. Copies of all the foreign documents (ex. Birth certificate, decree of guardianship, adoption decree) shall be translated if necessary, certified, and presented to the court for adoption hearing.

An alternative to refiling for adoption is to have a foreign decree of adoption registered with a local court. For this option the parents would file a certified copy of the foreign divorce decree with the court. It should be noted that no English language adoption decree will be issued, and the other issues addressed above will not be automatically resolved. A Pennsylvania birth certificate can be acquired through registration of a foreign adoption if at least one of the parents signs a statement regarding their US citizenship and PA residency. This allows the local court to register the foreign adoption with the Division of Vital Records as well.

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Post-Adoption Contact

Pennsylvania does recognize agreements that permit post-adoption contact with the natural parents so long as all parties consent to the contact. Act 101 was signed into law in 2010 to allow certain post-adoption contact by agreement of the parties. Specifically, a birth relative by blood, marriage or adoption can contract with the new adoptive parents in terms of continued contact with the adoptee. In each adoption case, the parties should sign to acknowledge they received notice of the options available under Act 101. If the parties do not sign an acknowledgement, then proof that they were served with the notice should be provided to the court. A sample of the Act 101 notice is included below. New parents are not required to allow to post-adoption contact if they do not desire to do so.

NOTICE REQUIRED BY ACT 101 of 2010

23 Pa. C.S. §2731-2742

This is to inform you of an important option that may be available to you under Pennsylvania law. Act 101 of 2010 allows for an enforceable voluntary agreement for continuing contact or communication following an adoption between an adoptive parent, a child, a birth parent and/or birth relative of the child, if all parties agree and voluntary agreement is approved by the Court. The agreement must be signed and approved by the Court to be legally binding.

A birth relative is defined only as a parent, grandparent, stepparent, sibling, uncle or aunt for the child’s birth family, whether the relationship is by blood, marriage or adoption.

This voluntary agreement may allow you to have continuing contact or communication, including, but not limited to:

Letters and/or emails

Photos and/or videos

Telephone calls and/or text messages; or

Supervised or unsupervised visits.

If you are interested in learning more about this option for a voluntary agreement, you contact your attorney.

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Divorced and Taking Your Children Out of the Country – PA Law

If you have joint custody of any children under 16, both parents must consent before taking them out of the country.

If your child does not already own a passport, Pennsylvania law requires that both parents must appear in person and provide proof of parentage to apply for the passport. In the case of divorce, a single parent may apply for the passport if he or she presents evidence of having sole legal custody or a court order permitting international travel with the children.

With joint custody, one parent has the right to oppose major decisions that pertain to the child, and this would include travel abroad, even if the child under 16 already owns a passport. If you are the one wishing to travel abroad with your child, you must obtain the written consent of your ex-spouse. This consent must be written in a manner that will be accepted at airports. If your ex is uncooperative, you may apply to the court to receive permission, but this can take time, and filing incorrectly can extend that timeframe. Whether you receive written consent or apply to the court, be sure to review your situation with an experienced family lawyer.

If your ex is trying to take your child overseas and you want to prevent it, you have the right to apply to the court to stop the travel. If your ex takes the child without your consent, you may file an international child abduction case with the U.S. State Department. But you want to avoid this since it is a long and difficult process.

One way to avoid an international abduction case is to file for a Ne Exeat bond (Latin for “that he not depart”). This bond requires the traveling parent to specify location and duration, provide contact information, and put up sufficient bond to cover the cost the non-traveling spouse would incur to try to get the child back.

Additionally, per PA law, a parent who owes $2,500 or more in child support is not eligible to receive a U.S. passport. You can also utilize the U.S. Department of State’s Children’s Passport Issuance Alert Program to flag any attempt to get a passport for your child with a fake consent form.

 

Traveling outside of the country with a child after divorce or separation requires many legal steps but can be done in a way that gives the child a positive experience while protecting the child and the rights of the parents. Given the many Pennsylvania and federal laws governing international travel with minors, we recommend that you reach out to us at Ulmer Law so that we can guide you through the process.

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How to Explain Divorce to Your Children

Divorce impacts children of different ages very differently, and the impact can be ongoing. You’ll need to be prepared for challenges, but by starting right, you can minimize the impact and speed healthy adjustment.

Both parents should tell the children together, if at all possible, and present a unified front. Plan together how you will tell the children about your divorce, what you will say, and just as importantly, what you will not say. Children of different ages can handle different information, so if you have a wide range of ages, keep it simple when telling them together and provide more details to the older ones later, or tell the older children separately so they have more time to ask questions and discuss.

Focus on what does not change: that you are still their parents, that you will both continue to love them unconditionally, and that you want to create a healthy and happy environment for them. Don’t go into details beyond their ability to understand, and don’t place blame on one spouse or the other – and don’t let them blame themselves.

