Don’t Bring Your Kids to Court

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If you are involved in a family law matter in Bucks County, bringing your kids to court is not a good idea for practical reasons, how it may be perceived by those in the courtroom, and the harm it may do to your kids.  

Bringing your kids along may be interpreted as a “power play” by a judge, the other parent, and their attorney. Kids are not accessories to be used along with the right clothes to show you are someone to be reckoned with. This approach in a custody dispute may backfire because the judge may see you putting your interests ahead of your child. 

This Is Not a Play or a Sporting Event. Parents are Airing Their Grievances About Each Other 

It is crucial to shield children from conflict and allow them to maintain a positive and healthy relationship with both parents. Parents can protect their children from unnecessary stress by keeping them out of the courtroom and preserving the parent-child bond during a challenging time. 

Family court proceedings can be stressful and emotionally charged, with heated arguments and conflicting testimonies. Exposing children to these intense and potentially confrontational situations can cause significant emotional distress.  

Children may feel caught in the middle, torn between their parents or family members, leading to confusion, anxiety, and insecurity. Witnessing parental conflict in a formal courtroom setting can have long-lasting adverse effects on children’s emotional well-being and may contribute to relationship difficulties in the future. 

The Truth Should Be Spoken in Court. The Fact Your Kids are There May Make That More Difficult 

Kids’ presence in the court can distort the process. There is a risk a parent may say something for the child’s benefit. They may want the child “on their side” and put on a show to ingratiate themselves with the child while painting an overly negative picture of the other parent.  

The opposite might also be true. A parent may hold back on what they might otherwise claim about the other parent to avoid hurting the child’s feelings and drawing them deeper into the conflict. A manipulative parent may bring their kids to court with this in mind as a shield to try to blunt what the other parent may say about them. 

Your Children are Going Through Enough. They Do Not Need to be Humiliated 

An essential reason for settling family law issues is if you do not, they will be discussed in a courtroom open to the public. All of the family’s dirty laundry may be aired. A child in a courtroom may hear things about their parents or siblings that they do not need to know in a way that can be very harmful.  

They may also hear their personal issues discussed in a room full of strangers, which may humiliate them. Respecting their privacy is essential for maintaining their dignity and protecting them from potential stigmatization or unwarranted attention. 

Distractions Can Make a Bad Situation Worse 

If a child is very young or emotionally sensitive, they may create a distraction in the courtroom. An infant not feeling well, hungry, or with a dirty diaper will make their presence known. They know nothing of courtroom etiquette. Distraught over what they hear, an older child may also respond with tears, sharp words, and lashing out. There is too much going on in the courtroom, and it is too important to be subjected to these distractions. 

Contact Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., if you have questions or believe you will need legal assistance with a child custody dispute, whether or not it’s part of a divorce. Call us at (866) 311-4783 or fill out our online contact form today. 

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What is a Child Custody Evaluation?

If you are involved in a custody dispute, there may be at least one child custody evaluation. It is a psychological assessment involving the parents’ living conditions, family dynamics, mental health problems, and other relevant concerns to recommend what is in your child’s best interests.  

Court-ordered evaluations are usually performed if the parents disagree on custody. If one is done fairly and competently, its recommendation may push the parties to settle on terms consistent with its findings. 

Who Will be Interviewed? 

Court-ordered custody evaluations are established by Pennsylvania and New Jersey court rules. The parties can also commission their investigation. A custody evaluator should interview: 

  • The child 
  • The parents 
  • Other people residing in their homes  

They may also speak to teachers or counselors at school and review relevant medical or psychological treatment records. 

What Will be the Basis of the Evaluator’s Findings?  

The evaluator will consider: 

  • The facts 
  • Their understanding of the parties and the situation 
  • The parents’ views 

The ultimate purpose of the assessment is to determine what custody arrangement is in the child’s best interest. The evaluator will consider the factors the court will use when making a decision, including: 

  • The parents’ stability 
  • The child’s relationship with them 
  • A parent’s drug or alcohol abuse 
  • A parent’s physical, mental, and emotional health 
  • A parent’s willingness to encourage their child to continue their relationship with the other parent 

A custody evaluation could take months and cost several thousand dollars. If the parties cannot agree on who will pay for an assessment ordered by the court, a judge may decide for them. 

How Should I Prepare for the Evaluation? 

