Tag Archive for: child custody

Modifying Your Divorce Agreement

While an appeal to a divorce decree must be completed within 30 days, a modification to a divorce agreement can be requested at any time after the divorce. It is not uncommon that, after significant time has passed, circumstances have changed enough to warrant an alteration of the divorce agreement.

If both spouses agree to the changes, the process is fairly simple. The agreement must be in writing and submitted to the court in which the divorce decree was issued. Sometimes there is a hearing to ensure that both parties truly agree, then the judge signs off on the agreement and it becomes a court order. Working together with your lawyer to ensure the divorce agreement is written properly is the easiest and best way to make changes to a divorce agreement.

However, sometimes former spouses cannot agree. In this case, the person who wants the modification must file a motion for modification with the court that issued the divorce and serve it on the other spouse. Getting a modification from a court is not easy because you will have to present proof of significant, long-term, or permanent changes that justify the modification.

Courts rarely modify property or debt distributions in the original divorce agreement, but changes to spousal and child support and changes to custody and visitation are not uncommon. Where children are involved, the person seeking modification must prove that the change is in the best interest of the child.

Reasons for modification of support

A significant change in income is often grounds for modification, whether you are the payer or the receiver. If the payer gets a significantly higher paying position, the receiver may request more spousal or child support. Additionally, if the receiver loses a job, more support could be requested.

Conversely, if the payer loses a job or gets a significantly lower-paying job, the payer can request a decrease in the amount of support paid. This is also true if the payer has more children with a new spouse, demonstrating a need to support other children. One caveat: A parent cannot purposely take a lower-paying job in order to request a change in support. This may be difficult to prove, but if suspected, it could be considered contempt of court.

In the case of child support, the receiver may demonstrate a significant change in the child’s health or condition to warrant an increase in support or the payer may demonstrate that the child now needs less support. In these cases, courts will keep in mind the best interests of the child.

Reasons for modification of custody or visitation

A change in the condition of parents or children can justify a request for modification.

If one parent was ill-fit for joint or sole custody at the time of the divorce and can now prove he or she is fit, a case for modification may be made. However, a formerly unfit parent cannot demand sole custody if the parent who currently has sole custody is still a fit parent.

If a parent who has sole or joint custody becomes unfit, or if any child abuse or substance abuse can be demonstrated, custody provisions can be modified, keeping in mind the best interests of the child.

If your child is spending more time with you than is listed in the custody agreement, you may wish to modify the agreement so that you can legally protect this precious time together. The additional time also means an increase in child expenses on your part, suggesting a need to modify support as well.

Your next steps

In any of these situations, you will need to show significant evidence in order to convince the court to change the agreement. Laws that govern the standards to be met in each case vary from state to state, so be sure to talk to a lawyer who is expert in the divorce laws of the state in which your divorce was issued. We here at Ulmer are experts in Pennsylvania law. Reach out to us to see how we can help you.


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How to Change Your Custody Agreement/Parenting Time

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If you have children and are getting divorced, you will negotiate a parenting time schedule, typically called a custody agreement. This dictates the amount of time that each child will spend with each parent. It can include overnights, holidays, and special arrangements like pick-ups and birthdays. If you are divorcing with younger children, your schedule will more than likely need to be adjusted in the future to accommodate different schedules.  If you have already been divorced for a few years, you may be concerned that your custody agreement is no longer working. After all, your schedule, as well as the activity schedules of your children, have probably changed over time.  


First, as you move through your year, you may find that certain dates in the schedule need to be adjusted.  For instance, you may need to attend a work event or a wedding on a weekend when you are scheduled to have your children.  If your ex is agreeable, a simple email, phone call or text can handle these one-time changes. Sometimes, in contentious post-divorce relationships, parents feel they need to get an attorney involved in every single change.  This can ensure that there is a formal agreement to the change, but is usually not necessary.  


For more substantial changes to your custody agreement, you will want to make sure that the new plan is fair and, most importantly, includes a consultation and/or review with an attorney.  For instance, if you are taking on more nights with your children, you may be entitled to additional child support.  With more permanent changes, you should file with the court.  A handshake (or email) agreement is not enforceable all the time.  


If you have a more serious circumstance to consider, it is essential that you have legal guidance through the process.  If your ex does not show up for scheduled time and your children are continually disappointed, homework is not completed when the children are in your ex’s care, your ex suffers from alcoholism or drug abuse or is incarcerated, then the circumstances may be extreme and legal guidance is imperative.


