Tag Archive for: divorce

What If Your Ex Hid Money During the Divorce?

While the law requires both spouses to disclose all assets and liabilities with an accurate estimation of value for distribution between spouses, it’s not uncommon for someone to try to hide the actual worth of their property.

This is, of course, illegal. But if the lie isn’t caught, the lying spouse gets to keep more of his or her money. The other spouse thus gets less money at settlement and also possibly less child support or alimony.

Common ways to hide property

There are many creative ways to hide money from your spouse, and those of us who have been in divorce law for a number of years have seen some surprising schemes. But most people try one or more of the following:

  • Transferring real estate or other property into the name of a friend or family member
  • Making large purchases to resell at a premium after the divorce
  • Asking friends or family to hold onto valuables like art or jewelry, to be collected after the divorce
  • Hiding cash away, either under the proverbial mattress or in an account or box in someone else’s name – via a large cash withdrawal from a joint account, many small withdrawals over a period of time, or unreported income from a cash business
  • Deflating one’s income. A self-employed person can easily do this with creative bookkeeping, or a boss might agree to a temporary demotion or false reporting. The spouse might also add more to the 401K or inflate withholdings
  • Postponing of income until after the divorce. This could be by asking the boss to delay a bonus or by not submitting reimbursement reports in a timely manner
  • Depositing and then withdrawing money from children’s custodial accounts
  • Paying off phony debts to a friend or family member
  • Understating the value of property
  • Hiding money or property offshore
  • Overstating debts

What to do if you suspect dishonesty

It’s best to catch this sort of illegal behavior during the divorce proceedings, because the spouse who suspects cheating can petition the court to subpoena the employer for all employee records as well as the banks for all their information.  After the divorce, it is difficult to reopen the case, especially in equitable distribution states, such as Pennsylvania and New Jersey.

But if the divorce is final and you have recently found out your ex lied to you and to the court, don’t despair. Contact an experienced divorce lawyer. Your lawyer will help you construct as strong a case as possible. You may have to hire a private investigator and/or a forensic accountant. The investigator may use surveillance and online research to uncover evidence of fraud, while the forensic accountant will scrutinize any documentation available, looking into unexpected corners to uncover what’s been hidden.

There can be stiff penalties for hiding property in a divorce case. If you’re thinking of doing it, don’t. But if you suspect your ex undervalued his/her worth, talk to one of our experts to see what we can do to help you.

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The Effects of Divorce on Men and Women

Divorce affects every aspect of a person’s life: economic, physical, emotional, and social. Men and women experience these changes differently, however. If you are divorcing, it’s best to know what to expect so you can develop a strategy that will help you through the process with the least harm to your health and well-being.

Economic

It’s probably no surprise that women tend to fare worse economically after a divorce than men do. Since often women are awarded custody of the children, they make career decisions centered around the care of the children. Women often do not pursue career advancement and may even choose lower-paying jobs with more flexibility so they will be more available for the children. They also have many expenses associated with child-rearing, and although settlements are supposed to consider these factors, they rarely compensate sufficiently, nor do they consider the mother’s decreased earnings potential. Divorce is a major factor in the slip into poverty for many women and children.

Conversely, the husband’s economic position usually improves upon divorce, because he has fewer financial responsibilities and does not have to make career decisions based on child-rearing limitations. However, studies show that this is the only way in which men fare better than women in divorce. In all other areas, women fare better.

Physical

Divorced men have a higher mortality rate than married men or divorced women, and have a greater decline in health than both. Since wives often encourage their husbands to engage in healthy choices of food and activity, divorced men, now without wives to encourage them and with the increased stress of divorce, may fall into bad eating patterns, gain weight, turn to alcohol and drugs, and have increased incidence of heart attacks and stroke.

Emotional

Wives tend to make close relationships outside their home, while husbands usually just socialize with their wives. For this reason, when divorce happens, the wife has friends and family to turn to, while the husband often feels very isolated.

Women are also more likely to seek emotional or psychological support from friends or professional counselors to help them through the grief or anger of divorce. Men, however, are more likely to skip the grieving process and internalize their pain. Men, in general, are less likely to discuss their feelings, and when they do, they usually just talk to their wives. Divorced men no longer have that support. To cope, they may turn to alcohol or drugs.

Divorced men report a lower sense of well-being after divorce and are more likely to have thoughts of suicide than divorced women are.