You, your child, and any other family members interviewed should not see an evaluation as an invasion of privacy or a burden. It is an opportunity to tell your side of the story and address any concerns the other parent has raised. 

There will be a visit to your home, so put yourself in the evaluator’s shoes. What would you look for? Your home should be clean and neat. Any obvious defects or problems with your home should be repaired. Mow your lawn. Dress neatly and comfortably. 

You are not going to court, but you are not going to the gym, either. 

What Should I Say to the Evaluator? 

To be most effective, those interviewed (especially your child) should be open and honest. You will not be considered credible if you are overly critical of the other parent, appear biased, and are found not to be telling the truth. 

You can maximize your ability to tell your story by: 

  • Discussing your child’s parenting history, including both parents’ strengths and weaknesses.
  • Talking about your child, their interests, needs, and any difficulties they have had. 
  • Addressing how your child has changed since you and the other parent separated or the event, if any, that created a perceived need for the evaluation.

You are best served by focusing on your child’s best interests and managing your emotions. Balance stating your legitimate concerns about the other parent while not bad mouthing or bashing them. You should also avoid playing an amateur psychologist by diagnosing them with a condition you think they suffer from. 

What Happens to the Report? 

The findings, including a recommendation, will be in a confidential report to the court that you and your attorney can read. If either party objects to the report, the evaluator can be cross-examined at a trial. If your case does not settle, the judge will probably rely on a court-ordered evaluation when issuing a ruling, but they should be open to fair criticism and legitimate assessments, if any, paid for by the parties. 

Child Custody Attorneys You Can Trust 

Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. attorneys are skilled in developing the evidence that judges need to make child custody decisions. We will work with you to build a persuasive case to achieve your goals and protect your rights. If you have questions about custody issues or need legal representation, call us at (215) 752-6200 today.

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The Dangers of Cohabitation After a Divorce

If you are emotionally ready, starting a new relationship after a divorce may be a good idea. Depending on your situation, living together may be a bad idea because it may jeopardize, among other things, the alimony you receive and child custody arrangements. 

Could Cohabitation Impact Alimony? 

Pennsylvania statute 23 P.A.C.S. § 3706 states that cohabitation bars receiving alimony: 

“No petitioner is entitled to receive an award of alimony where the petitioner, subsequent to the divorce pursuant to which alimony is being sought, has entered into cohabitation with a person of the opposite sex who is not a member of the family of the petitioner within the degrees of consanguinity.”  

“Cohabitation” under this statute has been interpreted as meaning: 

  • Two persons of the opposite sex residing together 
  • In the manner of husband and wife 
  • Mutually assuming those rights and duties that usually come with marriage 

Cohabitation may be shown by evidence of: 

  • Financial, social, and sexual interdependence 
  • Sharing the same residence 

This statute, strictly speaking, only applies to opposite-sex couples, though a divorce agreement could ban alimony if a party cohabitates with someone of the same sex as well. 

Could Cohabitation Impact Child Custody? 

Courts should make custody and visitation decisions based on the child’s best interests. Starting a new relationship, especially if it reaches the point where the two of you live together, could result in the other parent (rightly or wrongly) challenging your custody (whether that has been decided by a court in the past or it will be determined in the future): 

  • What is your relationship history? Have you had several partners moving in and out? The more unstable your household, the higher the number of people living with your child, the bigger the problem 
  • Does your partner have problems? Do they use illegal drugs, abuse alcohol, or suffer from poorly managed psychological issues? Do they have a criminal record? Are they a potential threat to the child? 
  • What is the relationship between your partner and your child? Does your partner care about your child or are they indifferent? Do they treat your child well or are they abusive? 
  • Does your partner degrade the other parent in front of the child? Do their words show they are trying to alienate your child from the other parent? Do they lobby you to ignore parenting time arrangements so the other parent sees their child less often? 
  • Are you also living with your partner’s children? If so, how does that affect your child? How do those children treat your child? How has that impacted your child’s relationship with you? 

You should live your own life, but if you share custody of a child with another person, they can have a say in what is going on if your lifestyle, and the people you share it with, negatively impacts their child. That may include your loss of custody if a judge sees it is not in your child’s best interests. 

If you are in a positive, stable relationship, and your partner is a good influence on your child who is benefitting from their presence, that relationship may make your argument for custody stronger. 