With this general framework in mind, consider the needs of each child’s age-group:

Preschool/Toddlers: This age is self-focused, concrete, dependent, unable to process emotions; they need stability, consistency, and routine.

With this age-group, actions speak louder than words. They need constant reassurance, nurturing, and consistency in routine in order to feel stable and emotionally healthy. Keep your explanations short and concrete: “I’ll be moving to a different house, but I’m still your Daddy and I love you.” The mother would add, “I’ll be taking care of you and you’ll keep living here, but sometimes you’ll visit at Daddy’s house and you’ll see Daddy a lot.” Younger children will need frequent reminders and constant reassurance.

Elementary school age (6 – 12 year olds): This age wants to make sense of the situation, find reasons. Those reasons may be illogical or petty (they may remember a small incident and think that caused the divorce) or they may blame themselves. They are still mostly concrete and dependent and will want to know how it will affect their lives: school, activities, friends.

Be sure to provide some age-appropriate explanations. They will ask many questions, and here’s where your preparation will come in handy. Be prepared with answers they can understand that do not cast blame on the other parent. Try to remain calm. Emphasize it’s not their fault and that it’s okay and right to be sad, angry, confused. Keep open communication with them and watch for mood or behavior changes that can alert you to distress so you can intervene and help them cope.

Teenagers: Teens are more independent, have more external relationships to turn to, and can understand deeper causes, but still need adults to be adults so they can still be kids.

Discuss the divorce with your teens in more detail so they can understand how you’ve tried to save your marriage and why it didn’t work. Try to do so without harming the respect they have for the other parent (unless the cause of divorce is obvious, like substance abuse, adultery, or abandonment). Teens are looking to their parents as examples of adulthood. This could also mean learning from mistakes, so being honest with them about mistakes and how you could have done things differently might actually help them grow. But they still need you to be a parent and not a buddy. They may turn to peers, teachers, and/or coaches for support, but make sure they are receiving this support from positive influences and not turning to the wrong crowd of kids to cope. Consider counseling if you see personality shifts.

For any age group, it’s critical to keep the communication open. Talking to your children about your divorce consists of many small conversations, not one big one. Even if you feel they are trying to push you away or distance themselves, keep trying. They may just be testing you to see if you really love them. Show them by your words and your actions that your love for them will not change, even if other things do.

Contact us at Ulmer Law to see how we can help you through your divorce.

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Obtaining Sole Custody in PA

When determining custody arrangements in Pennsylvania, judges must hold to the standard of “best interests of the child.” Recognizing that children develop best when they have positive relationships with both father and mother, judges do not award sole custody without very strong evidence that this is best for the child.

Sole physical custody means the child lives with one parent only, although usually the other parent will have visitation rights. Sole legal custody means that one parent has complete authority to make decisions in the best interests of the child.

If you want to receive sole custody in PA, the burden is upon you to prove that it would be detrimental to the welfare of your child to live with your ex, even part-time. You will do best to discuss this with an experienced family lawyer to help you develop your case and avoid common mistakes.

Reasons for sole custody

The court will look at all factors impacting a child’s welfare: physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, psychological, and moral. The judge may also consider the child’s preference, the custody of siblings, relationships with extended family, and the primary caregiver prior to the separation.

Some considerations you may need to demonstrate to the judge:

  • Ways in which the other parent is unfit – history of violence, substance abuse, neglect
  • An unhealthy environment in your ex’s home or neighborhood – friends or significant others who come to your ex’s home and who pose a threat to the child; bad neighborhood; unhygienic environment
  • Other parent’s inability to provide – the child eats poorly when with the ex; ex has too little income to support the child
  • Physical or psychological harm to the child – history of physical or emotional abuse or manipulation; immoral behavior; lack of structure or discipline when the child is with the other parent; trying to damage the child’s relationship with you
  • Lack of involvement – the other parent has shown no interest in the child’s activities, school results, etc.
  • Erratic behavior when with child – refusing to allow you contact with your child; not following agreed-upon pick-up times; taking the child out of school or away without your knowledge

Keeping records and taking action

You will need documentation and witnesses to support your claims. There are legal and illegal ways of obtaining evidence, so it’s important to talk to an expert to help you do this.

When you feel you have a case, you will need to file a complaint in the court of the county where the child resides and complete other paperwork required by that county. Your ex will then need to be served the papers. This means he or she will have to physically take the papers in hand. With an uncooperative ex, it is sometimes necessary to call on an expert who knows how to hand deliver papers and get your ex to take them. After this, a conciliator may try to get both parents to work out an arrangement. If this does not lead to an agreement between parents, you may request a trial before a judge.

How we can help

While this is probably your first time attempting to gain sole custody, here at Ulmer Law, we have handled this situation many times. We know all these steps intimately and can help you build a case for sole custody that has a greater chance of success than if you were to do this on your own. We know the law, and we know when to bring in experts to help you. Contact us today to start building your case for sole custody.

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