Social

Because men are lonely and skip the grieving process, they jump into new relationships faster than women do. Women take the time to understand their feelings and often evaluate what went wrong. They don’t rush into new relationships and they make better choices than men do, which often results in staying single. Men remarry more often, but second marriages have an even higher divorce rate than first marriages.

Divorced mothers feel more fulfilled in their motherhood than divorced fathers feel in their fatherhood. Since fathers usually do not get full custody, they miss their children. They miss the sporting events, the school events, even helping with homework. And since they are not as adept at communication as women are, they’re less likely to pick up the phone, talk to the kids, and ask them how their day was. This causes even more drifting apart, which further damages the man’s emotional and physical health.

Limiting the negative effects

If you cannot reconcile your differences and are on the path to divorce, consider closely the possible effects of the divorce on your life, your spouse’s life, and the lives of your children. Try to create a plan together to avoid as much pain as possible. Talk to your divorce attorney. We deal with these situations frequently and may be able to help handle the procedure and settlement in a way that will avoid many of these negative consequences for you and your family.

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Marital vs. Non-Marital Property

When most people think of property, they think only of assets, but debts are also considered property for the purpose of a divorce settlement. In order to divide assets and debts between the spouses, a thorough listing and determination of status is needed. That status can be marital, non-marital, or a combination of the two.

If the couple cannot decide on the division of property, a judge will do so. Pennsylvania and New Jersey are Equitable Distribution states, which means the judge divides the marital property based on what he or she considers fair. The criteria can include earnings of each spouse, length of marriage, health of the spouses, and minor children.

Marital Property – Marital property will be the bulk of your property. A partial list includes:

 

  • Assets acquired or debts incurred during the marriage
  • Gifts from one spouse to the other
  • Benefits from retirement accounts, pension, insurance plans, etc.
  • Benefits from reward programs, such as frequent flyers, etc.
  • Electronic online storage or entertainment (iCloud, iTunes, Netflix, etc.)

A recent blog provides a list of shared accounts to include when listing your assets.

Non-Marital Property – The list of possible non-marital property is short. It includes:

 

  • Assets acquired or debts incurred prior to the marriage
  • Inheritance
  • Gifts received from someone other than the spouse
  • Assets (or liabilities) with a written agreement clearly stating the property is non-marital

When Non-Marital Can Also Be Marital Property

Things are not always as they seem, and just because a spouse had property before marriage doesn’t mean it will remain entirely non-marital property. Here are just a few possible scenarios for each of the types of non-marital property:

 

  • Asset: If one spouse owned the house or a business before marriage, but both spouses worked to pay off the mortgage or grow the business, a portion of the value of the house or business would be considered marital property.
  • Debt: If one spouse incurred student loans before marriage, but the education led to a lucrative job that benefited both spouses, a portion of the debt could be considered marital property.
  • Inheritance or gift: If an inheritance or gift was used to upgrade the family home or purchase property that would generate income for the family, the clear intention was to treat the inheritance as a marital asset.

How to Protect Non-Marital Property

If you want to protect your non-marital property, you can arrange a prenuptial agreement. Such agreements can also be drawn up after marriage, designating specific assets or liabilities that both parties wish to be considered non-marital. These agreements can be challenged if subsequent use of the property suggests marital use, as described above, but the challenging party would have to provide a very strong case to overturn a written agreement.

Division of marital property is best resolved with a professional who is experienced in helping couples come to equitable and amicable agreements. Such an agreement will avoid giving a judge the power to decide for you.

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College Scholarships and Divorce – Who Has to Pay?

We wrote a recent blog about children’s student loans and divorce. But what about children’s scholarships? How are those handled?  

Unlike other states, parents in PA do not have a financial obligation to pay college tuition.  However, to reduce conflict, you may want to negotiate tuition payments as part of your divorce process.  The effect of scholarships on college costs should be part of the negotiations before settlement. A “motion to modify” can be filed afterwards, but this can be a difficult and time-consuming process, so it is best if all contingencies are considered before the divorce is settled. Here we will consider several possible scenarios.

GI Bill

A parent who has been in the military is able to transfer his or her Post 9/11 GI Bill benefits to a spouse or child, under certain circumstances. If the military person is the father, for instance, he may negotiate that this will cover his portion of college expenses for several children, or perhaps decrease child support payments. But since the transfer can be revoked at any time while he is still on active duty, a settlement or final judgment must either prohibit the revoking of the transfer or provide for compensation in the way of payment, alimony, or another benefit of equal or greater value.