Work With Experienced Alimony and Child Custody Attorneys You Can Trust 

No matter which side you are on, if cohabitation becomes an alimony or custody issue, work with an experienced family law lawyer from Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., who has an in-depth understanding of Pennsylvania and New Jersey laws and court procedures. Call us at (215)752-6200 or book a consultation online now. 

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Owing Child Support in PA

No matter which side of a child support dispute you are on, it is best you follow the law, obey the child support order, and act in good faith. A parent may genuinely be unable to pay for support, or their failure can be a ploy to extract a concession from the other parent.  

What is Child Support? 

Child support is an ongoing, periodic payment by a parent for the financial benefit of a child. This can be done through a private agreement or a court order. Child support arrangements can be between parents who never married or who divorced. Although payments go to a parent, they are to benefit a child.   

How is the Amount Determined? 

The amount of child support in a court order is based on statewide guidelines established by the state’s Supreme Court. Both parents’ incomes are calculated, and the number of children (among other factors) is considered. The guidelines are meant to ensure that similarly situated parties are treated similarly. Once the amount of support is identified, the amount is divided between the parents based on their incomes and the custody schedule.  

Can the Amount Change? 

A change in the income of either party or a change in the custody schedule can affect the amount. If you are having problems making payments, contact our office. We can try to modify the existing court order by successfully showing a judge that a material and substantial change in circumstances makes it impossible for you to continue making the payments.  

This is usually a difficult hurdle to overcome, but it can be done. It can include such circumstances as the payor suffering from a chronic illness or disability impacting their earnings, the birth of another child, or the other parent increasing their income. What is not relevant is that the other parent is not living up to custody or visitation arrangements. Two wrongs do not make a right when paying child support. 

If you are paying support and know that you will be facing financial problems or they are already impacting you, it is best to discuss this with the other parent and try to reach a resolution. Suddenly stopping or cutting your payment will not improve the situation. 

What Efforts Can Be Used to Compel Payment? 

If you are the one not getting a full or any payment, we can engage with the other parent or their attorney to try to resolve the problem. They may be acting in good faith. This may be a temporary problem or the start of a long-term issue. Though you may be frustrated and angry, this is not a valid reason to ignore your visitation or custody obligations to try to punish the other parent. 

If a motion to modify support payment fails or no motion is filed, the court will assist in monitoring compliance with the order. It should consider petitions for contempt and enforcement for lack of compliance. Depending on the circumstances and whether this is a recurring problem, the non-paying parent faces measures consistent with state and federal laws, including: 

  • The amount can be withheld from paychecks, worker’s compensation, and unemployment benefit payments. 
  • Bank accounts can be seized.
  • The non-custodial parent’s driver’s, professional, or recreational licenses can be suspended, not renewed, or denied. 
  • Lottery winnings and federal tax refunds can be withheld. 
  • The application for a passport can be denied. 
  • Consumer credit bureaus could be notified, potentially affecting their credit rating, impacting their ability to get loans, or increasing their interest rates. 
  • Liens can be put on property.
  • Payment of the other parent’s court costs can be ordered.
  • They can face jail time, fines, or probation.  

To achieve these outcomes, you will probably need the services of an attorney experienced in handling child support disputes. If you have questions about child support or want to schedule a free consultation, call Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C. at (215) 752-6200 today. 

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What is Discovery in a Family Law Case?

Discovery is a critical piece of any divorce here in Bucks County.  Discovery refers to the sharing of information by both parties.  It can be formal (involving court orders) or informal when both attorneys are satisfied that ALL information has been shared. Although there are limits on what must be disclosed, both parties should cooperate fully and honestly when they provide information and documents so that the issue can be resolved completely and fairly. 

How Does Discovery Work? 

Discovery happens after a complaint is filed and, depending on the case, could take months or years. It includes: 

  • Questions (or interrogatories)   
  • Documents in physical or electronic form (or requests for production) 
  • Admission or denial of factual statements (or requests for admissions) 
  • Opportunity for a party’s attorney to question the opposing party and their witnesses under oath while the process is being recorded or transcribed (a deposition)
     

These requests need to be relevant and not overly complex or argumentative. Certain things are out of bounds, like communications between a party and their attorney. Inquiries into what happened long before the marriage or about issues that will not shed any light on what is in dispute (something lawyers like to call a “fishing expedition”) are also inappropriate.  

