Tag Archive for: divorce and children

Child Custody: What Not To Do for the Good of Your Kids

How can you help your child navigate your divorce?  Keep the focus and a close eye on them, agree to be civil and peaceful, and let them process the changes.  

Working out a child custody agreement is one of the biggest priorities for divorcing couples with kids. Just because you and your spouse don’t want to remain married doesn’t mean you must give up parenting time and miss out on parental involvement as your children grow up.

However, you will need to avoid certain things that could affect the status of a child custody agreement. This will reduce the chances of you ending up in a custody battle later on because you chose not to play by the rules you helped establish.

Here are several examples of what not to do when it comes to child custody.

Criticizing Your Ex

As part of the child custody agreement you and your ex-spouse reached, you’ll likely have specific times throughout each week when you’ll have sole custody of your kids. If your divorce is still fresh on your mind, you might use this as an opportunity to tell your kids details about your divorce. You might also use it to criticize their other parent while in their presence.

Steer clear of doing these actions at all costs. Studies on children with divorced parents have shown that about one-third of them wish their parents wouldn’t criticize each other while they’re around. It can do a disservice to kids by making them feel like they’re stuck in the middle.

Even if you and your ex-spouse aren’t cordial in the aftermath of your divorce and continue to disagree over issues like child support, you shouldn’t let it show when you’re with your kids. Instead, keep the focus on them to take full advantage of your child custody setup.

Failing to Cooperate

If you’re constantly uncooperative while communicating with your spouse about child custody, it could create major problems. They may accuse you of being difficult and begin documenting all the instances in which you’ve given them a hard time. It could lead to a judge changing the terms of your original child custody agreement to minimize the contact you have with your ex-spouse and/or kids.

To keep your initial child custody agreement intact, stick to the child custody schedule that you agreed to and that a judge signed off on.

Being Inconsiderate

Are you always showing up late to pick up your kids or calling your ex-spouse at the last minute to let them know you can’t make it for a visit? Worse, do you take your children on vacation without letting your ex-spouse know or even just pick them up early from school on certain days without your ex-spouse’s permission?

All these actions are inconsiderate, to say the least. They are also reasons that a judge might cite for needing to make adjustments to your current child custody schedule.

Need Help With a Child Custody Case? Let Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., Lend a Hand

Divorce cases that involve child custody can be more complex than other divorce cases. Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., can provide the legal representation you need to navigate your way through a complicated case. Call (866) 311-4783 now to arrange a consultation.

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Dating During Your Divorce

Your marriage is over, but you’re still dealing with the Bucks County legal process as you finalize your divorce. Can you take the leap and start seeing new people, or should you wait until you’re officially single again?

Dating during your divorce is a highly personal choice, but you’ll need to consider the emotional, practical, and legal implications of dating post-separation. The following tips will help with navigating dating while divorcing.

Your Spouse Could Get Upset and Delay Divorce

Even though your relationship has ended, your ex may become resentful if they learn you’re dating someone new. This is especially true if you initiated the divorce. Your ex may suspect you broke up with them for your new romantic partner’s sake and even drag your name through the mud in front of family and friends.

Moreover, Pennsylvania recognizes adultery as grounds for a fault-based divorce. If you start dating during your divorce and your spouse decides to fight you in court, support payments could be put in jeopardy. Your ex could also complicate your life on purpose and back out of decisions you’ve already agreed on, like property division or a parenting plan.

Don’t Involve Your New Significant Other

Keep in mind the emotional considerations of dating during divorce. Finding healthy relationships post-divorce is a challenge for many. Even if you feel ready to date, you may still carry mental baggage from your past relationship, often without being aware of it.

You may need time (and possibly therapy) to leave negative relationship patterns behind and rebuild your life with someone new. If you decide to start dating before your divorce is final, avoid involving your new partner in the divorce process, conflicts with your ex, or negotiations over property division, custody, or child support.

Don’t Introduce the Kids Too Soon

When asking, “Is it too early to date after divorce?” consider how your love life may affect your kids. Divorce can be a painful transition for children, especially if they’re too young to understand what’s going on. Introducing a new partner too soon can make the situation even more confusing.

Besides, your children might tell the other parent about your new romantic partner. This could be a problem if you want to keep your new relationship private. It could heighten tensions, which is the last thing you need during a divorce.

Protecting children when dating after divorce should be a top priority. Let some time pass before introducing your new significant other to your kids. Do so only once you’re convinced they’re a safe and emotionally healthy person who is going to become a part of your life long-term.

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.: Helping You Navigate Divorce in PA and NJ

Should you consider dating during your divorce? Do you have other questions about the divorce process? At Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., we help you minimize stress and protect your interests as you transition into this new chapter of your life. 