Lastly, you may want to change your custody agreement but your ex may be opposed to doing so.  You may be changing jobs or moving or you may realize that your child’s new schedule needs to be accommodated in a different way.  If you and your ex do not get along, then you might need lawyers, or even the court, to handle the change.  If both parties do not agree…this will need to be negotiated.  You must be able to demonstrate that it is in the best interest of the child to amend the parenting time agreement.  


Regardless of the changes you need to make, your parenting time schedule can usually be adjusted.  It is critical to find a lawyer who is experienced in Bucks and/or Montgomery County who can walk you through child custody issues and any other changes that should be considered.  

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Drug & Alcohol Testing in Child Custody

Sometimes in child custody cases one of the parents struggles with an addiction either to drugs or to alcohol. When the parties are no longer together, the court must decide contact for each of the parents with their children. If there is a drug or alcohol addiction, it can impact the type of custody and amount of time a parent will be able to spend with their child. Oftentimes, the other parent will want those visits to be supervised. In order to establish that a parent has an addiction and in order to determine the severity of the addiction, it may be necessary to have the court order mandatory drug and alcohol testing. There are various types of testing that can be done to determine what type of drugs a parent may have been doing and each of the different types of tests have a window of accuracy. In a child custody case, it is always best to request a hair follicle test as this provides the longest history of drug usage for a parent. In addition to drug testing, if a parent has an alcohol addiction, there are tests that can measure the consistency in which a parent consumes excess alcohol. These tests are critical when a parent has an addiction as being under the influence of drugs or alcohol while caring for children can greatly put them at risk of physical harm due to neglect and/or abuse.

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Typical Child Custody Schedule for Holidays

In any childs custody case, it is best if the parties design their own custody schedule so that they have more control over the personal considerations in each of their families as well as to include some days that may not be considered an official holiday for court custody purposes. When, however, communication has broken down and it is not possible to come to an agreement even on holidays, the court will often in both New Jersey and Pennsylvania have a routine method of determining holidays. In some counties, it is a pre-printed holiday list that the parties will receive. In others, it is a generally conceived concept. In most cases, the court will alternate holidays on an odd year/even year basis rotating the holiday every year so both parents will have time alternating years. For some holidays, such as Christmas, the court will usually break the holiday into two parts. One parent will have Christmas Eve until Christmas Day and the other parent will have Christmas Day until the Day after and this will alternate each year to allow both parents the opportunity to have Christmas morning every other year.

Some of the holidays that the Court often does not include are Halloween, birthdays of the children and birthdays of the parents. They often do not consider July 4th into the next day or after fireworks. They do not consider the Memorial Day or Labor Day as a full weekend. They usually do not split Thanksgiving in half which is possible if the parties agree to share the day. This is why it is so important that parents work together to communicate and agree to holidays rather than have a court decide how to divide the holidays. Sometimes one parent works on holidays and it makes sense the other parent should have the children but if you do not come to an agreement, this is not likely to happen. It is best if you are going through custody, not only to work out a schedule for your children but to really think about how your families structure and celebrate the holidays to make it best for the children.

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Ways to Stay Connecting in Custody Cases

One of the sad realities of divorcing when you have children is that there will be times when they will not be with you, sometimes, large periods of time if you are the parent with partial custody or even when you share joint physical custody. Sometimes, grandparents are also faced with separation from grandchildren due to divorce, death of their adult child, or incarceration of their adult child. Although you cannot always be with your child or grandchild, there are things that you can do to ensure that you are still connected to their life on a regular basis.

One of the greatest outcomes of improved technology is the ability to communicate in real time by way of video conferencing. If you and your loved one has an iphone, you can facetime over your phone. This allows you to see the other person over your phone which provides as greater sense of connection. Just today, I was able to facetime with my sister who was on a mountain skiing and I was able to watch my six year old niece ski with her dad for the first time. Although I was miles away, I was able to witness this event at the time it was happening. How amazing is that? I realize that not everyone has an iphone or can afford an iphone. If you can, it is an incredible tool for staying connected. It is very easy to use, so much so that even my three year old son is able to pick up the phone and facetime with his grandmother without me doing anything. It may require a little bit of effort in placing a photo of the person next to their facetime number, but once it set up, it is ready to go.

