Is Your Ex Sabotaging Your Summer Plans?

Depending on your custody arrangement, summer can be a time for your children to spend more time with each of their parents. It can be difficult to juggle vacation plans and visitation for two different households; occasional confusion may arise and compromise is necessary. But when your ex is consistently failing to follow through or seems to be intentionally sabotaging your summer plans, you need to take action, for your sake and your children’s.

 

Keep records of all communication

Keep all interaction with your ex civil. This is very important, not only because it may bring about the desired results, but because if you need to file a motion, the court’s judgment will be influenced by which is the more reasonable, mature parent. You want to be that parent.

 

If possible, do all communication about summer arrangements with a paper trail. Use email or a parenting portal that is admissible in court and tracks when parents receive messages, so your ex cannot argue that he or she never received your message.

 

Track all phone conversations, record if possible (and let your ex know you’re recording), and keep a detailed log.

 

Try to keep your communications positive. When you feel you cannot respond respectfully or calmly, wait until you’ve calmed down and consult with your custody attorney about the best way to respond. When necessary, let your attorney handle negative communications, which he or she can do dispassionately.

 

Remind your ex of the terms of divorce and custody agreements

In writing, remind your ex of the divorce agreement and/or custody agreement. If the agreements are clearly being violated, you have good standing to demand they be followed, and you are not required to give in to what your ex wants.

 

Create clear boundaries

If your ex isn’t breaking any agreements but is just being unreasonable – repeatedly making changes at the last minute, calling at odd hours, or blaming you for plans falling through – keep documentation, but also protect yourself and your children. Create clear boundaries – in writing – for when you will accept calls and/or how much notice you need for schedule changes.

 

These are reasonable requests. If your ex will not follow them, hold firm. Do not answer the phone or read emails outside the time stated, and do not accept last minute changes. Obviously, if your ex was supposed to pick your children up from summer camp and suddenly can’t, you must do so, but do not set yourself up for another sabotage. If he or she will not abide by these simple guidelines, it may be time to file a complaint with the court.

 

Avoid future summer conflicts

If you have kept a clear record of ex-spouse sabotage or lack of cooperation in co-parenting responsibilities, petition the court for changes in the custody agreement that will prevent another summer of frustration. Consider requesting that you both attend co-parenting counseling. You do not want a battle over your children for the next however-many summers. It’s not good for you or your children.

 

Contact us here at Ulmer Attorneys at Law, experts in Pennsylvania divorce and custody law and mediation, to find out how we can help you.


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Divorce and the Stay-at-Home Mom: 7 Immediate Must-Dos

If you’re facing divorce after you dedicated years to staying home and raising your children, you need to act quickly to protect yourself and your children. Follow these important steps:

 

1. Find an expert in Family Law and Mediation who can help you protect your financial future as well as negotiate arrangements that will be best for the children. You don’t know which direction your divorce will take. You may be able to settle amicably and mediate child support and visitation that’s agreeable to both of you… and you may not. You need a lawyer who is committed to settling out of court if possible but is capable of winning in court if necessary.

 

2. Make copies of all important financial documents – tax forms, bank statements, bills. Your lawyer will need these to make sure you get a fair division of assets as well as sufficient child support and spousal support.

 

3. Create a list of tangible assets that are important to you for the settlement. Consider, too, the value of your house and the expense of maintaining it (including taxes). For many people, downsizing is the best option – it frees up cash, decreases expenses, and helps you start over again without painful memories. But every situation is different. Discuss with your lawyer and a divorce financial analyst.

 

4. Protect current assets and create a personal bank account. Talk to your lawyer about freezing assets in a joint account to prevent your husband from withdrawing everything and leaving you penniless. Also discuss how you can create a stash of cash in your own name to hold you over until the divorce is settled.

 

5. Consider getting a job. This is tricky for the stay-at-home mom, because if your husband is currently out of work or quit his job and you take a minimum-wage job to keep the roof over your head, you could be considered the breadwinner. But if your husband is still gainfully employed, a part-time job may give you the funds you need until settlement.

 

6. Consider if/when you will go back to work after the divorce and what you need to do to prepare. If your divorce has to go to court, the judge will consider the age and health of your children, the years of marriage, and your skills to determine if you should be expected to return to work and when. Prepare now for that likelihood by looking at online courses you could take to brush up on your skills and make you more marketable.

 

7. Have someone to talk to. This is a very stressful time, but with help, you can do it. Your lawyer will work to give you the best settlement you can get, but he or she is not a therapist. You may need a professional counselor or a support group who will give you the strength and support you need to get you to the other side. Consider a counselor for your children as well.

 

There are other things you need to do, but these are the most immediate. If you’re a stay-at-home mom getting divorced in PA, contact us at The Legal and Mediation Services of Karen Ann Ulmer, Attorneys at Law to see how we can guide you through these and other important steps you need to take to protect yourself and your children.