Parent works for a university

Universitites often offer significant tuition discounts to their employees’ children. This should also be part of the settlement. Contingencies must also be included in case the parent leaves the university, changes universities, or the child does not wish to attend that university where their parent works. In these cases, what is each parent’s responsibility? And will the discount reduce just that parent’s educational responsibilities, or will the benefits be spread between the two parents? These and other questions need to be considered and answered in the settlement.

Other scholarships

Additional scholarships are available as well, including many scholarships for the children of divorced parents. The divorcing couple needs to decide how this will impact the final amount each one is responsible for. If one parent works diligently with the child to find as many scholarships as possible and the other parent does nothing, do the scholarships benefit just the parent who worked so hard or do they reduce the responsibility of both parents?

There are no set laws regarding division of the benefits of scholarships, therefore this needs to be carefully reviewed and defined in the divorce settlement. We at Ulmer Law have extensive experience helping parents navigate all the intricate details involved in creating a settlement that provides for their children as best they can while covering their own assets. Contact us for a consultation.


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Shared Accounts and your Divorce

Digital technology has advanced at such a rapid pace and has permeated so many aspects of our lives that you don’t realize how many ways you’re dependent on it until you have to separate your digital world from the partner with whom you’ve shared it.

Chances are, you’ve disclosed much or all of your personal information to your spouse, and you two have many shared accounts. You need to do several things, ASAP.

  • Change the passwords on your personal accounts, and choose more unusual identifying questions. Your spouse probably knows your mother’s maiden name or the street you grew up on. Destroy any password lists you may have made, whether on your computer or on paper.
  • On accounts that you share but can easily be divided, create your own separate accounts or remove your spouse’s ability to access them.
  • On accounts that you may need to continue to share, set up separate access information. List shared accounts that primarily belong to your spouse or that may have monetary value and give it your attorney. If your spouse locks you out and you feel you should have access, your attorney will have the necessary information.
  • Transfer your own sensitive data from your home computer and shared gadgets, then permanently delete it. You may need to wipe those files from the machine. If you must continue to use that machine, create your own personal username and keep the password secret.
  • Secure your gadgets and those of your children, if you have custody. Remember, whatever your children have access to, your spouse may also have access to, especially when they are visiting. Make sure there are no spy apps or keyloggers on your gadgets, and turn off the “Find My Friends” tracking system. You can also back up all of your information on your gadget and do a full factory reset.  
  • If you’re connected with your ex on any of your social media accounts and you don’t want him or her to see your accounts anymore, make sure you block him or her.

Here is a partial list of the kinds of digital shared accounts you may need to consider:

 

  • Financial accounts, such as bank, credit card, investment, taxes, and retirement accounts (You may need to talk to an attorney about how to handle these.)
  • Insurance accounts (home, car, life, medical)
  • Access to your children’s schools’ parent portals or student portals
  • Medical records
  • Online storage, such as iCloud, Google docs, iTunes, photo storage, computer backup accounts
  • Online rewards, such as frequent flyer miles or credit card points Online entertainment services, such as Netflix, Hulu, ebooks on Kindle, etc.
  • Family email and social media accounts
  • Shared household accounts, such as phone service, amazon account, food delivery service, and any other services with whom you’ve contracted
  • Google calendar
  • Virtual property

Again, this is only a partial list. We try to go over the most common shared accounts with our clients and encourage quick action, but look closely at your digital activity and try to find all the ways you use digital space. Take action on those joint accounts that are clearly yours, and talk to us about the best way to handle the rest.


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Legal Issues When One Parent Moves Out of State

When deciding custody, the courts in most states use the “best interests of a child” measurement to determine division of custody and visitation rights. When the parents live a significant distance from each other, whether the custodial or non-custodial parent moves, “the best interests of a child” are again brought into the equation along with other relocation factors. Unless the parents are able to come to an agreement outside of court, the court may decide to permit the move or not, and can order new custody or visitation agreements. Different states have different laws, so it’s best to review the case with a legal counsel who is familiar with your state’s law.

When the custodial parent wants to move

In order for a custodial parent to move with a child, the parent needs permission from the other parent or court approval. If you leave without either, you risk being sanctioned, which could include fines or jail time.