Another option would be to SKYPE. This requires access to a computer on both ends and the program downloaded on each computer. This a popular way of videoconferencing in Europe and is equally valuable here. You can communicate by video with your loved one but you will have to coordinate so that you are both online at the same time.

If you are not able to communicate through video, you can stay connected through other ways such as text messaging, phone calls,  facebook, other social media applications, sending letters in the mail, showing up for public events that the child may be involved in.  These are the traditional ways of communicating and they work great as long as you put the effort in to staying connected.

There are many opportunities to connect if you make the effort. If the other parent is placing obstacles in your path, you may need to get the terms set forth in writing in a custody order as to your rights on using these means to stay connected. If you work together, you can, however, create an opportunity for both parents to be very involved and connected regardless of where the child physically lives.

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When a Parent withholds custody

As detrimental as it is to the children of a separation or a divorce, sometimes one parent chooses to withhold the children from the other parent. They may feel they are the better parent and are protecting the children. They may just be angry and want to use the children as pawns to get back at the other parent. They may feel they have the right to determine the custody schedule for various reasons. Regardless of why a parent is withholding the children and keeping them from the other parent it is not something that either parent should take into their own hands. If you are the parent who is not seeing your children, you need to immediately file for emergency custody in the county where the children reside if they have been there for at least six months. If the children have not bee in that state or county for six months, then you need to file emergency relief in the state or county where they last resided for six months. If your ex moved out of state with the children less than six months prior, you will want to also seek relief that includes returning the children to the state, and possibly alerting the authorities if the other parent did not disclose their whereabouts. Waiting to file with the court can impact your case as the court will question why something was not done sooner. In addition, you should record all attempts that you make to contact the children both before and after you file. This could be text messages, letters sent to the house, phone calls made, and attempts to visit. You should be careful, however, in remaining calm as sometimes the other parent will then allege harassment or file a Protection from Abuse in an attempt to further gain control in custody. As difficult as it will be waiting to get into court, the sooner you file the sooner the court can remedy the situation.

If you are parent withholding, you should very careful that there is a legitimate reason which usually is only in the event the child is in serious physical bodily harm. In the event that you have chosen to withhold, the court will look at attempts to alienate the other parent as a factor in deciding to whom to award custody. If you feel your child is being abused, you should contact the Child Service Protective agency in your area to conduct an investigation as well as quickly file your petition for custody. Withholding out of spite or under the belief that you are the better parent can not only have serious consequences in the custody schedule that ultimately gets decided but can do serious damage to your children. Children should never be placed in the center of a custody dispute. The Courts favor a relationship with both parents, and in circumstances where it is warranted will place one parent under supervision.

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Child Support and Child Custody in a PFA order

Under the Protection from Abuse Act, a Court can, as part of the order granting a protection from abuse, also issue terms on custody of the minor children as part of that order.A Protection from Abuse order can be granted in Pennsylvania for up to three years. If an order includes a provision for custody, this does not mean that the other parent will not get to see the children for three years. If an order is entered that contains custody provisions, it is very important if the order is entered against you that you file for custody through the Family Court in the county where the Child resides. The Court in Family Court will determine custody and the terms of that custody order will override the terms in the Protection from Abuse Order. Likewise, if you receive a Child Support order as part of a Protection from Abuse Order, you must file for child support within two weeks in order to continue to receive child support. You file for child support at Domestic Relations. As long as you file for child support within the two week period, you will continue to receive support under the PFA order until Domestic Relations has its hearing and enters a new child support order. If you fail to file in the two week period then the child support in the PFA will terminate and you will not get support until you file and have a hearing through Domestic Relations.

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Testimony of the Child in Child Custody

Sometimes when you are going through a custody battle your children may have to testify. Oftentimes, depending on their age, it will be done in chambers with the Judge and attorneys present but not the parents. There is always the possibility, however, it may be done in open court which is much more intimidating for the child. Usually, it is the very last testimony in a case as throughout the trial, the attorneys and the Judge may still be trying to settle the case. No judge wants to have to make a child testify but if one of the parents wants the child to testify, the judge has no choice. Rather than have your child miss an entire day of school or sit at the courthouse all day, you may want to see if you can have the child can be brought to court by a third party if needed.