The attorney representing the party receiving such discovery requests can object to them and not respond or only respond partially. If the attorney propounding the requests wants to push the issue, they can ask the case’s judge to decide whether the objection is valid or not and, if so, what limits there can be to the response. 

Is Discovery a Big Deal? 

The importance of discovery varies on the complexity of the matter. If it is fairly simple, like a divorce between a couple with few assets and no kids, it is less critical. The more complicated the case, the more important discovery becomes. If a: 

  • Spouse owns a business, there will be questions asked and documents requested concerning its financial situation, how profitable it is, and whether it is being used to hide marital property 
  • Spouse is accused of abusing or neglecting kids in a custody dispute, those allegations need to be proven. Parties and witnesses will be deposed to determine if there is any substance to the claims 
  • Party uses an expert to put a value on a family-owned business or marital property like real estate or an art collection, questions about that can be asked, and the expert should be deposed. The same is true if a parent involved in a custody dispute hires a child psychologist to evaluate a child and their relationship with their parents  

Discovery helps both parties fully understand the facts and issues involved. They can adjust their strategy if the facts are not what they expected. Additional facts may fuel new legal issues. 

This improved understanding also puts the parties in a better position to negotiate a settlement. All the relevant facts should be known, and the strengths and weaknesses of both sides’ cases should be more apparent. Instead of having a judge or jury decide the matter, the parties take control and resolve the matter themselves. 

Get the Help You Need from an Attorney You Can Trust 

If you are considering a divorce or have questions about the legal process, call our office at (215) 608-1867. We can speak over the phone, via a teleconference, or meet in our Doylestown or Langhorne offices.  

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Fast Track Your Divorce

If you and your spouse are on the “same page” (or close to it) on getting a divorce and the major issues it involves, you may be able to move the process into the fast lane (though there is a waiting period here in Bucks County). If you are seeking a no-fault (or mutual consent or uncontested) divorce, after the complaint is filed, you have a 90-day waiting period before it is finalized.  

Pennsylvania has this “cooling off period” after the complaint and notice of process are filed and served on the other party. After the time expires, each party files an Affidavit of Consent stating the marriage is irretrievably broken and that each wants a divorce and asks the court to grant it without a hearing. Also included is a legally binding divorce agreement stating how your issues are resolved. 

If You and Your Spouse Work Together, Your Marriage Could End Quickly 

You and your spouse must agree on all critical issues for a no-fault divorce, including spousal support, child support, child custody, division of property, and debts. These divorces are easier to achieve when the couple: 

  • No longer wants to be married, and they want to end the marriage amicably or at least without extended conflict 
  • Has a valid, enforceable prenuptial or postnuptial agreement that spells out how financial issues will be resolved 
  • Do not have children, so custody and support aren’t issues 
  • Have few assets and or low incomes, which minimize spousal support and asset division disputes 

The spouses must communicate openly before the complaint is filed and agree they want a no-fault divorce. Ideally, disagreements about significant issues should be close to being resolved if not brought to an end.  

You and your spouse need not be on good terms or feel good about each other. But your desire to wrap up your marriage in a short period of time must be greater than a need for conflict or to drag out the inevitable end of your relationship. 

Three months should be enough time to work out your disagreements. It is also long enough to allow the parties to think about what they want and be comfortable with their decisions without feeling rushed. A 90-day deadline can also instill some urgency in parties who may let these issues fester for much more time. 

Plan B If One Spouse Will Not Consent 

If you want to move forward with a no-fault divorce, but your spouse will not consent, you can obtain a divorce decree after you provide evidence that your marriage is irretrievably broken and that the two of you have lived separately and apart for one year.  

Under Pennsylvania law, you can live separately and apart even though you live in the same house. If you establish this separation lasted at least a year, your spouse could dispute that the marriage is irretrievably broken, but the one-year separation is usually enough proof that’s the case. 

If There Is No Need to Delay a Divorce, Why Do So? 

Our attorneys can get to work negotiating your settlement agreement and are ready to advocate for your interests, regardless of what kind of divorce is right for you. We know how difficult this time can be for you, and we will work to create the best possible outcome with the least wasted time. 

Learn more by contacting our office. Call (215) 752-6200, book a consultation, or send us an email. We can meet you in our office or speak with you by phone. 