Call (866) 349-4907 or book a consultation online for reliable legal advice about divorce in Pennsylvania or New Jersey.

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I Lost My Job. Can I Pay Less Child Support?

Depending on the circumstances of your job loss, you may be able to modify the child support order. Unless you are desperate, do not lower your payments without at least the other parent’s agreement until you get court approval. 

What is Child Support? 

Parents must financially support their children until they are 18 or are self-supporting. Generally, the parent with more custodial time receives child support payments from the noncustodial parent. The money must be spent for the child’s benefit.  

If the parents cannot agree on how much should be paid, a judge will decide the issue. A state formula for payments considers the parents’ incomes, the number of children involved, and other factors.  

Can My Payments Be Lowered If I Lose My Job? 

Payments can change if a parent’s income increases or decreases. You can ask a judge to modify your child custody order if it is impossible for you to continue making the planned payments. The judge will need evidence about the facts of your job loss. You have the burden of proving through admissible evidence that a material and substantial change of circumstances occurred since the court order was signed. If a parent’s income was involuntarily reduced and it is not part of a scheme to avoid their child support obligation, a court will consider reducing the support obligation.  

Job loss might not be enough to justify a modification. Child support can be collected from many sources, including unemployment benefits and severance pay. If you genuinely cannot make your payments, pay what you can and explain the situation to the other parent. Acting in good faith may help your attempt to change the child support order. 

Can the Court Expect Me to Pay Child Support If My Income is Cut? 

If the judge finds your evidence does not support your request, or there is evidence you got yourself fired to avoid support payments, you may be stuck making the same payments even though you are not working. The court may “impute” income and maintain your obligations. 

Courts, generally, will not do this if the job loss is not your fault. But, if the court finds you are intentionally underemployed or unemployed to avoid paying support, the judge can impute additional earning capacity when calculating child support payments. It would be what you should earn if you had a full-time position in your field, given your experience level. 

We Can Help You Achieve Your Goals 

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., attorneys believe that, unless the parties agree, no one should receive less child support or be made to pay more support than the law requires. One of our lawyers may obtain a modification of your support payments efficiently and for an affordable fee.  

Whether you are paying or receiving child support payments, if you have questions about modifying a court order or need legal representation, book a 15-minute consultation by filling out our online form. 

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Bucks County Child Support: Private or Should You Go Through the Court?

Nearly all family law matters are resolved through agreements, including child support payments. Parents could create a DIY child support agreement. But it is not a good idea if you are the one receiving the payments because you are better protected when the court is involved. 

What is Child Support?  

Child support is a parent’s periodic payment for their child’s financial benefit. This can be done with a private agreement or a court order. Child support payments apply to situations in which the parents never married, the parents are married but living apart, or the parents are divorced. A parent receives the payments, but they are to benefit a child.    

How is the Amount Determined?  

It is based on guidelines established by the state’s Supreme Court. The parents’ incomes are calculated and used in a formula that considers many things, including the number of children. The custodial parent pays child support to help pay for the care of the child. The guidelines are just a starting point, and what is paid could vary significantly depending on the circumstances. 

The parents split expenses based on their incomes and ability to pay. How much is paid is also impacted by whether custody is shared. The amount paid in child support is not always clear-cut because incomes may vary depending on how a parent is paid (hourly, salary, sales commission, bonuses, or a combination). Child support generally continues until a child is 18, but that may be extended depending on the situation. 

Why Not Just Work Out a Child Support Agreement? 

There is not much more work left if an agreement has been reached and reviewed by each party’s attorney. If you are a custodial parent, do not negotiate an agreement without legal help. Your child may be entitled to more support than you realize. 

You could look at court approval as a formality, but that does not make it a waste of time. It adds certainty and protection to the parent receiving the support. There is no guarantee that payments will never stop, come late, or be less than they should be. Court involvement brings a system of enforcement that can benefit your child. 

A child support order protects you in a situation in which the other party does not live up to the agreement. In most orders, when the other parent is a W-2 employee, child support obligations will be attached to their earnings. As long as they are paid, child support will be paid as well. If an order is in place and payments are made directly from one parent to the other, if the payments stop, you can file for enforcement of the child support payments.  

Whether you pay or receive it, if you have questions about child support or need legal representation, call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., at (866) 311-4783 or complete our online contact form today.   

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Should Children Testify at Their Parent’s Divorce?

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Whether or not a child testifies in Bucks County Family Court depends on the situation. Depending on the child’s maturity and what they would testify about, it may be a very good or very bad idea. If you think your child may be a witness in a family law dispute, contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., so we can discuss whether there may be potentially more harm than good if this happens. 

Deciding if and when a child should testify in a family law matter depends on many things, including the age, maturity, and emotional well-being of the child; the nature of the case; and the state’s laws and guidelines. Testifying is potentially distressing for a child for many reasons.  