Pennsylvania defines “relocation with children” as a move that “significantly impairs the ability of a non-relocating party to exercise custodial rights.” Before moving, the custodial parent must notify the non-custodial parent in writing, sent by certified mail with return receipt requested, including certain specific information. The other parent has 30 days to respond. The legal details of the process can be quite complex, especially if the non-custodial parent objects.

It is best to come to an arrangement with the non-custodial parent, with both parents signing an agreement giving permission to move and renegotiating visitation. This agreement can then be submitted to the court. If you cannot come to an agreement, you will need to file a petition with the court requesting to move.

Once again, the court will weigh whether or not the move is “in the best interests of the child.” The court may decide that the move may improve the child’s situation enough to outweigh the disadvantages of having a non-custodial parent farther away. The court will then issue a new visitation order.

When the non-custodial parent wants to move

In Pennsylvania, relocation laws do not specifically cover the non-custodial parent, but that does not mean that a parent can move wherever he or she wants without concern for the law. When a non-custodial parent moves out of state, the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA) comes into play, keeping all custody decisions within one state and enforcing the Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act, to ensure a non-custodial parent does not abscond with the children.

Additionally, if the non-custodial parent moves anywhere without notifying the custodial parent and the court, that parent risks various consequences: being found in contempt of court, paying the custodial parent’s legal fees, being charged with “parental neglect,” and losing parental rights.

Thus, it is crucial to go over your plans with the other parent well in advance of your move and, if necessary, file a modification of child visitation with the court.

 

Regardless of which parent is planning to move, having experienced counsel to help you through the process will limit the stress on both parents and help you come to an agreement that benefits the children and that the court will approve.


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Student Loans and Your Divorce

Given the high cost of higher education, student loans carried by either or both spouses can weigh heavily on financial decisions and life choices. Often it can delay the purchase of a house or starting a family. This can cause a great deal of stress. It’s not surprising that 13% of divorced people say student loans were the major cause of their divorce.

But who pays the loans after you split? There’s no easy answer to this question. You might think that the spouse who got the loan pays for the loan, but there are many factors.

  • Was the loan incurred before or after marriage?  Here in Pennsylvania, loans acquired during a marriage will be considered marital property.
  • Did the other spouse supply support, such as delaying education, taking over additional responsibilities, or taking another job while the incurring spouse was in school?
  • Did the supporting spouse help pay down the debt already?
  • Was a degree earned?
  • How long were you married after the degree?
  • Did the degree lead to a lucrative career from which both parties benefited?
  • How well can the other spouse support himself or herself without the incurring spouse’s income?

The determination of whether the loans are considered separate property or marital property is the most fundamental factor, before other considerations are made. In a community property state, marital property, including debt, is split 50/50. In an equitable distribution state, the factors listed have much more weight when determining the distribution of the debt.

If the loan was incurred before marriage, it is considered separate property – generally. But if the degree was subsequently incurred once married and both spouses benefited from the degree, the loan may be considered to have been incurred in order to attain marital property, and therefore it will be considered marital debt. If a degree was not earned or no benefit came from the degree, it would likely remain separate property. The spouse who incurred the debt would be solely responsible for it.

In some situations, the support provided by the other spouse may actually be considered a loan in kind, which could offset the supporting spouse’s portion of the incurring spouse’s loan debt.  It is important to note, when we work with you on equitable distribution of assets and debts, the loan may still fall primarily on the party who attended school.

The best approach when dealing with these muddy waters is to enlist the help of a lawyer with expertise in the area of student loan debt. The lawyer will be able to give you the likely scenarios for your particular situation and come up with a presentation of facts that will best benefit you. Talk to us to see what we can do for you.

 


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Divorcing a Narcissist: What to Expect, What to Do

Not every jerk is a narcissist. A true narcissist has low empathy, assumes superiority, craves power and control, and wants to win at all costs. Men outnumber women 2:1 in true narcissism, so for ease of reading, I will assume the husband is the narcissist. But this advice is equally important for a husband dealing with a narcissistic wife.

What to expect in your divorce

In short, expect it to be long, hard, and ugly. This probably won’t surprise you, considering what you lived with.

Your narcissist will try to drag it out as long as possible, filing motions, not showing up, missing deadlines. He will refuse to settle and refuse to negotiate. He wants to be in control, wants to win, and wants to see you lose. It doesn’t matter how much it costs him, and if it costs you, too, that’s a win for him and a loss for you.