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Will the Fact that the Mother is Breastfeeding Impact a Child Custody Decision?

If you have a newborn and are divorcing the child’s father here in Bucks County, PA, chances are good that a court will not allow breastfeeding to prevent a father from spending time with his child. It is just one factor of many that a judge may consider when deciding what is in the best interests of the child and the father’s right to be involved in their child’s life. There must be an extenuating case for the court to rule otherwise.  

The issue has been litigated with mixed results, which makes sense because each case should be decided on its own facts. There are also several factors a court must consider in making a decision. Too much emphasis on a mother’s breastfeeding could be grounds for an appeal.  

Breastfeeding Was Not Enough to Decide A Case 

In a 2013 case, the appeals court overturned the lower court’s ruling in favor of the mother, which largely decided a visitation case on the fact that the child was breastfeeding. The trial court limited the father’s visitation during the child’s first eight months or until the child stopped breastfeeding. 

The appellate court pointed out that before an order is decided, neither parent is presumed to be the primary caregiver, and both have the same burden of showing what they seek is in the child’s best interests. The court stated that the trial court based the decision “almost exclusively on the fact that Child is breastfeeding and the parties’ difficulty communicating with each other.” There was no discussion of the statutory factors. 

A Child’s Medical Need to Breastfeed as a Reason to Rule for the Mother 

In a case where a father appealed the denial of obtaining primary physical custody of his 19-month-old son, breastfeeding was an issue in the mother’s favor because of the child’s health issues. The appeals court stated: 

“…the Child in this case had relatively unique needs. Child was still breastfeeding and had not taken to the bottle, despite Mother’s efforts to wean Child, and despite her efforts to introduce solid food. It appears the difficulty was due to Child’s digestive issues, including Celiac disease (i.e., the inability to consume gluten), for which Child sees a gastroenterologist.” 

The court also cited other reasons justifying the lower court’s decision, including the child’s other medical needs and the fact that the father appeared to have difficulty caring for a toddler. 

Breastfeeding Must Be Brought Up in Good Faith as a Reason the Court Should Rule in Your Favor 

Whatever your situation, if a mother believes breastfeeding is a valid reason to limit a father’s custody or visitation, there must be strong evidence in her favor. The issues are highlighted in a recent Washington Post article about a Virginia couple. A judge ordered that the father visit the baby four days per week ahead of overnight visits, and the mother was to “make every effort to place the child on a feeding schedule and use a bottle.” She felt this was endangering her child’s health. The father’s attorney, Tara Steinnerd, told the Post she was using breastfeeding as a weapon to try to defeat the father’s visitation claims. 

“Steinnerd said she represents men and women in custody cases but has only represented men when breastfeeding time is litigated. Some mothers may have legitimate claims about breastfeeding that courts can weigh when making decisions about visitation, according to Steinnerd — but, in the cases she has worked on, mothers have been unreasonable, refusing to recognize a father’s need for visitation or refusing to pump.” 

No matter which side of the issue you are on, you will have greater success if you have a solution you can both agree on. Exposure to both parents is usually the best situation for the child.  

If the other parent is being difficult and unreasonable, we will come up with arguments based on the facts and applicable law that we can present to a judge. Breastfeeding may be one of many issues which, on the whole, will shift the decision to you. 

Get the Help You Need From an Attorney You Can Trust 

Child custody and visitation are best kept out of the courtroom and left to those who know the child best, usually the parents. The attorneys at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., will negotiate practical custody and visitation solutions with the other parent or their lawyer. If the court is convinced that the arrangement is in “the child’s best interest,” it will generally approve the agreement. 

If negotiations are not successful, what you understand deep in your heart needs to be said simply and concretely to a judge because we have a short period to acquaint a judge with you and your family. Our attorneys are skilled in developing the evidence that judges need to make decisions. We will work to build a solid and persuasive case designed to achieve your goals and protect your rights.

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​​I’ve Been Served with Divorce Papers in Bucks County. What Should I Do Next?

Some people are honestly surprised when they receive a divorce complaint. Ideally, this is not you because everyone should be prepared for a significant change in their life, no matter what it might be. This is an important step, but far from the final one, in your divorce journey. 

After you have gathered yourself, call us at (215) 752-6200. We have helped thousands of people just like you get through this process as quickly and as painlessly as possible, given their situations. Our Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., attorneys know the law, court procedures, and what you are going through.  