A child could be a fact witness if they did or did not witness a parent doing or saying something. If mature enough, they may testify in a custody matter about their preference and why they feel that way. 

Here are some things to think about: 

  • Age and maturity: Young children might struggle to understand the legal process and express themselves effectively. Older children and teenagers may better grasp the situation and can communicate their preferences more clearly. But age does not guarantee maturity. Depending on the topic, a ten-year-old may be a capable witness while a 15-year-old may not.  
  • Emotional well-being: How might testifying affect your child’s emotional and psychological well-being? If testifying might cause undue stress, anxiety, or harm, it might not be in the child’s best interest to do so. 
  • Nature of the case: If the case involves sensitive issues such as abuse, neglect, or disputed custody disputes, the court might prioritize the child’s input to ensure their well-being and safety. In these cases, the court, with or without a parent making a request, may appoint an attorney (a guardian ad litem) to ensure the child’s best interests are met. Although the judge, not this attorney, has the final say, their position would carry a lot of weight. 
  • Alternatives to testifying in court: The judge may have the child testify “in camera” in their chambers, with the parties and attorneys present, to lessen the stress of the situation. The judge would ask the questions of the child, with the attorneys making suggestions. 
  • Child’s wishes: The child may want to testify. If the child is mature enough and a judge thinks their input in a custody case would be helpful, it may happen. 

Depending on the situation, it may clearly be a good or bad idea that a child testify. If your case is not clear cut, the advice of an experienced family law attorney may be critical to handling the situation in a way that protects your interests and those of your child. 

A Child’s Testimony Can be a Delicate Matter. Make Sure It Is Handled Properly 

Any witness testimony can be critical in a family law matter, especially that of a child. The best way to avoid having a child testify may be to negotiate a favorable outcome prior to a trial so this problem never occurs. To learn more or discuss legal representation, call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., at (866) 349-4721 or book a consultation online.   

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Don’t Bring Your Kids to Court

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If you are involved in a family law matter in Bucks County, bringing your kids to court is not a good idea for practical reasons, how it may be perceived by those in the courtroom, and the harm it may do to your kids.  

Bringing your kids along may be interpreted as a “power play” by a judge, the other parent, and their attorney. Kids are not accessories to be used along with the right clothes to show you are someone to be reckoned with. This approach in a custody dispute may backfire because the judge may see you putting your interests ahead of your child. 

This Is Not a Play or a Sporting Event. Parents are Airing Their Grievances About Each Other 

It is crucial to shield children from conflict and allow them to maintain a positive and healthy relationship with both parents. Parents can protect their children from unnecessary stress by keeping them out of the courtroom and preserving the parent-child bond during a challenging time. 

Family court proceedings can be stressful and emotionally charged, with heated arguments and conflicting testimonies. Exposing children to these intense and potentially confrontational situations can cause significant emotional distress.  

Children may feel caught in the middle, torn between their parents or family members, leading to confusion, anxiety, and insecurity. Witnessing parental conflict in a formal courtroom setting can have long-lasting adverse effects on children’s emotional well-being and may contribute to relationship difficulties in the future. 

The Truth Should Be Spoken in Court. The Fact Your Kids are There May Make That More Difficult 

Kids’ presence in the court can distort the process. There is a risk a parent may say something for the child’s benefit. They may want the child “on their side” and put on a show to ingratiate themselves with the child while painting an overly negative picture of the other parent.  

The opposite might also be true. A parent may hold back on what they might otherwise claim about the other parent to avoid hurting the child’s feelings and drawing them deeper into the conflict. A manipulative parent may bring their kids to court with this in mind as a shield to try to blunt what the other parent may say about them. 

Your Children are Going Through Enough. They Do Not Need to be Humiliated 

An essential reason for settling family law issues is if you do not, they will be discussed in a courtroom open to the public. All of the family’s dirty laundry may be aired. A child in a courtroom may hear things about their parents or siblings that they do not need to know in a way that can be very harmful.  

They may also hear their personal issues discussed in a room full of strangers, which may humiliate them. Respecting their privacy is essential for maintaining their dignity and protecting them from potential stigmatization or unwarranted attention. 

Distractions Can Make a Bad Situation Worse 

If a child is very young or emotionally sensitive, they may create a distraction in the courtroom. An infant not feeling well, hungry, or with a dirty diaper will make their presence known. They know nothing of courtroom etiquette. Distraught over what they hear, an older child may also respond with tears, sharp words, and lashing out. There is too much going on in the courtroom, and it is too important to be subjected to these distractions. 

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., if you have questions or believe you will need legal assistance with a child custody dispute, whether or not it’s part of a divorce. Call us at (866) 311-4783 or fill out our online contact form today. 

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