He will paint you black, even if he has to lie about it. He has little or no concept of the emotional harm he’s doing, even to his children. He thinks he’s right, thinks he’s superior, and probably thinks he’s the victim and everyone should feel sorry for him. And narcissists can be charming (which is probably how he fooled you in the first place) and will, at least at first, probably fool the judge.

If there are children involved, this behavior will sadly overflow into his relationship with them. He will not share his schedule, will make commitments for them without telling you that will cause you inconvenience or embarrassment, and will probably talk badly about you to them and their friends.

What you can do to survive and “win”

First, you need to stay emotionally healthy through this. Seek the emotional support you need. You may already be experiencing the effects of living with such a spouse for so long. You will probably benefit from a therapist experienced in dealing with these kinds of situations. Your children might also need someone to talk to. Strengthen your circle of friends and family who see your spouse clearly and support you emotionally.

Second, find a good lawyer who clearly understands these situations and how to counter the tactics of a narcissist. Any old lawyer won’t do. You need experienced help.

Record everything! Your lawyer will advise you as to the kinds of records you need to carefully keep, but start chronicling your conversations and interactions with your spouse as well as your day-to-day activities. You will need them when he makes wild accusations against you.

Stay calm and take the high road. Though you’re likely to fall into his trap once or twice and lose your cool, each time you explode in anger or tears, you play into the scenario he’s painted of you. Your pain won’t be able to be hidden, and that’s good and appropriate. But remain honest and calm in your court dealings.  Your narcissistic spouse is not rational and will not listen to rational arguments, so speak only to your lawyer or the judge about the false accusations.

This also applies to your interactions with your children. You may have to correct any false things your spouse or ex-spouse says about you, but avoid accusations or negative talk about their other parent. It may take time, but eventually they will see through the lies.

Even if your spouse is not a full-blown narcissist, some of these problems may arise and the advice remains. Take the high road, develop emotional strength, record everything, and get a good lawyer.

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Starting a Divorce

The first step in pursuing a divorce is to have a Complaint filed with your local court. The Complaint would include the grounds under which you are seeking divorce as well as any other types of relief requested. For example, your complaint may also include counts for equitable distribution if there is marital property, custody if there are minor children involved, and support for minor children or between spouses. There is a filing fee due at the time the complaint is filed. The amount of the filing fee varies by county. Once a divorce complaint the court will assign a case number. This case number is to be used on all future filings regarding the case.

After filing a complaint, the next step is service. Pennsylvania Rule of Civil Procedure 1930.4 discusses acceptable methods of service for all domestic relations matters. The opposing party also has the option to sign an Acceptance of Service form. This is a viable option if the divorce is amicable. The complaint can be served by personal service. If the complaint is being served personally, the person effectuating service should complete an affidavit of service indicating when and where the opposing party was served. Personal service can be carried out by any adult that is not a party to the action. The Sheriff can be contacted to effectuate personal service for a fee. There are also numerous private companies that will effectuate service for a fee. Finally, a complaint may be served via mail; specifically, certified mail, return receipt requested, restricted delivery. Service in a divorce matter must be accomplished within 30 days of when the complaint was filed where the Defendant is within the Commonwealth.

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Social Security Benefits

Social Security retirement benefits are payable based on an individual’s prior earning’s history. A party in divorce may be entitled to collect social security benefits based on the earnings history of their spouse instead of their own. For this to be an option, your spouse must already be at least 62 years old and receiving their social security benefits. Additionally, you must have been married to your spouse for at least ten years and be at least 62 years old. There is an exception to the age requirement if your spouse is deceased in which case you can start collecting at 60 years old or 50 years old if you are disabled. You cannot be remarried at the time you are electing to receive a spouse or ex-spouse’s benefits however, remarriage is permissible if it occurs after age 60 or age 50 if disabled.

Finally, your social security benefits based on your earnings history must be less than your spouse’s benefits. You can only elect to receive one social security benefit and should opt for whichever is higher. By electing to receive benefits under a spouse’s earnings history you do not diminish the benefit your spouse is entitled to receive themselves. You spouse will continue to receive the full amount of his or her benefit. You are entitled to receive 50% of the benefit your spouse is receiving. If, however, your spouse pre-deceases you, you are then entitled to receive 100% of your spouse’s benefits. Further, any children under 18 at the time of your spouse’s death would be entitled to certain benefits as well.

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