Take Precautions If You Fear for Your Safety 

Pre-divorce relationships run the spectrum. A couple could still deeply, genuinely care about each other but understand their marriage is no longer right for them. A couple might also be unable to stand the sight of each other, and one person, if not both, may engage in physical and emotional abuse. Your marriage may be somewhere in between. 

If you are the victim of domestic violence, you need to protect yourself and your children (if you have them). You should plan on contingencies if this turning point becomes an excuse for violence by your spouse.  

It may be a good sign if your abusive spouse starts the divorce process. Some do not want their marriage ever to end because they want someone to control and torment the rest of their lives. If they want a divorce, this dire situation will end. 

Protect Your Financial Resources 

Part of divorce is the equitable division of marital property. Your debts and assets will be split as a result of an agreement or a trial. The outcome should be fair to you. But that might not be the case if a trial does not go your way, which is one reason most divorce cases resolve through a negotiated settlement. 

You are financially vulnerable if you have bank or investment accounts in both names because your spouse may empty them. Depending on the account, you should withdraw half of the money and set up new ones for yourself.  

Non-marital or personal assets are not subject to division. If you have financial resources that your spouse had nothing to do with (you had them before your marriage or inherited them) but you are both listed as the account holders, withdraw the money and put them in new accounts. If the same is true for your spouse (there are joint accounts with assets that belong to them), you should take the high road and leave them alone. 

You do not know what the final division of the marital property will be. At least some money you are moving around may end up with your spouse, so now is not the time for a spending spree. Just the opposite – you should save up for expenses that come with divorce (some you can plan for, others may be unexpected). 

The Beginning of the End and a Start of Something New 

The divorce filing will not surprise most couples because their relationship has broken down, and they can discuss their marriage’s end. If you are surprised, communications with your spouse have probably gone off the rails. You should try to reach out to them and calmly talk about what they want. 

A divorce will end your marriage, but it will start a new and probably better part of your life. Divorce can be a problem when stressful and challenging, but it will not be if the spouses act and make decisions like mature adults. A divorce is also an opportunity to do something new and better with your life. 

Experienced Divorce Attorneys Who Want to Help 

Work with an experienced Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., family law attorney. Our attorneys have an in-depth understanding of New Jersey and Pennsylvania law and how the courts work. We can help make the process go as smoothly as possible. Call us at (215) 752-6200 or book a consultation online now. 

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Should Virtual Visitation Be an Option?

How can you still spend time with your child even if you can not physically be with him or her? Virtual visitation may be your solution. These visits with your child can include reading books, playing games, listening to your child practice an instrument and many other activities.  

For many of us, work has become virtual. We work at home thanks to computers and keep in touch with co-workers and customers thanks to smartphones and video services like Zoom or Skype. Would the same thing work for child visitation? 

Some of us are more productive employees when we are not commuting to a workplace and avoid the distractions of working in an office. But performing work in one location instead of another is not the same as relating to your child while physically being with them versus seeing them on a computer or smartphone screen. 

What is Virtual Visitation? 

It is contact between a parent and their child by electronic means. Some of the technology that may be used includes: 

  • Email and texts 
  • Video streaming such as FaceTime, Skype, and Zoom 
  • Phone calls 
  • Document and photo sharing  

Virtual visitation should not replace actual visitation. It is an additional way for parents and kids to stay connected when physically getting together is impossible or impractical. 

When is Virtual Visitation Brought Up? 

Virtual visitation proposals may come about in a couple of circumstances. It may be a temporary approach when a parent with visitation rights is dealing with a health or family crisis and cannot physically be with the child. It is a permanent issue when the custodial parent wants to move out of the area and offers this option to keep the other parent in touch with the child. 

When there is court-ordered visitation, and the parent with custody wants to move from the area, the parent with visitation rights could challenge that parent’s ability to live elsewhere or seek custody of the child.  

If the parents cannot come to an acceptable compromise, the issue will be decided in court. The moving parent may propose an altered schedule where the child physically visits for extended periods (instead of a day or two a week) with virtual access for the rest of the year. A judge would decide the issue based on the child’s best interests.  

Is Virtual Visitation Good or Bad? 