One of the factors in a custody case in Pennsylvania is “the well-reasoned preference of the child, based on the child’s maturity and judgement.” This certainly does not mean that just because your child testifies that they would rather live in your home the majority of the time that you will automatically get custody. There are numerous other factors in custody that the Court also must weigh. In addition, the judge is looking for motives as to why the child says that if it even comes out as all.

Parental alienation is real and turning a child away from the other parent or unduly influencing the child is something that will play against a parent in a custody case. If your child does not testify, there are other ways that the judge may be able to determine the well-reasoned preference of the child. Most cases prior to trial will have a custody evaluation done either through the court depending on the county or through a private evaluation. This process will involve interviews with the child and this information will be conveyed in the report. When you have a court date and your child may be faced with having to testify, it may be best to not mention it to the child. Oftentimes, it ends up not be necessary and there is no reason to worry the child and when it does happen it is better to explain it shortly beforehand at the courthouse then to appear as if you may have influenced the testimony. Also, after they testify it is a good idea not to punish your child or interrogate your child as to what was asked and what was said. The more you focus on, the more traumatic you will make it for your child.

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Five Mistakes to Avoid in a Child Custody Case

1. Allowing your new spouse to act as the go-between with other the other parent. In a custody situation is it important that the parents communicate with each other. Your new spouse or significant other should not be the one to handle all the affairs of your child. It is important as a parent to show that you are involved with your child.

2. Withholding the children unless they are being seriously abused. It is always a bad idea to take unilateral action and instead allow the courts to decide what contact is necessary. Withholding children without a very valid reason will end up as a factor against that parent in a custody proceeding.

3. Making unilateral decisions about the child without the other parent. In most cases, parents have joint legal custody and both parents are entitled to attend doctor’s appointments, make health care decisions, decide on schooling for the child. Withdrawing a child from school without consent of the other parent will often result in contempt. Not working with the other parent to schedule doctor appointments they can both attend can also result in contempt and can harm a parent in a custody dispute.

4. Posting photos on Face book that can be used against you. Be careful what you post on the Internet as it can come into play in a custody case.

5. Keeping the children from grandparents. If you exclude grandparents completely, oftentimes you will end up with additional litigation. Grandparents have rights and can bring their own action for visitation.

For more information see: /Family-Law-Divorce/Child-Custody-Visitation/

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Getting through child custody with gratitude

Child custody is one of divorce’s greatest challenges. When all is said and done and the assets are distributed and the divorce is final, there are still the children of divorce that forever tie you to the other parent. Whether your children are little or grown, there will be times when you will encounter the other parent whom you are no longer married to but have children and possibly grandchildren in common with after the divorce. This can be frequent during child custody. Oftentimes, when children are little, there remains hurt feelings, resentment, possibly jealously as the other parent moves on seemingly unscathed. It may be very difficult during these times to maintain the level of civility in child custody that is critical to raise happy, successful children of divorced parents. The last thing you may want to do is have to continue to parent with this other person that you no longer love, that you resent or that continues to undermine everything that you think is best. It takes acceptance of the fact that both parents are entitled to have a loving and caring relationship with their children after a divorce in order to provide the best for your children.

One important part of treating the other parent with the respect in child custody that is needed to raise healthy children that are not constantly in the middle of conflict is gratitude. Whether the other parent is in your opinion is a good parent or a worthless excuse for a human being in your eyes, it is helpful to look at it for what that person’s existence means to you. Had you never encountered the other parent, good or bad, for one night or many, that little child or children who mean the world to you would not exist. Their unique genetic combination is only the result of having had a relationship, however, brief the encounter, with the other parent. Take the other parent out of the equation from the start and your child would not exist. If every time you have conflict with the other parent and you can go to a place of gratitude for that person for having given you one of life’s greatest gifts, your child, it becomes much easier to deal with whatever conflict you have. As much as your love your friends and your current significant, remember it was this other parent who gave you life’s greatest gift. If you look at it from the perspective of your child, you may understand the importance of having both parents involved in the child’s life, no matter how great or how little. How many parents have a relative who may have done similar things as the other parent, but they find it acceptable to still love their relative while completely trying to eradicate the other parent from the child’s life for the same things? Oftentimes, parents think of custody from their own wants and needs rather than looking at it from their child’s best interest.When you come from a place a gratitude, it helps you to make decisions that are in your child’s best interest and helps reduce the conflict that can damage children.

For more information on custody visit: /Family-Law-Divorce/Child-Custody-Visitation/ 

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