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The First Things to Do If Your Husband Leaves You

The very first thing to do if your husband leaves you is to find an expert Montgomery or Bucks County divorce lawyer. You’re in a very vulnerable position, especially if your husband has been the primary breadwinner and you have children at home. You need a lawyer who knows the law and knows how to fight for you.

 

While you’re finding your lawyer, there are a few more “first things” you need to do immediately to protect yourself and your children.

 

Protect your finances:

  • Change passwords, withdraw some cash, and contact the bank and other financial institutions. Your lawyer may file a temporary restraining order to prevent your husband from being able to withdraw funds.
  • Close joint credit cards and other joint accounts (i.e., PayPal, amazon, Netflix, Facebook) and open them in your own name only.
  •  Protect valuable assets: transfer them if possible into a protected location, whether that’s a friend’s house or a safety deposit box.
  • Log all communications, including phone calls, with him and what the conversation was about. Check with your lawyer about whether or not you can record them and how to do so legally.  

Save important documents:

  • Save all written communications: emails, letters, scraps of paper he wrote notes on, receipts. Anything could be valuable. Print out anything on the computer including emails so you also have a hard copy.
  • Print out any helpful information on social media accounts: pictures, posts, anything that will help your case.
  • Save all bills, bank statements, credit card statements, tax returns.
  • Save photos that can support your position and help you in court.

Tell the people who need to know:

  • Financial institutions and accountants – they may be able to advise you on what to do to protect your assets.
  • Close friends and relatives as well as your children’s school and doctors –  to avoid disclosure of information to your husband without your knowledge or consent.

Many of these protective measures can be more thoroughly and effectively implemented under the guidance and advice of a seasoned divorce lawyer. The associates at Ulmer are experts in divorce and mediation. Contact us to find out how we can help you.

 

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Clearances for Adoption

Background checks are required for all prospective parents in an adoption matter. In Pennsylvania, there are three background checks that are required: Pennsylvania Child Abuse History Clearance through the Department of Human Services, Pennsylvania Criminal Record Checks through the State Police, Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) Criminal Background Check through the Department of Welfare. These background checks must also be completed for all other adult household members where the adoptee will reside. At this time, requests for all three background checks can be done online. The cost for each background check is nominal. Fingerprinting is required for the FBI Criminal Background Check.

New Jersey requires state, federal and local criminal history checks for adopting parents and all household members as well as child abuse record information background checks. If a prospective parent has lived outside of the current state in the five (5) years immediately preceding the adoption petition, similar background checks must be acquired from each state where he or she previously resided. Background checks must be less than one year old at the time of the adoption hearing. The background checks are reviewed in the context of a home study, where required, and attached to that report. Where a home study is not required, the background checks can be submitted to the court with the petition for adoption. The mere existence of a record does not necessarily thwart the adoption process. The court must look to the nature of the record and whether it poses risk to a child. If there is no substantial risk, the adoption may still proceed.

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Confirming Consent to Adoption

If the natural parent(s) agree to the adoption and are signing off on their rights, prospective parents may file a petition to confirm their consent to finalize the voluntary termination of their parental rights. In this scenario, the child is usually already in the care of the prospective parent(s). The prospective parent must consent to accept custody of the child until such time as the child is adopted. The prospective parent(s) would also need to file a report of intention to adopt with the court.

The natural parents should appear at the hearing to offer testimony regarding their consent. The court needs to verify the consent was entered knowingly and voluntarily. If the natural parents are not present, the parties who served as witnesses at the time the consent was executed may be called to testify as well as any notary that notarized the document. After the hearing, the court may enter a decree terminating parental rights if satisfied that the consents were properly executed and there was no duress or fraud. The prospective parent(s) would still need to appear at subsequent hearing to finalize the adoption. Hearings for confirmation of consent are to be confidential such that the identities of the parties involved is not disclosed.

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Private vs Agency Adoption

In a private adoption, you know someone and have direct communication regarding the adoption. This can include a kinship adoption or a non-kinship adoption. The prospective parents should work with an attorney to make sure all the requisite steps are taken and the correct paperwork is submitted to the court for a successful adoption. The natural parents may elect to have their own counsel if they so choose. Counseling is available for natural parents considering terminating their rights regardless of the nature of the adoption.

If you are working with an agency, then the agency is an intermediary between parties looking to adopt and parties looking to relinquish their rights as a parent and place a child for adoption. There are numerous requirements and background checks for parties looking to adopt to complete to be eligible as a prospective family. Parties looking to relinquish their rights can often view the profiles of parties looking to adopt to find a good match. There is the potential for disappointment for prospective parents in either method as consents to adoption cannot be signed until after the birth of the child and the natural parents can change their mind.

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Adoption Network

SWAN is the Statewide Adoption and Permanency Network for Pennsylvania. It is a central resource for all individuals and agencies seeking to place children in permanent homes. SWAN supports local social services agencies and adoption agencies by promoting children available for adoption with the goal of expediting placement. There is information available on the SWAN webpage for individuals as well in terms of how to become a foster parent or adoptive parent. Information on upcoming events is available. Events often serve the purpose of introducing children and prospective families to one another.