Depending on which side you are on, virtual visitation is: 

  • An added extra to “sweeten the deal” that provides the other parent with greater access than what might otherwise be legally mandated. Moves received judicial approval long before the internet and Zoom were developed, and virtual visitations are not explicitly required by statute 
  • A poor substitute for what the parent is entitled to have, which denies the parent and child what they both benefit from the most – a genuine, personal relationship 

As technology improves and people are more willing to move, virtual visitations will become a more common part of the mix when visitations are scheduled. 

How Should Virtual Visitations Be Handled? 

Like all visitations, both parents should live up to scheduled sessions. Virtual visits are far easier than physical ones, so a child may want to interact with the non-custodial parent more often than the schedule dictates. The child may want to chat or share something especially stressful or positive. 

The custodial parent should be flexible and act in good faith. They probably should not limit these unscheduled interactions unless they become a problem (it becomes the child’s excuse not to do chores or homework). If this happens, a frank conversation with the other parent requesting they limit their time online would be a good idea. 

If the virtual visitations become a pipeline the visiting parent uses to alienate your child from you, you should try to stop it. If it continues, taking the issue back to court may be needed to prevent this emotional manipulation from harming your relationship with your child. 

Get the Help You Need From Attorneys You Can Trust 

Visitation is best kept out of the courtroom and left in the hands of those who know the children best, the parents. Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., lawyers often negotiate practical visitation solutions with attorneys representing the other parent. In more contentious cases, we make the case our client’s approach is in the child’s best interests. 

Work with an experienced family law lawyer from Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C., with an in-depth understanding of the Pennsylvania and New Jersey statutes and court procedures. Call us at (866) 349-4721 or book a consultation online now. 

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What Kids Want Their Divorcing Parents to Know

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You may have difficulty with your feelings during your divorce, but your kids may have a more challenging time. Your family is or will be experiencing significant changes. Everyone benefits when kids are prepared for your divorce. 

What Do Your Kids Want You to Know?  

The University of Missouri has some ideas: 

  • You both should stay involved in their lives. If one or both of you move away, they want letters, phone calls, texts, and questions about who they spend time with and what they like and do not like to do. If you fail to do so, they’ll feel unimportant and unloved. 
  • If you and your spouse argue, you should stop and work hard to get along. Try to agree on issues concerning your kids and their needs. If you fight about your kids, they will think they did something wrong and feel guilty. 
  • They want to love the two of you and enjoy the time they spend with each of you. Support them and the time they spend with each of you. If you act upset or jealous, they may feel the need to take sides and love one of you more than the other. 
  • Communicate directly with each other, so your kids will not be messengers. If you do not want to talk to your spouse in person or on the phone, use text messages and emails. 
  • Saying mean, unkind things to each other in these communications can cause your child to feel like you are putting your spouse down and that you expect your child to take your side. When it comes to communication with your spouse, stick to the point and keep it simple. 
  • Your children want both of you in their lives. They rely on the two of you to raise them, teach them what is important, and help them with their problems. 

Both parents should be empathetic with their kids and look at the situation from their perspective. If you were them, what would you want your parents to do? 

What Do Your Kids Want You to Say? 

Address the most important issues upfront with honest and kid-friendly explanations: 

  • Tell the truth: Explain why you are getting divorced but keep it short so they do not get confused. The fact you and your spouse do not love each other does not mean you do not love your kids. Since your kids may ask both parents the same questions, you should try to agree on consistent responses. 
  • Tell them you love them: With all that is going on, the fact your love has not changed is a powerful message.  
  • Discuss changes: Acknowledge that some things will change, but others will not. Together you will cope with each detail as you go. If the relationship with your spouse has completely broken down and is harming your children, you could honestly tell them some changes will be for the better 
  • Do not blame: Be honest without criticizing your spouse. This can be difficult if your spouse has caused you a lot of pain, but finger-pointing will not help your kids  

How much information is too much? Use your best judgment considering how far your relationship with your spouse has failed, the age and maturity of your kids, and how sensitive they are. 

Get the Help You and Your Kids Need  

Get counseling if you or your kids need it to get through your divorce. Many of our clients benefit from counseling, and getting psychological and emotional support may ease your burdens. We can refer you to excellent counselors if you need help finding one. 

We empathize and care about our clients. We do our part by getting the best possible legal outcomes as quickly as possible. If you have any questions or want legal representation, please contact us here at Karen Ann Ulmer, P.C.

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