SWAN also has various forms that may be required in an adoption matter along with general information about the process of adoption. The PA Adoption Exchange (PAE) is a component of SWAN that focuses on helping social services agencies find adoptive families for children in their care. PAE also interfaces with other state exchanges and national exchanges. Post-permanency services are available to families after adoption. Services may include case advocacy to ensure access to necessary services, support groups to foster better relationships and respite services. Visit adoptpakids.org for additional information.

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Foreign Adoption

If you have adopted a child from abroad, there are several steps to take to finalize the adoption domestically. A re-adoption being filed in the United States can serve a few purposes. It can allow for an adoption decree that is in English. It can be required for immigration purposes. It may also be helpful for effectuating a name change of the child if not already completed.

The procedure for re-adoption in Bucks County is similar to domestic adoptions. It begins by filing a Report of Intent to Adopt. There is only one post-placement visit required that is usually completed by the agency the parties worked with for the foreign adoption. Once report is completed, petition for adoption can be filed. Copies of all the foreign documents (ex. Birth certificate, decree of guardianship, adoption decree) shall be translated if necessary, certified, and presented to the court for adoption hearing.

An alternative to refiling for adoption is to have a foreign decree of adoption registered with a local court. For this option the parents would file a certified copy of the foreign divorce decree with the court. It should be noted that no English language adoption decree will be issued, and the other issues addressed above will not be automatically resolved. A Pennsylvania birth certificate can be acquired through registration of a foreign adoption if at least one of the parents signs a statement regarding their US citizenship and PA residency. This allows the local court to register the foreign adoption with the Division of Vital Records as well.

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Post-Adoption Contact

Pennsylvania does recognize agreements that permit post-adoption contact with the natural parents so long as all parties consent to the contact. Act 101 was signed into law in 2010 to allow certain post-adoption contact by agreement of the parties. Specifically, a birth relative by blood, marriage or adoption can contract with the new adoptive parents in terms of continued contact with the adoptee. In each adoption case, the parties should sign to acknowledge they received notice of the options available under Act 101. If the parties do not sign an acknowledgement, then proof that they were served with the notice should be provided to the court. A sample of the Act 101 notice is included below. New parents are not required to allow to post-adoption contact if they do not desire to do so.

NOTICE REQUIRED BY ACT 101 of 2010

23 Pa. C.S. §2731-2742

This is to inform you of an important option that may be available to you under Pennsylvania law. Act 101 of 2010 allows for an enforceable voluntary agreement for continuing contact or communication following an adoption between an adoptive parent, a child, a birth parent and/or birth relative of the child, if all parties agree and voluntary agreement is approved by the Court. The agreement must be signed and approved by the Court to be legally binding.

A birth relative is defined only as a parent, grandparent, stepparent, sibling, uncle or aunt for the child’s birth family, whether the relationship is by blood, marriage or adoption.

This voluntary agreement may allow you to have continuing contact or communication, including, but not limited to:

Letters and/or emails

Photos and/or videos

Telephone calls and/or text messages; or

Supervised or unsupervised visits.

If you are interested in learning more about this option for a voluntary agreement, you contact your attorney.

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Divorced and Taking Your Children Out of the Country – PA Law

If you have joint custody of any children under 16, both parents must consent before taking them out of the country.

If your child does not already own a passport, Pennsylvania law requires that both parents must appear in person and provide proof of parentage to apply for the passport. In the case of divorce, a single parent may apply for the passport if he or she presents evidence of having sole legal custody or a court order permitting international travel with the children.

With joint custody, one parent has the right to oppose major decisions that pertain to the child, and this would include travel abroad, even if the child under 16 already owns a passport. If you are the one wishing to travel abroad with your child, you must obtain the written consent of your ex-spouse. This consent must be written in a manner that will be accepted at airports. If your ex is uncooperative, you may apply to the court to receive permission, but this can take time, and filing incorrectly can extend that timeframe. Whether you receive written consent or apply to the court, be sure to review your situation with an experienced family lawyer.

If your ex is trying to take your child overseas and you want to prevent it, you have the right to apply to the court to stop the travel. If your ex takes the child without your consent, you may file an international child abduction case with the U.S. State Department. But you want to avoid this since it is a long and difficult process.

One way to avoid an international abduction case is to file for a Ne Exeat bond (Latin for “that he not depart”). This bond requires the traveling parent to specify location and duration, provide contact information, and put up sufficient bond to cover the cost the non-traveling spouse would incur to try to get the child back.

Additionally, per PA law, a parent who owes $2,500 or more in child support is not eligible to receive a U.S. passport. You can also utilize the U.S. Department of State’s Children’s Passport Issuance Alert Program to flag any attempt to get a passport for your child with a fake consent form.

 

Traveling outside of the country with a child after divorce or separation requires many legal steps but can be done in a way that gives the child a positive experience while protecting the child and the rights of the parents. Given the many Pennsylvania and federal laws governing international travel with minors, we recommend that you reach out to us at Ulmer Law so that we can guide you through the process.

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